Ngaba Umtshato Unokumelana Neenkqwithela?
“Oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.”—MATEYU 19:6.
IZINDLU ezazibonakala zomelele zadilika zangamabhodlo. Njengokuba imimandla emikhulu emhlabeni wonke ibithwaxwa zizikhukula ezikhulu mvanje, zabonakala izakhiwo ezomeleleyo.
Noko ke, olunye uhlobo lwesikhukula luvavanya isiseko nokomelela kwelungiselelo ekudala likho, umtshato. Umbhali-mbali ngemibandela yentsapho uStephanie Coontz uthi: “Enoba oku kuye kwanawuphi na umphumo, umtshato uphelelwe sisidima nentlonelo kubantu abatshatileyo nasekuhlaleni.”
Ngaba uyabona ukuba oku kuza kuphumela entwenini? Ngaba nawe uvakalelwa kukuba umtshato awusahlonelwa ekuhlaleni? Ukuba kunjalo, yintoni ebangela oku? Yaye liliphi ithemba elikhoyo lokomeleza okanye lokugcina umtshato usonwabisa? Noko ke, kuqala, yintoni esongela umtshato?
Umtshato Uyahlaselwa
Ukuhlaselwa komtshato akunto intsha, wahlaselwa kwasekuqaleni kwembali yoluntu. Iimpawu nesimo sengqondo ababa naso abazali bethu bokuqala sakhokelela kwiingxaki zomtshato esijamelana nazo namhlanje. UAdam noEva benza isono ngokuvumela umnqweno wabo wokuzingca, yaye ngaloo ndlela “isono sangena . . . ehlabathini.” (Roma 5:12) Ingxelo yeBhayibhile ithi nje emva koku, ‘iingcamango zentliziyo yomntu zatyekela ebubini ngalo lonke ixesha.’—Genesis 6:5.
Akukho nto ingako itshintshileyo ukususela ngoko. Phakathi kotyekelo olubi olonakalisa umtshato ngumnqweno ongalawulwayo wokufuna ukuzanelisa. Ukutshata kubonakala kuphelelwe lixesha kwihlabathi lanamhlanje lokhanyo. Yaye ukwenziwa lula kwemithetho yoqhawulo-mtshato kuye kwaphelisa phantse lonke ihlazo elalibangelwa lulo.
Abantu abangenamonde, nabafun’ izinto zenzeke baze bonwabe ngoku, abazikhathazi kangako ngemiphumo yokuqhawul’ umtshato. Belindele ukuba baza kukhululeka, bacinga ukuba ukuqhawul’ umtshato kuza kubazisela ulonwabo.
Abanye, xa bejamelene neenzingo zomtshato, baya kubacebisi bemitshato okanye bafunde iincwadi ezibhalwe ngabo bantu. Okulusizi kukuba, abathile kwaba bantu ekuthiwa ziingcaphephe kwimibandela yentsapho, ngamachule ekuqhawulen’ imitshato kunasekuyiqiniseni. Incwadi ethi The Case for Marriage ithi: “Mhlawumbi uyaqala ukuhlaselwa ngale ndlela umtshato kwimbali yoluntu yaye abo bawuhlaselayo bayaphumelela. Maxa wambi uhlaselwa ngokungqalileyo nangobuchule ngabantu ekuthiwa ‘ziingcaphephe’ abakholelwa kukuba ukwenza isifungo sokuthembeka kumntu omnye ubomi bakho bonke kukuzibetha ngenyek’ etyeni.”
Iimbono Ziguqukile
Iimbono zabantu ziguqukile ngendlela ofanele uphathwe ngayo umtshato nesizathu sokutshata. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba nawe uwuphawulile umahluko okhoyo phakathi kwabantu abafuna ukuthembeka nokuwaxhasa amaqabane abo omtshato nabo bafuna nje ukuzanelisa—ngamaxesha amaninzi bexhaphaza amaqabane abo. IJournal of Marriage and Family ithi ukuguquka kwabantu babe ngabazingcayo emtshatweni “kwaqala ngeminyaka yee-1960 kwaza kwee chatha ngeminyaka yee-1970.” Izizathu eziqhelekileyo zokutshata—njengokufuna ukuthandwa, ukubonakalisa uthando, ukuba nomntu onokuzityand’ igila kuye nokuba nabantwana akusagqalwa njengento ebalulekileyo.
Ezinye izinto ezenzeke mvanje ziye zabangela iinguqulelo ezikhawulezileyo emtshatweni kumazwe amaninzi. Okokuqala, indima eqhelekileyo yendoda yokondla intsapho nomama ogcin’ umzi, oko kuye kwatshintsha kumazwe amaninzi. Emva kokuqalisa kwabafazi ukuphangela, ziye zanda iintsapho ezinendoda nomfazi osebenzayo. Okwesibini, ukuba nomntwana komntu ongatshatanga kuya kusamkelwa, nto leyo ekhokelela kwiintsapho ezininzi ezinomzali omnye. Okwesithathu, ukuhlalisana kuze kungatshatwa kuyanda. (Bona ibhokisi ethi “Akomelelanga Kunemitshato.”) Okwesine, ukutshata kwabantu besini esifanayo nemibutho eququzelela ukwenza oku kube semthethweni iye yamkelwa. Ngaba oku kuye kwayiphembelela imbono yakho ngomtshato?
Ukwanda Koqhawulo-mtshato
Makhe sijonge kwamanye amazwe size sibone indlela ukwanda kwamanani oqhawulo-mtshato okuye kwaliwohloza ngakumbi ngayo ilungiselelo lomtshato. EMerika, ngokutsho kwengxelo yamvanje, “inani labantu abaqhawula imitshato liye laphindeka kathathu ukususela ngowe-1970 ukusa kowe-1996.” Kuqikelelwa ukuba umtshato omnye kwemihlanu uye waqhekeka. Yiyiphi imitshato enamathuba amaninzi okuqhekeka? Amanani abonisa ukuba phantse ama-60 ekhulwini ayo yonke imitshato eqhekekayo, iqhekeka kwiminyaka elishumi yokuqala.
Nakwamanye amazwe, amanani oqhawulo-mtshato andile. Inani labantu abaye baqhawul’ imitshato eNgilani naseWales liye lafikelela kuma-153 490 ngowama-2004. Abemi baseOstreliya banokulindela ukuba ama-40 ekhulwini emitshato kwelo lizwe iza kuqhekeka. Imitshato eqhekekayo yande ngama-21 800 kwiRepublic of Korea ngonyaka nje omnye—ukususela ngowama-2002 ukusa kowama-2003—imitshato engama-167 100 iye yaqhekeka. Umtshato omnye kwemine eJapan uyaqhekeka, yaye elo nani ngoku lisondela kwelo laseYurophu. Ingcali kwimicimbi yentsapho yeJapan Red Cross University ithi: “Ngaphambili umtshato wawuqhekeka xa izinto zimbi ngokwenene. Ngoku leyo yinto nje eqhelekileyo.”
Kumazwe amaninzi imithetho yeecawa namasiko asekuhlaleni aye anegalelo ekomelezeni imitshato. Noko ke, ngoku ezo zinto azikwazi ukuthintela utyekelo olwandayo loqhawulo-mtshato. Ngokomzekelo, kwiCawa yamaRoma Katolika, umtshato ugqalwa njengongcwele. Ngonyaka we-1983 le cawa yayinyenyisa imithetho yayo engomtshato yaza yakwenza kwalula ngamaKatolika ukuqhawul’ umtshato. Ngenxa yoko, yanda imitshato eqhekekayo ukususela ngoko.
Kucacile ukuba, liya lisiba yekeyeke iqhina lomtshato. Kodwa eminye iqhekeka ngezizathu ezingaqondakaliyo. Phezu kwako nje ukuwohloka kwemilinganiselo yokuziphatha kwibutho labantu, inkoliso yabantu ayisiqondi esinye isizathu esiyintloko sokwanda kokuqhekeka kwemitshato.
Isizathu Esifihlakeleyo Sokuqhekeka Kwemitshato
IBhayibhile isixelela ukuba uSathana uMtyholi, ozele kukuzingca, unempembelelo enamandla nengabonakaliyo ehlabathini. Ngoba? Ngenxa yokuba ugxothiwe emazulwini waza wagxothelwa emhlabeni yaye uyafutha ngumsindo. Eneneni, uSathana uzimisele ukubangela ‘uyeha’ okanye udushe olukhulu, yaye phakathi kwezinye izinto, umsindo wakhe omkhulu uwukhuphel’ emitshatweni.—ISityhilelo 12:9, 12.
Ethetha ngexesha lasemva kokugxothwa kukaSathana, uYesu wathi: “Ngenxa yokwanda kokuchas’ umthetho luya kuphola uthando lwabaninzi.” (Mateyu 24:12) Ebhekisa kwinto efanayo, umpostile uPawulos wathi: ‘Abantu baya kuba ngabathandi bemali, abazidlayo, abanekratshi, abanyelisi, abangathobeli bazali, abangenambulelo, abanganyanisekanga, abangenawo umsa wemvelo [okanye kwiintsapho zabo], abangayifuni kwaphela imvisiswano, abanyelisi, abangenakuzeyisa, iindlobongela, abangathandi kulunga, abangcatshi, abaneentloko ezilukhuni, abakhukhumele likratshi, abathandi beziyolo kunokuba bathande uThixo.’ (2 Timoti 3:2-4) Ngomlinganiselo othile, abantu bebesoloko benjalo, kodwa mvanje, baye batsib’ ilitye likaPhungela, njengokuba bonke abantu bevuma.
Ngenxa yeengxaki ezithwaxa imitshato, yintoni esinokuyenza ukuzikhusela ukuze sonwabe emtshatweni uze nomtshato wethu uhlal’ uhleli? Inqaku elilandelayo liza kuphendula loo mbuzo.
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]
“Kubantu abaqhele ukulahla yonk’ into, kusenokwenjenjalo nangamaqabane abo.”—USANDRA, INGCALI NGEMITHETHO YENTSAPHO
[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 4]
“Akomelelanga Kunemitshato”
Abantu abaninzi bayahlalisana. Noko ke, iU.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ithi amaqhina oomasihlalisane, ‘akomelelanga kunemitshato.’ Abanye kwaba bantu bahlalisanayo banemvo yokuba ikhuba lithengwa ngokubonwa. Ngaba oku kuyawanciphisa amathuba okutshata kwabantu abangafanelaniyo kuze kuphucule imitshato? Ngokutsho kweJournal of Marriage and Family, oku akunjalo. Le Journal ithi: “Abantu abakhe bahlalisana ngaphambi kokuba batshate abaneliseki emtshatweni . . . , kuthiwa baba neengxaki ezingakumbi emtshatweni, yaye . . . baba namathuba angakumbi okuqhawul’ umtshato.”
[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 5]
Ukuphila Ixesha Elide Nomtshato
Namhlanje abantu baphila ixesha elide. Nakuba oku kuvuyisa, kuye kwabangel’ iingxaki emtshatweni. Namhlanje, imitshato emininzi ngaphambili ebiza kupheliswa kukufa, iyaqhekeka. Khawucinge ngengxaki engaqhelekanga ebisoloko ithwaxa imitshato yaseJapan. Ngokutsho kweThe Washington Post, iingcali zithi esi sisigulo samadoda akumhlala-phantsi. Kuthiwa omnye umfazi oneminyaka engama-40 etshatile, ekhumbula ixesha umyeni wakhe wayeqalisa ukufumana umhlala-phantsi, ezithethela wathi: “Ngoku kuza kufuneka ndimale. Bendikruquke ngokwaneleyo kukumlinda xa evela emsebenzini. Kodwa andinakuyinyamezela into yokuqolozelana naye ekhaya imini yonke.”