Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Endiphatha Kakubi Kangaka?

“[Umfana endithandana naye] usoloko endityhola ngezinto ezingenamsebenzi. Kodwa sekunjalo, andiziva nguye.”—UKathrin.a

“Ngaphandle wawungenakubona [manxeba], kodwa ngaphakathi ndandibindekile.”—UAndrea, owayebethwa ngumfana awayethandana naye.

LE YINTO eqhelekileyo: Intombi ithandana nomfana okhangeleka eyinzwana engenasiphako. Kodwa ngokuthe ngcembe uyatshintsha. Amazwi othando athatyathelw’ indawo yimpoxo nokugxekwa okungapheliyo. Ekuqaleni, intombi izixelela ukuba kukuqhula nje okungenamsebenzi. Noko ke, le meko iya isiba mbi de kungenelele nezithuko, ukugqajukelwa ngumsindo nokuzisola komfana. Ivakalelwa kukuba ngandlel’ ithile ingunobangela wale mpatho-mbi, intombi ikhetha ukungaxeleli mntu ngale meko inethemba lokuba izinto ziza kutshintsha. Kodwa azitshintshi. Ngoku umfana ude ayingxolise nokuyingxolisa. Xa enomsindo ude ayityhale ngamandla! Intombi isoloko inexhala lokuba kwixa elizayo, lo mfana uza kude ayibethe.b

Kusenokufuneka abafana namantombazana axhatshazwayo ngabantu abathandana nabo bamelane nokugxekwa, intetho erhabaxa nomsindo wamaqabane abo. Ngaba ukwimeko enjalo? (Bona ibhokisi enomxholo othi “Ezinye Iimpawu Omele Uzijonge.”) Ukuba kunjalo, usenokuba usentlungwini yaye uneentloni kangangokuba akuyazi neyona nto ufanele uyenze.

Le meko isenokuba ixhaphake ngaphezu kokuba ucinga. Abaphengululi baqikelela ukuba umntu om-1 kwaba-5 ukhe waxhatshazwa ngandlel’ ithile ngumntu athandana naye. Xa kuqukwa abantu abathukwayo, eli nani linyuka liye kutsho kubantu aba-4 kwaba-5. Ngokwahlukileyo kwingcamango eqhelekileyo, asingomabhinqa kuphela axhatshazwayo. Ngokutsho kophando oluphathelele ugonyamelo phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo olwenziwa eBritani, “inani lamadoda axhatshazwayo ngamaqabane awo liphantse lilingane nenani lamabhinqa.”c

Yintoni ebangela ukuba kubekho impatho-mbi phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo? Yintoni ofanele uyenze ukuba iqabane lakho liyakuxhaphaza?

Yazi Imbono KaThixo

Okokuqala ufanele wazi indlela onzulu ngayo lo mbandela kuThixo. Yinto elindelekileyo ukuba abantu abangafezekanga bathethe okanye benze izinto ezibakhathazayo abanye. (Yakobi 3:2) Yinyaniso ukuba ngamathub’ athile kusenokubakho ukungavisisani phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo abathembeneyo. Ngokomzekelo, umpostile uPawulos noBharnabhas babengamaKristu aqolileyo. Sekunjalo ngesinye isihlandlo kwabakho “ukudubuleka kabukhali komsindo” phakathi kwabo. (IZenzo 15:39) Ngoko ngamathub’ athile kusenokubakho ukungavisisani phakathi kwakho nomntu othandana naye.

Ngapha koko, akuyi kuba sengqiqweni ukulindela ukuba umntu othandana naye akanakuze athethe ilizwi elihlabayo. Kaloku, niceba ukutshata. Ngoko, ngaba ebengayi kuba ubonisa uthando xa ethetha nawe ngomkhwa othile angawuthandiyo kuwe? Yinyaniso ukuba kubuhlungu ukuhlatyw’ amadlala. (Hebhere 12:11) Kodwa ukuba kwenziwa ngothando, akunakuthiwa kukuxhaphaza.—IMizekeliso 27:6.

Noko ke, kwahluke ngokupheleleyo ukungxoliswa, ukubethwa okanye ukuthukwa. IBhayibhile iyakwalela ukuba ‘nengqumbo, umsindo, ububi nentetho etshabhisayo.’ (Kolose 3:8) Iyamcaphukisa uYehova into yokuba umntu asebenzise “amandla” aze ahlaze, angcungcuthekise okanye acinezele abanye. (INtshumayeli 4:1; 8:9) Eneneni, iLizwi likaThixo liyalela amadoda ukuba “abathande abafazi bawo njengemizimba yawo . . . , kuba akukho mntu wakha wayithiya eyakhe inyama; kodwa uyayondla aze ayiphathe ngononophelo.” (Efese 5:28, 29) Indoda ethetha rhabaxa okanye eliphatha kakubi ibhinqa ethandana nalo ibonakalisa ukuba ayikulungelanga ukutshata. Kwangaxeshanye, izenza ingakholeki emehlweni kaYehova uThixo!

Asinguwe Unobangela!

Noko ke, amadoda awaphatha kakubi amaqabane awo adla ngokwasulela ityala kumaxhoba awo. Ngoko kusenokwenzeka ukuba nawe maxa wambi uvakalelwa kukuba umntu othandana naye ucatshukiswa nguwe. Noko ke, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umsindo wakhe awunanto yakwenza nawe. Ngokuqhelekileyo amadoda axhaphazayo akhulela kumakhaya apho ugonyamelo okanye intetho erhabaxa yayigqalwa njengento eyamkelekileyo.d Kwamanye amazwe abafana baphenjelelwa ngamasiko akhuthaza ukuba yindoda elawulayo. Noontanga basenokunyanzela umfana ukuba azibonakalise ukuba uyindoda. Ukuba akazithembanga, usenokucatshukiswa yiyo nantoni na oyithethayo okanye oyenzayo.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuba injani na imeko, asinguwe obekek’ ityala ngokugqajukelwa ngumsindo komnye umntu. Intetho erhabaxa nogonyamelo azamkelekanga nanini na.

Ukutshintsha Indlela Ocinga Ngayo

Sekunjalo, kunokufuneka utshintshe indlela ozijonga ngayo izinto. Ngoba? Khawucinge ngoku, ukuba intombi ikhulele kwindawo olwamkelekileyo kuyo ugonyamelo nentetho erhabaxa, impatho-mbi isenokubonakala njengento eyamkelekileyo kuyo. Kunokuba imangaliswe yiloo hambo ingawafanelanga amaKristu, isenokuyinyamezela—de mhlawumbi iyithande. Ewe, amanye amaxhoba empatho-mbi adla ngokuthi ayadikwa ngamadoda awaphatha ngentlonelo. Amanye amabhinqa aselula azikhohlisa ngelithi anokubatshintsha abafana athandana nabo.

Ukuba nawe unjalo, ufanele ‘utshintshe ingqondo’ yakho ngalo mbandela. (Roma 12:2) Ngokuthandaza, ukufundisisa nokucamngca ngalo mbandela, uya kutsho ubone ukuba uYehova uyithiyile impatho-mbi uze nawe uyithiye. Kufuneka uqonde ukuba akukho mntu ufanele akuphathe kakubi. Ukuhlakulela ukuthozama—ukwazi ukuba kukho izinto ongenakukwazi ukuzenza—kuya kukunceda ubone ukuba akunakukwazi ukutshintsha isimo sengqondo somntu othandana naye ongunkom’ iyahlaba. Yimbopheleleko yakhe ukutshintsha!—Galati 6:5.

Kwezinye iimeko, amabhinqa aselula anyamezela impatho-mbi ngenxa yokungazithembi. UKathrin ocatshulwe ekuqaleni uthi: “Andiziboni ndiphila ngaphandle kwakhe yaye andiziboni ndifumana umntu obhetele kunaye.” Ngokufanayo, ibhinqa eliselula elinguHelga lathi ngomntu elithandana naye: “Ndiyamyeka andibethe kuba kubhetele naleyo kunokuba ndingabi namntu ndithandana naye.”

Ngaba ezi ngcamango zibonisa isiqalo solwalamano oluhle? Ngapha koko, ngaba ngokwenene ungamthanda omnye umntu xa wena ungazithandi? (Mateyu 19:19) Hlakulela ukuzithemba.e Ukunyamezela impatho-mbi akuyi kukunceda ekwenzeni oko. Ibhinqa eliselula elinguIrena lazibonela ngokwalo ukuba ukunyamezela impatho-mbi kunokukwenza “uphelelwe kukuzithemba.”

Ukwamkela Inyaniso

Kusenokuba nzima kwabanye abantu ukuvuma ukuba izinto azihambi kakuhle phakathi kwabo nomntu othile—ingakumbi ukuba loo mntu bayamthanda kakhulu. Kodwa ungazikhohlisi. Umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Onobuqili ubona intlekele azifihle, kodwa abangenamava bayadlula baze bafumane isohlwayo.” (IMizekeliso 22:3) Ibhinqa eliselula elinguHanna lithi: “Xa umthanda umfana, iba ngathi uyimfama yaye ubona iimpawu zakhe ezintle kuphela.” Noko ke, ukuba ukuphatha kakubi, kuhle ukuba ubone oyena mntu anguye. Yaye ukuba umfana othandana naye usoloko ekutyityimbisela umnwe okanye ekuthob’ isidima, kukho undonakele. Ungazami ukumthethelela okanye ucinge ukuba nguwe unobangela. Amava abonisa ukuba, xa kunganikelwa ngqalelo kuyo, impatho-mbi ihambela phambili. Impilo-ntle yakho inokuba sengozini!

Kakade ke, iya kuba bubulumko ukuba ungathandani nomntu ongakwaziyo ukulawula umsindo. (IMizekeliso 22:24) Ngoko ukuba umntu ongamazi kakuhle ucela ukuthandana nawe, kuhle ukuba uqale umazi kakuhle. Kutheni ungacebisi ukuba nibonane phakathi kwabanye abantu? Oku kuya kukunik’ ithuba lokuba umazi kakuhle ngaphambi kokuba uthandane naye. Zibuze le mibuzo isengqiqweni: Ngoobani abahlobo bakhe? Luhlobo olunjani lomculo, lweefilim, lwemidlalo yekhompyutha neminye imidlalo ayithandayo? Ngaba iincoko zakhe zibonisa ukuba unomdla kwizinto zokomoya? Thetha nabantu abamaziyo, njengabadala bebandla akulo. Baya kukuxelela enoba ‘kunikelwa ingxelo entle’ ngaye kusini na yaye ihambo yakhe ibonisa ukuba uqolile yaye uyamthanda uThixo.—IZenzo 16:2.

Kodwa yintoni onokuyenza ukuba sele uthandana nomntu okuphatha kakubi? Lo mbuzo uza kuphendulwa kwinqaku lexa elizayo.

Ukuba ungayivuyela inkcazelo engakumbi okanye ungathanda ukuba uthile eze ekhayeni lakho ukuze akuqhubele isifundo seBhayibhile sesisa, nceda ubhale, uthumele igama nedilesi ohlala kuyo kule dilesi, AmaNgqina KaYehova, Private Bag X2067, Krugersdorp, 1740, South Africa, okanye kwidilesi efanelekileyo kwezidweliswe kwiphepha 5.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 32]

Ezinye Iimpawu Omele Uzijonge

◼ Uthanda ukuthetha izinto ezithob’ isidima ngawe, intsapho yakowenu okanye abahlobo bakho xa ninobabini okanye niphakathi kwabantu

◼ Akayikhathelele iminqweno okanye iimvakalelo zakho

◼ Uzama ukulawula zonke iinkalo zobomi bakho, ufuna ukwazi indawo okuyo ngalo lonk’ ixesha yaye ukwenzela izigqibo ngento yonke

◼ Uyakungxolisa, akutyhale okanye akutyityimbisele umnwe

◼ Uzama ukukunyanzela ukuba ubonise uthando ngokwenza izinto ezingafanelekanga

◼ Usoloko uxhalabele ukuba izinto ozenzayo zingamcaphukisi

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 31]

Ukuba usoloko ekugxeka okanye ethetha rhabaxa nawe loo nto isenokubonisa ukuba kukho undonakele