Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza
Ngaba Sifanele Sahlukane?
“Sasineenyanga ezintathu sithandana, yaye sobabini sasivakalelwa ukuba izinto zihamba kakuhle. Sasicinga ukuba ekugqibeleni siza kutshata.”—UJessica.a
“Ndandithabathekile nguye, yaye kwiminyaka elandelayo naye wabonakalisa umdla! Ndandikuthanda ukuthandana nomfana omdala owayeza kundinyamekela.”—UCarol.
Ekuhambeni kwexesha uJessica noCarol bahlukana nabafana ababethandana nabo. Kwakutheni? Ngaba babeziziyatha ngokwahlukana nezo nzwana?
SELE kuza kuphela unyaka nithandana. Ekuqaleni, wawuqinisekile ukuba “ufuna ukuchitha ubomi bakho naye.”b Maxa wambi, usenokucinga ngendlela ekwakumnandi ngayo ukuqala kwenu ukuthandana. Kodwa ngoku uyathandabuza. Ngaba ufanele uzibethe ngoyaba iingcinga ezinjalo? Unokwazi njani ukuba nifanele nahlukane?
Okokuqala, ufanele uyamkele inyaniso nokuba ibuhlungu. Ukungazikhathaleli iingozi kulwalamano kufana nokungazihoyi izilumkiso ezikwidashboard yemoto yakho. Ingxaki ayizukuphela kunoko kuza kuya kusonakala. Ziziphi ezinye zeengxaki ongafanele uzityeshele?
lzinto zenzeka ngokukhawuleza. Iingxaki zinokubakho xa nisenza izinto ngokungxama. UCarol uthi: “Sasithumelelana ie-mail, sincokola kwi-Internet siqhagamshelana nangefowuni; kwakulula ukuncokola ngale ndlela kuba sasikhululeka kunaxa sithetha ubuso ngobuso.” Loo nto isenokunenza ningazani kakuhle. Ulwalamano alufanele lube njengokhula, lukhule ngokukhawuleza luze emva koko lubune. Kunoko, lufanele lufane nesityalo esixabisekileyo esikhula ngokuthe ngcembe.
Uyagxeka yaye ukujongela phantsi. Intombazana egama linguAna ithi: “Umfana endandithandana naye wayesoloko endijongela phantsi, kodwa ndandimthanda gqitha.” UAna uthi: “Ndandiqala ukunyamezela into enjalo!” IBhayibhile iyakugxeka ‘ukutshabhisa.’ (Efese 4:31) Akuyonto intle ukujongela phantsi umntu omthandayo.—IMizekeliso 12:18.
Usoloko enomsindo. IMizekeliso 17:27 ithi: ‘Umntu oqondayo unomoya opholileyo.’ UErin wafumanisa ukuba umfana awayethandana naye uyathanda ukuba nomsindo. Uthi: “Xa singavisisani, wayendityhala, yaye ngamaxesha athile ndandigruzuka.” IBhayibhile ixelela amaKristu oku: “Mabususwe kuni bonke ubukrakra bolunya nomsindo nengqumbo.” (Efese 4:31) Umntu ongakwaziyo ukuzeyisa akakulungelanga ukuthandana.—2 Timoti 3:1, 3, 5.
Akafuni saziwe ukuba siyathandana. UAngela uthi: “Umfana endandithandana naye wayengafuni ukuba abanye bazi ukuba siyathandana. Wakhathazeka utata akuva ukuba siyathandana!” Enyanisweni, zinokubakho izizathu zokuba abantu bangafuni ukwaziwa ngumntu wonke ukuba bayathandana. Kodwa ukufihlela abo banelungelo lokwazi, kunokubangela ingxaki.
Akanazinjongo zakutshata. AmaKristu athandana kuba enenjongo—ukuthandana kuyawanceda abone ukuba angafanelana kusini na njengamaqabane omtshato. Ngokuqinisekileyo, oku akuthethi kuthi ufanele wenze amalungiselelo omtshato xa uqalisa ukuthandana. Eneneni, abantu abaninzi abatshati nabantu abathandana nabo kuqala. Kwangaxesha-nye, umntu akafanelanga athandane xa engekakulungeli ukutshata.
Siyabuyelana siphinde sahlukane. IMizekeliso 17:17 ithi: “Iqabane lokwenyaniso lithanda ngamaxesha onke.” Oku akuthethi kuthi niza kuvumelana ngayo yonke into. Kodwa xa nimana nisahlukana niphinde nibuyelane oko kunokubonisa ukuba kukho undonakele, njengoko uAna wakuqondayo oko. Uthi: “Yayiba buhlungu gqitha intliziyo yam xa kufuneka sahlukane nomfana endandithandana naye! Sasiphinda sibuyelane kuba ndandifuna ukulungisa izinto, yaye ndaqonda kamva ukuba yayiyinkcitha-xesha.”
Ufuna sibe neentlobano zesini. “Ukuba uyandithanda uza kuvuma.” “Sifanele siqinise ulwalamano lwethu.” “Ukuphathaphathana ngendlela evuselelayo akufani nokwenza iintlobano zesini.” Ezi zezinye iindlela abafana abaqhatha ngazo amantombazana ukuze alale nawo. UYakobi 3:17 uthi: “Ubulumko obuvela phezulu okokuqala nje bunyulu.” Ufanele uthandane nomfana oziphethe kakuhle nobuhlonelayo ubunyulu bakho. Ungavumi ukuthandana nomntu oziphethe kakubi!
Abanye bandilumkisile ngaye. IBhayibhile ithi: “Funa amacebiso yaye uya kuphumelela; xa ungacetyiswa akuyi kuphumelela.” (IMizekeliso 15:22, Today’s English Version) UJessica uthi: “Musa ukuzityeshela izilumkiso zabazali nabahlobo, nendlela wena ovakalelwa ngayo. Xa uzityeshela izilumkiso uzifaka engxakini.”
Ezi zinto zichazwe ngasentla zezinye nje zeengozi ezinokuba yingxaki xa nithandana.c Ukuba uyathandana, ngaba umfana othandana naye unazo ezinye zezi ngxaki? Bhala ngezantsi ezinye zezinto ezikuxhalabisayo.
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Indlela Yokwahlukana
Masithi ubona kufanelekile ukuba wahlukane nomntu othandana naye. Unokukwenza njani oko? Zininzi iindlela onokwenza ngazo, kodwa nazi izinto ezibalulekileyo.
Yiba nesibindi. Intwazana egama linguTrina ithi: “Ndandixhomekeke kakhulu kumfana endandithandana naye kangangokuba ndandisoyika ukwahlukana naye.” Akuyonto ilula ukuxelela umntu ukuba manahlukane. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba ukwazi ukuzimela. (IMizekeliso 22:3) Oko kuya kukunceda ukwazi ukuyimela into oyifunayo xa uthandana—naxa sele utshatile.
Yiba nolwazelelelo. Ukuba umntu othandana naye ebefuna nahlukane, ubuya kufuna akuphathe njani? (Mateyu 7:12) Ngokuqinisekileyo, akunakusuka uthumelele umfana othandana naye ie-mail, okanye ushiye umyalezo efowunini othi: “Kuphelile ngathi!”
Khetha indawo efanelekileyo. Ngaba niza kuthetha ubuso ngobuso okanye ngefowuni? Ngaba uza kubhala ileta okanye ufuna nithetha-thethane? Kuya kuxhomekeka. Anifanelanga nidibane kwindawo oziva ungakhuselekanga kuyo, okanye kwindawo efihlakeleyo, nto leyo enokuvuselela iminqweno engafanelekanga.—1 Tesalonika 4:3.
Nyaniseka. Chaza ngokunyanisekileyo isizathu sokuba ucinge ukuba nimele nahlukane. Xa uvakalelwa kukuba umfana othandana naye akakuphathanga ngendlela efanelekileyo, mxelele. Chaza izinto ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, endaweni yokuthi, “Usoloko uphoxisa ngam,” yithi “Ndiziva ndiphoxekile xa . . . ”
Kulungele ukuphulaphula nawe. Ngaba kukho into ongakhange uyiqonde? Musa ukuqhatheka kuba icikoza, kodwa kwangaxeshanye, yiba nengqiqo uqwalasele zonke iinkalo. IBhayibhile ibongoza amaKristu ukuba amele “akhawuleze ukuva, acothe ukuthetha.”—Yakobi 1:19.
Amanye amanqaku athi “Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza” afumaneka kwiWeb site ethi www.watchtower.org/ype
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Amagama akweli nqaku atshintshiwe.
b Nangona eli nqaku libhekiswe kumantombazana ubukhulu becala, imigaqo elapha isebenza nakubafana.
c Ukuze ufumane inkcazelo engakumbi funda uVukani! kaMeyi 2007, iphepha 18-20.
OMELE UCINGE NGAKO
◼ Bhala apha ngezantsi iimpawu ozifunayo kumntu ofuna ukuthandana naye. ․․․․․
◼ Ziziphi ongenakuzinyamezela? ․․․․․
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 20]
UMNTU OTHANDANA NAYE UFANELE . . .
□ abe neenkolelo ezifana nezakho.—1 Korinte 7:39.
□ ahlonele imilinganiselo yakho yokuziphatha.—1 Korinte 6:18.
□ abe nolwazelelelo ngawe nangabanye abantu.—Filipi 2:4.
□ kuthethwe kakuhle ngaye.—Filipi 2:20.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 20]
UFANELE ULUMKE UKUBA UMFANA OTHANDANA NAYE . . .
□ ufuna izinto zenziwe ngendlela yakhe.
□ ukwenza uzive unetyala, ungenangqondo okanye ungeyonto.
□ uzama ukukwahlukanisa nabahlobo kunye nentsapho yakho.
□ usoloko efuna ukwazi apho ukhoyo.
□ ukutyhola ngokuthandana nabanye abafana.
□ uthanda ukukusongela.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 19]
Ukungazikhathaleli iingozi kulwalamano kufana nokungazihoyi izilumkiso ezikwi-“dashboard” yemoto yakho
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