Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ndingenza Njani Ukuze Ndibe Nobuhlobo?

“Andiloncoko kangako. Ndisoloko ndicinga ukuba xa ndithetha, ndakusuka ndingahoywa. Umama ungumnyewu, yaye ndicinga ukuba ndifuze yena.”—UArtie.

NGABA maxa wambi akukhe unqwenele ukungabi ngomnyewu ngale ndlela uyiyo—yaye ube nobuhlobo ngakumbi? Inqaku elandulela eli kolu ngcelele lithe, ukuba ngumnyewu kuyinto nje eqhelekileyo.a Ngoko akukho nto iphosakeleyo eneneni ngokuzithulela, ukuzola, okanye ukuzibamba. Kodwa ukuba ngumnyewu ngokugqithiseleyo kunokuba yingxaki ngokwenene. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, kunokukwenza ungabi nabahlobo. Yaye kungakwenza ungonwabi okanye ungakhululeki phakathi kwabantu.

Nabantu abadala babhuqwa yile ngxaki yokuba yiminyewu. UBarryb ngumdala kwibandla lamaKristu. Xa ephakathi kweqela uthula abe ngathi akakho. Uthi xa evuma: “Andiqondi ukuba kukho nto ibhadlileyo enokuphuma kum.” Umfazi wakhe uDiane unengxaki efanayo. Wancedwa yintoni yena? Uthi: “Ndiyathanda ukuba phakathi kwabantu abanobuhlobo ngenxa yokuba ndicinga ukuba bangayiqhuba incoko.” Ziziphi ezinye iindlela ezinokwenza ukuba wena ube nobuhlobo?

Musa Ukuzijongela Phantsi

Okokuqala, kusenokufuneka uphinde uhlolisise indlela ozijonga ngayo. Ngaba wasolok’ uzijongela phantsi, uzixelela ukuba abanye abasoze bakuthande okanye akukho nto ibhadlileyo unokuze uyithethe? Soze ube nobuhlobo xa usazijongela phantsi. Ngapha koko, uYesu wathi: “Umele umthande ummelwane wakho njengawe siqu”—kungekhona endaweni yakho siqu! (Mateyu 19:19) Ngoko kusengqiqweni yaye kufanelekile ukuzithanda ukusa kumlinganiselo othile. Loo nto ingakwenza uzithembe uze ukwazi ukuthetha nabanye.

Ukuba ikuhleli into yokuziva ungabalulekanga, kusenokukunceda ukufunda isahluko 12 esinomxholo othi, “Kutheni Ndingazithandi Nje,” kwincwadi ethi Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula—Iimpendulo Eziluncedo.c Inkcazelo oya kuyifumana apho iya kukunceda ubone ukuba zininzi iimpawu ezintle onazo njengomntu. Kaloku, kwaisibakala sokuba ungumKristu sibonisa ukuba zikho ezi mpawu uThixo azixabisayo kuwe! Ngapha koko, uYesu wathi: “Akukho mntu unako ukuza kum ngaphandle kokuba uBawo, owandithumayo, amtsale.”—Yohane 6:44.

Yiba Nomdla Kwabanye

IMizekeliso 18:1 ilumkisa ngelithi: “Ozahlulayo ufuna umnqweno wakhe.” Ewe, xa uzikhetha kuyenzeka ukuba uzicingele ngokugqithiseleyo. EyabaseFilipi 2:4 isikhuthaza ukuba ‘siphose iliso, kungekhona kwizilangazelelo zobuqu kwimibandela nje yethu, kodwa nakwizilangazelelo zobuqu kuleyo yabanye.’ Ukuba unikela ingqalelo kwizilangazelelo neemfuno zabanye, akuzicingeli ngokugqithiseleyo. Yaye okukhona ukhathalela abanye, kokukhona uya kushukunyiselwa ukuba uye kuqala kwabanye ukuze ubazi.

Ngokomzekelo, cinga nje ngoLidiya, ibhinqa elalidume ngokuba nobuhlobo nokubuk’ iindwendwe. IBhayibhile isixelela ukuba emva kokuba eve amazwi kaPawulos waza wabhaptizwa, wathi xa wayebongoza uPawulos namaqabane akhe: “Ukuba nindigwebe ndingothembekileyo kuYehova, ngenani endlwini yam.” (IZenzo 16:11-15) Nangona wayesandul’ ukukholwa, uLidiya wahamba phambili ekufuneni ukwazi aba bazalwana—yaye alithandabuzeki elokuba loo nto yaphumela ekubeni asikelelwe kakhulu. UPawulos noSilas baya phi emva kokuphuma entolongweni? Kubangela umdla ukwazi ukuba, babuyela ekhayeni likaLidiya!—IZenzo 16:35-40.

Ngokufanayo, uya kufumanisa ukuba abantu abaninzi baya kuvuya xa ubonakalisa umdla kubo. Ungaqala ngaphi ukwenza loo nto? Nanga amacebiso ambalwa aluncedo.

● Qala kancinane. Ukuba nobuhlobo akuthethi ukuba uza kuqava okanye uhleli nje uphithizela phakathi kwabantu. Yenza umzamo wokuthetha nabantu, umntu abe mnye ngexesha. Unokuzenzela usukelo lokuqalisa incoko nomntu abe mnye ubuncinane, sihlandlo ngasinye usiya kwiintlanganiso zamaKristu. Zama uncumo. Qhela ukumana umjonga emehlweni umntu othetha naye.

● Qalisa incoko. ‘Njani?’ usenokubuza. Kaloku, ukuba ngokwenene unomdla kwabanye, ngokuqhelekileyo akuyonto inzima ukufumana izinto onokuzithetha. Omnye oselula eSpeyin ogama linguJorge uthi: “Ndiye ndaphawula ukuba ukubuza abanye indlela abaphila ngayo okanye ukubabuza ngomsebenzi wabo, kuya kukunceda ukuba ubazi kakuhle.” Omnye oselula ogama linguFred ucebisa ngelithi: “Ukuba akunanto yokuthetha, qala ubabuze imibuzo abanye abantu.” Kakade ke, akufuni ukwenza abantu bacinge ukuba bayancinwa. Ukuba kubonakala ngathi loo mntu uyakrikriza ukuphendula loo mibuzo, zama ukumbalisela ngezinto eziphathelele wena.

UMary, onomntwana okwishumi elivisayo uthi: “Ndifumanise ukuba eyona ndlela isebenzayo ukwenza abantu bazive bekhululekile kukubenza babalise ngabo.” UKate oselula wongezelela ngelithi: “Kuyanceda ukuncoma abantu ngendlela abanxibe ngayo okanye ngenye nje into. Ubenza bazive bethandwa.” Kambe ke, ufanele unyaniseke uphephe ukubakhohlisa. (1 Tesalonika 2:5) Ngokuqhelekileyo abantu bayonwatyiswa ngamazwi anyanisekileyo, obubele namnandi.—IMizekeliso 16:24.

● Yiba ngumphulaphuli olungileyo. IBhayibhile ithi: ‘Umele ukhawuleze ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha.’ (Yakobi 1:19) Ngapha koko, kuyabolekiswana ngencoko—asikokuntyuntya uthetha wedwa. Ngoko ukuba akuthethi kakhulu, loo nto iya kukunceda! Abantu babathanda gqitha abaphulaphuli abalungileyo.

● Yiba negalelo. Xa sele ukwazi ukuthetha nabantu ngabanye, zama ukuthetha phakathi kweqela. Kwakhona, eyona ndawo ifanelekileyo yokufunda obu buchule kukwiintlanganiso zamaKristu. Maxa wambi eyona ndlela ilula yokuba negalelo encokweni, kukuthetha kwincoko ebisel’ iqhubeka. Kambe ke, ukuqonda nokuba nesimilo kubalulekile kule nkalo. Musa ukuzityhoba kwincoko yabantu abagqugulayo. Kodwa xa kucacile ukuba iqela lincokola ngombandela ongenabuzaza, zama ukuba negalelo. Yiba nobuchule; musa ukuphazamisa okanye uzame ukulawula incoko. Zama ukukhe uphulaphule okwethutyana. Njengoko usiya ukhululeka, usenokufuna ukuthi gqaba gqaba.

● Musa ukulindela ukuba uza kuthetha ngendlela egqibeleleyo. Maxa wambi ulutsha luzikhathaza gqitha ngokuthetha ngendlela engafanelekanga. Enye intombazana yaseItali egama linguElisa ikhumbula oku: “Ndandisoloko ndisoyikela ukuba xa ndithetha, ndiza kutsho ecaleni.” Noko ke, iBhayibhile isikhumbuza ukuba sonke asifezekanga, ngoko ukuthetha ngendlela egqibeleleyo kuyinto nje esingenakukwazi ukuyenza. (Roma 3:23; thelekisa uYakobi 3:2.) UElisa uthi: “Ndaqonda ukuba ngabahlobo bam aba. Ngoko babeya kuqonda xa ndithetha ngendlela engafanelekanga.”

● Yiba noburharha. Kuyavunywa ukuba ukuthetha ngendlela engafanelekanga kubangela iintloni. Kodwa njengokuba uFred ebonisa, “ukuba nje uyazola uze uzihleke, iya kukhawuleza idlule loo nto. Kukuzenza nkulu izinto, ukuzivumela ukuba uphazamiseke, udandatheke, okanye ukhathazeke.”

● Yiba nomonde. Qonda ukuba asingabo bonke abantu abaya kusabela ngokukhawuleza. Ukungabi namdla komntu ukuncokola nawe akuthethi ukuba akakufuni okanye akusafuneki uphinde uzame ukuthetha. Maxa wambi kuyenzeka ukuba abantu baxakekile—okanye bayiminyewu njengawe. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kunokukunceda ukuba loo mntu ukhe umphe ithuba lokuba aqhelane nawe.

● Zama ukuthetha nabantu abakhulileyo. Maxa wambi abantu abakhulileyo, ingakumbi amaKristu aqolileyo, bavelana kakhulu nolutsha olunengxaki yokuba yiminyewu. Ngoko musa ukoyika ukuqala incoko nomntu okhulileyo kunawe. UKate uthi: “Ndiyonwaba phakathi kwabantu abakhulileyo kuba ndiyazi ukuba abasayi kundigxeka, bandigculele okanye bandisokolise njengabantwana abaziintanga zam.”

Ukuqhutywa Luthando

Ngoxa la macebiso esenokuba luncedo, akukho ndlela inqumlayo yokulwa nokuba ngumnyewu. Ekuhambeni kwethuba, akubi ngombandela wokusebenzisa amacebo okanye iindlela ezichuliweyo. Eyona nto ifunekayo ‘kukuthanda ummelwane wakho njengawe siqu.’ (Yakobi 2:8) Ewe, funda ukubakhathalela abanye abantu—ingakumbi abazalwana bakho noodade abangamaKristu. (Galati 6:10) Ukuba unothando olunyanisekileyo entliziyweni yakho, uya kuyeka ukoyika nokuziva ungakhululekanga ukuncokola nabanye. Ngokutsho kukaYesu, “umlomo uthetha ngokuphuma kwintabalala esentliziyweni.”—Mateyu 12:34.

UBarry, okhankanywe ekuqaleni, uthi: “Okukhona ndibaqhela abanye abantu, kokukhona kuya kuba lula ukuthetha nabo.” Ngamany’ amazwi, okukhona usiba nobuhlobo, kokukhona izinto ziya kukuhambela lula. Yaye njengoko usiba nabahlobo abatsha yaye uziva wamkelekile phakathi kwabanye, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo uya kuqonda ukuba imiphumo ibiwufanele umgudu!

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Yiya kuqala ebantwini uze ube negalelo encokweni!