Ukunyamekela Umntu Owalupheleyo—Ukuhlangabezana Neengcinezelo Zomhla Nezolo
UKUBA ukunyamekela umntu owalupheleyo kukuzisela iingcinezelo ezithile, ngokukodwa ezo ubungazilindelanga, usenokutyekela ekuziveni unetyala. Usenokuzibuza: ‘Ngaba kukho nto iphosakeleyo kulwalamano lwam nabazali bam? Ngaba abantu abakhulileyo kwizithethe ezininzi abahlali ngokonwabileyo nabazali babo ubomi babo bonke?’
Kaloku, imeko yakho isenokuba yahlukile. Abazali bakho basenokuba bafudukele kwikhaya lakho emva kweminyaka engama-20, engama-30, engama-40, okanye ngaphezulu bezihlalela ngaphandle kwakho. Oku kuthetha ukuba wena nabazali bakho nizenzele indlela yobomi nemikhwa ngaphandle kokuxhomekeka komnye kangangexesha elininzi lobomi benu. Ekuhambeni kwamashumi eminyaka aliqela, ezo ndlela zobomi nemikhwa zisenokuba ziye zahluka gqitha. Kodwa ngoku, njengomntu obanyamekelayo, kufuneka uvisisanise ubomi bakho nobabo. Oku kusenokuba nzima ngakumbi kunokuba benihlala kunye kangangexesha elide.
Kwakhona, abanye abazali basenokuba bayagula okanye bafuna ukunyanyekelwa ngakumbi ngezinye iindlela. Nangona kuncomeka ukwenza oko kufunekayo yaye okwangoku akuboni mfuneko yokusa abazali bakho kwikhaya lokunyamekela abantu abalupheleyo, kuyaqondakala ukuba le meko izisa iingcinezelo zomhla nezolo kuni nonke. Ukunyamekela abazali bakho kungokwemvelo. Akunjalo ngokwaluphala nokugula. UMdali akazange abe nenjongo yokuba abantu baphelelwe ngamandla baze bagule xa bekhula. Ngoko ke, musa ukucinga ukuba kukho into ephosakeleyo ngawe kuba imeko ifuna okungakumbi, ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasemzimbeni, kunokuba ubulindele.—Genesis 1:26-31; INdumiso 90:10.
Iingcinezelo ezibangelwa kukunyamekela abazali bakho azisoloko ziyimbonakaliso yolwalamano olungeluhle phakathi kwakho nabo. Ngokukodwa ukuba ubunandipha ulwalamano olulungileyo nabo ngaphambi kokuba bafune uncedo lwakho, kusenokwenzeka ukuba nabuphi na ubunzima onabo bungumphumo wocelomngeni oluziswa kukubanyamekela. Unokuqhubana njani ngokuphumelelayo neengcinezelo zomhla nezolo?
Ukuqhubana Neemvakalelo Zokuziva Unetyala
Kwanabantu abenzela abazali babo konke abanako ukukwenza noko bafanele bakwenze maxa wambi baziva benetyala ngokungenzi okungakumbi. Noko ke, ukuziva unetyala ngokungafanelekanga kunokuba yingxaki. Usenokuzifumanisa usenza izigqibo kuba ufuna ukuphelisa imvakalelo yakho yokuziva unetyala kodwa ezingasoloko ziluncedo kuwe okanye kubazali bakho. Ngokomzekelo, bekuya kwenzeka ntoni ukuba, kuba lifuna ukuphelisa iimvakalelo zalo ezingafanelekanga zokuziva linetyala, ibhinqa lityeshela indoda nabantwana balo ngenxa yokunyamekela kakhulu umntu owalupheleyo? Lona, indoda yalo nabantwana balo bebeya kuyiva imiphumo yoko. Ngoko musa ukuvumela imvakalelo engafanelekanga yokuziva unetyala ilawule ubomi bakho.
Ngaba maxa wambi uziva unetyala ngenxa yokuba kubonakala ukuba akunakuze ubenzele okwaneleyo abazali bakho? Ngoko, kunokwenzeka ukuba iintswelo zabazali bakho zingaphaya kwamandla akho. Imeko isenokuba, kungakhathaliseki enokuba wenza ntoni na, kusoloko kukho okungakumbi onokukwenza. Ngaphezu koko, ukuba ukunyamekela abazali bakho ukugqala njengendlela yokubahlawula ngako konke abakwenzela kona ngoxa wawusakhula unyanyekelwa ngabo, uya kusoloko uziva unetyala, kuba akunako ukubahlawula ngokupheleleyo.
Incwadi ethi You and Your Aging Parents ichaza imfuneko yokwenza isigqibo soko uya kukwenzela abazali bakho. Ithi: “Uya kuzisindisa kakhulu ekukhathazekeni ukuba [izigqibo zakho] ngokuyintloko zisekelwe koko unokukwenza kungekhona koko ubungathanda ukukwenza okanye ubufanele ukwenze.”
Ewe, ngokunyaniseka fumanisa oko unokukulindela kuwe. Kusenokunceda ukuba ufumana uncedo lomhlobo omthembayo owazi kakuhle amandla akho, imilinganiselo yakho nemeko yentsapho yakho. Ngaba ungabafudusela endlwini yakho abazali bakho? Ngaba unendawo eyaneleyo? Ngaba baya kuvuma ukufuduka? Ukuba abazali bakho abahlali nawe, unokubatyelela ngokuthe rhoqo kangakanani, yaye nini? Ukuba wenza oko unako ukukwenza, akukho mfuneko yokuziva unetyala. Ukuba ngandlel’ ithile uziva unetyala, yithabathe loo mvakalelo njengengafanelekanga uze ungayivumeli ilawule izigqibo zakho.
Yabelanani Ngomthwalo
Incwadi yeBhayibhile yeNtshumayeli ichaza indlela okungafanelekanga ngayo “ukuba ngongendawo ngokukhulu” okanye “ukuba lilungisa ngokukhulu” yaye ukuba lilungisa ngokukhulu ‘kungakuphanzisa.’ (INtshumayeli 7:16-18) Oku kunokwenzeka ukuba uzama ukufeza okungakumbi kunofuna ukukwenza, onokukwenza kwanofanele ukwenze.
Ukuba ubusele unocwangciso oluzeleyo ngaphambi kokuba uqalise ukunyamekela abazali bakho, umele unciphise eminye imisebenzi okanye ufumane uncedo. Sekunjalo, abaninzi abafuna uncedo bayathandabuza ukulucela. Basenokuziva besoyika gqitha okanye bathi abanye abakulungelanga ukubanceda. Noko ke, uyazenzakalisa yaye wenzakalisa wonke ubani okungqongileyo ukuba uyaziqoba ngomsebenzi. Kwincwadi yakhe engokunyamekela umntu owalupheleyo, umbhali uE. Jane Mall ukubiza oko kuziqoba ngomsebenzi ngokuthi “sisifo sokuzenza ixhoba.” Ucebisa oku: “Ufanele ube nekhalenda yezinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi, yaye izinto ezintathu ezibaluleke ngakumbi kufanele ibe lixesha [neqabane] lakho, ixesha nabantwana bakho nabahlobo nexesha lesiqu sakho.”
Ewe, kusenokufuneka nabelane ngomthwalo. Ngoko unokulufumana phi uncedo? Intsapho, abahlobo, abamelwane nabantu abaqeqeshelwe ukunyamekela abantu abalupheleyo banokuba luncedo. Kodwa kufuneka ulucele uncedo. Yaye umele ulucele ngokungqalileyo. Ukukukhankanya nje akusoloko kusebenza. Usenokumangaliswa kukwazi ukuba ngoobani yaye bangaphi abakulungeleyo ukukunceda ukuba wenza iintswelo zakho zaziwe ngokucacileyo, izicelo zakho zingqale. Ngokomzekelo, usenokucela umntu akuncede ngokukucocela indlu. Ukuba oko kuya kukunika isiqabu esifunekayo, ngoko eli asiloxesha lokunyanzelisa ukucoca indlu ngokwakho kuba ‘kungekho mntu uya kuyicoca kakuhle.’
Ukuba unabantakwenu okanye oodade wenu, nabo banesabelo kwimbopheleleko yokunyamekela abazali babo. Mhlawumbi nguwe okanye ubukhulu becala ibinguwe obunyamekela umzali wakho owalupheleyo ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, kuba ukholelwa kwelokuba abantakwenu noodade wenu abanakukwazi okanye abakulungelanga ukwenjenjalo. Noko ke, ngaba ukhe wacela uncedo lwabo ngokungqalileyo? Abanye abantu baya kusabela ngokuvumayo—ukuba bacaciselwe ukuba kufuneka uncedo.
Bambi bamnyamekela umzali kuba befuna ukufumana okanye ukulondoloza inkoliseko yomzali. Okanye basenokufumana imvakalelo yokuhlonela abazali ngokuthabathela kubo wonke umsebenzi. Basenokukhalaza ngelokuba abanye ababancedisi ekubanyamekeleni, kodwa kwakhona basenokubonisa ngamazwi nangezenzo ukuba bakhetha ngaloo ndlela. Le isenokuba yindlela yokuba lilungisa ngokukhulu. Kodwa kutheni uzizisela ubunzima ngokungeyomfuneko? Ukuba uncedo luyafumaneka, lucele uze ulusebenzise.
Nasi isilumkiso: Musa ukulindela ukuba abantakwenu noodade wenu baya kuba nesabelo kwiimbopheleleko ngokulingana nawe. Ngoxa ngamanye amaxesha besenokwenjenjalo, ngokufuthi iimeko zabo zenza oko kube nzima, okanye kungenzeki kwaphela. Kwiimeko ezininzi kuluncedo ngakumbi ukuba ilungu elinye lentsapho ngokuyintloko libanyamekele, ngoxa amanye amalungu entsapho, ngokukodwa abantakwenu noodade wenu, befak’ isandla ngokwasemalini nangokutsala umnxeba, betyelela, okanye ngamathuba athile behamba nabazali bebasa kumakhaya abo okanye bethabatha uhambo nabo ngempela-veki.
Ukuhlala Ngokusondeleleneyo
Ukuhlala ngokusondeleleneyo kusenokubangela ukuba abantu bacatshukiswe zizinto ezingenamsebenzi. Imikhwa obuya kuyixolela ngokulula kumhlobo inokubonakala inganyamezeleki kwilungu lentsapho elisondeleyo.
Ukongezelela, umzali wakho usenokuthetha into enjengale, ‘Ndingavuya gqitha ukuba ubunokuchitha ixesha elingakumbi nam, kodwa ndiyazi ukuba uxakeke gqitha.’ La magqabaza asenokuba adiza inkolelo yomzali yokuba akumkhathalelanga ngokwaneleyo. Loo magqabaza angakucaphukisa. Kunokuba ucaphuke, ngaba bekungayi kulunga ngakumbi ukuthetha ngenkxalabo yokwenene yomzali wakho, leyo yokuchitha ixesha elingakumbi nawe? Kwanokuba akunako ukumnika oko akufunayo, ukucacisa ngobubele imicimbi kuya kuvelisa imiphumo elunge ngakumbi kunempendulo ehlabayo.—IMizekeliso 12:18.
Umgudu onyanisekileyo ekuhlakuleleni iimpawu ezikhuthazwe eBhayibhileni kuya kukwenza ukwazi ukuhlala unobubele kodwa ungqongqo xa kuyimfuneko. Incwadi yeBhayibhile yabaseKolose ikuvuma ngokwenene ukuba maxa wambi ‘sithi sibe nokusola ngakubani.’ Isiyalela ukuba ‘sinyamezelane size sixolelane.’ Ikwasibongoza ukuba sambathe “iimfesane zeemfefe, ububele, ukuthobeka kwentliziyo, ubulali, ukuzeka kade umsindo.” (Kolose 3:12-14) Ngokuqinisekileyo iimpawu ezinjalo ziya kusinceda kakhulu ekunciphiseni ukucaphukisana ngenxa yokuhlala ngokusondeleleneyo.
Kwanangoko ukuba ngamaxesha athile uyaphazama, ungabi namonde, uze uthethe into onga ngewungayithethanga, “ilanga malingade litshone nicaphukile.” Cela uxolo ngokukhawuleza, uze uwuphose kwelokulibala loo mcimbi. Musa ukuwuvumela uphinde ube ngomnye umthombo wokuziva unetyala.—Efese 4:26, 27.
Ukugcina Amathuba Okuba Wedwa
Ukuba wena nabazali bakho nihlala ekhayeni elinye, usenokukufumanisa kunzima ukufumana amathuba okuba wedwa. Sekunjalo, wena nabazali bakho niyawafuna loo mathuba. Ningayixubusha le ngxaki nabo nize nifikelele ekuqondeni ukuba amaxesha neendawo ezithile zezakho okanye intsapho esondele kuwe kuphela. Ngokomzekelo, kwezinye iintsapho, kodwa kungekhona zonke, ukuvalwa komnyango kuze kubekwe umqondiso othi ungaphazamisi kunokuqondwa ngabo bonke njengokubonisa indawo okanye ixesha lokufuna komntu ongaphakathi ukuba yedwa.
Ukuba igumbi alinamnyango, umkhusane usenokuphumeza injongo ekwanye. Isikhumbuzo sobuchule sisenokuba sesifanelekileyo ukuba ithuba elifunekayo lokuba wedwa liphazanyiswa ngokungalindelekanga. Ingongoma yile, ukufuna kukabani ithuba lokuba yedwa kufanele kuhlonelwe ngabo bonke entsatsheni.
Ilungelo
Khumbula ukuba nangona ubunkenenkene bempilo yabazali bakho bukukhathaza, uMdali wethu, uYehova, ufuna sivuye kwanaxa siphantsi kweemeko ezilingayo. Lo msebenzi usenokukunceda usondele ngakumbi kuYehova njengokuba ngomthandazo uthembela ngaye. Omnye owayenyamekela umntu owalupheleyo wakuvakalisa ngale ndlela oku: “Ndandisoloko ndisondele kuYehova, kodwa ukunyamekela umntu owalupheleyo kwandifundisa ukuthembela ngaye ngokupheleleyo. Kwakunjengomahluko okhoyo phakathi kokutsalela umnxeba umntu ohlala kwindawo ekude nokuhlala naloo mntu kwindawo enye. UYehova wayehlala nam.”
Ukunyamekela umntu owalupheleyo kulilungelo yaye kungumsebenzi. Nxibelelana nabazali bakho ukuze uzazi iintswelo zabo. Bancede kwiintswelo zabo, uze uhlale ukuvuyela ukwenjenjalo.—Filipi 4:4-7; 1 Petros 5:7.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 7]
Ukwenza Ukunyamekela Umntu Owalupheleyo Kuvuyise
1. Ngokuqhelekileyo oko abazali bakufuna kubantwana babo abadala luqhagamshelwano lokwenene. Oku kufuna ukuba usondele kubazali bakho uze ubatyhilele iinkalo ezibalulekileyo ngawe. Oku kusenokuba nzima kulwalamano lomzali nomntwana omdala. Naziphi na izimo zengqondo ezigwebayo kumacala omabini ziya kuba ngumqobo. Kufuneka izimo ezinjalo zengqondo zibekelwe ecaleni ukuze kufumaneke ukusondelelana.
2. Ukuba omnye wabazali bakho ukuxelela ngengxaki okanye ngento emxhalabisayo, phulaphula ngovelwano. Iimpendulo ezigalel’ amanzi indlela abavakalelwa ngayo zisenokwandisa iimvakalelo zokukhathazeka ezinjengokuthi: ‘Kowu, yinto nje engenamsebenzi’ okanye, ‘Ndiyazi, izinto ezifana nezi ziyenzeka nakum.’ Uya kuphumelela ngakumbi ukuba uzama ukuziqonda iimvakalelo eziyintloko zabazali bakho, wandule ke uziphaphele uze uzicombulule nabo (‘Kuvakala kulixesha elinzima kuwe ngoku, kodwa siza kuyicombulula kunye’).—IMizekeliso 20:5.
3. Ukuba uliqabane lalowo ngokuyintloko unyamekela umntu owalupheleyo, mxhase ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Nxibelelana neqabane lakho; kungenjalo kuya kubakho ukungaqondani. Inkxaso yeqabane iluncedo kakhulu. Omnye umfazi wakhalaza ngelokuba ukungaxhaswa kwakhe yintsapho yakhe “kwakunzima ngakumbi ukuhlangabezana nako kunokunyamekela umama [wakhe].” Kwelinye icala, wayeluxabisa ngokunzulu uncedo lomhlobo owayemphumza ngamaxesha athile. Wathi: “Kwakundichukumisa entliziyweni xa enikela uncedo. Oko kwakundenza ndimthande gqitha, yaye kwandenza ndasondela ngakumbi kuye.”
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 10]
Ukuba Uyanyanyekelwa
Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uyanyanyekelwa. Yintoni onokuyenza ukuze uncede ulondoloze ulwalamano olulungeleleneyo nolunoxolo nabantwana bakho?
Bambi abazali benza impazamo yokuzama ukulawula ngokukhalaza, ngokuba ngugqadambekweni okanye ngokwenza izinto ngendlela yokuba abanye bazive benetyala. Mhlawumbi uyazi ukuba oku kuphumela kuphela ekungalawulekini nakuxinezeleko olungakumbi. Imiphumo iba yelunge ngakumbi xa ubonisa abantwana bakho abadala ukuba uyabahlonela, uyawahlonela amathuba abo okuba bodwa neembono zabo, kwanaxa ungavumelani nabo. Ukubancoma ngokuthe rhoqo abantwana bakho kunemiphumo emihle. Omnye umntwana omdala wathi: “Umntwana ufuna ukukholisa abazali bakhe nokuba mdala kangakanani na ngeminyaka.”
Kwimeko enjalo yothando nentlonelo, baxelele iintswelo zakho abantwana bakho. Ngokufuthi ukugwegweleza kwenzakalisa ngakumbi kunokulungisa, ngoko ngqala, kodwa ube nobubele. Kwanokuba wena nabantwana bakho anivumelani ngento ethile, ubuchule bakho buya kufak’ isandla kulwalamano olusondeleyo nolokunyaniseka ekungekho kungaqondani kulo.
[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 8, 9]
Xa unyamekela abazali bakho, zinike ixesha lokuba neqabane lakho, nabantwana bakho nelesiqu sakho