Ndinokuhlangabezana Njani Nentlungu Endikuyo?

“NDANDIZIVA ndinyanzelekile ukuba ndizibambe iimvakalelo zam,” uchaza enjenjalo uMike xa ekhumbula ukufa kukayise. KuMike, ukungayibonakalisi intlungu awayekuyo kwakuyindlela yokubonisa ukuba uyindoda. Kodwa kamva waqonda ukuba wayengachananga. Ngoko xa umhlobo kaMike walahlekelwa nguyisemkhulu, uMike wayekwazi amakakwenze. Uthi: “Kwiminyaka embalwa edluleyo, ngendandimbambe egxeni ndaza ndathi, ‘Yiba yindoda.’ Ngoku ndambamba engalweni ndaza ndathi, ‘Ungavakalelwa nangayiphi na indlela ofuna ukuvakalelwa ngayo. Oko kuya kukunceda ukwazi ukujamelana nako. Ukuba ufuna ndikushiye, ndingakushiya. Ukuba ufuna ndihlale, ndingahlala. Kodwa musa ukoyika ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakho.’”

UMaryAnne naye wayeziva enyanzelekile ukuba azibambe iimvakalelo zakhe ekufeni kwendoda yakhe. Ukhumbula oku: “Ndandikhathazeke gqitha ngokuba ngumzekelo omhle kwabanye, kangangokuba andizange ndizivumele ndibe neemvakalelo eziqhelekileyo. Kodwa ekugqibeleni ndafunda ukuba ukuzama ukuba yintsika yabanye kwakungandincedi. Ndaqalisa ukuhlolisisa imeko yam ndaza ndazixelela ndathi, ‘Khala ukuba ufuna ukukhala. Musa ukuzama ukuziqinisa. Zikhuphe iimvakalelo zakho.’”

Ngoko uMike noMaryAnne bacebisa oku: Yibonakalise intlungu okuyo! Ibe bachanile. Ngoba? Kuba ukubonakalisa intlungu kubalulekile ukuze ukhuphe iimvakalelo zakho. Ukukhupha iimvakalelo zakho kunokulunciphisa uxinezeleko onalo. Ukuzibonakalisa ngendlela yokwemvelo iimvakalelo zakho, xa kuhambisana nokuqonda nolwazi oluchanileyo, kukunceda uzijonge ngendlela efanelekileyo iimvakalelo zakho.

Kakade ke, abantu abayibonakalisi ngendlela efanayo intlungu abakuyo. Ibe izibakala ezinjengokuba lowo uthandwayo ufe ngequbuliso okanye ufe emva kokugula ithuba elide zisenokuba negalelo kwindlela abasabela ngayo abo abashiye ngasemva. Kodwa inye into ebonakala iqinisekile: Ukungazibonakalisi iimvakalelo zakho kunokuba yingozi emzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Kusempilweni ngakumbi ukuyikhupha intlungu yakho. Njani? IZibhalo zinamacebiso aluncedo.

Ukukhupha Intlungu Okuyo—Njani?

Ukuthetha kusenokuba yindlela eluncedo yokuyikhupha. Emva kokufa kwabo bolishumi abantwana bakhe, kwanezinye iintlekele ezamehlelayo, usolusapho wamandulo uYobhi wathi: “Umphefumlo wam udimele bubomi bam; ngoko ndiya kuyivulela [ngesiHebhere, “kuyikhulula”] inkalazo yam phakathi kwam; ndithethe, ukrakra umphefumlo wam.” (Yobhi 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) UYobhi wayengenakukwazi ukuqhubeka eyibambile inkalazo yakhe. Wayefuna ukuyikhulula; kwakufuneka ‘athethe.’ Ngokufanayo, umbhali wemidlalo yeqonga owayeliNgesi uShakespeare kwincwadi ethi Macbeth wabhala: “Thetha ngentlungu okuyo; kungenjalo intlungu engakwazi kuthetha yosebezela loo ntliziyo sel’ ityumkile iyaphule.”

Ngoko ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho “nomhlobo wokwenene” oya kuphulaphula ngomonde nangovelwano kunokubangela isiqabu. (IMizekeliso 17:17, NW) Ukuthetha ngoko kwenzekileyo nendlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngokufuthi kwenza kube lula ukuyiqonda nokuyinyamezela. Yaye ukuba lowo uthetha naye ngumntu owakha wafelwa nowahlangabezana ngokunempumelelo nokulahlekelwa kwakhe, usenokukwazi ukufumana amacebiso asebenzisekayo ngendlela yokujamelana noku. Xa wafelwa ngumntwana, omnye umama wacacisa isizathu sokuba kuluncedo ukuthetha nomnye umfazi owayejamelene nokulahlekelwa okufanayo: “Ukwazi ukuba nomnye umntu uye wanamava afanayo, waza wakwazi ukumelana nawo, ibe usenguye, yaye uphila ubomi obuqhelekileyo kwakhona kwandomeleza kakhulu.”

Kuthekani ukuba akuziva ukhululekile ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zakho? Emva kokufa kukaSawule noYonatan, uDavide waqamba isimbonono esibuhlungu gqitha ekhupha intlungu yakhe. Le ngoma ilusizi ekugqibeleni yaba yinxalenye yengxelo yencwadi yeBhayibhile yeSibini kaSamuweli. (2 Samuweli 1:17-27; 2 Kronike 35:25) Ngokufanayo, bambi bakufumanisa kulula ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zabo ngokubhala. Omnye umhlolokazi wanikela ingxelo yokuba wayezibhala iimvakalelo zakhe aze emva kweentsuku ezithile afunde oko ebekubhalile. Le wayifumanisa iyindlela eluncedo yokuzikhupha.

Enoba kungokuthetha okanye kungokubhala, ukuzikhupha iimvakalelo zakho kunokukunceda uyikhuphe intlungu yakho. Kusekwanokunceda ekulungiseni ukungaqondani. Omnye umama owayefelwe ucacisa enjenje: “Mna nomyeni wam seva ngezinye izibini ezaqhawula umtshato emva kokulahlekelwa ngumntwana, ibe sasingafuni oko kwenzeke kuthi. Ngoko nanini na siziva ukuba sinomsindo, omnye efun’ ukubeka omnye ityala, sasikuxubusha oko. Ndicinga ukuba sasondelelana ngakumbi ngokwenjenjalo.” Ngaloo ndlela, ukuvakalisa indlela ovakalelwa ngayo kusenokukunceda uqonde ukuba nangona nilahlekelwe ngokufanayo, abanye basenokuba babuhlungu ngokwahlukileyo—ngesantya esahlukileyo nangendlela eyahlukileyo.

Enye into enokwenza kube lula ukukhupha intlungu kukukhala. IBhayibhile ithi, “ukulila kunexesha lakho.” (INtshumayeli 3:1, 4) Ngokuqinisekileyo ukufa komntu ebesimthanda kuzisa elo xesha. Ukuphalaza iinyembezi ezibonisa ukuba usentlungwini kubonakala kuyinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokuchacha.

Elinye ibhinqa eliselula licacisa indlela umhlobo osenyongweni awalinceda ngayo lajamelana nokufa kukanina. Likhumbula oku: “Umhlobo wam wayesoloko ekho ngalo lonke ixesha ndimfuna. Wayekhala kunye nam. Wayethetha nam. Ndandikhululeka ukubonisa iimvakalelo zam, ibe oko kwakubalulekile kum. Ndandingabi nazintloni ngokukhala.” (Bona amaRoma 12:15.) Yaye nawe akufanele uzive uneentloni ngeenyembezi zakho. Njengokuba sesibonile, iBhayibhile izaliswe yimizekelo yamadoda nabafazi bokholo—kuquka uYesu Kristu—abalila ngokuphandle xa babebuhlungu bengenazintloni kwaphela.—Genesis 50:3; 2 Samuweli 1:11, 12; Yohane 11:33, 35.

Usenokufumanisa ukuba okwethutyana iimvakalelo zakho ziya kukufikela ungalindelanga. Iinyembezi zisenokuvela zithi waxa ungakhange uzilindele. Omnye umhlolokazi wafumanisa ukuba ukuya kuthenga esuphamakethi (nto leyo ngokufuthi awayeyenza nendoda yakhe) kwakunokumkhalisa, ngokukodwa xa, ngesiqhelo, ethabatha izinto ezazithandwa yindoda yakhe. Yiba nomonde kwisiqu sakho. Yaye musa ukucinga ukuba umele uzibambe ezo nyembezi. Khumbula ukuba ziyinxalenye yokwemvelo neyimfuneko yokuba buhlungu.

Ukuhlangabezana Nokuziva Unetyala

Njengokuba sesibonile ngaphambili, bambi baziva benetyala emva kokulahlekelwa ngulowo bamthandayo ekufeni. Oku kusenokusinceda siqonde isizathu sokuba buhlungu ngokugqithiseleyo kwendoda ethembekileyo uYakobi emva kokwenziwa akholelwe ukuba unyana wakhe uYosefu wayebulewe “lirhamncwa.” NguYakobi owayethumele uYosefu ukuya kuhlola intlalo-ntle yabazalwana bakhe. Ngoko kusenokwenzeka ukuba uYakobi wayeziva enetyala, njengokuthi ‘Bekutheni ze ndimthume yedwa uYosefu? Bekutheni ze ndimthume kummandla ozele ngamarhancwa?’—Genesis 37:33-35.

Mhlawumbi uvakalelwa kukuba ukungakhathali kwakho kube negalelo ekufeni kwalowo umthandayo. Ukuqonda ukuba ukuziva unetyala—enoba unalo ngokwenene okanye uyakuthelekelela oko—yindlela yokwemvelo yokusabela xa ubuhlungu kunokuba luncedo nako. Kwakhona, akunyanzelekanga ukuba uzigcine kuwe ezo mvakalelo. Ukuthetha ngendlela oziva unetyala ngayo kunokukunceda ngokwenene.

Phofu ke, khumbula ukuba nokuba simthanda kangakanani na omnye umntu, asinakubulawula ubomi bakhe, singenakulithintela ‘ixesha nesihlo’ ukuba sifikele abo sibathandayo. (INtshumayeli 9:11) Ngapha koko, ngokungathandabuzekiyo iintshukumisa zakho bezingekho mbi. Ngokomzekelo, ngokungalungiseleli ukuba adibane nogqirha ngokukhawuleza, ngaba ubunenjongo yokuba lowo umthandayo agule aze afe? Kakade akunjalo! Ngoko ngaba ngokwenene unetyala lokubangela ukufa kwakhe? Hayi.

Omnye umama wafunda ukujamelana nokuziva enetyala emva kokufa kwentombi yakhe kwingozi yenqwelo-mafutha. Uyacacisa: “Ndandiziva ndinetyala kuba ndandimthumile. Kodwa ndaqonda ukuba kwakungekho ngqiqweni ukuvakalelwa ngaloo ndlela. Kwakungekho nto iphosakeleyo ngokumthuma noyise. Kuphela nje kwabakho ingozi emanyumnyezi.”

‘Kodwa kukho izinto ezininzi endinga ngendizithethile okanye ndizenzile,’ usenokutsho. Liyinyaniso elo, kodwa ngubani kuthi onokuthi ebengubawo, umama okanye umntwana ogqibeleleyo? IBhayibhile iyasikhumbuza: “Siyakhubeka kaninzi sonke. Ukuba umntu akakhubeki zwini, lowo uyindoda egqibeleleyo.” (Yakobi 3:2; Roma 5:12) Ngoko samkele isibakala sokuba akufezekanga. Ukusoloko ucinga oo-“akwaba” akuyi kuguqula nto, kodwa kusenokukulibazisa ekubeni uchache.

Ukuba unezizathu ezivakalayo zokukholelwa ukuba unetyala ngokwenene, awukuthelekeleli oko, ngoko cinga ngeyona nkalo ibalulekileyo kunazo zonke ekupheliseni ityala—ukuxolela kukaThixo. IBhayibhile iyasiqinisekisa: “Ukuba uthe wabunqala ubugwenxa, Yehova, ngubani na ongaba nokuma, Nkosi? Ngokuba kunawe ukuxolela.” (INdumiso 130:3, 4) Ixesha elidluleyo akunakulibuyisa uze uguqule izinto. Noko ke, unako ukucela ukuxolelwa nguThixo ngeempazamo zexesha elidluleyo. Kuze kuthini ke? Kaloku, ukuba uThixo uthembisa ukukuxolela yonke into, ngaba nawe akufanele uzixolele?—IMizekeliso 28:13; 1 Yohane 1:9.

Ukuhlangabezana Nomsindo

Ngaba ukwanomsindo, mhlawumbi koogqirha, abongikazi, abahlobo, kwanakulowo ungasekhoyo? Khumbula ukuba kwanoku kuyindlela eqhelekileyo yokusabela xa ulahlekelwe. Mhlawumbi kuyinto yokwemvelo ukuba intlungu okuyo ihambisane nomsindo. Omnye umbhali wathi: “Kuphela kungokuvuma ukuba unomsindo—ungenzi nto ngenxa yawo kodwa wazi ukuba unawo—onokuthi ukhululeke kwimiphumo yawo eyingozi.”

Kusekwanokuba luncedo ukuwuvakalisa okanye ukuchazela omnye umntu ngomsindo onawo. Njani? Ngokuqinisekileyo kungekhona ngokudubuleka ngokungalawulekiyo. IBhayibhile isilumkisa ngelokuba ukuba nomsindo ithuba elide kuyingozi. (IMizekeliso 14:29, 30) Kodwa usenokuthuthuzeleka ngokuthetha ngawo nomhlobo oqondayo. Yaye bambi bafumanisa ukuba ukwenza imithambo ngamandla kuyanceda kuwukhuphe umsindo xa becaphukile.​—Bona kwanabase-Efese 4:25, 26.

Nangona kubalulekile ukuzichaza ngokuphandle nangokunyanisekileyo iimvakalelo zakho, isilumkiso sifanelekile. Kukho umahluko omkhulu phakathi kokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho nokuzikhuphela kwabanye. Akuyomfuneko ukubeka abanye ityala ngomsindo nonxunguphalo onalo. Ngoko kuhle ukuzikhupha ngokuzithetha iimvakalelo zakho, kodwa oko ungakwenzi unobutshaba. (IMizekeliso 18:21) Kukho uncedo olubalaseleyo ekuhlangabezaneni nentlungu, ibe ngoku siza kuxubusha ngalo.

Uncedo Oluvela KuThixo

IBhayibhile iyasiqinisekisa: “Usondele uYehova kwabantliziyo zaphukileyo, abasindise abamoya utyumkileyo.” (INdumiso 34:18) Ewe, ngaphezu kwento zonke, ulwalamano noThixo lunokukunceda uhlangabezane nokufelwa ngumntu omthandayo. Njani? Onke la macebiso aluncedo sele enikelwe ebesekelwe okanye avisisana neLizwi likaThixo, iBhayibhile. Ukuwasebenzisa kunokukunceda uphumelele.

Ukongezelela, ungawajongeli phantsi amandla omthandazo. IBhayibhile iyasibongoza: “Umthwalo wakho wulahlele kuYehova; yena wokuzimasa.” (INdumiso 55:22) Ukuba ukuthetha nomhlobo onovelwano ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo kunokukunceda, kuya kukunceda ngakumbi kangakanani ke ukuthulula imbilini yakho ‘kuThixo onako konke ukuthuthuzela’!—2 Korinte 1:3.

Oku akuthethi ukuba umthandazo usuka usenze sibe bhetele. ‘Umphulaphuli wemithandazo’ uthembisa ukubanika umoya oyingcwele abakhonzi bakhe abamcela ngokunyanisekileyo. (INdumiso 65:2; Luka 11:13) Yaye umoya oyingcwele kaThixo, okanye amandla asebenzayo, unokukuxhobisa ‘ngencamisa yamandla’ ukuze ukwazi ukuqhubeka imihla ngemihla. (2 Korinte 4:7) Khumbula: UThixo unokubanceda abakhonzi bakhe abathembekileyo banyamezele naziphi na yaye nazo zonke iingxaki abasenokujamelana nazo.

Omnye umfazi owalahlekelwa ngumntwana ekufeni ukhumbula indlela amandla omthandazo awabanceda ngayo nendoda yakhe emva kokulahlekelwa kwabo. Uyacacisa: “Sasisithi xa sihleli ekhaya ngengokuhlwa ize intlungu yethu ibe yenganyamezelekiyo, sithandaze kunye ngokuvakalayo. Sihlandlo ngasinye kwakufuneka senze into okokuqala ngaphandle kwakhe—intlanganiso yebandla yokuqala esaya kuyo, indibano yokuqala esaya kuyo—sasiye sithandazele ukuba somelele. Sasisithi xa sivuka kusasa kuze kubonakale kunganyamezeleki, sithandazele ukuba uYehova asincede. Ngasizathu sithile, kwakunzima ngam ukungena endlwini ndihamba ndedwa. Yaye ngoko ngalo lonke ixesha ndibuyela ekhaya ndedwa, ndandiye ndithandaze kuYehova ukuba andincede ndizame ukuzola.” Lo mfazi uthembekileyo ngokuqinileyo nangokufanelekileyo ukholelwa ukuba loo mithandazo yanceda. Nawe usenokufumanisa ukuba njengempendulo yemithandazo yakho ezingisileyo, ‘uxolo lukaThixo, olugqithisele kuko konke ukuqonda, luya kuyigcina intliziyo yakho nengqiqo yakho.’—Filipi 4:6, 7; Roma 12:12.

Uncedo uThixo alunikelayo luyasebenza. Umpostile ongumKristu uPawulos wathi uThixo ‘usithuthuzela kuyo yonke imbandezelo yethu, ukuze sibe nako ukubathuthuzela abakwinto yonke eyimbandezelo.’ Eneneni, uncedo oluvela kuThixo aluyiphelisi intlungu, kodwa lusenokwenza kube lula ukuyinyamezela. Oko akuthethi ukuba akuyi kuphinda ukhale okanye uya kumlibala lowo umthandayo. Kodwa unako ukuchacha. Yaye njengokuba usenjenjalo, oko kwenzeke kuwe kunokukunceda ube ngoqondayo nonovelwano ngakumbi ekuncedeni abanye bahlangabezane nokulahlekelwa okufanayo.—2 Korinte 1:4.