Ukupheliswa Kogonyamelo Lwasekhaya

“Ukuthintelwa kogonyamelo ekhaya nokuncitshiswa kogonyamelo lwasentsatsheni kubandakanya iinguqulelo ezinkulu kwindlela elakhiwe ngayo ibutho nentsapho.”—Behind Closed Doors.

UKUBULALA kokuqala kwimbali yoluntu kwabandakanya abafana abalekelanayo. (Genesis 4:8) Ukutyhubela amawaka eminyaka ukususela ngoko, uluntu luye lwathwaxwa zizo zonke iintlobo zogonyamelo lwasekhaya. Kuye kwacetywa intaphane yezicombululo, kodwa abaninzi basilela.

Ngokomzekelo, ukubuyela kwisimilo esihle kuphela kufunyanwa ngabo bayivumayo ingxaki yabo. Omnye ophuculayo kwimpatho yakhe embi emfazini wakhalaza wathi: “Kuye ngamnye wethu [thina babuyele kwisimilo esihle], phaya ngaphandle kukho amadoda amathathu athi, ‘Umele ulibeke endleleni ikhehlekazi.’” Ngoko lowo unempatho embi umele afunde ukuqhubana nemeko yakhe. Bekutheni ukuze akhulele ekubeni ngonempatho embi? Ngokufumana uncedo lokulungisa iziphoso zakhe, ekugqibeleni usenokuhlangabezana naloo ngxaki.

Kodwa iinkqubo zasekuhlaleni zinabasebenzi abambalwa kakhulu. Ngaloo ndlela, kuqikelelwa ukuba kuma-90 ekhulwini amatyala okubulawa kwabantwana eUnited States, bekuye kwanikelwa iingxelo zemeko yentsapho enobungozi ngaphambi koko kubulawa. Ngenxa yoko, iinkqubo zasekuhlaleni nemibutho yamapolisa isikelwe umda. Kukho enye into efuneka ngokubalulekileyo.

“Ubuntu Obutsha”

Elinye iqela lophando lithi: “Into efunekayo kukwakhiwa ngokutsha kolwalamano phakathi kwamalungu entsapho.” Ugonyamelo lwasekhaya aluyongxaki nje yamanqindi; luyingxaki ephambili yengqondo. Imbewu yalo ihlwayelwe kwindlela amalungu entsapho—iqabane lomtshato, umntwana, umzali, abantwana abalekelanayo—ajongana ngayo. Ukwakha ngokutsha olu lwalamano kuthetha ukwambatha oko iBhayibhile ikubiza ngokuba ‘bubuntu obutsha.’—Efese 4:22-24, NW; Kolose 3:8-10.

Makhe sihlolisise eminye imigaqo yeBhayibhile ehlobene nentsapho esinceda ukuba sambathe ubuntu obutsha obunjengobukaKristu obunokwenza ulwalamano olulunge ngakumbi phakathi kwamalungu entsapho.—Bona uMateyu 11:28-30.

Indlela yokujonga abantwana: Kuninzi okubandakanyekileyo ekubeni ngumzali kunokuvelisa umntwana. Noko ke, okubuhlungu kukuba abaninzi namhlanje babajonga abantwana babo njengoxanduva yaye ngoko ke basilele ukubopheleleka kwindima yabo yobuzali. Aba basenokuba nempatho embi.

IBhayibhile ibabiza abantwana ngokuba ‘lilifa likaYehova’ nangokuthi ‘bangumvuzo.’ (INdumiso 127:3) Abazali babophelelekile kuMdali ukuba banyamekele elo lifa. Abo babajonga abantwana njengoxanduva kufuneka bakhulise ubuntu obutsha kule nkalo.a

Ulindelo olunyanisekileyo kubantwana: Olunye uhlolisiso lwatyhila ukuba oomama abaninzi abanempatho embi balindela ukuba iintsana zazi okulungileyo kokubi xa umntwana enonyaka omnye ubudala. Isithathu kwabo kwenziwa uphando kubo sabeka iinyanga ezintandathu.

IBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba wonke umntu uzalwa engafezekanga. (INdumiso 51:5; Roma 5:12) Ayitsho ukuba ukuqonda kufunyanwa ekuzalweni. Kunoko, ithi “ngokusetyenziswa” amandla omntu engqiqo “aqeqeshelwa ukwahlula okubi kokulungileyo.” (Hebhere 5:14, NW) Ngokubhekele phaya, iBhayibhile ithetha ‘ngezinto zobuntwana,’ ‘ngokumatha’ kobuntwana ‘nangamampunge’ okufikisa kubuntu obukhulu. (1 Korinte 13:11; IMizekeliso 22:15; INtshumayeli 11:10) Abazali bamele bakuqonde oku kusikelwa umda, bangalindeli okungaphezu koko kufanele iminyaka namandla omntwana.

Ukunikela uqeqesho ebantwaneni: EBhayibhileni igama lesiGrike eliguqulelwe ngokuthi “uqeqesho” lithetha “ukufundisa.” Ngoko ke, usukelo loqeqesho ngokuyintloko, alukokubangela intlungu, kodwa lukukufundisa. Ubukhulu becala oku kunokuphunyezwa ngaphandle kokubetha, nangona oko kusenokuba yimfuneko maxa wambi. (IMizekeliso 13:24) IBhayibhile ithi: “Yivani uqeqesho, nibe nobulumko.” (IMizekeliso 8:33) Kwakhona, uPawulos wabhala wathi ubani umele ‘anyamezele ububi,’ akhalime ‘enokuzeka kade umsindo.’ (2 Timoti 2:24; 4:2) Oku kuphelisa ukudubuleka komsindo nokusetyenziswa kwamandla ngokugqith’ emgceni naxa ukubetha kuyimfuneko.

Ekuqwalaseleni le migaqo yeBhayibhile, khawuzibuze oku: ‘Ngaba uqeqesho lwam luyafundisa, okanye lulawula ngokwenzakalisa? Ngaba uqeqesho lwam lufaka imigaqo efanelekileyo okanye uloyiko kuphela?’

Imilinganiselo yokuziphatha kubantu abakhulu: Omnye onempatho embi wathi wasuka nje ‘akakwazi ukuzibamba’ waza wambetha umfazi wakhe. Umcebisi wabuza le ndoda enoba yayikhe yamhlaba umfazi wayo. Le ndoda yaphendula yathi: “Andinakuze ndiyenze loo nto!” Le ndoda yancedwa ukuba ibone ukuba yayisenza izinto ngokwemilinganiselo ethile, kodwa ingxaki yayikukuba yayingeyomilinganiselo efanelekileyo.

Imilinganiselo yakho imiselwe phi? Ngaba uyayeka ngaphambi kokuba impikiswano ikhulele ekubeni yinto enempatho embi? Okanye ngaba uyabila ngumsindo uze ekugqibeleni ungxole, uthukise, utyhale, ugibisele ngezinto, okanye ubethe?

Ubuntu obutsha bunemilinganiselo engqongqo, engahambisani kwaphela nokuvumela impatho embi engokwasengqondweni okanye ugonyamelo lwasemzimbeni. AmaEfese 4:29 athi: “Makungaphumi nanye intetho ebolileyo emlonyeni wenu.” Indinyana 31 yongezelela isithi: “Mabukhweleliswe kuni bonke ubukrakra, nomsindo, nengqumbo, nengxolo, nonyeliso, ndawonye nolunya lonke.” Igama lesiGrike elithi “ingqumbo” lithetha “ubutyhuthutyhuthu.” Okubangel’ umdla kukuba, incwadi ethi Toxic Parents ithi uphawu oluqhelekileyo kubantu abanempatho embi ebantwaneni “kukusilela ngokoyikekayo ukulawula iimvakalelo.” Ubuntu obutsha bumisela imilinganiselo engqongqo kwiimvakalelo, ezingokwasemzimbeni nezingokwamazwi.

Kambe ke, ubuntu obutsha busebenza emfazini nakwindoda. Ufanele azame ukungalicaphukisi iqabane lakhe, ebonisa uxabiso ngemigudu yalo yokunyamekela intsapho, esebenzisana nalo. Yaye abafanele balindele omnye komnye into abangenakuyivelisa—imfezeko. Kunoko, bafanele basebenzise eyoku-1 kaPetros 4:8: “Ngaphezu kweento zonke ke, yibani nothandano olunyamekileyo, ngokuba uthando luya kugubungela inkitha yezono.”

Ukuhlonela abalupheleyo: ILevitikus 19:32 (Today’s English Version) ithi: “Bonisa intlonelo kubantu abakhulu uze ubabeke.” Oku kusenokuba lucelomngeni xa umzali owalupheleyo egula yaye mhlawumbi efuna okugqithiseleyo. EyokuQala kuTimoti 5:3, 4 ithetha ngokunikela ‘intlonelo’ ‘nokubabuyekezela umbuyekezo’ abazali. Oku kusenokuquka inkxaso engokwemali ndawonye nentlonelo. Ekuqwalaseleni konke oko abazali bethu basenzela kona xa sasiziintsana ezingenakuzinceda, sifanele sibanike ingqalelo efanayo xa kuyimfuneko.

Ukoyisa ukhuphiswano lwabantwana abalekelanayo: Ngaphambi kokuba ubutshaba bukaKayin bumkhokelele ekubulaleni umnakwabo uAbheli, wanikwa esi siluleko: “Isono sibuthumile esangweni lakho. Sifuna ukukulawula, ke wena silawule.” (Genesis 4:7, TEV) Iimvakalelo zinokulawulwa. Fundani ukuba nomonde omnye komnye, “nisaphulelana ngenxa yokuba niyathandana.”—Efese 4:2, Phillips.

Ukufunda Ukuzityand’ Igila

Amaxhoba amaninzi ogonyamelo lwasekhaya awathethi ngalo. Kodwa uGqr. John Wright ubongoza athi: “Amabhinqa abethwayo afanele afune inkuseleko engokweemvakalelo nengokwasemzimbeni kumntu wesithathu.” Oku kukwayinyaniso nakuwo onke amalungu entsapho aphethwe kakubi.

Maxa wambi ixhoba likufumanisa kunzima ukuzityand’ igila komnye umntu. Ngapha koko, ukuthembela kwelona qela lisondeleyo ebuthweni loluntu—intsapho—kuye kwaphumela kwintlungu. Noko ke, IMizekeliso 18:24 ithi: “Kukho sithandwa [“umhlobo,” NW] sinamathelayo kunomzalwana.” Ukufumana loo mhlobo nokufunda ukuzityand’ igila ngobulumko kulinyathelo elixabisekileyo ekufumaneni uncedo oluyimfuneko. Kambe ke, lowo unempatho embi naye ufuna uncedo.

Nyaka ngamnye amakhulu amawaka abantu aba ngamaNgqina kaYehova. Aba bamkela ucelomngeni lokwambatha ubuntu obutsha. Phakathi kwabo kukho abo babesakuba ngabenzi bogonyamelo lwasekhaya. Ukulwa nalo naluphi na utyekelo lokubuyela emva, bamele ngokuqhubekayo bavumele iBhayibhile ukuba ‘ibancedele ekufundiseni, ekohlwayeni, ekululekeni.’—2 Timoti 3:16.

Kula maNgqina matsha, ukwambatha ubuntu obutsha kuyinto eqhubekayo, kuba amaKolose 3:10 athi ‘uyahlaziywa.’ Ngoko umgudu oqhubekayo uyimfuneko. Okuvuyisayo kukuba, amaNgqina kaYehova axhaswa yinkitha ‘yabazalwana noodade noomama nabantwana’ bokomoya.—Marko 10:29, 30; bona kwanamaHebhere 10:24, 25.

Ngoko kwakhona kuwo onke amabandla anokuba ngama-70 000 amaNgqina kaYehova ehlabathini jikelele, kukho abaveleli abanothando ‘abanjengendawo yokuzimela umoya, neyokusithela esiphangweni. Amehlo neendlebe zabo baya kuzibaza kwiintswelo zabantu.’ (Isaya 32:2, 3, TEV) Ngoko amaNgqina kaYehova amatsha kakhulu, ndawonye nalawo anamava angakumbi, anomthombo omangalisayo woncedo olufumanekayo kwibandla lamaKristu njengokuba ezama ukwambatha ubuntu obutsha.

Abaveleli Abanovelwano

Xa abantu besiza kubaveleli abangamaKristu kwibandla lamaNgqina kaYehova bezokufuna icebiso, aba baveleli baqeqeshelwe ukuphulaphula kubo bonke ngokungenakhethe. Bakhuthazwa ukuba babonise kubo bonke, ngokukodwa kumaxhoba empatho embi neqatha, uvelwano olukhulu nokuqonda.—Kolose 3:12; 1 Tesalonika 5:14.

Ngokomzekelo, umfazi obethiweyo usenokuba wenzakaliswe ngenkohlakalo. Kumazwe amaninzi namhlanje, ukuba oko kubetha kulolo hlobo bekwenziwe kumntu ongaphandle entsatsheni, lowo unempatho embi ebeya kuvalelwa. Ngoko ixhoba limele liphathwe ngobubele obugqithiseleyo, njengamaxhoba azo zonke ezinye iindidi zempatho embi, njengokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini.

Ngokubhekele phaya, abenzi bolwaphulo-mthetho olunxamnye nemithetho kaThixo kufuneka bephendule ngalo. Ngale ndlela ibandla ligcinwa licocekile, yaye abanye abantu abamsulwa bayakhuselwa. Yaye okubaluleke ngakumbi kukuba, ukuthululwa komoya kaThixo akuthinteleki.—1 Korinte 5:1-7; Galati 5:9.

Imbono KaThixo Ngomtshato

Xa abantu besiba ngamaNgqina kaYehova, bayavuma ukulandela imigaqo yokuphila yobuKristu efumaneka eLizwini likaThixo. Bafunda ukuba indoda imiselwe ukuba ibe yintloko yentsapho, ukwalathisa kunqulo oluyinyaniso. (Efese 5:22) Kodwa ubuntloko abunakuze bumgunyazise ukuba amgonyamele umfazi, atshabalalise ubuntu bakhe, okanye atyeshele iminqweno yakhe.

Ngokwahlukileyo koko, iLizwi likaThixo lenza kucace ukuba amadoda afanele ‘abathande abafazi bawo, njengokuba naye uKristu walithandayo ibandla, wazinikela ngenxa yalo. Ngoko amelwe amadoda ukubathanda abawo abafazi, njengokuba beyimizimba yawo. Lowo umthandayo umkakhe, uyazithanda; kuba akukho namnye wakha wayithiya eyakhe inyama; usuka ayondle, ayigcine.’ (Efese 5:25, 28, 29) Eneneni, iLizwi likaThixo ngokuphandle lithi abafazi bafanele banikwe ‘imbeko.’—1 Petros 3:7; bona kwanamaRoma 12:3, 10; Filipi 2:3, 4.

Ngokuqinisekileyo ayikho indoda engumKristu ngokunyanisekileyo enokuma ngelokuba imthanda ngokwenene umfazi wayo okanye iyambeka ukuba imphatha kakubi ngamazwi okanye ngokwasemzimbeni. Oko ibiya kuba kukuhanahanisa, kuba iLizwi likaThixo lithi: “Nina madoda, bathandeni abafazi benu, ningabi bukhali kubo.” (Kolose 3:19) Kungekudala, xa imigwebo kaThixo ifika nxamnye nale nkqubo ingendawo eArmagedon, abahanahanisi baya kufumana ishwangusha elifanayo nelabachasi bolawulo lukaThixo.—Mateyu 24:51.

Indoda eyoyika uThixo imele imthande umfazi wayo njengomzimba wayo. Ngaba ibiya kuzibetha, izinqinde ebusweni, okanye ngobundlobongela izitsale iinwele? Ngaba ibiya kuzithoba ngokuzidelela okanye ngokuzigxibha phambi kwabanye? Ubani owenza izinto ezinjalo ebeya kujongwa njengongemanga kakuhle engqondweni, olu asilobaxo.

Ukuba indoda engumKristu iyambetha umfazi wayo, ibangela yonke eminye imisebenzi yobuKristu ingabi naxabiso phambi koThixo. Khumbula, ‘umbethi’ akawafanelekeli amalungelo ebandleni lamaKristu. (1 Timoti 3:3; 1 Korinte 13:1-3) Kambe ke, nawuphi na umfazi owenza okufanayo endodeni yakhe ukwavukela umthetho kaThixo.

AmaGalati 5:19-21 phakathi kwemisebenzi egwetyiweyo nguThixo abeka “intiyo, iinkani . . . imisindo” yaye athi “abazenzayo izinto ezinjalo abayi kubudla ilifa uBukumkani bukaThixo.” Ngaloo ndlela, ukuxhaphaza iqabane likabani okanye abantwana akunakuze kuthethelelwe. Ngokuqhelekileyo kuchasene nomthetho welizwe yaye ngokuqinisekileyo kuchasene nomthetho kaThixo.

IMboniselo, iphephancwadi elipapashwa ngamaNgqina kaYehova, iye yanikela imbono engokweZibhalo kulo mbandela, ithi ngabo bathi bangamaKristu kanti banempatho embi: “Nabani na othi ungumKristu abe ezinikela ngokuphindaphindiweyo engaguquki kwimisindo enogonyamelo unokususwa kubudlelane,” akhutshelwe ngaphandle.—Novemba 1, 1975, iphepha 503; thelekisa eyesi-2 kaYohane 9, 10.

Oko Umthetho KaThixo Ukuvumelayo

Ekugqibeleni uThixo uya kubagweba abo bavukela imithetho yakhe. Kodwa okwangoku, liliphi ilungiselelo iLizwi likaThixo elilivumelayo kuloo maqabane angamaKristu aye abethwa xa lowo ungumbethi engafuni ukuguquka kodwa eqhubeka? Ngaba amaxhoba amsulwa anyanzelekile ukuba aqhubeke esonzakalisa imizimba yawo, ingqondo nempilo yawo engokomoya, mhlawumbi nobomi bawo?

IMboniselo, igqabaza ngogonyamelo lwasekhaya, ithetha ngoko iLizwi likaThixo likuvumelayo. Ithi: “Umpostile uPawulos ululeka esithi: ‘Umfazi makangahlukani nendoda (ke ukuba uthe wahlukana nayo, makahlale angendi, okanye makaxolelaniswe nendoda yakhe); indoda mayingamali umfazi wayo.’” Eli nqaku lihlabela mgama lisithi: “Apho ukuphathwa kakubi kuba yinto enganyamezelekiyo, okanye ubomi ngokunokwabo buba sengozini, iqabane elikholwayo lisenokunyula ‘ukwahlukana.’ Kodwa kumele kwenziwe umzabalazo ‘woxolelwaniso nalo’ ekuhambeni kwexesha. (1 Korinte 7:10-16) Noko ke, ‘ukwahlukana’ kona ngokwako akusosizathu singokweZibhalo soqhawulo-mtshato nokutshata kwakhona; sekunjalo, uqhawulo-mtshato olungokwasemthethweni okanye ukwahlukana okungokwasemthethweni kusenokulungiselela umlinganiselo othile wenkuseleko kwimpatho-mbi engakumbi.”—Septemba 1, 1983, iphepha 27; bona kwanenkupho kaNovemba 1, 1988, iphepha 22-3.

Oko ixhoba likhetha ukukwenza kwezi meko kumele kube sisigqibo sobuqu. “Elowo uya kuwuthwala owakhe umthwalo.” (Galati 6:5) Akakho omnye onokumenzela isigqibo esilolo hlobo. Yaye kungekho namnye onokuzama ukumnyanzelela ukuba abuyele kuloo ndoda inempatho embi apho impilo, ubomi nobumoya bakhe busongelwayo. Oko kumele kube lukhetho lwakhe, kube kukuzithandela kwakhe, kungabi ngenxa yokuba abanye bezama ukufaka ukuthanda kwabo kuye.—Bona uFilemon 14.

Ukupheliswa Kogonyamelo Lwasekhaya

AmaNgqina kaYehova aye afunda ukuba ugonyamelo lwasekhaya lungumzekelo woko iBhayibhile yakuchaza kwangaphambili ngale mihla yokugqibela, ekuya kuthi kuyo abaninzi babe “nempatho embi,” babe “ngabangenabubele,” yaye babe “noburhalarhume.” (2 Timoti 3:2, 3, The New English Bible) UThixo uthembisa ukuba emva kwale mihla yokugqibela, uya kumisela ihlabathi elitsha elinoxolo ekuya kuthi kulo abantu “bahlale bekholosile, kungabikho ubothusayo.”—Hezekile 34:28.

Kwelo hlabathi litsha limangalisayo, ugonyamelo lwasekhaya luya kuba yinto yexesha elidluleyo ngonaphakade. “Ke bona abalulamileyo baya kulidla ilifa ilizwe, baziyolise ngobuninzi boxolo.”—INdumiso 37:11.

Siyakubongoza ukuba ufunde okungakumbi ngezithembiso zeBhayibhile ngekamva. Eneneni, unokuvuna iingenelo kwanangoku ngokusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile kwimeko yentsapho yakho.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 10]

Imigaqo yeBhayibhile iyanceda ekucombululeni iingxwabangxwaba zasentsatsheni

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 13]

Amaxhoba kufuneka abe nentembelo kumhlobo onako ukunceda ngokwasemthethweni