Inokunceda Njani Intsapho?
“Kuqala umntu uthabatha nje ithanyana, lize ke ithanyana libize ithamo, yaye ekugqibeleni ithamo liyamlawula umntu.”—Isaci saseMpuma.
UHAMBA ecaleni komgxobhozo. Ngequbuliso, umhlaba uyatshona. Kwimizuzu nje embalwa untyumpantyumpeka eludakeni. Okukhona uzama ukuphuma, kokukhona usiya utshona.
Ukukhotyokiswa butywala kurhawula yonke intsapho kanye ngendlela efana naleyo. Iqabane lomtshato elixhomekeke kwikhoboka lotywala lizama ngawo onke amandla alo ukuba liguqule ikhoboka lotywala. Lishukunyiswa luthando, liyalisongela, kodwa liyaqhubeka liquqel’ emphandeni. Iqabane elingaseliyo liyabufihla utywala, kodwa ikhoboka lithenga obungakumbi. Iqabane elingaseliyo liyayifihla imali yekhoboka lotywala, kodwa ikhoboka liboleka kumhlobo walo. Iqabane elingaseliyo libongoza umyeni walo ukuba abonakalise uthando ngentsapho, ngobomi bakhe, kwanangoThixo—kodwa litsho phantsi. Okukhona lizama ngamandla, kokukhona yonke intsapho isiya itshona ngakumbi kumgxobhozo wokukhotyokiswa butywala. Ukuze ancede ikhoboka lotywala, kuqala amalungu entsapho amele aqonde into okuyiyo ukukhotyokiswa butywala. Afanele asazi isizathu sokuba ezinye “izicombululo” phantse ngokuqinisekileyo zingenakuphumelela, yaye amele afunde iindlela ezisebenza ngokwenene.
Ukukhotyokiswa butywala kungaphezulu kokunxila nje. Sisifo sokusela ngokungekho ngqiqweni nesinganyangekiyo esibonakala ngokuba umntu ahlale ecinga ngotywala nokungakwazi ukuyilawula indlela asela ngayo. Ngoxa inkoliso yeengcali ivuma ukuba akunakunyangeka, ukukhotyokiswa butywala kunokupheliswa ngokuthi ubani azimisele ukuzila utywala ubomi bakhe bonke.—Thelekisa uMateyu 5:29.
Kwezinye iinkalo le meko isenokufaniswa naleyo yomntu onesifo seswekile. Ngoxa engenakuyiguqula imeko yakhe, umntu onesifo seswekile unokusebenzisana nomzimba wakhe ngokungayisebenzisi iswekile. Ngokufanayo, ikhoboka lotywala alinakuyiguqula indlela umzimba walo osabela ngayo etywaleni, kodwa linako ukusebenza ngokuvisisana nesifo salo ngokungabuseli ngokupheleleyo utywala.
Noko ke, kulo mbandela ukuthetha asikokwenza. Ikhoboka lotywala limfanyekiswa kukuyikhanyela ingxaki yalo. ‘Andimbanga kangako.’ ‘Yintsapho yam endinyanzelela ukuba ndisele.’ ‘Ngubani obengenakusela xa enomphathi ofana nowam?’ Ngokufuthi izizathu zalo zivakala zisengqiqweni gqitha kangangokuba yonke intsapho isenokulithelela kwinkqubo yokukhanyela. ‘Uyihlo ufanele aphumle ekupheleni kosuku.’ ‘Utata ufanele asele. Ulunyamezela gqitha uchuku lukaMama.’ Phantsi kwazo naziphi na iimeko abasoze balidandalazise ihlebo lentsapho: Utata ulikhoboka lotywala. UGqr. Susan Forward uyacacisa: “Kokuphela kwendlela abanokuhlala ngayo ngemvisiswano. Ubuxoki, izingxengxezo neemfihlelo zixhaphake njengomoya kula makhaya.”
Amalungu entsapho akanakulonyula ikhoboka lotywala eludakeni engekazikhuphi wona kuqala. Abanye basenokuphikisa ngelithi ‘Likhoboka lotywala elifuna uncedo, asindim!’ Kodwa qwalasela oku: Iimvakalelo nezenzo zakho zinxulumene ngokusondeleyo kangakanani nendlela eliziphethe ngayo ikhoboka lotywala? Kufuthi kangakanani izenzo zalo zikubangela ukuba uzive unomsindo, ukhathazekile, unxunguphele, usoyika? Uhlala izihlandlo ezingaphi ekhaya unyamekela ikhoboka lotywala ngoxa ubufanele ukuba wenza umsebenzi obaluleke ngakumbi? Xa amalungu entsapho angengomakhoboka otywala ethabatha amanyathelo okuphucula ubomi bawo, ikhoboka lotywala lisenokulandela.
Musa ukuzivumela ukuba ubekw’ ityala. Ikhoboka lotywala lisenokuma ngelithi ‘ukuba ubundiphethe kakuhle ngendingakhange ndisele.’ UToby Rice Drews ongumluleki uthi: “Ikhoboka lotywala lifuna ukuba usoloko ukukholelwa oku ukuze liyibeke kuwe imbopheleleko yokusela kwalo.” Musa ukuyikholelwa le ngcamango. Ikhoboka lotywala alixhomekekanga etywaleni nje kuphela kodwa lixhomekeke nakubantu abaya kukwamkela ukuyikhanyela kwalo ingxaki yalo. Ngaloo ndlela amalungu entsapho asenokubangela ukuba ikhoboka lotywala liqhubeke nokusela engakuqondi oko.
Umzekeliso weBhayibhile othetha ngomsindo ongalawulekiyo unokusebenza ngokufanayo kwikhoboka lotywala: “Makazivele imiphumo. Ukuba ukhe wamkhupha engxakini, kuya kufuneka umkhuphe kwakhona.” (IMizekeliso 19:19, Today’s English Version) Ewe, ikhoboka lotywala malimtsalele umnxeba ngokwalo umphathi walo, lizibonele ngokwalo indlela yokuya emandlalweni, licoce umhlanzo walo. Ukuba intsapho iyalenzela izinto ezinjalo, iyalikhuthaza ukuba liselele ukuzibulala.
Fumana uncedo. Kunzima yaye mhlawumbi kunokude kungenzeki ukuba ilungu lentsapho lizikhuphe eludakeni. Ufuna ukuxhaswa. Thembela kakhulu ngabahlobo abangayi kuxhasa ukukhanyela kwekhoboka lotywala nabangayi kukushiya ukwingxaki okuyo.
Ukuba ikhoboka lotywala liyavuma ukufumana uncedo, oko kubangela uvuyo olukhulu. Kodwa sisiqalo nje senkqubo yokuchacha. Ukuxhomekeka komzimba kwiziselo ezinxilisayo kunokupheliswa kwiintsuku nje ezingephi ngokuyeka ukusela iziselo ezinxilisayo. Kodwa kunzima ngakumbi ukuphelisa ukuxhomekeka kwengqondo kwiziselo ezinxilisayo.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 23]
Iimpawu Ezibonakalayo Zamakhoboka Otywala
Ukuxakeka Kwengqondo: Ikhoboka lotywala likhangela phambili ngolangazelelo kumaxesha okusela kwalo. Xa lingaseli tywala, licinga ngabo.
Ukungakwazi Ukuzilawula: Ngokufuthi indlela elisela ngayo yahlukile koko linenjongo yako, kungakhathaliseki ukuba lizimisele kangakanani na.
Ukuba Neenkani: Inkqubo elizimisele yona (“Andize ndisele ndedwa,” “andize ndisele ngexesha lomsebenzi,” njalo njalo) yindlela nje yokufihla owona mthetho wekhoboka lotywala: “Andifuni nto ephazamisana nokusela kwam.”
Ukunganxili: ‘Amandla okuziqinisa’ angaqhelekanga akayontsikelelo—ngokufuthi ngumqondiso wokuqala wokukhotyokiswa butywala.
Imiphumo Emibi: Imikhwa elungileyo ayiyonakalisi intsapho kabani, umsebenzi nempilo yakhe yomzimba. Kukukhotyokiswa butywala okwenza oko.—IMizekeliso 23:29-35.
Ukukhanyela: Ikhoboka lotywala liyibekel’ izizathu, liyithabatha lula lize liyingxengxezele ihambo yalo.