Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokuqhubana Njani Nokugxekwa Ngabazali Bam?

“ABAZALI abaninzi bakholelwa kwelokuba eyona ndlela ibalungeleyo yokunceda abantwana babo baphucule kukugxeka oko bakwenza ngokuphosakeleyo.” Wabhala esitsho uClayton Barbeau kwincwadi yakhe ethi How to Raise Parents.

Alithandabuzeki elokuba, ukuba ungumntu oselula, mhlawumbi abazali bakho bakulungisa phantse ngokuthe rhoqo kanye njengokuba bekondla. Nangona oku maxa wambi kusenokucaphukisa, ukugxeka okunjalo akusoloko kuyinto embi.a Sonke siyakufuna ukulungiswa amaxesha ngamaxesha, ukugxeka okuluncedo kunokwakha, kube yingenelo.

Kwelinye icala, maxa wambi abazali bayagabadela ekwenzeni izinto, bebangxolisa abantwana babo ukusa kwinqanaba lokuba baphelelwe lithemba. (Kolose 3:​21) Okanye basenokuyekela iimvakalelo zabo zibalawule baze babathethise kabukhali yaye babathobe isidima abantwana babo ngenxa yeempazamo ezingephi. Noko ke, ingakhathaliseki indlela ubani agxekwa ngayo, kunokwenzeka ukuba angenelwe kuko. Ngapha koko, ngokunokwenzeka abazali bakho bakunqwenelela okona kulungileyo. Kunjengokuba iBhayibhile kude kudala yathi, “akholekile amanxeba omhlobo.” (IMizekeliso 27:⁠6) Liyinyaniso elokuba, ngenxa yokuba abazali bakho besondele kakhulu kuwe, ukuhlaba kwabo amadlala kunokukubangela ube buhlungu ngokunzulu. Kodwa ukuba uzifundisa ukusabela ngobulumko xa ugxekwa, unokuyenza ingavakali kangako intlungu uze ubalaselise iingenelo.

Indlela Ephosakeleyo

Khawucinge ngamava kaStephanie oselula. Ubalisa esithi: “Ukufika kukamama ekhaya evela emsebenzini, waqalisa ukukhalazela ukuba ndingayicocanga indlu okanye ndingayilahlanga inkunkuma. Wathi, ‘Akukho nanye into oyenza kakuhle apha ekhaya, kodwa xa kufuneka uzikhuphile oko ukwenza kakuhle.’ Ndathi ‘Xa kufikelelwa ekukhalazeni, oko ukwenza kakuhle.’ Waqalisa ukundingxolisa ndaza ndamshiya emi apho ndisiya kuzivalela egumbini lam ukuze ndingamva. Wangena embonzeleka, engxola endixelela ukuba ndiza kohlwaywa.”​—⁠My Parents Are Driving Me Crazy, ebhalwe nguGqr. Joyce L. Vedral.

Ngaba oku kuvakala kuqhelekile? Ngoko uyayazi indlela ekonzakalisa ngayo ukuxelelwa ukuba “akukho nanye into onokuyenza kakuhle.” Sekunjalo, yintoni uStephanie awayifezayo ngokubhavumela unina ngomsindo? Ukukhalaza, ukungxola okanye ukuvukela kunokusuka nje kuvelise ezona mpawu zimbi kumzali. Nayiphi na intwana yolwaneliseko oluzuzwa ngokudubuleka ngumsindo isenokubonakala ingeyonto xa ithelekiswa nesohlwayo oza kusifumana ngokuqinisekileyo. Ngaphezu koko, umKristu oselula othetha ngokungenambeko nomzali kukho okuthile okonakeleyo kuye ngokomoya​—⁠yaye uzibek’ engozini yokuba uThixo angakholiswa nguye.​—⁠IMizekeliso 30:⁠17; Efese 6:​1, 2.

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba umama kaStephanie akazange ayisingathe imicimbi ngeyona ndlela ifanelekileyo. Kodwa ngaba ngokunokwenzeka kwakungekho bunyaniso buthile kwizikhalazo zakhe ngoStephanie? Ngoko ngokungakwamkeli ukugxekwa, uStephanie akazange nje kuphela aziphilise ubomi obunzima kodwa kwakhona wazilahlekanisa nethuba lokwenza uphuculo olufunekayo.

Ukubaluleka Kokuphulaphula

IBhayibhile inikela eli cebiso: “Live icebo, ulwamkele uqeqesho, ukuze ulumke ngexesha elizayo.” (IMizekeliso 19:​20) Ewe, yiphelise imvakalelo yokufuna ukuzithethelela, ukungxola, okanye yokuphindezela ngamazwi athile okugxeka, uze umilisel’ ingqondo koko kanye kuthethiweyo. Iphephancwadi i’Teen likubeka ngale ndlela oku: “Kuphulaphule ngengqondo yakho ukugxekwa kungekhona ngeemvakalelo zakho.”

Ukwenza ngolo hlobo kukunceda ukuba uphephe ukukwenza into enkulu okanye ukubaxe oko kuthethwa ngumzali wakho. Ngaba ngenene umzali wakho ukujonga njengongaxabisekanga okanye osilela ngokupheleleyo, okanye nje into ayithethayo kukuba uye wasebenza ngokungakhathali ngoxa ubupeyinta igaraji okanye ucoca isitovu? Ukuba le nkcazelo yamva iyinyaniso, kutheni usabela ngokugabadeleyo nje? IBhayibhile ithi: “Akukho namnye ehlabathini owenza okulungileyo ngalo lonke ixesha angaze enze impazamo.” (INtshumayeli 7:​20, Today’s English Version) Yaye nokuba uye wasilela kumsebenzi othile, ngokuqinisekileyo oko akunakuze kuthethe ukuba uyasilela ebomini. Ngoko zikhumbuze ukuba zikho ezinye izinto onamandla okuzenza nonokuzenza ngokubalaseleyo.

Ukuhlala Uzolile Enoba Liyabhudla

Omnye utata wathi: “Lonke ixesha esenza into ngobuyatha ndithi, ‘Sidengendini.’” Kuthekani ukuba ngokufanayo umzali wakho ubhenela ekukuthukeni okanye kwenye intetho engafanelekanga? Okokuqala, zilawule iimvakalelo zakho! “Owanqandayo amazwi akhe unokwazi, omoya upholileyo yindoda enengqondo.”​—⁠IMizekeliso 17:⁠27.

Musa ukumilisel’ ingqondo koko kubonakala kuthethwe ngokungekho sikweni; oko kuya kukwenza ube nomsindo ngakumbi. Kunoko, milisela ingqondo kwizinto ofanele uphucule kuzo. Zikhumbuze ukuba abazali bakho bayakuthanda yaye kufanel’ ukuba abanalunya ngakuwe. (Utata ekucatshulwe amazwi akhe ngasentla wathi: “Andifanelanga ndimbize ngokuthi sisidenge ngalo lonke ixesha. Kungekudala uya kukukholelwa oko.”) Zithembe iintshukumisa zabazali bakho ukuba babonakala bediniwe okanye becinezelekile xa bevela emsebenzini. “Ingqiqo yomntu imenza azeke kade umsindo, sisihombo sakhe ukulugqitha ukreqo.”​—⁠IMizekeliso 19:​11.b

Ngoxa isenzo sokuziphindezelela siya kuba sesingafanelekanga usenokuwubamba umsindo wakho obangelwa ngamazwi ahlaselayo. Ngokomzekelo, zama ukuwahlalutya kwakhona amazwi omzali wakho, uze uwavumelanise nengxaki leyo. Ukuba uyihlo ukubiza ngokuthi usisidenge ngenxa yokuba engayithandi indlela oyipolishe ngayo inqwelo-mafutha yasekhaya, zama ukusabela ngale ndlela: “Ukhathazwe kukuba ndingayikhazimlisanga kakuhle inqwelo-mafutha.” Okanye unokusuka nje ukuvume ukugxekwa. (“Unyanisile Tata. Bekufanele ukuba ndenze umsebenzi omhle kunalo.”) Okanye zama ukubuza iindlela ezithile ongaphucula ngazo. IMizekeliso 15:⁠1 ithi: “Impendulo ethambileyo ibuyisa ubushushu, ilizwi elidubulayo linyusa umsindo.”

Ngaba uyamkhumbula uMgwebi uGidiyon? IBhayibhile ithi wakhokela uhlanga lwakwaSirayeli ukuba luloyise ngokuchukumisayo uhlanga lwakwaMidiyan olwalulutshaba. Ngoko uGidiyon wathumela abathunywa kwisizwe esidumileyo sakwaEfrayim waza wabacela ukuba bathintele amaMidiyan awoyisiweyo ukuba angaphumi. AmaEfrayim asabela kakuhle aza abamba abathetheli ababini bamaMidiyan. Amadoda esizwe anekratshi ‘abambana kabukhali’ noGidiyon! Ayecatshukiswe kukuba engamenywanga kwangaphambili ukuba abe nenxaxheba edabini.​—⁠ABagwebi 8:⁠1.

Ngokucacileyo la mazwi okuhlasela ayengekho sikweni. Yaye ukuba uGidiyon wayeluhlobo lomntu owenza izinto ngokungxama, ngewayewabonisile amaEfrayim into abhinqe ngayo​—⁠aze axhokonxe imfazwe yobukhaya. Kunoko waphendula esithi: “Ndenze ntoni na ngoku ngangani? Ukubhikica kwamaEfrayim akukugqithile na ngokulunga ukuvuna iidiliya komAbhihezere?” (ABagwebi 8:⁠2) Impendulo kaGidiyon yayithetha ukuba ngokubamba abathetheli bamaMidiyan, amaEfrayim ayephumeze okungaphezu koko wayekwenzile uGidiyon. Ngaloo ndlela impendulo ezolileyo nebonakalisa ukuzithoba kaGidiyon yakuphelisa ukugxeka okungafanelekanga yaza yalondoloza uxolo.

Yintoni enokufundwa koku? Kuphephe ukusabela ngokugabadeleyo xa abazali bakho bekugxeka. Ukuhlala uzolile kunokukuthintela ekuthetheni okanye ekwenzeni into oya kuzisola ngayo kamva.​—⁠Thelekisa INtshumayeli 10:⁠4.

Ukwenza Okuthile

Noko ke, amazwi obubele awanele. Yenza okuthile! Khumbula ukuba, “ubulumko baphezulu . . . bukulungele ukuthobela.” (Yakobi 3:​17, NW) Qalisa ukucoca elo gumbi, ukukhazimlisa inqwelo-mafutha, ukucheba iinwele zakho, ukuguqula indlela onxiba ngayo, okanye ukwenza naluphi na uhlengahlengiso abazali bakho abafuna ulwenze. Le yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuphelisa ukuhlab’ amadlala okungakumbi.

Kwelinye icala, ngokunyanisekileyo usenokungavumelani nokugxekwa. Ngapha koko, kwanabona bazali balungileyo bayazenza iimpazamo. Kodwa kunokuzama ukucombulula imicimbi ngokudubuleka ngumsindo, linda ‘ilixa elililo,’ wandule ukuthetha nabazali bakho. (IMizekeliso 15:​23) IMizekeliso 13:​10 ithi: “Ubulumko bunabavuma ukucetyiswa.” Zithethe izikhalazo zakho ngendlela ezolileyo nebonisa ukukhula, unike abazali bakho izizathu ezithile zokuba ungavumelani nabo. Mhlawumbi unokubeyisela ukuba bazibone izinto ngendlela ozibona ngayo. Ukuba oko akulungi, kusenokufuneka nje uzithobe kwigunya labo njengabazali.​—⁠IMizekeliso 6:⁠20.

Noko ke, ekugqibeleni unokungenelwa ngokuzithoba kuqeqesho lwabo. Ewe, kwanomntu owayefezekile uYesu “wafunda ukululama ngobunzima awabuvayo.” (Hebhere 5:⁠8) Kwangokunjalo nawe kuninzi okubalulekileyo osafanele ukufunde. Sele kufuneka ujamelene nokugxekwa okuvela kubafundisi-ntsapho. Kwixesha elizayo, kuya kufuneka uqhubane nabaqeshi. Zifundise ngoku ukukwamkela ukugxekwa.

Ekuhambeni kwexesha unokude ufikelele ekuyiqondeni indlela abazali bakho abazibona ngayo izinto. Umfana ogama linguJames uthi ngabazali bakhe: “Babengqongqo kum kwiindawo ezinjengasesikolweni, ebandleni, nakwimisetyenzana yasekhaya. Maxa wambi ndandingakwazi nokukhe ndiphumle! Kodwa ndakuba ndikhulile, ndafikelela ekuqondeni ukuba ukuze ugqwese kwinto ethile kufuneka uzibhokoxe.” Ngaba eso yayingesosifundo esikufanelekeleyo ukufundwa? Nawe ngokufanayo uya kufunda izinto ezibalulekileyo ukuba uzifundisa ukwamkela ukugxekwa.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 16]

Ukungxola, ukukhalaza, okanye ukuzithethelela ngokuqhelekileyo kuvelisa okona kubi kumzali

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 16]

Ukubuza kumzali wakho iindlela ezithile ongaphucula ngazo kunokuyiphelisa intlungu ebangelwa kukugxekwa