Nceda Abantwana Bakho Bahlangabezane Noxinezeleko
“Abantwana abaninzi abafumani mntu ekhaya—ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokweemvakalelo—xa befuna ukuthetha.”—Depression—What Families Should Know.
INTSAPHO iye yabizwa kakuhle ngokuba ligumbi lolingelo lweemvakalelo. Liziko lophando apho umntwana avavanya iinkolelo zakhe, abone imiphumo, aze aqalise ukufikelela kwizigqibo ezithile ngobomi. Abazali banokuqiniseka njani ukuba abantwana babo benza ulingelo olunjalo ukubaluleka bekwimekobume esempilweni kunebangela uxinezeleko?
Phulaphula
Incwadi ethi The Child in Crisis ibongoza abazali isithi: “Ncokolani nomntwana wenu ngamaxesha onke.” Njengomthombo wobomi phakathi komzali nomntwana, incoko ibalulekile ngokukodwa xa bekuhle isiganeko esibuhlungu entsatsheni. Ungaze ucinge ukuba kuba umntwana ethule, akakhathazekanga okanye uyamkele loo meko. Usenokuba uzama ukuzifihla iimvakalelo zokunxunguphala yaye ubandezeleka ethe cwaka, njengokuba yenzayo intwazana eneminyaka esixhenxe ubudala ebukhulu bayo bongezeleleka ngeekhilogram ezili-15 kwiinyanga ezintandathu emva kokwahlukana kwabazali bayo.
Igama elithi “incoko” libonisa ukuba kuthetha abantu ababini nangaphezulu. Ngaloo ndlela, umzali akafanele athethe yedwa. URick noSue bafuna icebiso xa unyana wabo ominyaka mithandathu ubudala wathi wabonakalisa isimilo esikrwada nesingalawulekiyo ekhaya. Emva kokudibana nentsapho iphela, umcebisi wafumanisa okuthile. Wathi: “Abazali basebenzisa ubukrelekrele bengqondo kakhulu, neenkcazelo ezinde ngokufuthi ezigqithiseleyo. Ngokubhekele phaya, abazali babetyekele ekubeni ibe ngabo bodwa abathethayo, yaye ndabona ukuba abantwana baphelelwa ngumonde.” Kuyinto ebalulekileyo ukuvumela umntwana azityand’ igila. (Thelekisa uYobhi 32:20.) Ukuba akanakuzithetha phandle iingxaki zakhe xa zivela, unokuzibonakalisa ngokuphandle ngesimilo sakhe kamva.—Thelekisa IMizekeliso 18:1.
Incoko ibalulekile xa kufuneka uqeqesho. Uziva njani umntwana ngaloo nto alungiswa kuyo? Ngaba uyasiqonda isizathu sokuba ilungiswe? Kunokumxelela nje indlela afanele avakalelwe ngayo, fumanisa oko kusentliziyweni yakhe. Qiqa naye ukuze umalathisele kwisigqibo esifanelekileyo. UElaine Fantle Shimberg ubhala athi: “Mnike amacebiso awacingisise ngokunzulu, kodwa myeke umntwana wakho etyise.”
Siqonde Isizathu Seemvakalelo Zakhe
Bambi abazali bathintela incoko ngamazwi afana nala, “Yeka oko kukhala.” “Awufanele uvakalelwe ngaloo ndlela.” “Akukubi kangako.” Kulunge ngakumbi ukuqonda isizathu seemvakalelo zomntwana. “Ndiyabona ukuba kukho into ekukhathazileyo.” “Ukhangeleka uphazamiseke ngokwenene.” “Ndiyaqonda ukuba umele ukuba uphoxekile.” Oku kunokwenza incoko iqhubeke.
Incwadi ethi How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk ikhankanya ingongoma ebalulekileyo kule nkalo: “Okukhona uzama ukuziphelisa iimvakalelo zokungonwabi zomntwana, kokukhona kusiba nzima ngaye ukwahlukana nazo. Okukhona uzamkela ngobubele iimvakalelo ezingafanelekanga, kuba lula ngakumbi ngabantwana ukwahlukana nazo. Ndicinga ukuba unokuthi ukuba ufuna ukuba nentsapho eyonwabileyo, umele ukulungele ukuvumela ukungonwabi kuvakaliswe.”—Thelekisa INtshumayeli 7:3.
Vakalisa Uvelwano
UMary Susan Miller ubhala athi: “Ekubeni inkoliso yabantu abakhulu ibujonga ubuntwana ngokusuka kumava abo, kunzima ngabo ukwamkela ukuba omnye umntu unokuxinezeleka ngaphandle kwabo.”
Ewe, abazali bazilibala msinya iintlungu namaxhala ababeba nawo ngoxa babesakhula. Ngoko ke, ngokufuthi baye baluthabathe njengento engenamsebenzi uxinezeleko oluviwa ngabantwana babo. Abazali bamele bakhumbule ukuba kwakunjani na ukufelwa sisilwanyana sasekhaya, ukufa kwesihlobo, ukufudukela kwindawo entsha eselumelwaneni. Bafanele bakhumbule izinto ezazibaxhalabisa besengabantwana, kwanezibubudenge. Ukukhumbula kungundoqo ekubonakaliseni uvelwano.
Misela Umzekelo Omhle
Indlela umntwana wakho aqhubana ngayo noxinezeleko ixhomekeke ubukhulu becala kwindlela wena njengomzali oqhubana ngayo nalo. Ngaba uzama ukunciphisa uxinezeleko ngokubhenela kugonyamelo? Ngoko musa ukumangaliswa xa umntwana wakho eqhubana nonxunguphalo lwakhe ngendlela efanayo. Ngaba uyivalela ngaphakathi intlungu onayo uphazamiseke ngokunzulu? Ngoko unokufuna njani ukuba umntwana wakho athethe ngokuphandle aze akuthembe? Ngaba iimvakalelo zoxinezeleko ziyafihlwa entsatsheni yakho kangangokuba ziyakhanyelwa kunokuba zichazwe zize ziconjululwe? Ngoko musa ukothuswa yimiphumo emibi oko okunokuba nayo emntwaneni wakho, kuba nayiphi na imizamo yokufihla unxunguphalo ngokuqhelekileyo iya kubandisa nje kuphela ubunzulu bembonakaliso yalo.
Ukukhulisa abantwana kwihlabathi elizaliswe luxinezeleko kuzisa ucelomngeni olukhethekileyo kubazali. Ufundisiso lweBhayibhile luye lwanceda abaninzi bakwazi ukuhlangabezana nolu celomngeni. Simele sikulindele oku, kuba uMbhali weBhayibhile ukwanguMyili wobomi bentsapho. UYesu Kristu wathi: “Ubulumko bukaThixo bungqinelwe kakuhle yimiphumo yabo.” (Mateyu 11:19, The New English Bible) Ngokusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile, abazali baya kufumanisa ukuba iZibhalo ‘zikwancedela ukufundisa, ukohlwaya, ukululeka ukuqeqesha okusebulungiseni.’—2 Timoti 3:16.
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Ukuncokolisana okwakhayo kuyaluphelisa uxinezeleko
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Inkwenkwe ichitha ubisi, umkhuluwa wayo uyayigculela, kodwa uyise oqondayo uyayithuthuzela