Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokuhlangabezana Njani Nokuthandana Okungaphumelelanga?

“WAYENDENZA ndizive ndingokhethekileyo. Ndandineemvakalelo endandingazange ndibe nazo ngaphambili. Kodwa emva kwexesha wandixelela ukuba wayengaqondi ukuba ulwalamano lwethu luya kuphumelela. Ndandicinga ukuba ubomi bam bufikelele esiphelweni. Ndandilila imini nobusuku. Ndandingatyi, ndingalali, kwiinyanga nje ezimbalwa ubunzima bam behla [kangangeekhilogram ezili-15], yaye ndaba nesifo semiphunga. Ubomi baba lilize kum.”—Renee.

Ukuba wawukhe wakhathazeka ngenxa yolwalamano lothando olungazange luphumelele, esi sikhalo sisenokuvakala siqhelekile. Ukwazi kakuhle okuthethwa kukuba nemvakalelo enzulu ngothile uze uwafumanise amathemba akho etshitshisiwe. Imvakalelo yokuziva ulahliwe inzulu, yaye ithob’ isidima. Njengoko uzabalazela ukuphelisa le ntlungu, usenokuzibuza, ‘Kutheni ndingenakukuyeka nje oku kudlule—ndimlibale lo mntu ndize ndiqhubeke nobomi bam?’ Akusoloko kuyindlwan’ iyanetha ukwenjenjalo.

Kutheni Kunzima Kangaka?

Olunye uhlolisiso lwabonisa ukuba iqhina lokuthandana linokomelela. Lude lwathelekiswa neqhina eliphakathi komzali nomntwana. Nangona ngokungathandabuzekiyo bekuya kuthabatha ixesha ngothando lwababini ukuba lomelele kangako, sekunjalo, iimvakalelo bezisenokuba nzulu kwasekuqaleni. Iimvakalelo ezinjalo awunakuziguquguqula njengokuba ubusenokwenjenjalo xa ukhanyisa naxa ucima isibane. Yaye ukuba usexesheni iBhayibhile elibiza ngokuba ‘lelentlahla,’ ukuvuseleleka ngokwesini kusenokongamela. (1 Korinte 7:36) Loo nto yenza ukuba ukuphulukana nomntu othandana naye kube nzima ukukunyamezela.

Utyekelo lokuba ngumntu ozibekela amaphupha nalo lunokuba nendima eliyiphumezayo. Olunye uhlolisiso olwenziwa ngabaphengululi lucacisa ukuba abantwana abafikisa ebuntwini obukhulu “bakhathazeka ngakumbi xa ukuthandana kwabo kungaphumelelanga kuba xa befikelela kulwalamano lokuthandana, batyekela ekuzenzeleni amaphupha ngekamva labo namaqabane abo. La maphupha asenokuquka ukuba ngabatshatileyo, abanabantwana baze bahlale kunye ngalo lonke ixesha lokudla kwabo ubomi.” Amaphupha anjalo kunokuba nzima ukuwalibala, enokuba akasekelwanga kwinto yokwenene.

Usathandwa

Ngenxa yoko kwaolu hlolisiso luthi “ukuphulukana neqabane obuthandana nalo . . . kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zokunganeliseki nokusilela ngokobuqu.” UJeanette ukhumbula oku: “Uziva udandathekile, ngokungathi akukho mntu unomdla kwiimvakalelo zakho. Awukhathali. Uziva utyeshelwe.” Ngokufanayo naye, abaninzi baziva bedandathekile, benetyala, bengaxabisekanga, bengakwazi ukuzikisa ingqondo. Bambi bade bazibulale.

Ngoko eli thuba linokuba yingozi kuwe. Noko ke, khumbula isibongozo sikaYesu ‘sokuthanda ummelwane njengoko uzithanda ngako.’ (Marko 12:31) Umlinganiselo wokuzithanda uyafuneka yaye ufanelekile. Isibakala sokuba umntu omnye engakuthandi ngendlela omthanda ngayo asithethi ukuba awuthandwa, akunjalo na? Awunakucinga ukuba ngokwenene akakho omnye umntu oya kukufuna okanye atsaleleke kuwe, ngaba unokuba njalo? Ngaba awunawo amalungu entsapho nabahlobo abakuthandayo?

Okubaluleke ngakumbi kukuba, uvakalelwa njani uThixo ngawe? ULeya, umfazi owayephila ngamaxesha okubhalwa kweBhayibhile, unokuba wayiva kabukhali intlungu yokuziva elahliwe. Wayesazi kakuhle ukuba umyeni wakhe, uYakobi, wakhohliswa ukuze amtshate, yaye wayethanda uRakeli udadewabo ngakumbi kunaye. Akumangalisi ngoko le nto wayeziva ngokungathi kunjalo “ecatshukelwa,” yaye engonwabanga. Sekunjalo, uThixo wafumanisa iimpawu ezilunge ngakumbi kuLeya. Wamsikelela ngabantwana abaninzi, yaye umnombo wababingeleli nookumkani bakwaSirayeli—owavelisa uMesiya—weza ngaye, kungekhona ngoRakeli.—Genesis 29:30-35.

Akukho mlinganiselo wokuziva ulahliwe onokuguqula ukuba yinene kwentsikelelo nothando lukaThixo. Khumbula, uMdali wendalo iphela ukuthanda ngokwaneleyo kangangokuba wavuma ukuba uNyana wakhe abandezeleke aze afe ngenxa yakho. (Yohane 3:16) Awuthiyekanga, yaye ngokuqinisekileyo uxabisekile.

Xa Ukwahlukana Kuyintsikelelo Yokwenene

Unokuba nemvakalelo yokuba oku kwahlukana yenye yezona zinto zibuhlungu eyakhe yenzeka kuwe, kodwa kusenokungabi njalo. Njengoko kusenganzima ukukholelwa, kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukuphela kokuthandana kwenu kube yintsikelelo. Kunokukwenzeka njani oko? Ulwalamano lothando lolutsha oluninzi alufumbathanga themba lokwenene lempumelelo. Abantu abaselula basakhula yaye bayaguquguquka; bathabatheka yiminqweno ephelayo nothando olungelulo olokwenene. Sekunjalo, nyaka ngamnye amawaka abantu abaselula ayatshata, aze kamva afumanise ukuba ukwenza oko kwakuyimpazamo. Emva koqhawulo-mtshato elinye ibhinqa elingusomaqhuzu wephephandaba lathi: “Yaba yimpazamo yokwenene ukutshata ndiselula ngolo hlobo. Andizange ndiqonde ngokwenene ukuba sineemvelaphi neenjongo ezahlukeneyo.”

Ukusilela kwemitshato yabaselula kuphakame ngomlinganiselo okhwankqisayo. Ngoko enoba uvakalelwa kabuhlungu kangakanani, qinisekiswa yinto enye—ubuya kuvakalelwa kabuhlungu ngakumbi ukuba ububambiseke kumtshato ongonwabisiyo. Zibuze enoba wawubulungele ngokwenene na ubomi obude bomtshato, nazo zonke iimbopheleleko zawo, eziquka ukukhulisa abantwana. Yaye ngaba lowo wawumthanda wayewulungele ngokwenene umtshato yaye engokhulileyo? Khumbula, ukwahlukana kwabathandana ngaphambi komtshato kubangela intlungu encinane kakhulu kunokwahlukana kwabatshatileyo.

Ukwahlukana kwakuyintsikelelo ngokukhethekileyo ukuba wawenze impazamo yokuzidibanisa nothile ongayihloneliyo imigaqo kaThixo kunye nemilinganiselo yakhe engokokuziphatha. (2 Korinte 6:14) UShana ukhumbula iingozi zokuziphatha zokuthandana nomfana wehlabathi: “Wayesoloko esithi uyandithanda. Kodwa wayedla ngokundicela ukuba ndibe neentlobano zesini kunye naye. Ndandingavumi. Ndandiqonda ukuba oko kwakuphosakele. Ethubeni, wayeka ukunditsalel’ umnxeba. Ndandilila ubusuku ngabunye—kwakunzima ukuphulukana naye!” Noko ke, ngokucacileyo oku kwahlukana kwabo kwamsindisa uShana kwintlekele yokomoya.

Ngoko usenokukujonga ukwahlukana njengamava afundisayo. Kunjengoko IMizekeliso 22:3 isitsho, “onobuqili ubona into embi, azifihle; ke zona iziyatha ziya kugqitha kuyo, zihlawuliswe.” Ngaba la mava akwenza ube nobuqili ngakumbi, ukuze uphephe ingxaki kwixesha elizayo?

Ukuhlangabezana Neemvakalelo

Phofu ke, enoba ukwahlukana yayiyeyona nto ikulungeleyo, sekunjalo oko akukwenzi kungabi buhlungu. Unokuzisingatha njani iimvakalelo ezibonakala zingafuni ukuphela? Inyaniso ikukuba, akuyi kukunceda ukuzenza ngathi akuvakalelwa nto. Kunjengoko iphephancwadi i’Teen kutshanje liye lathi xa belithetha ngalo mbandela, “iimvakalelo awunako ukuzibaleka okanye uzifihle kuzo. Ekugqibeleni, ziya kukufumana.”

Kukokwemvelo ukuziva ucaphukile, ukhathazeke ngokunzulu ngenxa yale meko. Kodwa musa ukuzicinezela iimvakalelo zakho, uye kulala ukhathazekile ubusuku emva kobunye. Landela icebiso leBhayibhile lobulumko: “Qumbani, ningoni, ilanga malingade litshone nicaphukile.” (Efese 4:26) Zityand’ igila kumhlobo osenyongweni okanye kumntu omthembileyo. IMizekeliso 15:22 ithi: “Iingcinga ziyatshitsha ngokungabikho kokucweya.” Abazali bakho okanye abadala abangamaKristu banokuba luncedo olukhulu kwimeko ezinje. Usenokufumanisa ukuba ngoxa babeselula babekhe batyhubela intlungu efanayo.

Olunye uncedo lokuhlangabezana neemvakalelo zakho kukuzigcina uxakekile. Usenokutyekela ekubeni uzibambe, uzahlule kwabanye, ube sezingcingeni ezinzulu uze ungabi namdla ebomini. UJeanette ukhumbula oku: “Awuziva ufuna ukwenza nto. Usuka ube lithongorha.” Kodwa njengoko IMizekeliso 18:1 ilumkisa, “ozahlulayo ufuna umnqweno wakhe; into yonke ezimasayo uyayivungamela.” Ngoko kunokuba ube njalo, zigcine uxakekile. Phinda uzinxulumanise neqela labantu abaza kukukhuthazela kwikhondo elihle.

Indlela ebalaseleyo yokusebenzisa amandla akho kukuzibhokoxa kubulungiseleli bamaKristu. Umpostile uPawulos wabhala: “Ngoko ke, bazalwana bam abaziintanda, qinani, ningabi nakushukuma; nihlale niphuphuma umsebenzi weNkosi, nisazi nje ukuba ukubulaleka kwenu akulambathi eNkosini.” (1 Korinte 15:58) Akufanele uvakalelwe kukuba ubomi bakho buyalambatha okanye abunantsingiselo. Ukwabelana nabanye ngeendaba ezilungileyo kuzisa ulonwabo nolwaneliseko.—IZenzo 20:35.

Kwakhona, khumbula ukuba kuya kubakho iimini ezimnandi kwanezimbi okwethutyana. Ngeentsuku ezibuhlungu usenokuvakalelwa kukuba soze uphinde wonwabe. Kodwa inyaniso yeyokuba, uya konwaba. Ukuphilisa inxeba—naliphi na inxeba—kuthabatha ithuba. Musa ukuyilibazisa indlela yokuliphilisa ngokuziyolisa ngomculo othetha ngothando novuselela iimvakalelo zakho nangokucinga nzulu ngokuthandana kwakho okungaphumelelanga. Thembela kuYehova ukuze akomeleze. Uyazi kakuhle imeko okuyo nendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. “Usondele uYehova kwabantliziyo zaphukileyo, abasindise abamoya utyumkileyo.”—INdumiso 34:18.

Amathuba Aqaqambileyo Aphambi Kwakho

Njengoselula, enye yeentsikelelo onazo lixesha. Kukho ixesha elininzi elingaphambi kwakho lokufunda nelokuzuza amava. Ngoko lisebenzise ngobulumko eli lungelo; khulisa iimpawu eziya kukunceda ube ngumntu omkhulu ozinzileyo nothembekileyo. Ngaloo ndlela kwixa elizayo uya kukwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezifanelekileyo ngokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato kunye nomtshato.

Kunzima kunjalo, esi sihlandlo sibuhlungu siya kudlula, yaye usenokuba ngonobulumko ngokubhekisele kulo mbandela. URenee, ekucatshulwe amazwi akhe ngaphambili, uthi: “Ngoku ndikwazi ngokulunge ngakumbi ukujamelana neemvakalelo endinazo. Ndifunde okuninzi. Ndifunde ukuba izinto ziya kuphumelela kuphela ngokuzenza ngendlela kaYehova.”