Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Ndinokuhlangabezana Njani Nemeko Yokuba Nomzali Olikhoboka Lotywala?
“Ndandikucaphukela ukugoduka. Ndandingaqinisekanga nokuba ndiza kufika umama ekho na, yaye ukuba ukho, ndandingaqinisekanga nokuba uza kube enxilile aze aqalise ukundithuka endixelela ngokuba ngunyana ongungantweni kwam.”—URobert.
“Ndandineentloni zokuza nabantu ekhaya . . . ndandineentloni gqitha ngentsapho yakowethu.”—UPatricia.
IZIGIDI zolutsha zinyamezela izaqunge zamihla le ezibangelwa kukuhlala nomzali olikhoboka lotywala. Incwadi ethi Teen Troubles ithi: “Ukuhlala nomzali olikhoboka lotywala kuthetha ukuhlala uxinezelekile—uxinezeleko olubangelwa zizinto ezininzi.”
Abazali abaninzi abangamakhoboka otywala bayabaxhaphaza abantwana babo ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwesini.a Kwanaxa imeko ingembi kangako, ngokutsho kwencwadi ethi Options, “ukuba ukusela kwenza [umzali olikhoboka lotywala] angazinzi, angakhathali, abe namaxesha okungatyhileki, oko kunokubaphatha kakubi abantwana.”
Ngoko ke, akumangalisi ukuba unokuziva ucaphuka, uneentloni okanye maxa wambi ukhathazekile. Sekunjalo, ngoxa ukuhlala nomzali olikhoboka lotywala kunzima, ungafunda ukuhlangabezana nako.
Ukuqonda Ingxaki
Okokuqala, kuyanceda ukuqonda isizathu sokusela kwabazali bakho.b IMizekeliso 1:5 ithi, ‘Oqondayo uzuza amacebo obulumko.’
Ikhoboka lotywala asingomntu okhe anxile ngamathuba athile, okanye ikhoboka lotywala akunyanzelekanga ukuba libe linxila. Iingcaphephe zichaza ubukhoboka botywala njengokusela ngokungalungelelananga ngokungenasiphelo okubangela iingxaki ezinzulu ezichaphazela ubomi, umsebenzi nempilo. Ikhoboka lotywala lithe phithi bubo—liyabulangazelela—utywala yaye alikwazi kukulawula ukusela kwalo. Iingcaphephe ezininzi ziyavuma ukuba ubukhoboka botywala bunokoyiswa kuphela ngokuzinxwema ngokupheleleyo etywaleni.c
Ngoxa ubukhoboka botywala bubandakanya utyekelo oluthile olungokwasengqondweni olunokwenza abantu abathile batyekele ngakumbi ekubeni ngamakhoboka otywala, kubonakala ngathi notyekelo olungokweemvakalelo lubandakanyekile. Ngokomzekelo, ngokufuthi ukuzicekisa nguthunywashe obangela ubani abe likhoboka lotywala. (Thelekisa IMizekeliso 14:13.) UGqr. Abraham Twerski uthi, “Kwawam amava andikaze ndidibane nekhoboka lotywala elalizixabisile, lineemvakalelo zokwaneliseka nelalizithembile, ngaphambi kokuba lisele utywala.” Eneneni, amakhoboka amaninzi otywala akhulela kwiintsapho zamakhoboka otywala. Ukusela kusenokuba yindlela yokucima iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu awayenazo ngexesha ayengabantwana.
Noko ke, ukusela kuyazandisa iingxaki zekhoboka lotywala. Ngokutsho kwencwadi ethi Under the Influence, ‘izenzo, iingcinga, neentshukumisa zakhe ziphenjelelwa butywala.’ Ngaloo ndlela iingxaki zekhoboka lotywala azipheleli kwezokusela kuphela; likwanayo nengxaki enzulu yokungakwazi ukucinga. Lisenokufuna uncedo kakhulu, mhlawumbi uncedo lwengcali eqeqeshiweyo, ukuze liyeke ukusela. Sekunjalo, xa uqonda okuthile ngobukhoboka botywala, usenokuqalisa ukuba novelwano ngomzali wakho.—IMizekeliso 19:11.
Indlela Ochaphazeleka Ngayo
Xa umzali elikhoboka lotywala, lungu ngalinye lentsapho liyachaphazeleka. (Thelekisa eyoku-1 kwabaseKorinte 12:26.) Ubomi bakho busenokuphazamiseka ngenxa yokungaqiniseki. Ngaba umzali wakho uza kubuya enganxilanga okanye enxilile? Uza kwangiwa okanye uza kubethwa? Ewe, ngokufuthi abazali abangamakhoboka otywala bayazibaxa izinto. UGqr. James P. Comer uthi, “Banokuba nothando yaye babe nenkathalo xa benganxilanga, xa benxilile banokuba ndlongondlongo ngokugqith’ emgceni ngokungenangqiqo baze babe krwada.” Ukungaqiniseki okunjalo kunokukubangela ungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo. Unokumthanda umzali wakho olikhoboka lotywala ngoku, uphinde umcekise kungekudala. Elinye ibhinqa eliselula lavuma lathi, “Ngezinye imini ndandiye ndinqwenele ukuba akwaba ebefile.”
Maxa wambi imiphumo yokukhulela kwikhaya lamakhoboka otywala ayibonakali kangangeminyaka. Abantwana bamakhoboka otywala ngokufuthi nabo baba ngamakhoboka otywala—okanye batshate nawo. Ngaloo ndlela ibhinqa eliselula elingumKristu lathandana nendoda eliyichaza ngokuthi “yayilikhoboka lotywala elisaqingqayo.” Nangona laliwazi amanye amadoda afanelekileyo nazinzileyo angamaKristu, lalingenamdla kuwo. Kwakutheni ukuze libe nomdla kwikhoboka lotywala? Lithethela abanye abanjengalo, lithi: “La kuphela kwamadoda esiwaqhelileyo nesinokuwaqonda.”
Umdala ongumKristu wakwazi ukulinceda lilungise indlela elalicinga ngayo ngalo mbandela, ngaloo ndlela ethintela ubukhoboka botywala obutshabalalisayo ukuba bungaqhubeki. Ngoko, ngokucacileyo, akugwetyelwanga ukungonwabi ngenxa nje yokuba uhlala kwikhaya elinekhoboka lotywala. Unganako ukunciphisa umonakalo onokubakho yaye mhlawumbi ude uncede nomzali wakho olikhoboka lotywala.
Indlela Onokuhlangabezana Ngayo Noku
UGqr. Stanton E. Samenow uthi: “Imeko-bume umntu akhulele kuyo ayinampembelelo kakhulu njengokhetho ubani alwenzayo ngenxa yaloo meko-bume.” Ewe, kwanokuba izinto ekhaya zibonakala zingalawuleki, unokubulawula ubomi bakho. Njani?
Musa ukuzibeka ityala ngokusela komzali wakho. UBeth oneminyaka eli-13 ubudala wathi, “Abazali bam bathi kwakungenxa yam.” Bathi babesela ngenxa yokungalawuleki kwakhe. Wavuma wathi, “Ndandinetyala kakhulu ngayo yonke into.” Sekunjalo, ngumzali wakho—kwaye nguye kuphela—onembopheleleko ngokuba likhoboka lotywala kwakhe. AmaGalati 6:5 athi, “Elowo uya kuwuthwala owakhe umthwalo.”
Ngoko ke akunakumnyanga umzali wakho olikhoboka lotywala. Ukuthetha rhabaxa, ukumngxolisa, ukukhala nokuxambulisana naye akuncedi nto. Kwelinye icala, akunyanzelekanga ukuba umkhusele kwizinto azenze kuba ebenxilile ngokumthethelela ngobuxoki okanye umrhuqe umsuse kwigumbi lokuhlala xa elele apho elutywantsi kukunxila.
Mkhuthaze afune uncedo. Ngokuqhelekileyo oku kufuna intsebenziswano yomzali ongelokhoboka lotywala neyabantwana bakowenu.d UVukani! kaJuni 8, 1983, wanikela amacebiso angqalileyo ngendlela amalungu entsapho (1) anokunceda ngayo ikhoboka lotywala lijamelane nemiphumo yokunxila kwalo naleyo (2) anokuthetha ngayo nalo ngokuthe ngqo ngobunxila balo. Ngokuqhuba ngolu hlobo anokulinceda libone imfuneko yokufuna uncedo.
Yiphephe inkathazo. IMizekeliso 17:14 ithi: “Yiyeke imbambano kungekavunganyelwana.” Musa ukuzifaka engozini yokungena ingxabano yabazali bakho. (IMizekeliso 26:17) Ukuba kunokwenzeka, yiya kwigumbi lakho, okanye uye ekhayeni lomhlobo wakho. Ukuba kukho isisongelo sogonyamelo, unokufuna uncedo lwabanye abantu.
Ziqonde iimvakalelo zakho. Olunye ulutsha luziva lunetyala kuba maxa wambi lubacaphukela ooyise. Kodwa ukuvakalelwa ngolu hlobo kungokwemvelo, ingakumbi ukuba ukusela kwakhe kumenza anganikeli inkathalo nenkxaso oyifunayo. Liyinyaniso elokuba, iBhayibhile ikuyalela ukuba unikele imbeko kumzali wakho. (Efese 6:2, 3) Kodwa ‘ukubeka’ kuthetha ukuhlonela igunya lakhe lobuzali ngendlela ohlonela ngayo ipolisa okanye ijaji. Akuthethi ukuba uyakholiswa kukusela kwakhe. (Roma 12:9) Ungenguye nomntu ombi kuba ukucaphukela ukusela kwakhe; ubunxila bulizothe! (Bona IMizekeliso 23:29-35.) Noko ke, mhlawumbi unokufunda ukuthiya ukukhotyokiswa kwakhe butywala kungekhona yena ngokobuqu.—Thelekisa uYuda 23.
Funa unxulumano olwakhayo. Xa ekhaya kukho iingxwabangxwaba, usenokungabazi ubomi obufanelekileyo. Ngoko ke kubalulekile ukunxulumana nabantu abaphilileyo ngokomoya nangokweemvakalelo. Ibandla lamaKristu lingumthombo ‘wabazalwana noodade noomama’ abanokunikela ukhuthazo nenkxaso engakumbi. (Marko 10:30) Ngamathuba athile banokukunika nesiqabu kuxinezeleko olufumana ekhaya. Ukunxulumana neentsapho ezingamaKristu kunokukubonisa umzekelo ophilileyo wobomi bentsapho, onokutshintsha umzekelo ongalunganga owubukelayo kowenu.
Fumana uncedo. Ukufumana umntu omkhulu, okhulileyo nomthembileyo onokumphalazela iimvakalelo zakho kuyanceda ngokwenene. Ngokufuthi abadala bebandla baluncedo kule nkalo. UGqr. Timmen Cermak ukhumbuza oku, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuba uvakalelwa kabuhlungu kangakanani, khumbula ukuba akumele ube buhlungu wedwa.”
Usenokungakwazi ukuyiguqula imeko yakowenu. Kodwa njengokuba uGqr. Claudia Black wabhalayo: “Amalungu entsapho anokuyiguqula indlela ubomi bawo obuchaphazeleka ngayo.” Kunokuzama ukulawula ikhoboka lotywala, phethulela ingqalelo yakho kumntu onako ukumlawula—wena. Nyamekela iimfuno zakho zokomoya. (Mateyu 5:3; 24:14; Hebhere 10:24, 25) IBhayibhile kwabaseFilipi 2:12 ithi, “Lusebenzeni nilufeze olwenu usindiso.” Ukwenjenjalo kuya kukunceda ube nembono elungeleleneyo, yaye kusenokukhuthaza nomzali wakho afune uncedo kwingxaki yakhe.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Ukuba uxhatshazwa ngumzali olikhoboka lotywala, ufuna uncedo. Zityand’ igila kumntu omkhulu omthembileyo. Ngokomzekelo, phakathi kwamaNgqina kaYehova, ulutsha lunokuziva lukhululekile ukuthetha nabadala basebandleni okanye amanye amaKristu akhulileyo. Ulwalathiso oluluncedo ekuncedeni amaxhoba okuxhatshazwa luyafumaneka kuVukani! kaOktobha 8, 1991.
b Ukwenza kube lula, siza kubhekisela kwikhoboka lotywala eliyindoda. Kodwa imigaqo iyasebenza nakumakhoboka otywala abhinqileyo.
c Ukuze ufumane inkcazelo engakumbi ngobukhoboka botywala, bona inkupho kaVukani! kaJuni 8, 1992 nekaJanuwari 8, 1983. Bona nenkupho yeMboniselo kaOktobha 15, 1983.
d Ukuba ikhoboka lotywala lithi lingumKristu, intsapho yakowenu inokufuna noncedo lwabadala bebandla.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 19]
Xubusha ngeemvakalelo zakho nomntu omkhulu omthembileyo