Isizukulwana Esisengozini

“Kude kwaziinyanga ezimbini ezidluleyo, ndonwabile yaye ndikuthanda ukusebenza. Ngoku ngalo lonke ixesha ndifumana ithuba lokuba ndisebenze, ndiye ndizive ndidinwe gqitha. Ayindonwabisi loo nto, kwaye ndiyakhawuleza ukuba nomsindo, andazi ukuba abantu bandinyamezela njani na. Andazi nokuba mandiqale ngaphi ukuchaza ukuba kutheni izinto zikhawuleze zatshintsha ngolu hlobo.”—UPaul.

“Ndidla ngokukhala ndize ndibe buhlungu gqitha. Xa kungenjalo ndisuka nje ndingabi nazimvakalelo. Ayikho nje into endiyinandiphayo. Andisathandi ukuphinda ndibe kunye nabahlobo bam. Ndilala kakhulu. Iintsuku ezininzi andikwazi kuvuka ndiye esikolweni yaye namanqaku am aphantsi.”—UMelanie.

ASINGOPAUL noMelanie kuphela abanale ngxaki. Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba isi-8 ekhulwini sabo babumba umlisela nomthinjana eUnited States sithwaxwa luxinezeleko yaye nyaka ngamnye bamalunga nesi-4 ekhulwini abahlaselwa ngamandla luxinezeleko. Kodwa olu hlolisiso aluyichazi ngokupheleleyo le meko, kuba amaxesha amaninzi ludla ngokungachazwa kakuhle okanye lungahoywa. UDavid G. Fassler osisazi ngengqondo yomlisela nomthinjana ubhala athi: “Enyanisweni, emva kokuphonononga uhlolisiso olwenziwe ebantwaneni nakumlisela nomthinjana, ndicinga ukuba umntwana omnye kwabane uya kuthwaxwa ngamandla luxinezeleko xa efikelela iminyaka elishumi elinesibhozo ubudala.”

Imiphumo Ebuhlungu

Uxinezeleko belusoloko lunemiphumo ebuhlungu kumlisela nomthinjana. Enyanisweni, iingcali zikholelwa ukuba lunendima ephambili kwiingxaki zokungathandi ukutya kumlisela nomthinjana, izigulo zokuphazamiseka kwengqondo, ukuba nobunzima esikolweni, nokuzikhobokisa ngezinto ezithile.

Eyona nto ibuhlungu, uxinezeleko luye lwanxulunyaniswa nokuzibulala komlisela nomthinjana. Ngokutsho kweU.S. National Institute of Mental Health, abantwana abasisi-7 ekhulwini abathwaxwa ngamandla luxinezeleko bayazibulala.a Nalapha abuchazwa ngokupheleleyo ubunzulu bale ngxaki, ekubeni kucingelwa ukuba njengoko ngamnye kwaba baselula ezibulala, baninzi abenza amalinge okwenjenjalo. Kungenxa yesizathu esivakalayo le nto ingxelo yeCarnegie Council on Adolescent Development isithi: “Ukuzithabatha lula iingxaki zomlisela nomthinjana kule mihla kukuzibizela izishiqi. Ukungakhathali ngolo hlobo kusibeka engozini esi sizukulwana.”

Ngaba Baphila Ubomi Obungenazinkathazo?

Abanye abakwazi kuyikholelwa into yokuba umlisela nomthinjana ngokwenene ungathwaxwa luxinezeleko. Abantu abasele bekhulile basenokuqiqa ngelithi: ‘Ngabantwana nje. Baphila ubomi obungenazinkathazo, yaye ngokuqinisekileyo abanawo amaxhala abanawo abantu abasele bekhulile.’ Okanye ngaba kunjalo? Inyaniso ikukuba umlisela nomthinjana unezinto eziwucinezelayo ekunzima ukuba zingaqondwa ngabantu abasele bekhulile. UGqr. Daniel Goleman uthi: “Okoko kuqale inkulungwane [yama-20] isizukulwana ngasinye ehlabathini lonke siye sasengozini kunabazali baso yokuthwaxwa ngamandla luxinezeleko—kungekuphela nje ludano, kodwa kukudakumba, ukuthi nyoxo nokuzisizela nokugutyungelwa kukungabi nathemba—ebudeni bobomi baso. Yaye oko kuxinezeleka kuqala kusakhulwa.”

Sekunjalo, abazali abaninzi basenokuma ngelithi: ‘Sakwazi ukutyhubela ixesha lokuba sentlahleni ngaphandle kokuxinezeleka. Kutheni lo wethu umntwana egutyungelwa kukungabi nathemba?’ Kodwa abantu abasele bekhulile abanakuthelekisa ixesha lokuba sentlahleni kwabo nelolutsha lwanamhlanje. Ngapha koko, iyahluka indlela abantu ngabanye abazijonga ngayo izinto ezibangqongileyo nendlela abasabela ngayo kuzo.

Ngapha koko, umlisela nomthinjana namhlanje ujamelene nocelomngeni olungakumbi. UGqr. Kathleen McCoy ubhala athi kwincwadi yakhe ethi Understanding Your Teenager’s Depression: “Ukhulela kwimekobume eyahluke ngokupheleleyo kunaleyo yexesha abazali bawo babesebatsha.” Emva kokucaphula iintlobo eziliqela eziphawulekayo zotshintsho oluye lwenzeka kumashumi ambalwa eminyaka, uGqr. McCoy uqukumbela ngelithi: “Umlisela nomthinjana namhlanje uvakalelwa kukuba awukhuselekanga kangako, awunamandla kangako yaye uziva ungenathemba kunokuba kwakunjalo kuthi kwisizukulwana nje esidluleyo.”

Ngenxa yokwanda koxinezeleko phakathi komlisela nomthinjana, amanqaku alandelayo aya kuphendula le mibuzo mithathu:

• Ziziphi ezinye iimpawu zoxinezeleko kumlisela nomthinjana?

• Yintoni ebangela le meko?

• Unokuncedwa njani umlisela nomthinjana oxinezelekileyo?

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]