Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Abazali Bam Bezama Ukulawula Ubomi Bam Nje?

“Ndifuna ithuba lokuphumeza okuthile, lokwenza umthambo, ukuze ndizive ukuba ndomelele kangakanani na. . . . Ndikholwa kukuzibonela ngokwam into ndingavi ngokuxelelwa. Ndifuna ukuba namava; bona [abazali bam] basoloko bendingxixa ngenkcazelo.”​—⁠Inkwenkwe eneminyaka eli-16 ubudala.

“Mna nomama asivani nje kwaphela . . . Uzama ukundenza usana . . . Ndifuna ukubethwa ngumoya; andinakuyithwala into yokuba ndibe libanjwa. . . . Ndizama ukukhula ibe yena akandivumeli ukuba ndenjenjalo.”​—⁠Intwazana eneminyaka eli-17 ubudala.

KUYINTO eqhelekileyo ukuva ulutsha lukhalazela into yokuba abazali balo bazama ukulawula ubomi balo. Ibe kunokwenzeka ukuba nawe ukwintlungu efanayo. Uthi ufuna ukuba ngaphandle kwamasango ekhaya de kube sebusuku; bathi umele ube sekhaya kwangethuba. Uthi ukulungele ukuba ungaphuma nothile wesini esahlukileyo; bathi uselula gqitha. Kubonakala ukuba sihlandlo ngasinye usithi ‘Ndicela’ bona bathi ‘Hayi.’

Noko ke, inkoliso yolutsha iyavunyelwa ukuba yenze ngokweminqweno yayo ubuncinane ngamathub’ athile ukuba oko kukholekile emehlweni abazali. Ibe kunokwenzeka ukuba nawe awahlukanga. Ngaphezu koko, kunokwenzeka ukuba abazali bakho bazi kakuhle ukuba akusengomntwana; kungekudala baza kuyeka ukukulawula ngendlela ababesenza ngayo ukususela ekuzalweni kwakho. Ibe ngokufanayo nabazali abaninzi, mhlawumbi bafuna ukuba ube ngumntu omkhulu olungeleleneyo, ozimele geqe.

Ngoko, usenokuzibuza uthi: ‘Ukuba abazali bam bavakalelwa ngale ndlela, kutheni bengakubonakalisi nje oku?’ Kuwe kubonakala ngathi babubambe nkqi ubomi bakho ibe akungoku ukuba bakuyeke. Noko ke, ngokwenene, mhlawumbi ambalwa kakhulu amathandabuzo onawo okuba uya kuba nako kusini na ukubulawula ubomi bakho. Ekuphela kombuzo okhoyo ngowokuba nini. Ukufuna ngoku. Kodwa abazali bakho basenokufuna ukuba ukuzuze oku kuzilawula ngokuthe ngcembe.

Omnye weshumi elivisayo wakugqala oku ‘njengembonakaliso yokungabi nantembelo’ kwabazali bakhe kuye, ukubekwa ityala ngokucukucezayo lokuba ‘unotyekelo lokuzibetha ngenyhek’ etyeni olufanele luncitshiswe.’ Kodwa akungebi mhlawumbi abazali bakho banesizathu esivakalayo sokwenza njengoko besenza? Nokuba imeko iyintoni na, ukuqonda imbono yabo kusenokukunceda ukuba uphelise nayiphi na ingqumbo osenokuba nayo ngendlela abakuphatha ngayo. Kunjengokuba IMizekeliso 19:​11 isithi: “Ingqiqo yomntu imenza azeke kade umsindo.”

Isizathu Sokuba Bakulawule

Okokuqala, yiqonde into yokuba ihlabathi liye ngokuthe ngcembe laba leliyingozi nelonakele ngakumbi ukususela ukuba abazali bakho behambe indlela yabo ukutyhubela ubutsha. (2 Timoti 3:​1, 13) Omnye umzali wavuma ukuba: ‘Ihlabathi athe unyana okanye intombi yethu yanamava alo kwiminyaka eli-14 okanye eli-15 okanye eli-16 liyingozi ngakumbi kunokuba lalinjalo ngexesha lokukhula kwethu. Akusakhuselekanga ukuhamba wedwa. Baninzi ngakumbi abantwana abakwishumi elivisayo abamithayo kunangexesha laxa sasiselula.’ Alimangalisi elokuba abazali bakho befuna ukukukhusela!

Ukuba abazali bakho boyika uThixo, bakwayixhalabele ngokunzulu impilo yakho yokomoya. IBhayibhile iyalela abazali ukuba banike abantwana “ingqeqesho nemiyalo yobuKristu.” (Efese 6:⁠4, TE) Ibe bayazi ukuba akuyi kuthi ngokuzenzekelayo ubambe imilinganiselo neenkolelo zobuKristu kuba nje besenjenjalo. Kwakhona bayaqonda ukuba “umntwana oyekelelweyo udanisa unina.” (IMizekeliso 29:​15) Ngoxa besenokungakuthabathi njengomntwana, basenokuvakalelwa bebophelelekile ukukumisela amaxesha okuba phakathi kwamasango nokukubekela eminye imiqathango.

Ulawulo olunjalo usenokulubona njengolungakufanelanga, olobuntwana. Kodwa khumbula ukuba, kwithuba elingekude ngokwenene ubulusana olungenakuzinceda olusezingalweni zabazali bakho. Ibe ngoku bafuna ukukulondoloza ekwenzakaleni okungokokuziphatha, ngendlela abakha bakukhusela ngayo ekwenzakaleni okungokwasemzimbeni. Kwakhona, khumbula ukuba abazali bakho nabo bakha bakwishumi elivisayo, ibe bazazi kakuhle iinzima olunokungena kuzo ulutsha. Kaloku, kwanendoda elilungisa uYobhi yazivuma ‘izenzo ezigwenxa zobutsha bayo.’ (Yobhi 13:​26) Ibe njengoko babebatsha, bambi abazali benza iziphoso ezinzulu eziye zabenza nzima gqitha ubomi babo.

Omnye umama wavuma wathi: “Kwanyanzeleka ukuba nditshate. Kwakungenxa yokuba ndaba nomfana endandithandana naye ndiselula gqitha. Ndamitha ndineminyaka eli-16 ubudala. Ngoku ndinabantwana abathathu, ibe ababini kubo bakwishumi elivisayo. Ndivakalelwa ngathi ndineminyaka engamashumi amahlanu ngoxa ndinamashumi amathathu anesixhenxe. Ndalahlekana nobutsha bam.”

Mhlawumbi abazali bakho abazange babe namava abuhlungu ngolu hlobo. Ukanti, kunokwenzeka ukuba bazixhalabele gqitha iingozi zokuphuma nowesini esahlukileyo uselula ibe basenokukwalela ukuba wenjenjalo. Ngaba ufanele uqumbe ngenxa yale miqathango? Ukuba wenjenjalo, qwalasela amazwi akwiMizekeliso 27:​12 athi: “Onobuqili uyabubona ububi, azimele; ke zona iziyatha zigqitha kubo, zohlwaywe.” Ngokwenene, ukuba uyalithobela icebiso labazali bakho, usenokuyiphepha intlekele.

Ubuntu Obahlukahlukeneyo

Sekunjalo, usenokuvakalelwa njengoselula owathi: “Ndiyakwazi endikwenzayo. Andizukubonakalisa ubomi bam. Kutheni bengandivumeli ukuba ndiphile ngendlela endifuna ngayo nje?” Kodwa ingxaki isenokuba kukuba wena nakubeni ungaqondi uzenza ziphixane iingqondo zabazali bakho. Maxa wambi usenokuziphatha okomntu oqolileyo; ngamanye amaxesha usenokuba nemikhwa yobuntwana ebonakalisa ukuba usafuna uncedo.

Kwincwadi ethi How to Single Parent, uGqr, Fitzhugh Dodson ubalisa ngamava omnye umama owayeye kuthenga nentombi yakhe eneminyaka eli-15 ubudala. Iphelelisele ukhetho lwayo kwiilokhwe ezintathu, le ntombazana yabuza enoba yiyiphi na eyona yayibonakala iyifanela kakuhle. Unina wacinga okomzuzwana waza waphendula wathi: “Ndicinga ukuba le iluhlaza ngokuqinisekileyo yeyona ikufanelayo.” Yaba yintoni impendulo yeli cebiso liceliweyo? “Kowu, Mama, soloko uzama ukubulawula ubomi bam uze undixelele oko mandikwenze!”

Kwiinyanga kamva baya kuthenga kwakhona. Le ntwazana yakhetha iimpahla ezimbalwa yaza yabuza yathi: “Mama, yiyiphi kwezi suti endifanela kakuhle?” Ekhumbula isiganeko sangaphambili, lo mama wagqiba ekubeni angazibizeli ukhwembekhwembe waza waphendula wathi: “Ndiqinisekile ukuba unokuzenzela izigqibo,” mpendulo leyo eyabangela ukuba intombi yakhe idanduluke ithi: “Kowu, mama, akuze undincede xa ndikufuna!”

Isimo sengqondo esinjalo esisusela kwisenzo sobugorha esinemvukelo sise kubuntwana obungaguqukiyo siyabadida abazali. Ibe ukusa kwinqanaba elithile, lonke ulutsha luyathwaxwa yile hambo eguquguqukayo; iyinxalenye yokwemvelo yokukhula. Ngoxa iyeyokwemvelo, iyambonisa umzali wakho ukuba ‘useneempawu ezithile zobuntwana’ omele uzoyise nokuba akukakulungeli ukuzilawula ngokupheleleyo.​—⁠1 Korinte 13:⁠11.

Ukuzuza Inkululeko Engakumbi Yokuzilawula

Sekunjalo usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ubunokuphumelela kwanangaphandle kokuxhaswa nokunyanyekelwa. Ibe unamathemba okuzuza inkululeko oyilangazelelayo, maxa wambi usenokulingelwa ekubeni ubhenele kwiindlela ezinobuqhinga. Enye intwazana ekwishumi elivisayo yabhala yathi, “Ndiyazi ukuba bendingafanele ndixoke, kodwa ndenjenjalo ukuze nje ndenze izinto lula. [Umama] ungqongqo gqitha ibe ngewayengazange andivumele ndiphume ukuba ndandimxelele inyaniso.” Noko ke, ukukhohlisa abazali bakho, akuze kuzenze lula izinto. Ukuba ubuxoki buvelile (njengoko ngokunokwenzeka kuya kuba njalo), busenokuzenza nzima ngokugqithiseleyo izinto.

Ababhali bencwadi ethi Options ngobulumko bathi: “Ukubaxokisa [abazali bakho] ngoxa ufuna bakuthembe kufana nokuba ukuze ungqine indlela onyaniseke ngayo. Xa bekubambile, ngokunokwenzeka baya kukohlwaya kwanangaphezulu, ngenxa nje yokuba ngumngcatshi.” Okubaluleke nangakumbi kukuba, ukuxoka kwenza ukuba ungabi nankoloseko kaThixo. IMizekeliso 3:​32 ithi: “Othi gu bucala [onobuqhinga, NW ] ulisikizi kuYehova.”

Ngoko nyaniseka kubazali bakho. Banike inkcazelo epheleleyo nechanileyo ngendawo ofuna ukuya kuyo nangabo uza kuhamba nabo. Xa bekubekela amaxesha okuba phakathi kwamasango, banike imbeko. Oku kuya kubenza beyiseke ukuba unokuthenjwa. Kunokwenzeka ukuba abayi kukhathazeka kangako xa ungekho. Ibe ekuhambeni kwexesha basenokuziva benentembelo ngakumbi ekukunikeni inkululeko engakumbi. Kunjengokuba iBhayibhile isithi: “Kubo bonke abanikwe okukhulu, kuya kufunwa okukhulu kubo; nakulowo kubekwe okukhulu kuye, kuya kubizwa okungaphezulu.”​—⁠Luka 12:⁠48.

Ixesha lokuba ube nembopheleleko ngobomi bakho liza kufika kwakamsinya. Okwangoku, yiba nomonde. Bunandiphe ubutsha bakho. (INtshumayeli 11:⁠9) Sebenzisana nesimo sengqondo sabazali bakho ngokuphathelele ukuphuma nothile wesini esahlukileyo, imithetho ethile, amaxesha okuba phakathi kwamasango, nokunye okufanayo. Ukwenjenjalo ngoku kusenokukukhusela nje ekuzisoleni nakwintliziyo ebuhlungu kamva. Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba imiqathango ethile ayibufanelanga ubudala bakho okanye ayinangqiqo, musa ukuvukela. Wuxubhushe ngokuzolileyo lo mcimbi nabazali bakho. Mhlawumbi babhidwe nje yiminyaka yakho okanye ngumlinganiselo okhule ngawo. Enoba kuyintoni na, mhlawumbi uya kufumanisa ukuba abanamdla ngokwenene ekulawuleni ubomi bakho. Bafuna nje ukuqinisekisa ngolonwabo lwakho lwekamva.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Ukugqala njani ukumiselwa amaxesha okuba phakathi kwamasango neminye imiqathango?