Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Ndingenabuhlobo Nje?

“Ukuba neentloni kukuphelis’ amandla. Luloyiko ofanele ujamelane nalo. Kuyinto yokwenene.”—URichard.a

“Ndisakhula ndandinengxaki yokwenene yokuba neentloni. Kwakungathi ndiphila nje ndedwa kwilizwe lam elincinane.”—UElizabeth oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala.

‘NGABA kukho nto iphosakeleyo ngam? Kutheni ndingenabuhlobo nje?’ Ngaba maxa wambi uzibuza le mibuzo? NjengoRichard, okhankanywe ngasentla, usenokoyika okanye uzive uxhalabile xa udibana nomntu omtsha. Usenokoyika xa uphakathi kwabantu abasegunyeni. Okanye mhlawumbi ukhathazeke kakhulu ngoko abanye bakucingayo ngawe kangangokuba xa unikwe ithuba lokuchaza iimvakalelo zakho okanye uluvo lwakho, uyaqhobosheka. UTracey oselula uvuma ngelithi: “Ndikufumanisa kunzima kakhulu ukuya ebantwini endingabazi kakuhle ndize ndithethe nabo.”

Kanye kanye yintoni ebangela iimvakalelo ezinjalo? Inyathelo lokuqala lokukoyisa oku kukuyiqonda le ngxaki. (IMizekeliso 1:5) Elinye ibhinqa lathi: “Ndandingasazi isizathu sokuba ndingakhululeki phakathi kwabantu. Kodwa ngoku ndiyibonile ingxaki yam, ndingasebenzela kuyo.” Ngoko makhe sikhangele izizathu ezimbalwa zokuba olunye ulutsha lukufumanisa kunzima ukuba nobuhlobo.

Ingxaki Yokuba Neentloni

Mhlawumbi esona sizathu siqhelekileyo kukuba neentloni. Ngoxa oselula onobuhlobo uba nabahlobo abaninzi, oselula oneentloni nothuleyo angaziva elilolo yaye eyinkom’ edla yodwa. UElizabeth oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala uthi: “Ndisakhula ndandinengxaki yokwenene yokuba neentloni. Kwakungathi ndiphila nje ndedwa kwilizwe lam elincinane.” UDiane ukhumbula indlela awayexinezeleke ngayo kunyaka wakhe wokuqala kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo. “Ndandingathandi ukubonwa. Ndandinomfundisi-ntsapho owathi masichaze indlela esivakalelwa ngayo ngokuba ngabantu abadumileyo. Sisebenzisa amanani ukusuka kwiqanda ukusa kwisihlanu, iqanda lalimele ukungabaluleki kwaphela yaye isihlanu simele ukubaluleka. Onke amantombazana ayedumile esikolweni abeka isihlanu. Ndabeka iqanda. Kum, ukuba neentloni kwakuphantse kube luloyiko lokuba ngumntu odumileyo. Akufuni ukuphawulwa okanye ube ngundaba-mlonyeni ngenxa yokuba usoyika ukuba abanye basenokungakuthandi.”

Kakade ke, ukutyekela ekubeni neentloni nje kancinane akuphosakelanga kwaphela. Into esondeleyo nokuba neentloni kukuthozama—ukuziqonda iintsilelo zethu. Eneneni iBhayibhile isiyalela ukuba ‘sihambe noThixo wethu ngokuthozamileyo.’ (Mika 6:8) Kusenokuba lula ngakumbi ukuba phakathi komntu othozamileyo okanye oneentloni kunokuba phakathi komntu ozikhukhumalisayo, nongqwabalala okanye olindele okukhulu gqitha kwabanye. Yaye ngoxa kuyinyaniso ukuba “ukuthetha kunexesha lako,” kwakhona “ukuthi cwaka kunexesha lako.” (INtshumayeli 3:7) Abantu abaneentloni abanangxaki ingako yokuthi cwaka. Kuba batyekele ekubeni ‘bakhawuleze ukuva, bacothe ukuthetha,’ ngokufuthi bayaxatyiswa ngabantu njengabaphulaphuli abalungileyo.—Yakobi 1:19.

Ngoko ke, ngokufuthi oselula uthula kakhulu, abe neentloni okanye athozame kangangokuba kube nzima ukuba azenzele abahlobo. Yaye kwiimeko ezimbi gqitha, ukuba neentloni kungabangela oko omnye umbhali akubiza ngokuba “luhlobo lokuzivalela entolongweni”—ukuba lilolo.—IMizekeliso 18:1.

Ukuba Neentloni—Ingxaki Eqhelekileyo

Ukuba ungumntu oneentloni, yazi ukuba leyo yingxaki eqhelekileyo. Kolunye uhlolisiso lwabafundi abakwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo nasekholeji, “ama-82 ekhulwini kubafundi bazigqala njengabantu abaneentloni ngaxa lithile ebomini babo.” (Adolescence, nguEastwood Atwater) Kwanakumaxesha okubhalwa kweBhayibhile abanye babenengxaki yokuba neentloni. Amadoda awayenewonga, njengoMoses noTimoti, kusenokwenzeka ukuba alwa nako.—Eksodus 3:11, 13; 4:1, 10, 13; 1 Timoti 4:12; 2 Timoti 1:6-8.

Cinga ngoSawule, ukumkani wokuqala kuhlanga lwamandulo lwakwaSirayeli. Ngokuqhelekileyo uSawule wayeyindoda ekhaliphileyo. Xa uyise wakhe waphulukana nomhlambi wakhe, ngenkalipho uSawule waya kuwuhlangula. (1 Samuweli 9:3, 4) Kodwa xa wanyulwa ukuba abe ngukumkani wohlanga, ngesiquphe waba neentloni. Kunokuba ajongane nezihlwele ezivuyayo, uSawule wazimela phantsi kwempahla!—1 Samuweli 10:20-24.

Ukubonakalisa kukaSawule ukungazithembi kusenokuba kuyadida. Ngapha koko, iBhayibhile imchaza njengendoda eselula enomtsalane nentle. Kaloku, “ethabathela emagxeni akhe anyuse, ubemde kubantu bonke”! (1 Samuweli 9:2) Ngapha koko, umprofeti kaThixo wamqinisekisa uSawule ukuba uYehova uya kumsikelela kulawulo lwakhe njengokumkani. (1 Samuweli 9:17, 20) Sekunjalo, uSawule wayengaqinisekanga ngesiqu sakhe. Xa waxelelwa ukuba wayeya kuba ngukumkani, ngokuthozama waphendula: “AndingumBhenjamin yini na, wesizwe esincinanana kwaSirayeli? Nomzalwane wakowethu awuphantsi na emizalwaneni yonke yesizwe sakwaBhenjamin? Yini na ukuba uthethe ilizwi elinje kum?”—1 Samuweli 9:21.

Ukuba umntu onjengoSawule wayengazithembanga, akumangalisi ke ngoko ukuba nawe usenokungazithembi ngamanye amaxesha. Njengomntu oselula, ukwinqanaba lobomi xa umzimba wakho uguquka ngokukhawuleza. Usaqala ukufunda indlela yokwenza izinto njengomntu omdala. Ngoko ke, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba uzive uzixhalabele yaye unganqabisekanga ngamanye amaxesha. UGqr. David Elkind wabhala oku kwiphephancwadi iParents: “Ebudeni beshumi elivisayo, inkoliso yabantu abaselula ityhubela kwixesha lokuba neentloni, xa icinga ukuba ijongiwe ngabantu—ikholelwa ekubeni abanye bayijongile yaye basoloko bejonge inkangeleko yayo noko ikwenzayo.”

Ekubeni abantu abaselula ngokufuthi begqalwa ngokwenkangeleko yabo ngoontanga, abaninzi bayakhathazeka ngenxa yenkangeleko yabo. (Thelekisa eyesi-2 kwabaseKorinte 10:7.) Noko ke, ukukhathazeka gqitha yinkangeleko kabani akulunganga. Ibhinqa eliselula eFransi elinguLilia likhumbula amava alo kulo mbandela: “Ndandinengxaki abantu abaninzi abaselula abanayo. Ndandinekhuphu—amaqhakuva! Ndandingayi kwabanye abantu ngenxa yokuba ndandikhathazwa yindlela endandikhangeleka ngayo.”

Ingxaki Embi

Kuba ngokufuthi abantu abaneentloni bengaqondwa kakuhle, ngokulula baba kumgibe wokuba ngamalolo. Incwadi ethi Adolescence ithi: “Abantu abakwishumi elivisayo abaneentloni banengxaki engakumbi yokuzenzela abahlobo kuba ngokufuthi abanye babajonga kakubi. Abantu abaneentloni bacingelwa ukuba bayazikhetha, bakruqukile, abanamdla ebantwini, bazithobile, abanalusini yaye baneengcwangu. Xa bephathwa ngokuvisisana noko, basenokuziva bengamalolo, beyinkom’ edla yodwa yaye bedandatheke nangakumbi.” Ayinakuphepheka into yokuba, oku kubabangela babe neentloni nangakumbi, nto leyo, kakade ke, ebenza bajongwe njengabazithandayo okanye abanekratshi.

Kakade ke, ekubeni ungumKristu ‘ungumboniso wokubonelwa lihlabathi,’ ufanele ukhathazeke ngendlela okhangeleka ngayo kwabanye. (1 Korinte 4:9) Ngaba uyakuphepha ukubajonga abanye emehlweni xa uthetha nabo? Ngaba isimo sakho nezimbo zomzimba zibonisa ukuba ufuna abantu bangakukhathazi? Ngoko ke yazi ukuba abanye basenokungakuqondi kakuhle baze bakuphephe. Oku kusenokubangela kube nzima nangakumbi ukuzenzela abahlobo.

Abanye Oothunywashe

Kanti enye ingxaki eqhelekileyo kukoyika ukungaphumeleli. Liyinyaniso elokuba, kuqhelekile ukuziva unganqabisekanga okanye uthandabuza xa usenza into entsha, into ongayiqhelanga. Kodwa olunye ulutsha luyazibaxa izinto. Njengoselula, uGail wayezigqala njengomntu oboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu. Uthi: “Ndandingaphenduli eklasini. Yaye abazali bam babesoloko bexelelwa oku, ‘Akaphakamisi sandla. Akathethi.’ Kum, kwakungelula yaye kwakunzima ukwenza oko. Eneneni, nangoku kusenzima kum.” Ukoyika ukungaphumeleli kunokuba yinto eqobayo. Omnye oselula ogama linguPeter uthi: “Ndinexhala lokwenza iimpazamo. Andiqinisekanga ngoko ndikwenzayo.” Ukwenziwa intlekisa nokugxekwa ngoontanga kungabangela uloyiko olungakumbi kuze kuphelise ukuzithemba kulowo uselula.

Enye ingxaki eqhelekileyo kukungabi nabuchule bakuqhubana nabantu. Mhlawumbi uba mathidala ukuzazisa kumntu oqala ukumbona, kuba nje ungayazi into oza kuyithetha. Unokothuka xa unokufumanisa ukuba kwanabantu abadala baziva beneentloni xa bephakathi kwabanye ngamanye amaxesha. Usomashishini ogama linguFred uthi: “Kwezoshishino, ndiyakwazi ukwenza oko ndikwenza kakuhle ngokwenene. Ukuba ndithetha ngezoshishino, andinangxaki tu yakuthetha kakuhle ngazo. Kodwa xa ndithetha nje ngeemeko zobomi kwanaba bantu, ndiba madolw’ anzima. Ndisenokujongwa njengodikayo okanye ongqongqo gqitha okanye othanda kakhulu ukuntsonkotha okanye onganik’ imdla.”

Enoba uneentloni, ucinga kakhulu ngesiqu sakho okanye uba neentloni xa uphakathi kwabanye, kuyingenelo kuwe ukufunda ukuba nobuhlobo ngakumbi. IBhayibhile ikhuthaza amaKristu ukuba ‘aphangalale’ aze azi abanye! (2 Korinte 6:13) Kodwa unokukwenza njani oku? Oku kuza kuxutyushwa kwinkupho yexesha elizayo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

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Ngokufuthi abantu abaneentloni bacingelwa ukuba bayazikhetha

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Ukoyika ukusilela kubangela olunye ulutsha ukuba lungabi phakathi kwabanye