Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndinokuqhubeka Njani Ndithandana Nomntu Ohlala Kude?

“Ndandisandula ukukhapha iqela leendwendwe ezazize kwindibano yezizwe ngezizwe yamaNgqina kaYehova ndizibuyisela kwihotele yazo. Xa kanye ndisithi ndiyagoduka, kwathi gqi elinye iqela. Ngoko ndakhe ndee xha ndaza ndancokola, ndaza ndadibana no-Odette. Saphinda sabonana ebudeni beveki. Sagqiba kwelokuba sibhalelane, yaye emva kweminyaka eliqela yokwazana ngembalelwano, saqalisa ukuthandana.”—UTony.

NGOKU unokuligqiba ihlabathi ngokuqhwanyaza kweliso. Kula mashumi eminyaka ukuhamba ngeenqwelo-moya okubiza ixabiso eliphantsi, imijelo yezoqhagamshelwano ngomnxeba yehlabathi lonke, ukuposwa kweeleta ngokukhawulezileyo, kwaneInternet kuye kwavula amathuba okuthandana. Yaye ngeendlela ezininzi ingcamango yokuqhubeka uthandana ngaphambi komtshato nomntu okwiikhilomitha ezingamakhulu okanye amawaka kusenokubonakala kunomtsalane—ingakumbi xa amathuba okutshata ebonakala emancinane kwindawo ohlala kuyo.

Kwezinye izibini, ukuthandana ngaphambi komtshato nomntu ohlala kude kuye kwaba yintsikelelo. UTony uthi: “Ngoku sineminyaka eli-16 sonwabile emtshatweni wethu.” Abanye basenokuma ngelithi ukuthandana nomntu ohlala kude kuyinzuzo kuba kuvumela isibini sazane ngaphandle kokumfanyekiswa ngamandla omtsalane womzimba. Noko ke, enoba ziziphi na iinzuzo, ukuthandana nomntu ohlala kude kuzisa ucelomngeni olwahlukileyo.

Ukwazana

Kuhle ukwazi kangangoko unako ngomntu ocinga ukutshata naye. Phofu ke, njengoko indoda egama linguFrank ithetha ngentw’ eyaziyo ithi, “akulula ukumazi oyena mntu anguye, ‘umntu ofihlakeleyo wentliziyo.’” (1 Petros 3:4) UDoug, omnye umKristu owayethandana nomntu ohlala kude, uvuma ngelithi: “Xa ndiyicingisisa le nto, ndiyaqonda ukuba asizange sazane kakuhle.”

Ngaba kunokwenzeka ngokwenene ukuba wazi umntu ohlala kwiikhilomitha ezingamakhulu okanye ezingamawaka? Ewe, kodwa kufuna umgudu ongakumbi kunoqhelekileyo. UDoug uthi: “Sasingenamali yakutsala umnxeba, ngoko sasibhalelana kanye ngeveki.” Phofu ke, uJoanne noFrank bakufumanisa kunganelanga ukubhalelana. UJoanne uthi: “Ekuqaleni sasibhalelana saza sazama ukutsalelana umnxeba. Waza ke uFrank wandithumelela iteyiphu. Sasirekhoda ikhasethi entsha veki nganye.”

Ukunyaniseka, Yeyona Ndlela

Enoba nisebenzisa luphi uhlobo lokunxibelelana, kubalulekile ukunyaniseka. Umfazi ongumKristu ogama linguEster uthi: “Ukuba uyaxoka, kuya kuvela oku kuze kuchaphazele ulwalamano. Nyanisekani omnye komnye. Nyaniseka kwisiqu sakho. Ukuba kukho into eningavumelaniyo ngayo, musani ukuyishiy’ ijinga. Yixubusheni.” Umpostile uPawulos unikela icebiso elihle: “Thethani inyaniso ngamnye kuni nommelwane wakhe.”—Efese 4:25; thelekisa eyamaHebhere 13:18.

Yiyiphi imibandela enimele niyixubushe? Zonke izibini ezithandanayo zifanele zixubushe imibandela efana nosukelo, abantwana, imibandela yemali nempilo. Noko ke, kukho imibandela efuna ingqalelo engakumbi. Ngokomzekelo, omnye—okanye nobabini—kuya kufuneka afuduke ukuba niyatshata. Ngaba ukulungele yaye unako ukwenjenjalo, engqondweni nangokweemvakalelo? Wazi njani? Ngaba wakhe wafuduka ngaphambili okanye akwahlala nentsapho yakowenu kangangethuba elide? Owayeza kuba ngumyeni kaJoanne wayefuna ukuba bakhonze njengamatsha-ntliziyo kwikomkhulu leWatch Tower Society, abapapashi beli phephancwadi. UJoanne ukhumbula oku: “Wandibuza enoba ndingakwazi ukuhlala kwigumbi elincinane, ndinemali encinane. Kwakufuneka sikuxubushe kakuhle oku.”

Ukuba uthandana nomntu okwelinye ilizwe, ngaba ukulungele ukuqhelana nenye indlela yokuphila? UFrank uyabuza: “Ngaba sele niyinandipha indlela yomnye yokuphila yemihla ngemihla? Thethani ngale mibandela ibalulekileyo kwasekuqaleni kolwalamano lwenu. Okukhona ufumanisa kamsinya, kokukhona kuya kuba bhetele—ngaphambi kokuba nizibophelele ngeemvakalelo okanye ngemali.” Ewe, ubomi bemihla ngemihla kwenye indawo bahlukile kukhenketho lweentsuku nje ezimbalwa. Ngaba kuza kufuneka ufunde olunye ulwimi? Ngaba uza kulungelana neemeko zokuphila ezahlukileyo? Kwelinye icala, ngaba uthanda kakhulu indlela yokuphila kunaloo mntu? Ukuthabatheka okunjalo kunokuphela ekuhambeni kwexesha. Kodwa umtshato ubophelela abantu ababini ndawonye naphakade.—Mateyu 19:6.

UTony ucacisa esithi: “Enye intombazana endiyaziyo eyayisuka kwelinye ilizwe yatshata nomntu waseCaribbean. Kodwa yakufumanisa kunzima ukuphila kweso siqithi. Kwakusoloko kutshisa, ibe yagula. Ukutya kwakwahlukile, yaye yayikhumbula intsapho yakowayo. Ngoko bazama ukuhlala kwilizwe lakowayo. Kodwa indoda yayivakalelwa kukuba abantu balapho babephila ubomi bokuthanda izinto eziphathekayo, yaye yayikhumbula ukusondelelana eyayikunandipha phakathi kwentsapho nabamelwane. Ngoku bahlukene; indoda ihlala kokwayo, nomfazi uhlala kokwabo. Abantwana babo ababini bayalukhumbula uthando nengqalelo yabo bobabini abazali.”

Ukutshata nomntu osuka kude, mhlawumbi kwenye indlela yokuphila, kulolunye ucelomngeni. Ngaba uzilungele iindleko zokuhamba nokunxibelelana? ULydia ukhumbula oku: “UPhil wayedla ngokuqhula ngokuthi sifanele sitshate kuba wayehlawula isityhwentywe semali ngenxa yomnxeba, kodwa ngoku sifanele sihlawule kuba nditsalela umnxeba umama!” Kuthekani ukuba niba nabantwana? Abanye bakhula bengazi kangako ngezizalwana zabo, bengakwazi nokuthetha nazo emnxebeni ngenxa yolwimi! Oku akuthethi ukuba iingxaki ezinjalo azinakoyiswa. Kodwa ubani ufanele abale iindleko zokungenela umtshato onjalo.—Thelekisa uLuka 14:28.

Unjani Ngokwenene Lo Mntu?

Unokwazi njani ukuba umhlobo wakho unyanisekile ngokwenene yaye akafihli nto? UMateyu 7:17 uthi: “Wonke umthi olungileyo uvelisa isiqhamo esihle.” Ngoko injani imisebenzi yakhe? Ngaba izenzo zakhe ziyakuxhasa oko akuthethayo? Ngaba ihambo yakhe yangaphambili ixhasa usukelo azibekele lona? UEster ucacisa ngelithi: “Izinto zokuqala esazifumanisayo lusukelo lwethu lokomoya. Wayekhonze njengomhambisi wevangeli wexesha elizeleyo kangangeminyaka esibhozo, yaye oko kwandinika ithemba lokuba wayenyanisile xa wayesithi ufuna ukuqhubeka.”

Kodwa masithi umntu othandana naye ubonakala eqokobhile. Musa ukuyityeshela le nto uze ube nethemba lokuba yonke into iza kuhamba kakuhle. Phanda nzulu! Buza ukuba KUTHENI? Umzekeliso uthi: “Ngamanzi anzulu icebo entliziyweni yendoda, kanti indoda enengqondo iyalirhola.” (IMizekeliso 20:5) Omnye umzekeliso ulumkisa ngelithi: “Isiyatha sikholwa ngamazwi onke; onobuqili uyakuqonda ukunyathela kwakhe.”—IMizekeliso 14:15.

Ubuso Ngobuso

Sekunjalo, unokufunda kuphela okuthile ngomntu ngokumbhalela okanye ngomnxeba. Okubangela umdla kukuba, umpostile uYohane wabhalela abazalwana bakhe abangamaKristu iqela leencwadi. Nangona ezi ncwadi zenza lukhulu ekuqiniseni umanyano lothando phakathi kwabo, uYohane wathi: “Nangona ndinezinto ezininzi zokunibhalela, andinqweneli kwenjenjalo ngephepha neinki, kodwa ndithemba ukuza kuni nokuthetha nani ubuso ngobuso.” (2 Yohane 12) Ngokufanayo, akukho nto ibhetele kunokuchitha ixesha nomntu ngokobuqu. Kusenokuba luncedo ukuba omnye wenu afuduke okwethutyana ukuze nisondelelane. Kwakhona oku kuya kuvumela ukuba lowo ufudukayo aqhelane nemozulu nendlela yokuphila yendawo esenokuba likhaya lakhe.

Ninokulisebenzisa kakuhle njani ixesha lenu kunye? Yenzani izinto ezibonisa iimpawu zenu. Fundani iLizwi likaThixo kunye. Qwalaselanani xa ninenxaxheba kwiintlanganiso zebandla nakubulungiseleli. Yenzani imisebenzi yasekhaya kunye, njengokucoca nokuthenga. Ukubona ukuba uba njani na omnye xa exakeke ngumsebenzi oxinezelayo kusenokukufundisa okukhulu ngaye.a

Kwakhona kufuneka kuchithwe ixesha elithile neentsapho zenu nobabini. Zamani ukwakha ulwalamano oluhle nazo. Ngapha koko, ukuba nobabini niyatshata, ziza kuba ziintsapho zenu. Ngaba uyabazi? Ngaba niyevana? UJoanne ucebisa ngelithi: “Ukuba kunokwenzeka, kungakuhle ukuba iintsapho zombini zazane.” UTony uhlabela mgama esithi: “Indlela umhlobo wakho ayiphatha ngayo intsapho yakowabo yindlela aza kukuphatha ngayo nawe.”

Enoba uthandana nomntu obonana rhoqo naye okanye omtsalela umnxeba nobhalelana naye, kuphephe ukwenza izigqibo zakho ngokungxama. (IMizekeliso 21:5) Ukuba kuyabonakala ukuba umtshato wenu soze uphumelele, ngoko kuya kuba bubulumko ukuxubusha ngokwahlukana. (IMizekeliso 22:3) Kweliny’ icala, kusenokwenzeka ukuba kufuneka ixesha elingakumbi lokunxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo nangokunyaniseka.

Ukuthandana nomntu ohlala kude kusenokuba nzima, kodwa kunokuba nomvuzo. Enoba kuyintoni na, kungumbandela onzulu. Musani ukungxama. Yazanani. Ngoko, ukuba nigqiba kwelokuba nitshate, ukuthandana kwenu kuya kuba lixesha eniya kulixabisa, kungekhona ukuzisola.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 22]

Qinisekani ukuba niyayixubusha imibandela efana nosukelo, abantwana, nemibandela yemali kwasekuqaleni kolwalamano lwenu