Iintsapho Zomtshato Wesibini Zinokuphumelela

NGABA ZINOKUBAKHO IINTSAPHO ZOMTSHATO WESIBINI EZIPHUMELELAYO? EWE, INGAKUMBI UKUBA bonke abo babandakanyekileyo bakhumbula ukuba “sonke iSibhalo siphefumlelwe nguThixo kwaye siyingenelo ekufundiseni, ekohlwayeni, ekubekeni izinto ngokuthe tye, ekuqeqesheleni ebulungiseni.” (2 Timoti 3:​16) Xa wonke ubani esebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile, phantse kungaqinisekwa ngempumelelo.

Uphawu Olusisiseko

IBhayibhile inemithetho embalwa yokulawula ulwalamano lwabantu. Inkoliso yayo ikhuthaza ukuhlakulela iimpawu ezintle neembono ezisikhokelela ekubeni senze izinto ngobulumko. Iimbono neempawu ezintle ezinjalo zisisiseko sobomi bentsapho eyonwabileyo.

Oko kusenokubonakala kucacile, kodwa sekunjalo olona phawu lusisiseko nolufunekayo kuyo nayiphi na intsapho ukuze iphumelele luthando. Umpostile uPawulos wathi: “Uthando lwenu malungabi naluhanahaniso. . . . Kuthando lobuzalwana yibani nomsa wofefe omnye komnye.” (Roma 12:​9, 10) Igama elithi “uthando” lisetyenziswa kakubi gqitha, kodwa uhlobo lothando abhekisela kulo apha uPawulos lwahlukile. Luthando lobuthixo, yaye “aluze lusilele.” (1 Korinte 13:⁠8) IBhayibhile iluchaza njengolungazingciyo nolukulungeleyo ukunceda. Lusebenza ngokwenene ukuze kulungelwe abanye. Lunomonde yaye lunobubele, alunamona, aluqhayisi, okanye luzingce. Alufuni okukokwalo kodwa. Lusoloko lukulungele ukuvumelana neemeko, luhlala lukholosile, lunethemba, ukuze lukwazi ukunyamezela nantoni na enokwenzeka.​—⁠1 Korinte 13:​4-⁠7.

Uthando lokwenene lunceda ukuphelisa iingxaki luze lumanyanise abantu abaneemvelaphi nobuntu obahlukeneyo. Yaye lunceda ekupheliseni iintlungu zoqhawulo-mtshato okanye zokufa komzali wokwenene. Enye indoda eyaba ngutata womtshato wesibini ichaza iingxaki eyaba nazo isithi: “Ngokufuthi ndandizixhalabele gqitha iimvakalelo zam kunokucinga ngezabantwana bomtshato wam wesibini okanye ezomfazi wam. Ndafunda ukuba ndingakhathazeki ngokulula. Okona kubaluleke ngakumbi kukuba, kwafuneka ndifunde ukuthobeka.” Uthando lwamnceda wenza iinguqulelo ezazifuneka.

Umzali Wokwenene

Uthando lunokunceda ekusingatheni ulwalamano umntwana awayenalo nomzali wokwenene olungasekhoyo ngoku. Ezityand’ igila omnye utata womtshato wesibini uthi: “Ndandifuna abantwana bomtshato wam wesibini bathande mna kunaye nabani na ongomnye. Xa babetyelela uyise wabo wokwenene, kwakunzima kum ukusixhathisa isilingo sokumgxeka. Ukubuya kwabo emva kosuku olumnandi kunye naye, ndandikhathazeka gqitha. Xa bebuya bebuhlungu, ndandichwayita gqitha. Enyanisweni, ndandisoyika ukuphulukana nabo. Eyona nto kwakunzima ukuyamkela yayikukuqonda ndize ndamkele ukubaluleka kwendima awayenayo uyise wokwenene ebantwaneni bam bomtshato wesibini.”

Uthando lokwenene lwamnceda lo tata womtshato wesibini waqonda ukuba kwakungekho sengqiqweni ukulindela uthando “lwesiquphe.” Wayengamele axhalabe xa abantwana babengamamkeli ngokukhawuleza. Waqonda ukuba wayengenakukwazi ukumkhupha ngokupheleleyo uyise wokwenene ezintliziyweni zabantwana bakhe. Aba bantwana bamazi uyise besebancinane, ngoxa lo tata womtshato wesibini wayefika yaye kwakufuneka asebenzele ukuthandwa ngabantwana bakhe. Omnye umphandi uElizabeth Einstein uthetha ngamava abaye banawo abaninzi xa esithi: “Umzali wokwenene akanakuthatyathelwa indawo ngomnye​—⁠akanakuze nakanye. Kwanomzali ofileyo okanye oye wabalahla abantwana uhlala ebalulekile ebantwaneni.”

Uqeqesho​—⁠Umbandela Onobuzaza

IBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba ukuqeqesha ngothando kubalulekile kubantu abaselula, yaye oku kuquka abantwana bomtshato wesibini. (IMizekeliso 8:​33) Izifundiswa eziliqela ngoku ziyavumelana neBhayibhile ngokuphathelele lo mbandela. UNjingalwazi Ceres Alves de Araújo wathi: “Ngokuqhelekileyo, akakho umntu othanda ukusikelwa imida, kodwa kuyimfuneko. Igama elithi ‘hayi’ liyakhusela.”

Noko ke, kwintsapho exubeneyo, iimbono eziphathelele uqeqesho zingabangela ingxwabangxwaba. Abantwana bomtshato wesibini baye baphenjelelwa ngokuyinxalenye ngumntu omdala ongasekhoyo ngoku. Ngokulindelekileyo, banemikhwa okanye benza izinto ezisenokumcaphukisa umzali womtshato wesibini. Yaye mhlawumbi abasiqondi isizathu sokuba umzali womtshato wesibini akhathazwe zizinto ezithile. Unokuyisingatha njani imeko enjalo ngokuphumelelayo? UPawulos uwabongoza amaKristu esithi: “Sukela . . . uthando, unyamezelo, umoya wobulali.” (1 Timoti 6:​11) Uthando lwamaKristu lunceda umzali womtshato wesibini kunye nabantwana ukuba bazole baze babe nomonde njengokuba befunda ukuqondana ngakumbi. Ukuba umzali womtshato wesibini akanamonde, ‘unomsindo, ingqumbo, nentetho etshabhisayo’ oku kungakhawuleza kulonakalise naluphi na ulwalamano obeluhlakulelwe.​—⁠Efese 4:⁠31.

Umprofeti uMika wayichaza into enokuba luncedo. Wathi: “Uxelelwe, mntundini, okulungileyo: akubizayo uYehova kuwe, kukuthi wenze okusesikweni, uthande inceba, uhambe noThixo wakho ngokuthozamileyo.” (Mika 6:⁠8) Kubalulekile ukubonakalisa okusesikweni xa uqeqesha. Kodwa kuthekani ngobubele? Omnye umKristu ongumdala uthi kwakuye kube nzima ukuba abantwana bakhe bomtshato wesibini bavuke kusasa ngeCawa ukuze babe nesabelo kunqulo lwasebandleni. Kunokuba abagxeke kabukhali, wazama ukuba nobubele. Wayevuka ekuseni, alungiselele isidlo sakusasa aze abaphathele into ephungwayo. Ngenxa yoko, babekulungele ngakumbi ukuthobela isicelo sakhe sokuba bavuke.

UNjingalwazi Ana Luisa Vieira de Mattos wenza la magqabaza alandelayo abangela umdla: “Asilohlobo lwentsapho olubalulekileyo kodwa yindlela oluyiyo ulwalamano. Kuhlolisiso endilwenzileyo ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba abantu abaselula abanengxaki kwindlela abaziphethe ngayo amaxesha amaninzi iba ngabo bavela kwiintsapho ezinabazali abangoovula-zibhuqe ebantwaneni, okanye apho kungekho migaqo nonxibelelwano.” Kwakhona wongezelela wathi: “Kumele kugxininiswe ngamandla ukuba ukukhulisa abantwana kuquka imfuneko yokuthi hayi.” Ukongezelela uGqr. Emily noJohn Visher bathi: “Ngokusisiseko, uqeqesho lusebenza kuphela xa umntu oqeqeshwayo eyikhathalele indlela avakalelwa ngayo nolwalamano analo naloo mntu umqeqeshayo.”

La magqabaza achaphazela umbuzo othi ngubani kwiintsapho zomtshato wesibini omele aqeqeshe. Ngubani omele athi hayi? Emva kokuba bethethe ngako konke oko abanye abazali baye bagqiba kwelokuba, ekuqaleni, imele ibe ngumzali wokwenene omele aqeqeshe ukuze anike umzali womtshato wesibini ixesha lokwakha ulwalamano olusondeleyo nabantwana. Bayeke abantwana bafunde ukuba nentembelo ngothando lomzali womtshato wesibini ngaphambi kokuba baqeqeshwe nguye.

Kuthekani ukuba umzali womtshato wesibini ngutata? IBhayibhile ayitsho na ukuba utata yintloko yentsapho? Ewe. (Efese 5:​22, 23; 6:​1, 2) Noko ke, utata womtshato wesibini kusenokufuneka ayekelele kumbandela wokuqeqesha kangangesihlandlo esithile, ingakumbi ukuba uquka isohlwayo. Usenokuvumela abantwana bathobele ‘umthetho kanina’ ngoxa esakha isiseko sokuba ‘baphulaphule uqeqesho lukayise [omtsha].’ (IMizekeliso 1:⁠8; 6:​20; 31:⁠1) Ubungqina bubonisa ukuba, ekugqibeleni, oku akuchasananga nomgaqo wobuntloko. Ukongezelela, omnye utata womtshato wesibini uthi: “Ndakhumbula ukuba uqeqesho luquka ukuyala, ukulungiswa, nokukhalimela. Oku kuyasebenza xa kusenziwa ngendlela yokusesikweni, enothando, nenovelwano yaye kusekelwa ngumzekelo wabazali.”

Abazali Bamele Banxibelelane

IMizekeliso 15:​22, (NW) ithi: “Amacebo ayatshitsha apho kungekho gqugula.” Kwintsapho yomtshato wesibini, intetho ezolileyo nokugqugula phakathi kwabazali kubalulekile. Umbhali wemihlathi kwiphephancwadi iO Estado de S. Paulo wathi: “Abantwana bayathanda ukuvavanya imida abayibekelwa ngabazali babo.” Le yinyaniso emsulwa kwiintsapho zomtshato wesibini. Ngenxa yoko, abazali bamele bavumelane kwiimeko ezahlukahlukeneyo ukuze abantwana bakwazi ukubabona ukuba bamanyene. Ngoko, kuthekani ukuba umzali womtshato wesibini wenza izinto ngendlela umzali wokwenene avakalelwa kukuba ayibonakalisi okusesikweni? Ngoko bobabini bamele bacombulule loo ngxaki ngasese, kungekhona phambi kwabantwana.

Omnye umama owaphinda watshata uthi: “Eyona nto ibuhlungu kumama kukubona utata womtshato wesibini esohlwaya abantwana bakhe, ingakumbi ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba wenze izinto ngokungxama okanye akabonakalisi okusesikweni ngokwenene. Kuyenza buhlungu intliziyo yakhe, yaye ufuna ukukhusela abantwana bakhe. Ngamaxesha anjalo, kunzima ukuzithoba kumyeni wakhe nokumxhasa.

“Ngesinye isihlandlo, amakhwenkwe am amabini, eneminyaka eli-12 neneminyaka eli-14 ubudala, acela kuyise womtshato wesibini imvume yokwenza okuthile. Ngokukhawuleza wala waza waphuma kuloo ndlu engakhange awanike nexesha la makhwenkwe lokucacisa isizathu sokuba eso sicelo sibalulekile kuwo. La makhwenkwe ayehlininika, yaye ndaba ngathi ndiyinkuku esikw’ umlomo. Inkwenkwe endala yandijonga yaza yathi: ‘Mama uyibonile into ayenzileyo?’ Ndaphendula ndathi: ‘Ewe, ndiyibonile. Kodwa useyintloko yekhaya, yaye iBhayibhile isixelela ukuba sibuthobele ubuntloko bakhe.’ Yayingamakhwenkwe athobelayo yaye avumelana noku, yaye azola. Kwangaloo ngokuhlwa, ndamcacisela yonke into umyeni wam, yaye waqonda ukuba ube ngqongqo gqitha. Waya ngqo kwindlu yamakhwenkwe wacela uxolo.

“Safunda okuninzi kweso sihlandlo. Umyeni wam wafunda ukuphulaphula ngaphambi kokuba enze izigqibo. Mna ndafunda ukuba ndiwuthobele umgaqo wobuntloko, naxa kwakunzima. Amakhwenkwe afunda ukubaluleka kokuzithoba. (Kolose 3:​18, 19) Yaye ukucela uxolo komyeni wam ngokusuka entliziyweni kwasifundisa sonke isifundo esibalulekileyo sokuthobeka. (IMizekeliso 29:​23) Namhlanje, bobabini aba nyana bangabadala abangamaKristu.”

Iimpazamo ziya kwenziwa. Abantwana baya kuthetha okanye benze izinto ezikhathazayo. Iingcinezelo zelo xesha ziya kubangela ukuba oomama bomtshato wesibini benze izinto ngendlela engekho ngqiqweni. Noko ke, loo mazwi alula athi, “Uxolo, nceda undixolele,” aya kuba negalelo elikhulu ekupholiseni amanxeba.

Ukomeleza Umanyano Lwentsapho

Kuthabatha ixesha ukwakha ulwalamano olusondeleleneyo kwintsapho yomtshato wesibini. Ukuba ungumzali womtshato wesibini, ufanele ube nolwazelelelo. Yiba ngoqondayo, ukulungele ukuchitha ixesha nabantwana. Dlala nabo baselula. Kulungele ukuncokola nabo bakhulileyo. Zama amathuba okuba kunye nabo​—⁠ngokomzekelo, cela abantwana bakuncedise kwimisebenzi yekhaya, njengokulungiselela isidlo okanye ukuhlamba inqwelo-mafutha. Bameme ukuba bahambe nawe xa usiya evenkileni. Ukongezelela, iimbonakaliso ezincinane zothando zisenokubonakalisa uthando onalo ngabo. (Kakade ke, ootata bomtshato wesibini bafanele balumke baze baqonde imida efanelekileyo neentombi zabo zomtshato wesibini bangazenzi zizive zingakhululekanga. Yaye noomama bomtshato wesibini bamele bakhumbule ukuba namakhwenkwe nawo anemida.)

Iintsapho zomtshato wesibini zinokuphumelela. Ezininzi ziyaphumelela. Ezona ziphumelela ngakumbi zezo apho bonke ababandakanyekileyo, ingakumbi abazali, behlakulela isimo sengqondo esihle nolindelo lokwenene. Umpostile uYohane wabhala: “Zintanda, masiqhubeke sithandana, ngenxa yokuba uthando luvela kuThixo.” (1 Yohane 4:⁠7) Ewe, uthando olusuka entliziyweni yeyona mfihlelo yentsapho yomtshato wesibini eyonwabileyo.

[Caption on page 7]

IINTSAPHO ZOMTSHATO WESIBINI EZONWABILEYO

zifundisisa iLizwi likaThixo kunye . . . 

zichitha ixesha kunye . . . 

zincokola kunye . . . 

zisebenza kunye . . .