Unxibelelwano Olufanelekileyo—Undoqo Emtshatweni Ophumelelayo
Ngowe-1778, uRobert Barron wenza indlela yokutshixa enentsimbi ezitshixa kabini esekelwe kuyo indlela ezivuleka ngayo izinto ezitshixwayo zanamhlanje. Le ndlela yayifuna usebenzise isitshixo esinye esinokuchukumisa iintsinjana ezimbini ngexesha elinye ukuze kuvuleke.
NGOKUFANAYO, ukuze umtshato uphumelele kuxhomekeke ekubeni indoda nomfazi basebenze kunye ngokumanyeneyo. Ukuze kubekho uvuyo lokwenene emtshatweni, enye into ebaluleke gqitha lunxibelelwano olufanelekileyo.
Oko Kubandakanyeke Kunxibelelwano Olufanelekileyo
Luquka ntoni unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo? Esinye isichazi-magama sichaza unxibelelwano “njengokudlulisela nokwabelana ngeengcinga, iimbono, okanye ulwazi ngokuthetha, ukubhala, okanye ngemiqondiso.” Ngoko ke unxibelelwano luquka ukwabelana ngeengcamango neembono. Yaye unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo luquka izinto ezakhayo, ezihlaziyayo, ezibubulungisa, ezifanelwe yindumiso nezithuthuzelayo.—Efese 4:29-32; Filipi 4:8.
Unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo lwenziwa luphumelele kukuthemba, kukukholosa, nokuqondana. Ezi mpawu zibakho xa umtshato ugqalwa njengolwalamano olungenasiphelo yaye kukho uzinikelo lokuwenza uphumelele. Egqabaza ngolwalamano olunjalo, umbhali wemibongo wenkulungwane ye-18 uJoseph Addison wabhala: “Abantu ababini abaye bakhethana kubo bonke abantu abakhoyo, benenjongo yokuba bathuthuzelane bonwabisane, baye ngaloo ndlela, bazimanya ukuze ibe ngabantu abasoloko bonwabile, benengqiqo, bexolela, benomonde yaye bevuya, ngokuphathelele iintsilelo neempawu ezintle omnye anazo, bade baye kufa.” Hayi indlela oluvuyisa ngayo umanyano olunjalo! Yaye ezi mpawu zintle kangaka zingawuhombisa umtshato wakho, xa uzisebenzisa kunxibelelwano olufanelekileyo.
Imiqobo Kunxibelelwano Olufanelekileyo
Izibini eziliqela zingenela umtshato zinethemba lezinto ezintle, zide zicinge ukuba ziya kusoloko zonwabile. Noko ke, kwezininzi, ulonwabo lukhawuleze luphele nethemba libe mfiliba. Ukuqiniseka kusenokuthatyathelw’ indawo kukukhathazeka, umsindo, ubutshaba, nokungavani okukhulu. Ngoko ke, umtshato uba ngumbandela wokunyamezelana “de sahlulwe kukufa.” Ngoko ukuze kuphuculwe okanye komelezwe unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo kumtshato ophumelelayo, kumele koyiswe imiqobo ethile.
Owona mqobo kunxibelelwano olufanelekileyo usenokuba lixhala lokuba iqabane lomtshato liya kusabela njani kwinkcazelo okanye kumnqweno othile ovakalisiweyo. Ngokomzekelo, lisenokoyika ukulahlwa emva kokuba live ngesiphene esithile esikhulayo emzimbeni. Ubani ulichazela njani iqabane lakhe ukuba okuthile okuza kwenziwa kulo kuya kuyitshintsha ngamandla imbonakalo okanye indlela umzimba osebenza ngayo? Kwiimeko ezinjalo, ukunxibelelana ngokunyanisekileyo nokucingisisa kusengaphambili ngekamva kufuneka gqitha nangakumbi. Ukuqinisekisa ngamazwi othando oluqhubekayo, nezenzo ezithe rhoqo zokubonisa uvelwano, kuya kubonisa umdla wokwenene oya kubangela umtshato wenu ube ngowanelisa ngenene. Emtshatweni lo mzekeliso ufanele ube yinyaniso ngakumbi: “Umhlobo uthanda ngamaxesha onke; umzalwana uzalelwe imbandezelo.”—IMizekeliso 17:17.
Ingqumbo yenye into enokuthintela unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo. Ngokufanelekileyo kuye kwathiwa umtshato owonwabisayo ulumanyano lwabantu ababini ababalasele ngokuxolela. Ukuze sikwazi ukufaneleka kuloo nkcazelo, isibini esitshatileyo siya kwenza umzamo ongakumbi wokulandela icebiso likampostile uPawulos elisebenzisekayo: “Malingatshoni ilanga nikwimo yokucaphuka.” (Efese 4:26) Ukusebenzisa esi siluleko kunokuba ube nomsindo okanye ufumbe ingqumbo ngokuqinisekileyo kufuna unxibelelwano lokuthobeka. Amaqabane kumtshato olungileyo akasoloko enomsindo, exabana, okanye esiba nenqala. (IMizekeliso 30:33) Afuna ukuxelisa uThixo, ongafumbi ngqumbo. (Yeremiya 3:12) Enyanisweni, axolelana ngokusuka entliziyweni.—Mateyu 18:35.
Eyona nto ingumqobo kulo naluphi na unxibelelwano kukuthula. Oku kusenokuquka ukuthetha izinto ezimenza omnye athi khunubembe, ukuvakalisa isingqala, nokuzenza izinto ukuzalisa nje idinga nokungathethi kwelinye iqabane. Iqabane lomtshato elenza ngale ndlela libonisa ukunganeliseki. Kodwa ukuvakalisa indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngokuphandle nangendlela efanelekileyo kunegalelo elingakumbi ekuphuculeni umtshato kunokuba kusenza ukuthula nokuqumba.
Ukungaphulaphuli kakuhle okanye ukungaphulaphuli xa elinye iqabane lithetha ngomnye umqobo omele woyiswe ukuze kubekho unxibelelwano olulungileyo kubantu abatshatileyo. Mhlawumbi sidinwe gqitha okanye sixakekile ukuba sibe namandla afunekayo angokwengqondo okanye angokweemvakalelo ukuze siphulaphulane ngenyameko. Kusenokubakho impikiswano ngokungaqondani kakuhle kwizinto ebekugqitywe kuzo apho elinye iqabane licinga ukuba belicacisile kodwa elinye libe lisithi liyaqala ukuyiva loo nto. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukunganxibelelani kakuhle ngoyena nobangela weengxaki ezinjalo.
Indlela Yokukhuthaza Unxibelelwano Olufanelekileyo
Hayi indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuzipha ixesha ukuze nibe nonxibelelwano olunothando, nolufanelekileyo! Bambi bachitha ixesha elininzi phambi komabonwakude bebukele ubomi babanye abantu bade bangabi nalo elabo. Ngenxa yoko, ukucima umabonwakude ngokufuthi linyathelo elibalulekileyo ukuze kubekho unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo.
Noko ke, kanye njengokuba kukho ixesha elilungileyo lokuthetha, kukho ixesha lokuthula. Indoda esisilumko yathi: “Into yonke inexesha elimisiweyo, . . . ukuthi cwaka kunexesha lako, ukuthetha kunexesha lako.” Enyanisweni, kukho amazwi afanelekileyo anokuthethwa. “Ilizwi elithethwe ngexesha elililo, azi lihle!” utsho umzekeliso. (INtshumayeli 3:1, 7; IMizekeliso 15:23) Ngoko liqonde ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuthetha loo nto ibalulekileyo okanye lokubonisa oko kusentliziyweni yakho. Zibuze: ‘Ngaba iqabane lam lidiniwe okanye likwimeko ezolileyo yaye lihlaziyekile ngokwasengqondweni? Ngaba lo mbandela ndifuna ukuthetha ngawo ungalicaphukisa? Yintoni iqabane lam eliye alayithanda kwindlela endandithetha ngayo ukugqibela kwethu ukuthetha ngalo mbandela?’
Kuhle ukukhumbula ukuba abantu basabela kakuhle xa benokubona indlela osebenzisana ngayo okanye ozithoba ngayo kwisicelo esinokubenza bazuze nabo. Ukuba kuye kwakho ukungavisisani phakathi kwezibini, omnye wabo usenokutyekela ekubeni athi, “Kukho into esoloko indikhathaza, yaye simele siyilungise kanye ngoku!” Kakade ke, amagama asetyenziswayo aya kuxhomekeka kwiimeko, kodwa kusenokuba bhetele ukuthetha ngale ndlela, “Sithandwa, bendisoloko ndicinga ngala mbandela besikhe sawuxubusha nendlela esinokuwulungisa ngayo.” Yiyiphi indlela enokuxatyiswa ngakumbi liqabane lakho?
Ewe, indlela ethethwa ngayo into ibaluleke gqitha. Umpostile uPawulos wabhala: “Amazwi enu makasoloko ekholekile, enongwe ngetyuwa.” (Kolose 4:6) Zabalazela ukuba nelizwi elimnandi uze ukhethe amazwi afanelekileyo. Khumbula ukuba “linqatha lobusi amazwi amnandi, ayincasa emphefumlweni, ayimpiliso emathanjeni.”—IMizekeliso 16:24.
Kwezinye izibini, ukusebenza kunye ekhaya kusenokuzenzela ithuba elihle lonxibelelwano. Ukusebenzisana okunjalo kunokukhuthaza umoya wokwenza izinto kunye ngoxa nilisebenzisela incoko emnandi eli xesha. Kwamanye amaqabane omtshato, ixesha elizolileyo lenu nobabini ningenzi msebenzi libhetele yaye liba negalelo elikhulu kunxibelelwano olufanelekileyo.
Kunokufundwa okuninzi ngokufuthi ngokuphawula indlela ancokolisana ngayo amaqabane omtshato afanelanayo. Yintoni ewenze anjalo? Kusenokwenzeka ukuba, ukuvisisana nokukhululeka kwindlela ancokolisana ngayo kuye kwabangelwa ngumzamo, umonde nolwazelelelo olunothando. Kuyabonakala ukuba nabo ngokwabo kuye kwafuneka bafunde okuninzi, kuba imitshato elungileyo ayizenzekeli. Ngoko ke, hayi indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuqwalasela imbono yeqabane lakho, ukuziqonda iintswelo zalo, nokuphelisa iimeko ezinokubangela uxinezeleko ngelizwi elinengqiqo. (IMizekeliso 16:23) Ngoko ke, ukuba utshatile, zabalazela ukukwenza kube lula ukuphila nawe yaye usoloko ukulungele ukucela uxolo. Oko kuya kwenza lukhulu ukuwenza ube ngolungileyo umtshato wakho.
UYehova uThixo ufuna abantu babe nemitshato eyonwabisayo nehlala ihleli. (Genesis 2:18, 21) Kodwa konke oku kuxhomekeke kwabo bamanyaniswe liqhina lomtshato. Kufuneka abantu ababini abathandanayo abasebenza kunye ukuze bakwazi ukwakha umtshato onempumelelo ngokukwazi ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 22]
Ukucima umabonwakude kuvula ithuba elingakumbi lokunxibelelana
[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 23]
Unxibelelwano olufanelekileyo lumanyanisa iintliziyo kuthando olungenasiphelo