Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Kutheni Kungekho Nanye Into Endiyenzayo Ekhe Ibe Yelunge Ngokwaneleyo?
“Xa ndaqalisa ukusebenzela utata ndakufumanisa kunzima gqitha ukumkholisa. Ndandineminyaka eli-15 kuphela ubudala, yaye umsebenzi endandiwenza wawunzima gqitha; xa ndandenze impazamo, wayedla ngokundigxeka.”—Randy.
“Umama wayebonakala njengomcuphi—esoloko ekhangela iindawo endandisilela kuzo. Kwanangaphambi kokuba ndigqibe imisetyenzana yam, wayehlola umsebenzi wam, ekhangela iimpazamo.”—Craig.
“Abazali bam babesoloko bendikhalimela ngokuthile. Babesithi kwakungabonakali ukuba ndiya kuba ngumntu olungeleleneyo ebomini. Esikolweni, ekhaya, ebandleni—babengandiniki thuba.”—James.
NGABA maxa wambi kubonakala ngathi akukho nto oyenzayo ekhe ibe yelunge ngokwaneleyo ukukholisa abazali bakho? Ngaba ukhe uvakalelwe kukuba intshukumo nganye oyenzayo yakhelw’ umkhanya, usoloko ujongiwe, kukhangelwa izinto onokugxekwa ngazo, kodwa ungaze uluphumelele uvavanyo? Ukuba kunjalo, usenokuvakalelwa kukuba unengxaki yokungafumani nkoliseko yabazali.
Imeko yakho asiyiyo engaqhelekanga. UGqr. Joyce L. Vedral uthi: “Ngokutsho kwenkoliso yabeshumi elivisayo, abazali basoloko bekhalaza. . . . Basoloko bethethela yonke into ukususela ekugcineni igumbi lakho licocekile ukusa ekuchitheni inkunkuma, ukususela ekusebenziseni igumbi lokuhlambela ukusa kwindlela onxiba ngayo, ukususela ekukhetheni kwakho abahlobo ukusa kumanqaku nakumsebenzi wakho wesikolo owenziwa ekhaya.” Nangona kuqondakala ukuba oku maxa wambi kusenokukucaphukisa, ngokuqhelekileyo akunto imbi. Kungokwemvelo ngabazali ukubaqeqesha nokubalungisa abantwana babo; yenye indlela ababonisa ngayo ukubathanda. Kunjengokuba iBhayibhile ikubeka, utata uya kumohlwaya ‘unyana akholwayo nguye.’—IMizekeliso 3:12.
Ngoko ukuba awukaze ulungiswe ngabazali bakho, ngaba awuyi kuthandabuza enoba bakukhathalele kusini na? (IMizekeliso 13:24; thelekisa amaHebhere 12:8.) Ngoko, unokuba nombulelo kuba unabazali abakunyamekele ngokwaneleyo ukukwenza ube ngolungileyo! Ngapha koko, umncinane yaye ngentelekiso akunamava; maxa wambi ukulungiswa kusenokuba kokulungileyo. Ngaphandle kokhokelo, usenokoyiswa lula ‘ziinkanuko zobutsha.’—2 Timoti 2:22.
Khawucinge ngeengxaki ezithile ezinokubangelwa zezo nkanuko kulutsha. Umbhali uClayton Barbeau uthi: “Lihlabathi eliyingozi kwabakwishumi elivisayo: yure nganye, kubulawa umntu oselula kungquzulwano olunxulumene nokunxila; abakwishumi elivisayo abaqikelelwa kwishumi elinesibini lamawaka bayazibulala nyaka ngamnye; ngonyaka izigidi zamantombazana ziyakhulelwa; namhlanje abantwana abazizigidi ezithathu bangamakhoboka otywala; izifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini zisasazeke ngokubanzi.” (How to Raise Parents) Akumangalisi ke ngoko ukuba abazali bakho babe basenokuzimisela ukukulungisa ngokuzingisileyo! Njengoko iBhayibhile isitsho, “Ukuze eve osisilumko, aqokele afunde, . . . Ubulumko noqeqesho izimathane ziludelile.”—IMizekeliso 1:5, 7; thelekisa IMizekeliso 10:17.
Isizathu Sokuba Lubangele Intlungu
Sekunjalo, “lonke ke uqeqesho okunene ngokwakalokunje alubonakali luluvuyo, lubonakala luyintlungu.” (Hebhere 12:11) Oku kunjalo ngakumbi xa uselula. Ngapha koko, iimpawu zakho zobuntu azikakhuli ngokupheleleyo; usakhula yaye usazifumanisa uhlobo lomntu olulo. Ngoko ukugxekwa—naxa kucingisiswe ngenyameko kwaza kwadluliselwa ngobubele—kunokukubangela ukuba ucaphuke. Incwadi ethi How to Survive Your Adolescent’s Adolescence iqukumbela ngelithi abakwishumi elivisayo “bavakalelwa ngokugqithisileyo xa begxekwa.” Kunjengokuba omnye oselula esithi, “ukugxekwa kundenza buhlungu.”
Kodwa xa kuphuma kubazali bakho, intlungu inokuba nzulu ngakumbi. Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress, uGqr. Bettie Youngs usikhumbuza ukuba kungenxa “yenkoliseko okanye ukungakholiseki kwabanye” okwenza ukuba oselula “akhulise ingcamango yokuzixabisa nokubaluleka njengomntu.” Noko ke, abazali bangoyena thunywashe omkhulu ekuncedeni oselula akwazi ukuvelisa uhlobo lomntu alulo. Ngoko xa umzali ekulungisa okanye ekhalazela indlela oyenza ngayo into ethile, oko kusenokukudakumbisa, kuze kube buhlungu.
Sekunjalo, ngaba ufanele ugqibe ngelithi akukho nto oyenzayo ekhe ibe yelunge ngokwaneleyo? Okanye ngaba unokugqiba ngelithi usilela ngokupheleleyo kuba nje abazali bakho bephawule iziphako ezimbalwa onazo? Eneneni, bonke abantu basilela ngokulusizi ukufikelela emfezekweni. (Roma 3:23) Yaye ukwenza iimpazamo yinxalenye yenkqubo yokufunda. (Thelekisa uYobhi 6:24.) Ingxaki isekubeni, abazali bakho abathethi kangako xa okuthile ukwenze kakuhle—yaye bathetha kakhulu xa usenza isiphoso! Oku kubangela intlungu, kodwa akuthethi ukuba usilela ngokupheleleyo. Zifundise ukwamkela nakuphi na ukugxekwa okusengqiqweni ngendlela ezolileyo nengabangeli kukhathazeka, ungakucekisi okanye woyisakale kuko.—Thelekisa amaHebhere 12:5.
Ukugxeka Okungafanelekanga
Kuthekani ukuba ukugxeka akufanelekanga? Bambi abazali bamisela abantwana babo imilinganiselo ephakame ngokungekho ngqiqweni. Basenokubacaphukisa abantwana babo ngokuthi ngokuzingisileyo babangxolisele izinto ezingenamsebenzi. Yaye nabazali abanezizathu ezivakalayo zokukhalaza basenokugxeka ngendlela erhabaxa, ethob’ isidima. Kwakhona uGqr. Bettie Youngs uthi ukusebenzisa kwabazali “izithuko, ukukhalimela, ukunyemba, ukuhlazisa, ukusola, nokusongela” zonke ezi “yimizekelo yezinto ezitshabalalisa unxibelelwano, . . . ezinciphisa ukuzithemba nemvakalelo yokuzixabisa yomntwana.”
Xa indoda elilungisa uYobhi yahlaselwa ngothotho lwamazwi angafanelekanga okugxeka, yadanduluka isithi: “Kunini na nisenza isingqala kumphefumlo wam, nindityumza ngokuthetha?” (Yobhi 19:2) Ngendlela efanayo, ukuphoxwa ngokuzingisileyo ngumzali okanye ukubekelwa imilinganiselo ephakame ngokungekho ngqiqweni kusenokumcaphukisa kakhulu oselula, kumbangele ukuba ‘afe intliziyo.’ (Kolose 3:21) Incwadi ethi Coping With Teenage Depression, ebhalwe nguKathleen McCoy, ikwathi “ukungakwazi ukufikelela kumgangatho wokwenza izinto eziphakamileyo ezilindelwe ngabazali kuwe kunokubangela ilahleko engathethekiyo yokuzihlonela kuze kubangele udandatheko kubantu abafikisa ebuntwini obukhulu.”
Eneneni, ukugxeka okuyingozi ngolo hlobo ngokufuthi kubangela umjikelo weengxaki ezingakumbi ezingaphele ndawo: Abazali bakho bafumana isiphoso kuwe. Wena usabela ngokuziva ubuhlungu. Ngenxa yokuba uziva ubuhlungu, utyekela ekuzenzeni kakubi izinto xa abazali bakho bekucela ukuba wenze okuthile. Kuphumela entwenini oko? Ekugxekweni okungakumbi!
Unobangela Wokugxeka
Ungawuphelisa njani lo mjikelo utshabalalisayo? Okokuqala, zama ukuqonda isizathu sokuba abazali bakho bavakalelwe ngendlela abenza ngayo. Ngaba ukungxola okanye ukugxeka kwabo okuzingisileyo ngenene kokwenkohlakalo? Kusenokuba akunjalo. UGqr. Joyce L. Vedral ubuza oku: “Kutheni besoloko bekhalaza nje? Kungenxa yokuba akukho namnye ophulaphulayo, okanye ubuncinane akukho namnye ovumayo ukunikel’ ingqalelo kubo. Okukhona beziva bengakhathalelwanga, kokukhona bekhalaza.” Ngoko, ngaba ngokwenene wenza abazali bakho babone ukuba uyasabela kwizikhalazo zabo? Okanye ngaba amazwi abo angena ngale ndlebe aphume ngaleya? Ukuba kunjalo, musa ukumangaliswa xa ugxekwa ngokufuthi ngakumbi—yaye kusiba qatha! Noko ke, ngaba bekuya kuphela ukuba nje ubusebenzise amazwi eMizekeliso 19:20? Loo ndinyana ifundeka ngolu hlobo: “Live icebo [“isiluleko,” NW], ulwamkele uqeqesho, ukuze ulumke ngexesha elizayo.”
Maxa wambi umzali uba ngogxeka ngokugqithiseleyo, kungengenxa yako nakuphi na ukusilela kwakho ngokukhethekileyo, kodwa nje kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukwimeko yokuziva engonwabanga. Ngaba unyoko usebenze nzima kumsebenzi wempangelo? Ngoko usenokutyekela ngakumbi kunangaphambili ekukukhalimeleni kabukhali ngenxa yegumbi lakho elibonakala lingacocekanga. Ngaba uyihlo unomsindo yaye udimazekile ngenxa yokungaphumeleli kwentsapho ngokwezemali? Ngoko, engaqondanga usenokuthetha amazwi angacingisiswanga ‘anjengokuhlaba kwekrele.’ (IMizekeliso 12:18) Kuyavunywa ukuba, oku akufanelekanga. Kodwa “siyakhubeka kaninzi sonke. Ukuba umntu akakhubeki zwini, lowo uyindoda egqibeleleyo.” (Yakobi 3:2) Ngoko ke ukuba uMama okanye uTata ubonakala engonwabanga okanye ekhathazekile, kububulumko ukuchul’ ukunyathela uze uphephe ukuvuselela nayiphi na into eya kwenza ukuba bagxeke.
Njengabantu abangafezekanga, kwakhona abazali basenokukhathazwa ziimvakalelo zokungakwazi ukufikelela okuthile. Ukusilela kwakho kusenokubenza bazive ngathi ngabo abasileleyo! UGqr. Vedral uthi: “Usenokuza nengxelo yesikolo embi ekhaya, aze uyihlo athi, ‘Intoni, kanti usisidenge? Ndinesihiba sonyana.’ Kambe ke ngokwenene uyihlo akacingi ukuba usisihiba. Ngokwenene akutshoyo koku, ‘Ndinoloyiko lokuba andiwenzi umsebenzi wam wokukukhuthazela ukuba ufundisise.’”
Kwakhona uloyiko olunjalo lunokuqhubela abazali ekubeni bamisele imilinganiselo ephakame ngokungekho ngqiqweni. Omnye oselula ogama linguJason wakhalaza esithi: “Akukho nanye into endikhe ndayenza ekhe yaba yeyanelisayo. Ukuba ndirhugula amagqabi awomileyo ebaleni, uTata ufuna ukwazi isizathu sokuba ndingakhange ndicoce igaraji ndakugqiba. Ukuba ‘ndiwe nganeno nje kancinane’ ekubeni ngophumelele emagqabini esikolweni, abazali bam bafuna ukwazi isizathu sokuba ndingakhange ndiphumelele emagqabini baze bandixelele ukuba ndiyasilela.” Kodwa umluleki wesikolo wathetha nabazali bakaJason waza wafumanisa oku: “Ukufuna kwabo ngokugqithiseleyo ukuba unyana wabo afikelele kumgangatho ophakamileyo abawulindeleyo kwabonakalisa iimvakalelo zabo zokungakwazi ukufikelela okuthile nodano lwabo ngokhetho lomsebenzi wabo nemeko yezemali.”—Coping With Teenage Depression.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba injani na imeko yakho ekhaya, mhlawumbi kusenokuba kuhle ukusiqonda isizathu esibangela abazali bakho maxa wambi batyekele ekubeni ngabagxekayo. Kodwa ziziphi iindlela ezithile zokuhlangabezana nabazali abagxekayo? Ngaba zikho iindlela ongangenelwa ngazo ekuhlabeni kwabo amadlala? Le mibuzo iya kuxutyushwa kwinqaku elilandelayo.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 13]
Xa umzali ekhalazela indlela oyenza ngayo into ethile, kunokuba kokudakumbisayo