Xa Kukho Ugonyamelo Ekhaya
“Ugonyamelo loluntu—enoba kukuqhwaba okanye ukutyhala, ukuhlaba okanye ukudubula—lwenzeka ngokufuthi gqitha phakathi kwesangqa sentsapho ukodlula nayiphi na enye indawo phakathi kwabantu esiphila nabo.”—Behind Closed Doors.
KHAWUTHI chu wenjenjeya ukwehlisa nasiphi na isitrato saseMerika. Kwikhaya ngalinye kwamabini, uya kubona uhlobo oluthile logonyamelo lwasekhaya ubuncinane kube kanye kulo nyaka. Yaye kwikhaya eli-1 kwama-4, luya kwenzeka ngokuphindaphindiweyo. Okuhlekisayo kukuba abaninzi aboyikayo ukuhamba ezitratweni ebusuku basengozini enkulu ekhaya.
Kodwa ugonyamelo lwasekhaya aluyonto eyenzeka kwelaseMerika kuphela. Lwenzeka ehlabathini jikelele. Ngokomzekelo, eDenmark ukubulawa kwabantu aba-2 kwaba-3 kwenzeka phakathi entsatsheni. Uphando eAfrika lubonisa ukuba kuko konke ukubulala okungama-22 ukusa kuma-63 ekhulwini kwenzeka phakathi entsatsheni, kuxhomekeka kwilizwe elo. Yaye kuMzantsi Merika abantu abaninzi, ngokukodwa amabhinqa, bathotywa isidima, bayabethwa, okanye babulawe zizibhovubhovu zamadoda.
EKhanada malunga nekhulu lamabhinqa ayafa nyaka ngamnye ebulawa ngabayeni okanye ngamadoda ahlalisana nawo. EUnited States, enabemi abaphantse babaphinde kalishumi abaseKhanada, nyaka ngamnye amabhinqa angama-4 000 abulawa ngabayeni abanempatho embi okanye ngamadoda athandana nawo. Ngokubhekele phaya, nyaka ngamnye abantwana abangama-2 000 babulawa ngabazali babo, kwakhona nabazali abalinani elifanayo babulawa ngabantwana babo.
Ngaloo ndlela, zwenibanzi, amadoda abetha abafazi, abafazi babetha amadoda, abazali babetha abantwana, abantwana bahlasela abazali, yaye abantwana baphathwa ngogonyamelo. Incwadi ethi When Families Fight, ithi: “Owona msindo nogonyamelo ofunyanwa ngabantu abakhulu ebomini babo uvela okanye ngowezalamane ezisondeleyo, yaye loo msindo uqatha ngakumbi kunawo nawuphi na ofunyanwa kolunye ulwalamano.”
Imfazwe Entsatsheni
Ukuphathana kakubi kwamaqabane atshatileyo: Amaxesha amaninzi, amadoda ayijonga imvume yokutshata njengemvume yokubetha abafazi bawo. Nangona amabhinqa ewabetha amadoda, ubungozi abusoloko bubukhulu njengobo bubangelwa ngamadoda xa ebetha amaqabane awo. Iphephancwadi iParents linikela le ngxelo: “Ngaphezu kwama-95 ekhulwini engxelo yamatyala okuphathwa kakubi [okuqatha] kweqabane lomtshato abandakanya indoda ebetha ibhinqa.”
Igqwetha lesithili eNew York lithi: “Ugonyamelo nxamnye namabhinqa lukumlinganiselo ophakamileyo kwibutho labantu baseMerika. I-FBI iye yaqikelela ukuba . . . nyaka ngamnye amabhinqa anokuba zizigidi ezi-6 ayabethwa.” Ngoxa inani leziganeko lisahluka ngokwamazwe ngamazwe, iingxelo zibonisa ukuba ukubethwa kwamabhinqa ngamadoda kuyintlekele kumazwe amaninzi, ukuba akukho kwinkoliso yawo.
EUnited States, kuqikelelwa ukuba “ibhinqa elinye kwali-10 liya kwenzakaliswa kanobom (ngokuntlithwa, ukukhatywa, ukulunywa okanye lenziwe into engaphezu kwezi) ngumyeni walo ngaxa lithile ebudeni bexesha lokuba litshatile.” Xa kuqukwa iimeko ezingekho qatha kakhulu, iphephancwadi iFamily Relations lithi, “ibhinqa elinye kwamabini eUnited States liya kuba namava ogonyamelo lwasekhaya.”
Enyanisweni, igqwetha lesithili eNew York lithi kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba “ukubethwa kwabafazi kubangela ukwenzakala kwabafazi abaninzi ekufuneka balaliswe esibhedlele kunako konke ukudlwengula, ukuphanga neengozi zeenqwelo-mafutha zihlanganisiwe.”
UGqr. Lois G. Livezey uthi: “Licace mhlophe elokuba ugonyamelo nxamnye namabhinqa nogonyamelo oluphakathi entsatsheni luxhaphakile, yaye abenzi balo . . . ngabantu abaqhelekileyo. . . . Luyingxaki enzulu phakathi kweendidi neentlanga zabemi.”
Maxa wambi amaxhoba azibek’ ityala njengoonobangela bokuphathwa kakubi, nto leyo ephumela ekuzicingeleni engento yanto. Iphephancwadi iParents lithi: “Ibhinqa elingazithembanga elizicingela lingento yanto lizibeka ityala lokuba ngunobangela wokuphathwa kakubi kwalo. . . . Ibhinqa eliphethwe kakubi ngokwenene liyoyika ukuceba nokuzenzela izinto.”
Kwakhona ugonyamelo entsatsheni lunemiphumo eyingozi ebantwaneni. Bafunda ukuba ugonyamelo lunokusetyenziswa ekuphatheni abanye. Bambi oomama bade banikele ingxelo yokuba abantwana babo bayabasongela njengokuthi, “Ndakubiza uTata akubethe,” ukuze bafumane oko bakufunayo.
Ukuphathwa kakubi kwabantwana: Nyaka ngamnye izigidi zabantwana zijamelana nesohlwayo esingokwasemzimbeni esiqatha esisenokubenzakalisa ngokunzulu, sibalimaze, okanye sibabulale. Kuqikelelwa ukuba kuwo onke amatyala empatho-mbi achaziweyo angama-200 awachazwanga. Incwadi ethi Sociology of Marriage and the Family ithi: “Kubantwana, ngokufuthi ikhaya liyeyona ndawo iyingozi.”
Unjingalwazi waseyunivesithi uJohn E. Bates uthi ukuphathwa kakubi yeyona mpembelelo inamandla yasekhaya echaphazela indlela umntwana aziphatha ngayo kamva ebomini. UGqr. Susan Forward uthi: “Ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba asikho esinye isiganeko ebomini esingxwelerha ukuzihlonela kwabantu okanye esibenza batyekele ekubeni neengxaki ezingokweemvakalelo ezinzulu ebudaleni.” Imiqondiso yenkohlakalo kwiimeko ezinzima isenokuphawulwa kubantwana ukususela kwiminyaka emine ukuya kwemihlanu yobudala. Njengokuba bekhula, abantwana abanjalo banemilinganiselo ephakamileyo yokusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi, ukusebenzisa kakubi utywala, ukuba zizaphuli-mthetho, ukuphazamiseka engqondweni nokudodobala ekukhuleni.
Kuyaqondakala ukuba, abantwana abaninzi abaphethwe kakubi bayacatshukiswa ngabazali ababaphethe kakubi, kodwa ngokufuthi bakwacatshukiswa nangumzali ongabaphethanga kakubi kuba evumele ukuba olo gonyamelo luqhubeke. Engqondweni yomntwana, umzali obukeleyo aze angenzi nto usenokugqalwa njengofak’ isandla kulo.
Ukuphathwa kakubi kwabantu abakhulu: Kuqikelelwa ukuba eKhanada i-15 ekhulwini labantu abakhulu baphethwe kakubi ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwasengqondweni ngabantwana babo abadala. Omnye ugqirha uxela kwangaphambili ukuba “imeko isenokuba mandundu njengokuba inkoliso yabemi isaluphala, yaye njengokuba imithwalo engokwemali nengokweemvakalelo kubantwana babo isanda.” Ehlabathini jikelele kukho uloyiko olufanayo.
Ngokufuthi, abantu abakhulu baziva bemadolw’ anzima ukukuchaza ukuphathwa kakubi kwabo. Basenokuba baxhomekeke kulowo ubaphethe kakubi baze ngaloo ndlela bakhethe ukuqhubeka behlala kuloo meko imaxongo. Elinye ibhinqa elikhulileyo xa libuzwa ukuba liya kumchaza nini unyana nomolokazana walo kwabasemagunyeni ngokufuthi liphendula ngokuthi, “kwixesha elizayo.” Babembethe kanobom kangangokuba walaliswa esibhedlele inyanga yonke.
Ukuphathana kakubi kwabantwana abalekelanayo: Olu luhlobo oluxhaphake kakhulu logonyamelo lwasekhaya. Bambi balubetha ngoyaba olu, besithi, “Yinto yamakhwenkwe leyo.” Noko ke, kolunye uhlolisiso ngaphezu kwesiqingatha sabantwana abalekelanayo babenze izenzo ezaziya kuba zezinzulu kakhulu ukuba babanjelwe ukophula umthetho ukuba ezo zenzo babezenze kumntu ongaphandle kwentsapho.
Abaninzi bavakalelwa kukuba ukuphathana kakubi kwabantwana abalekelanayo kubafundisa into abaya kukhula nayo. Kwabanye oko kusenokuba ngoyena thunywashe omkhulu wokuphatha kakubi iqabane lomtshato kamva ngaphezu kwabo baye babukela ugonyamelo phakathi kwabazali babo.
Ummandla Wemfazwe Onobungozi
Umphandi wasemthethweni wakhe waqikelela ukuba amapolisa aye abizwa ukuza kucombulula iingxwabangxwaba zentsapho ngokufuthi ngakumbi kunazo zonke ezinye iziganeko zolwaphulo-mthetho zidityanisiwe. Wakwathi amapolisa angakumbi aye abulawa xa ecelwe ukuba aye kunceda intsapho enengxaki kunaxa eyokunikela olunye uhlobo loncedo. Elinye ipolisa lathi: “Ubuncinane xa kuqhekeziwe uyayazi into omawuyilindele. Kodwa xa ungena ekhayeni lomntu . . . Awuyazi into eya kwenzeka.”
Emva kwexesha elide lophando ngogonyamelo lwasekhaya, elinye iqela labaphandi eMerika lagqiba kwelokuba, ngaphandle kwexesha lemfazwe yomkhosi, intsapho ilelona qela loluntu linobundlobongela elikhoyo.
Yintoni ebangela ugonyamelo lwasentsatsheni? Ngaba luya kuze luphele? Ngaba luya kuze luthetheleleke? Inqaku elilandelayo liya kuhlolisisa le mibuzo.
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 4]
“Ugonyamelo kumabhinqa lukumlinganiselo ophakamileyo kwibutho labantu baseMerika.”—Igqwetha lesithili
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]
“Kubantwana, ikhaya ngokufuthi liyeyona ndawo inobungozi.”—Sociology of Marriage and the Family