Abantu Abancinane, Uxinezeleko Olukhulu
“Ngokuqinisekileyo, intlungu yabantwana incinane, kodwa kunjalo nangomntwana.”—Percy Bysshe Shelley.
KHAWUPHOS’ iliso kumzobo womnqwazi ophakamileyo ongasezantsi. Xa uwuthi krwaqu okokuqala lo mnqwazi ubonakala umdana kunobubanzi bomqukumbelo wawo. Noko ke, eneneni, ukuphakama nobubanzi bawo buyalingana. Ngokulula imilinganiselo yezinto inokuqondwa phosakeleyo.
Kunjengokuba kanye kulula ngabazali ukuwuqonda phosakeleyo umlinganiselo wokuxinezeleka komntwana. Bambi baqiqa ngelithi, ‘Iingxaki zabantwana zizinto nje ezingenamsebenzi.’ Kodwa le ngcamango iyakhohlisa. Incwadi ethi Childstress! ilumkisa ngelithi, “Abantu abakhulu abafanele bazigwebe iingxaki ngokomlinganiselo wazo, kodwa ngokomlinganiselo wentlungu eziyivelisayo.”
Kwiimeko ezininzi umlinganiselo wentlungu yomntwana mkhulu ngakumbi kunokuba abazali becinga. Oku kwaqinisekiswa luhlolisiso apho abazali bacelwa ukuba bathelekelele imeko engokwemvakalelo yabantwana babo. Phantse bonke baphendula ngelithi abantwana babo “babonwabe gqitha.” Sekunjalo, xa babuzwa bengekho abazali babo, inkoliso yaba bantwana yazichaza “ingonwabanga” yaye “inxunguphele.” Abantwana bajamelene noloyiko lokuba abazali bazenza ncinane gqitha izinto.
Kolunye uhlolisiso, olwenziwa nguGqr. Kaoru Yamamoto, iqela labantwana lacelwa ukuba liphawule umlinganiselo weziganeko ezingama-20 ebomini zokuxinezeleka ngaphantsi kweengongoma ezisixhenxe. Landula ke iqela labantu abakhulu laphawula ezo ziganeko zifanayo ngokwendlela ababevakalelwa kukuba umntwana ebeya kuziphawula ngayo. Abantu abakhulu bagweba phosakeleyo iingongoma ezili-16 kwezingama-20! UGqr. Yamamoto uphetha ngelithi, “Sicinga ukuba sonke siyabazi abantwana bethu, kodwa ngokufuthi ngakumbi asikuboni okanye sikuve, singakuqondi ngokwenene oko kubakhathazayo.”
Abazali bafanele bazifundise ukuzijonga izinto ezenzeka ebomini ngembono entsha: ngendlela umntwana azijonga ngayo. (Bona ibhokisi.) Oku kubalulekile ngokukodwa namhlanje. IBhayibhile yaxela kwangaphambili ukuba “ngemihla yokugqibela kuya kuqalisa amaxesha anengozi oxinezeleko olukhulu . . . ekunzima ukuqhubana nawo nekunzima ukuwanyamezela.” (2 Timoti 3:1, The Amplified Bible) Abantwana abakhuselekanga kuxinezeleko olunjalo; ngokufuthi, bangamaxhoba alo ayintloko. Ngoxa lumbi uxinezeleko lwabantwana lubangelwa nje ‘ziinkanuko zobutsha,’ olunye aluqhelekanga yaye lufuna ingqalelo ekhethekileyo.—2 Timoti 2:22.
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Indlela Umntwana Akujonga Ngayo
Ukufa komzali = Ukuzibek’ ityala. Kubuya ngesiquphe iingcinga zomsindo ngakumzali, umntwana usenokuzifihla iimvakalelo ezingaphakathi zokuziva enetyala.
Uqhawulo-mtshato = Ukuziva ulahliwe. Indlela umntwana aqiqa ngayo yeyokuba ukuba abazali banokuyeka ukuthandana, basekwanokuyeka ukumthanda naye.
Ukukhotyokiswa butywala = Unxunguphalo. UClaudia Black ubhala oku: “Imekobume yamihla le ezaliswe luloyiko, ukuziva ulahliwe, ukuba nesimo sengqondo esilandulayo, ukungavisisani nogonyamelo lokwenene okanye olusenokwenzeka olukhuthazwa kumakhaya anamakhoboka otywala kungangenkankulu ukuba ibe yeluncedo neyakhayo.”
Ukulwa Kwabazali = Uloyiko. Uhlolisiso olwenziwa kubafundi abangama-24 lwatyhila ukuba ukulwa kwabazali kubangela uxinezeleko olukhulu kangangokuba ukuhlanza, ukudikizela kwezihlunu zobuso, ukuvuthulukelwa ziinwele, ukutyeba okanye ukuncipha komzimba kwanezilonda ezisesiswini zaba ngumphumo woku.
Ukulindela Okungaphaya Kokunokufikelelwa = Unxunguphalo. UMary Susan Miller ubhala oku: “Naphi na apho abantwana baphethukela khona, bazibona bekugqatso olungaphele ndawo abafakwe kulo ngabantu abakhulu.” Benyanzelelwa ekubeni babe ngabona babalaseleyo esikolweni, ekhaya, kwanasemidlalweni, umntwana akaze aphumelele yaye olo gqatso alupheli.
Ukuzalwa Komnye Umntwana = Ukulahlekelwa. Ekubeni ngoku kufuneka abelane nomnye umntwana ngengqalelo novelwano lwabazali, umntwana usenokuziva elahlekelwe ngumzali kunokuba avuyele ukufumana umntakwabo.
Isikolo = Ixhala Lokwahlukana. KuAmy, ukushiya unina aze aye esikolweni kwakufana nokufa okuncinane mhla ngamnye.
Iimpazamo = Ukuziva Ungento Yanto. UGqr. Ann Epstein uthi, ngenxa yemvakalelo yokuzoyikisela, abantwana “batyekele ekuzenzeni nkulu ezinye izinto kunokuba zinjalo.” Wafumanisa ukuba, imvakalelo yokuziva ungento yanto yenye yezona zinto ziqhelekileyo ezikhokelela ekuzibulaleni kwabantwana.
Iziphene = Unxunguphalo. Ngaphandle kokuhlekwa ngoontanga abangenaluvelwano, umntwana onesiphene emzimbeni okanye engqondweni kusenokufuneka anyamezele ukungabi namonde kwabafundisi-ntsapho kunye namalungu entsapho avakalisa udano ngenxa yento engaphezu kwamandla akhe.
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Umnqwazi omdala ophakamileyo