Ucelomngeni Olukhethekileyo Ezijongana Nalo Iintsapho Zomtshato Wesibini

● Ngokutsho kwengcali yeentsapho zomtshato wesibini uGqr. Patricia Papernow, ukusebenzisa icebiso elifanayo kwimicimbi yeentsapho zomtshato oqhelekileyo nakwezo zomtshato wesibini “kufana nokukhangela isitrato esiseBhayi kwimaphu yaseKapa.

Inyaniso kukuba, iingxaki zeentsapho zomtshato wesibini azaneli nje ukwahluka kodwa zintsonkothe ngakumbi kunezo zeentsapho zomtshato oqhelekileyo. Eneneni, ingcali yengqondo uWilliam Merkel ichaza iintsapho zomtshato wesibini ngokuthi “lulwalamano oluntsonkothileyo, olungaqhelekanga nolunzima kwimbali yoluntu.”

Ukuba kunzima ngolo hlobo, zingaphumelela njani iintsapho zomtshato wesibini? Ulwalamano lweentsapho zomtshato wesibini lunokufaniswa nemisonto yelaphu. Nakuba le misonto ibonakala ibuthathaka xa uqalisa ukusonta ngayo, xa sele ugqibile inokuba lilaphu elomeleleyo—xa ithungwe kakuhle.

Makhe siqwalasele iingxaki ezidla ngokujamelana nazo iintsapho zomtshato wesibini namanyathelo aye anceda ezininzi zalungisa ubomi bazo “zabusonta” baluqilima. Emva koko, siza kufunda ngamanyathelo amane aye anceda iintsapho zomtshato wesibini ezine zaphumelela.

INGXAKI 1: ULINDELO OLUNGAPHUNYEZWANGA

“Ndandicinga ukuba ngobathanda nokubanyamekela abantwana bomyeni wam baza kude bandamkele, kodwa ngoku sekudlule iminyaka esibhozo ndilindile.—UGloria.a

KUDLA ngokubakho ulindelo olukhulu kwintsapho zemitshato yesibini. Abazali baba nethemba lokuphepha okanye lokulungisa iimpazamo abazenza kwimitshato yangaphambili nelokufumana uthando okanye unqabiseko abebekade bengalufumani. Abanye balindela izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni, ezithi zakungazaliseki babenoxinzeleko. Kunjengokuba iBhayibhile isithi: “Ulindelo olubanjezelweyo lugulisa intliziyo.” (IMizekeliso 13:12) Kuthekani xa ulindelo olubanjezelweyo lugulisa intliziyo yakho?

INTO ONOKUYENZA

Ungacinezeli iimvakalelo zakho, kuba usithi ukuphoxeka kuza kusuka kuziphelele. Kunoko, zama ukuqonda ukuba luluphi olu lindelo lungazalisekanga lukuphazamisayo. Emva koko, zibuze isizathu sokuba ube nelo themba, ukuze wazi unobangela wokuba ubambelele kulo. Yandula ke, uzame ukuba nolindelo lwezinto ezinokwenzeka okwangoku. Nantsi eminye imizekelo yazo:

1. Kwasekuqaleni, ndiza kubathanda abantwana beqabane lam, nabo baza kundithanda.

Ngoba? Bendisoloko ndifun’ ukuba kwintsapho esondeleleneyo nezifudumeleyo.

Olusengqiqweni: Ethubeni, indlela esithandana ngayo inokuphucuka. Into ebalulekileyo ngoku kukuba sizive sikhuselekileyo yaye sihlonelwa kwintsapho yethu.

2. Wonk’ umntu kwintsapho esandul’ ukuqala uza kukhawuleza aqhele.

Ngoba? Sikulungele ukuqalisa ubomi obutsha.

Olusengqiqweni: Ngokuqhelekileyo umtshato wesibini udla ngokuzinza emva kweminyaka emine nesixhenxe. Neyethu imeko iyafana neyabanye abantu.

3. Asinakuxambulisana ngemali.

Ngoba? Uthando lwethu luza kusinceda siziphephe ezo ngxaki.

Olusengqiqweni: Iingxaki zemali esasinazo kwimitshato yethu yangaphambili zintsonkothile. Kusenzima ukwabelana ngemali yethu yonke.

INGXAKI 2: INDLELA YOKUQONDANA

“Saqhelana ngokukhawuleza—wonke umntu kumtshato wesibini wakhawuleza wakhululeka.”—UYoshito.

“Kwathatha malunga neminyaka elishumi ngaphambi kokuba ndifak’ isandla kwimpumelelo yentsapho yakuthi kumtshato wesibini.”—UTatsuki unyana wenkosikazi yesibini kaYoshito.

KANYE njengoYoshito noTatsuki, iyenzeka into yokuba amalungu omtshato wesibini angaqondani. Kubaluleke ngantoni oku? Xa kuvela iingxaki usenokuzama ukuzicombulula ngokukhawuleza. Kodwa ukuze oko kuphumelele, kufuneka uqale uyiqonde intsapho yakho.

Kubalulekile ukuyijonga indlela othetha ngayo, kuba kaloku amazwi anokuchitha kanye njengokuba enokwakha. Kunjengokuba iBhayibhile isitsho: “Ukufa nobomi kusemandleni olwimi.” (IMizekeliso 18:21) Unokulusebenzisa njani ulwimi lwakho ukuze kubekho ukuqondana kunokuba udale ingxaki?

INTO ONOKUYENZA

• Yiba nomdla novelwano ngabanye endaweni yokubagweba. Ngokomzekelo:

Ukuba unyana wakho uthi, “Ndiyamkhumbula uTata,” yivume into yokuba walahlekelwa. Kunokuba uthi, “Kodwa, nalo unaye ngoku utata uyakuthanda yaye ulungile kunotat’ akho,” yithi: “Yaba buhlungu ngokwenene loo nto. Khawutsho, yiyiphi eyona nto uyikhumbula kakhulu ngotat’ akho?”

Kunokutyhola iqabane lakho elitsha ngokuthi, “Unyana wakho ebengayi kuba krwada ngolu hlobo ukuba ubukwazi ukuqeqesha,” lazise indlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Zama oku: “Akunakumcela uLizo ukuba andibulise xa efika endlwini? Kungandivuyisa gqitha oko.”

• Lichitheni kunye ixesha lokutya, elokuzihlaziya nelokunqula ukuze nazane.

• Yibani neentlanganiso zentsapho rhoqo bekhona bonke abantu. Yekani ilungu ngalinye lithethe lingaphazanyiswa, lichaze izinto ezintle ngale ntsapho intsha, lize lilandelise ngezinto ezilixhalabisayo. Bonisa intlonipho nokuba anivumelani nalo, nize nivumele bonke beze nesicombululo.

INGXAKI 3: INDLELA YOKWENZA BONKE BAZIVE BEYINXALENYE YENTSAPHO

“Inkosikazi nabantwana bayo baqale bagqugule bodwa baze bafike sebetyhola mna. Andamkelekanga, ndilutshaba.”—UWalt.

UKUZIVA ungamkelekanga entsatsheni kunokuba ngunobangela weengxaki ezininzi. Ngokomzekelo:

• Abantwana abebephathana kakuhle neqabane eliza kutshata nomzali wabo, badla ngokuba nengxaki emva kwaloo mtshato.

• Umzali wesibini unokumonela umntwana oneminyaka nje emithandathu ubudala.

• Kuqhambuka iingxabano ezinkulu nakwizinto nje ezingenamsebenzi zekhaya.

Oku kuyabachaphazela nabazali bokwenene, kuba nabo bayaxinezeleka xa bebona izinto zingahambi kakuhle. UCarmen uthi, “Ukuzibona sele ndilamla phakathi komyeni nabantwana bam kunzima kakhulu.”

Umthetho Omkhulu unikel’ isicombululo kule ngxaki. UYesu wathi: “Zonke izinto, ngoko, enifuna abantu bazenze kuni, yenzani ngokunjalo nani kubo.” (Mateyu 7:12) Zinokwenza njani ezi ntsapho ukuze wonke umntu azive eyinxalenye yentsapho?

OKO UNOKUKWENZA

• Bek’ umtshato wakho kwindawo yokuqala. (Genesis 2:24) Chith’ ixesha neqabane lakho elitsha, uze uyenze icace indawo yalo kubantwana bakho. Ngokomzekelo, ootata basenokuthi kubantwana babo ngaphambi kokuba baphinde batshate: “Ndiyamthanda uAnna, yaye uza kuba ngumfazi wam. Ndiyazi ukuba niza kumphatha kakuhle.”

• Zama ukuchitha ixesha nomntwana wakho ngamnye. Ukubekela ngamnye ixesha elikhethekileyo kuya kubethelela kubo indlela obaxabisa ngayo kuze baqinisekise ukuba uyabathanda.

• Chitha ixesha nomntwana ngamnye weqabane lakho elitsha ninobabini ukuze nakhe ubuhlobo lingekho elo lingumzali.

• Benze bakhululeke ukuba “yinxalenye” yale ntsapho intsha ngaphandle kokulahla loo ntsapho bebekade benayo. Kubabhetele xa ungabanyanzeli abantwana beqabane lakho ukuba bakubize ngamagama amnandi owafunayo. Ukuba sebebadala ekuqaleni kunokubanzima ukusebenzisa amagama abonisa ukuba bayayamkela le ntsapho intsha yaye bayinxalenye yayo.

• Nika umntwana ngamnye umsebenzi wakhe wekhaya, isitulo aza kuhlala kuso etafileni, negumbi lakhe. Oku ukukwenza nakwabo bahlala nomzali wabo beza ngamaxesha athile.

• Usenokucinga ngokufudukela kumzi omtsha okanye ulungise indlu enihlala kuyo, ukuze amalungu amatsha entsapho angaziva engamkelekanga.

INGXAKI 4: UKUQEQESHA ABANTWANA

“Xa ndizama ukuqeqesha abantwana bakaCarmen, yena usuka abathuthuzele kunokuba andincedise.”—UPablo.

“Kuye kuthi xhokro entliziyweni xa ndibona uPablo edlakazelisa abantwana bam.”—UCarmen.

KUTHENI ukukhulisa abantwana kunokubangela ingxaki kwintsapho yomtshato wesibini? Umzali omnye usenokuba ebeyekelela ekuqeqesheni abantwana. Xa umzali omtsha efika, usenokuba akakasondelelani nabo ngokweemvakalelo. Iba njani imiphumo yoko? Umzali omtsha usenokucinga ukuba lo ubazalayo uyayekelela, ngoxa obazalayo ecinga ukuba iqabane lakhe lingqwabalala kubo.

IBhayibhile ikhuthaza ukuba silungelelane xa siqeqesha abantwana kuba ithi: “Musani ukubacaphukisa abantwana benu, kodwa qhubekani nibakhulisela kwingqeqesho nasekweyiselweni kwengqondo kuYehova [uThixo].” (Efese 6:4) Ingongoma apha, kukuqeqesha indlela yokucinga yomntwana kunokulawula nje indlela aziphatha ngayo. Kwangaxeshanye, kukhuthazwa abazali ukuba babe nobubele nothando ukuze uqeqesho lwabo lungabacaphukisi abantwana.

OKO UNOKUKWENZA

• Beka imithetho yekhaya, uqale ngaleyo sele ikho. Cinga ngeengenelo zaloo mithetho kule meko ilandelayo:

Umama wesibini: Jennifer, umthetho walapha uthi umele ugqibe umsebenzi wakho wesikolo ngaphambi kokuba ubhalelane nabantu ngefowuni.

UJennifer: Akungomama wena.

Umama wesibini: Unyanisile Jen, kodwa ndim umzali okhoyo namhlanje, yaye umthetho uthi akuzukuthumela miyalezo de ugqibe umsebenzi wakho wesikolo.

• Kuphephe ukwenza imithetho emininzi okanye ukuyitshintsha ngokukhawuleza. Isicelo esibonakala silula kumzali wesibini sinokuba luxanduva emntwaneni ovakalelwa kukuba ubomi bakhe butshintshiwe. Kakade ke, isenokufuneka eminye imithetho emitsha, njengemiba eyimfihlo yekhaya, indlela yokunxiba ekhaya, ngakumbi xa kukho abantwana abadala kwabo bafikayo.

• Xubushani ukungaboni ngasonye ngasese, hayi phambi kwabantwana. Nikelan’ ingqalelo kwingxaki leyo anayo umntwana endaweni yeentsilelo kwiindlela akhuliswe ngayo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

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Into yokuba intsapho yomtshato wesibini inokumanyana inokubonakala njengephupha

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 4]

Phulaphulani ngenyameko ukuze niqonde iimvakalelo nezinto ezixhalabisa umntu ngamnye

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Ukuba abazali ababoni ngasonye, bamele bayilungise loo nto ngasese