Indlela Onokubakhusela Ngayo Abantwana Bakho

BAMBALWA abazali abakhe bacingisise ngokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana. Xa becinga nje ngako bamelwa yingqondo! Kweli hlabathi lanamhlanje ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kwenz’ uvalo, kwenza singonwabi yaye kunokuba nemiphumo emibi. Ngaba kubulumko ukuthetha ngalo mba? Yintoni oza kuyenza ukugcina umntwana wakho ekhuselekile? Ukwazi ngemiphumo yokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kuya kukubangela ukuba uqiniseke ukuba umgcina ekhuselekile. Ngokwenene olo lwazi lunokuwenz’ umahluko.

Musa ukulahl’ iintonga kodwa kunoko xubusha ngalo mba nomntwana wakho. Nakuba usenokuzibon’ ungafaneleki, unamava kunomntwana wakho yaye kuza kuthabath’ iminyaka okanye amashumi eminyaka ngaye ukuba abe nawo. Ukutyhubela iminyaka uye wazuza ulwazi, amava nobulumko. Ukuze uphumelele kubalulekile ukuba ulongeze olo lwazi uze ulusebenzise xa ukhusela umntwana bakho. Siza kukhe sihl’ amahlongwane amanyathelo amathathu mzali ngamnye anokuwasebenzisa. Ngala alandelayo: (1) Yiba ngowokuqala ukumkhusela umntwana wakho ekuxhatshazweni ngokwesini, (2) mchazele oko afanele akwazi ngesini, (3) mfundise ngoko afanele akwenze ukuze azikhusele.

Ngaba Ungowokuqala Ukumkhusela Umntwana Wakho?

Abazali ngabona banembopheleleko yokukhusela abantwana kungekhona abantwana. Ngoko ke, abazali bafanele baqale bawazi kakuhle lo mbandela ngaphambi kokuba bafundise abantwana babo. Ukuba ungumzali kukho izinto ofanele uzazi ngokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana. Ufanele wazi abantu abaxhaphaza abantwana nokuba babaxhaphaza njani. Ubukhulu becala abazali badla ngokucinga ukuba abantu abaxhaphaza abantwana ngabantu abangabaziyo, abaza kubaqweqwedisa baze babadlwengule. Ngokuqinisekileyo abantu abanjalo bakho. Mihla le, amajelo eendaba asoloko esilumkisa ngaba bantu. Noko ke ayisoloko ingabo abaxhaphaza abantwana. Kumatyala akhe achotshelwa amalunga nama-90 ekhulwini kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba umntwana uxhatshazwe ngumntu amaziyo namthembileyo.

Ngokuqhelekileyo ayikhe ithi qatha kwaukuthi qatha engqondweni into yokuba ummelwane onobubele, utitshala, unontlalo-ntle, umqeqeshi okanye umntu ozalana naye angafuna ukuxhaphaza umntwana wakho. Enyanisweni abantu abaninzi abakho njalo. Akuyomfuneko ukuba urhanele nabani na ombonayo. Noko ke, unokumkhusela umntwana wakho ngokumfundisa ngamaqhinga asetyenziswa ngumntu oxhaphaza abantwana.—Funda ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6.

Xa umntwana ewazi loo maqhinga, umzali uya kuba ngowokuqala ukukhusela umntwana wakhe. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba kukho umntu othanda abantwana kunabantu abadala, ompha izipho umntwana wakho, acele ukumgcina okanye afune ukumkhupha, wena uza kwenza ntoni? Ngaba loo nto ithetha ukuba loo mntu uxhaphaza abantwana? Akunjalo. Musa ukugqiba kwelo ngokukhawuleza. Usenokuba lo mntu ubonisa nje ububele. Kodwa ke, oko kusekukubangela ukuba uhlale uvul’ amehlo. IBhayibhile ithi: “Nabani na ongenamava ukholwa ngamazwi onke, kodwa onobuqili uyawaqwalasela amanyathelo akhe.”—IMizekeliso 14:15.

Khumbula ukuba umntu ozicelela ukukugcinela umntwana usenokuba ungumxhaphazi wabantwana. Mazi kakuhle nabani na ozicelela ukugcina umntwana wakho. Makayazi lo mntu ukuba nanini na usenokufika uze kukhangela umntwana wakho. UMelissa noBrad, abazali bamakhwenkwe amathathu, bayilumkele into yokushiya umntwana nomnye umntu. Xa omnye woonyana kwafuneka efunde umculo, uMelissa wathi kumntu awayemfundisa: “Ngeli xesha ulapha ndiza kumana ndiphuma ndingena kweli gumbi nikulo.” Nakuba kusenokubonakala ngathi bayazibaxa izinto kodwa bhetele kwalonto kunokuba bathi akwaba.

Yiba nomdla kwizinto ezenziwa ngumntwana wakho, bazi abahlobo bakhe uze wenze umsebenzi wesikolo kunye naye. Ukuba uza kuhamba nesikolo, zazi zonke iinkcukacha. Omnye ugqirha wengqondo oneminyaka engama-33 esebenza ngabantu abaye baxhatshazwa ngokwesini uthi, uye waphawula ukuba abantwana abaninzi ngebengazange baxhatshazwe ukuba abazali babephaphile. Ucaphula amazwi elinye ibanjwa elithi: “Abazali basinika ngokoqobo abantwana babo. . . . Bakwenza kube lula ukubafumana.” Khumbula ukuba abantu abaxhaphaza abantwana bakhangela abantwana abafumaneka lula. Akubi lula ukuxhaphaza abantwana abanabazali abanomdla kubantwana babo.

Eny’ indlela onokumkhusela ngayo umntwana wakho kukumphulaphula kakuhle xa ethetha. Akulula ngabantwana ukuvele nje batsho ukuba baxhatshaziwe; baneentloni yaye abayazi indlela abanye abantu abanokusabela ngayo. Ngoko ke phulaphula kakuhle, uqaphele neempawu ezithile ongaziqhelekanga kuye.a Ukuba umntwana wakho uthetha into ekukhathazayo, mus’ ukubhabhazela kunoko zola umbuze imibuzo ezakumenz’ athethe.b Ukuba umntwana wakho uthi umntu obemgcina angaphindi abuye, mbuze ukuba kutheni esitsho nje. Ukuba uthi umntu othile omdala udlala naye ngendlela angayithandiyo mbuze ukuba: “Udlala njani? Wenza ntoni?” Ukuba ukhalaza esithi kukho umntu omnyumbazileyo, mbuze, “Umnyumbaza phi?” Mus’ ukukhawuleza ukuzibetha ngoyaba iimpendulo zakhe. Abantu abaxhaphaza abantwana baye bathi kubo akukho mntu uya kukukholelwa oko bakuthethayo; okulusizi kukuba kwenzeka kanye loo nto. Ukuba umntwana uxhatshaziwe, ukuze achache umzali wakhe ufanele amkholelwe aze amkhuthaze.

Mchazele Oko Afanele Akwazi Ngesini

Enye incwadi ethetha ngokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana icaphula umntu oye wabanjwa ngenxa yokuxhaphaza abantwana esithi: “Ixhoba lakhe ngumntwana ongazi kwanto ngesini.” La mazwi afanele ahlale enkenteza ezingqondweni zabazali. Abantwana abangazi kwanto ngesini zizisulu zabaxhaphazi. IBhayibhile ithi ulwazi nobulumko bunokusihlangula “emntwini othetha izinto ezigwenxa.” (IMizekeliso 2:10-12) Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, umntwana wakho ufuna ukumkhusela. Njengenyathelo lesibini lokumkhusela, musa ukuba madolw’ anzima ekumfundisa ngesini.

Noko ke, ungabafundisa njani? Abazali abaninzi baba neentloni xa kufuneka bethethe nabantwana babo ngesini. Xa kunjalo nomntwana usenokungathethi ngalo mba. Ngoko ke, hlahl’ indlela. UMelissa uthi: “Saqala ngokuchaza amalungu awahlukahlukeneyo omzimba. Lungu ngalinye salibiza ngegama lalo asizange silihloniphe, sisenzela ukuba bangabi neentloni.” Xa sele bewazi amalungu omzimba kuba lula nje ukuba uthethe ngokuxhatshazwa. Abazali abaninzi baxelela abantwana babo ukuba, amalungu omzimba agqunywa yimpahla yokuqubha akhethekile.

UHeather okhankanywe kwinqaku elidluleyo uthi: “Mna noScott sachazela unyana wethu ukuba incanca yakhe lilungu lomzimba elifihlakeleyo yaye asiyonto yokudlala. Akukho mntu ufanele adlale ngayo enoba nguMama, uTata okanye ugqirha. Xa siza kumsa kwagqirha kufuneka ndimchazele ukuba ugqirha uza kukhangela nje ukuba izinto zihamba kakuhle, ngoko ke usenokuyibamba incanca yakhe.” Abazali bafanele bamane bencokola nomntwana wabo. Banokumchazela ukuba makabaxelele ukuba uye waphathwa ngendlela emenza angakhululeki. Iingcali ezithintela ukuba abantwana bangaxhatshazwa zincomela ukuba abazali bancokole nabantwana babo.

Abaninzi baye bafumanisa ukuba incwadi ethi Funda Kumfundisi Omkhuluc iye yabanceda kakhulu xa befundisa abantwana babo. Isahluko 32 esinomxholo othi, “Indlela Awakhuselwa Ngayo UYesu,” siyaluthuthuzela ulutsha olusengozini yokuxhatshazwa yaye sikwabonisa nokubaluleka kokuba ulutsha luzikhusele. UMelissa uthi: “Le ncwadi ikubethelela ngakumbi oko siye sakufundisa abantwana bethu.”

Kwihlabathi lanamhlanje, abantwana kufuneka bazi ukuba kukho abantu abafuna ukubaxhaphaza. Ezi zilumkiso azifanele ziboyikise abantwana okanye zibenze bangabathembi kwamntu umdala. UHeather uthi: “Esi silumkiso senzelwe ukuba bazikhusele. Sesinye nje kwezininzi esingenanto yakwenza nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesini. Asizange simenze abe liphaku-phaku.”

Umntwana wakho ufanele umfundise ukuba angabi nguvuma zonke. Kubalulekile kwaye kukwanzima ukufundisa umntwana ukuba athobeke. (Kolose 3:20) Noko ke, unokumfundisa nenye into. Ukuba umntwana ufundiswe ukuba ufanele ahlale ethobela nawuphi na umntu omdala, nokuba uthini usesichengeni sokuxhatshazwa. Abantu abaxhaphaza abantwana bayakhawuleza ukumbona umntwana onguthobela sikutyele. Abazali abalumkileyo bayabafundisa abantwana babo ukuba bafanele bathobele xa kutheni. Asiyongxaki le kumaKristu. Oku kuthetha ukuba uya kuthi kubo: “Ukuba nabani na ukuxelela ukuba wenze into uYehova uThixo athi iphosakele, musa ukuyenza. Enoba nguMama okanye nguTata, akafanele athi yenza into athi uYehova iphosakele. Unokuxelela uMama okanye uTata ukuba kukho umntu ofuna wenze into ephosakeleyo.”

Umntwana wakho ufanele azi ukuba akufanele kubekho mntu othi kuye mababe nezinto abazifihlela abazali babo. Mchazele ukuba, ukuba kukho umntu onjalo makakwazise. Enoba loo mntu uye wathini kuye—emoyikisa okanye enze into ephosakeleyo—ufanele achazele uMama okanye uTata. Lo myalelo awufanele woyikise umntwana wakho. Unokumqinisekisa ukuba asinguye wonke umntu onokwenza ezo zinto—amphathaphathe apho angafanelanga amphathe khona, athi mabenze into eza kumbangela angamthobeli uThixo okanye athi mabagcine okuthile kuyimfihlo. Ngokufanayo nomntu onokukhangela indlela anokusinda ngayo xa kukho umlilo, ezi zizilumkiso nje mhlawumbi ezisenokungabi yimfuneko.

Mfundise Ngoko Afanele Akwenze Ukuze Azikhusele

Inyathelo lesithathu esiza kulixubusha kweli nqaku leli, mfundise ngoko afanele akwenze umntwana wakho ukuba kunokubakho umntu osenokufuna ukumxhaphaza ube wena ungekho. Eny’ indlela enconyelwayo kukuba ukwenze oku ngokungathi niyadlala. Mbuze umntwana “Yintoni onokuyenza ukuba. . . ?” uze umvumele aphendule. Usenokuthi, “Yintoni onokuyenza ukuba sithi sisevenkileni, silahlekane? Uza kundifumana njani?” Usenokungaphenduli ngendlela obucinga ngayo, kodwa usenokumbuza eminye imibuzo, njengothi “Ucinga ukuba yintoni onokuyenza eya kukugcina ukhuselekile?”

Usenokumbuza indlela anokusabela ngayo ukuba kukho umntu omphathaphatha ngendlela engafanelekanga. Ukuba loo mibuzo iyamoyikisa umntwana, mbalisele ngokuthile okwakhe kwenzeka komnye umntwana. Ngokomzekelo unokuthi: “Intwazana ethile ikunye nesizalwane sayo esithandayo, kodwa esi sizalwane siyayiphathaphatha ngendlela engafanelekanga. Ucinga ukuba le ntwazana ifanele yenze ntoni ukuze izikhusele?”

Yintoni ofanele umfundise ukuba ayenze umntwana wakho ukuba unokuba kulo meko? Omnye umbhali uthi: “Mxelele phandle uthi ‘Hayi!’ okanye ‘Musa ukuyenza lo nto!’ okanye ‘Ndiyeke!’ unokumthen’ amandla umxhaphazi.” Makenze umboniso ngendlela aza kuzikhusela ngayo, ukuze akwazi ukukhaba ngaw’ omane, emva koko emke ngokukhawuleza kuloo ndawo aze kukuchazela okwenzekileyo. Umntwana obonakala ngathi uyakwazi afanele akwenze usenokukulibala kungaphelanga neveki okanye inyanga. Ngoko ke, mqeqeshe ngokuqhubekayo.

Bonke abantu abangamadoda abagcina abantwana—enoba ngutata, utata wesibini okanye abanye abazizalamane—bafanele babe nenxaxheba kule ngxubusho. Ngoba? Ngenxa yokuba xa benenxaxheba, baqinisekisa abantwana ukuba bona abanakuze babaxhaphaze. Okulusizi kukuba abona bantu baxhaphaza abantwana zizizalwana zabo. Inqaku elilandelayo liza kuxubusha indlela intsapho yakho enokuziva ngayo ikhuselekile nakuba siphila kwihlabathi elinabantu abaxhaphazayo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]

Yiba ngowokuqala ukumkhusela umntwana wakho ekuxhatshazweni

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 7]

Mchazele oko afanele akwazi ngesini

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 8]

Mfundise ngoko afanele akwenze ukuze azikhusele

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 4]

UKUXHATSHAZWA NGOKWESINI—INGXAKI EGQUGQISILEYO EHLABATHINI

Kwingqungquthela yeZizwe Ezimanyeneyo eyayingowama-2006, unobhala jikelele weZizwe Ezimanyeneyo wadlulisa ingxelo yehlabathi lonke engogonyamelo olwenziwa ebantwaneni yaye loo ngxelo yenziwe ngumpondo zihlanjiwe. Ngokutsho kwale ngxelo, kwiminyaka yakutshanje kuqikelelwa ukuba amantombazana azizigidi ezili-150 namakhwenkwe azizigidi ezingama-73, angaphantsi kweminyaka eli-18 ubudala “ayaxhatshazwa ngokwesini.” La manani ayothusa, kodwa le ngxelo ithi: “Luqikelelo nje olu.” Xa bekuhlolisiswa ngokucokisekileyo, kumazwe angama-21 kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba amabhinqa angama-36 ekhulwini namadoda angama-29 ekhulwini, akhe axhatshazwa ngokwesini. Inkoliso yabantu ebeberhanelwa ibizizizalwana!

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

AMAQHINGA ASETYENZISWAYO UKUXHAPHAZ’ ABANTWANA

Umntu oxhaphazayo akasebenzisi ugonyamelo. Kunoko, usenokumqhatha ngokuthe ngcembe. Uqala ngokukhetha umntwana aza kumxhaphaza, ubukhulu becala idla ngokuba ngumntwana ekulula ukumfumana nonguvuma zonke. Wandula anikel’ ingqalelo kulo mntwana. Kwakhona, usenokuzama ukuba abazali bomntwana bamthembe. Abantu abaxhaphaza abantwana banobuchule aph’ ekwenzeni ngathi banomdla onyanisekileyo kuloo mntwana nakubantu bakowabo.

Ukusuk’ apho, umntu oxhaphaza abantwana unokwenza lo mntwana akulungele ukuxhatshazwa. Unokumphathaphatha umntwana esenza ngathi uyamthanda, ajijisane naye ngokungathi uyadlala okanye amnyumbaze. Usenokumpha izipho, amahlukanise nabahlobo bakhe, abantwana bakowabo okanye abazali bakhe, ukuze abe kunye naye. Ekuhambeni kwexesha unokuba nezinto angafuni lo mntwana azixelele abazali bakhe—mhlawumbi angababonisi into amphe yona okanye angabaxeleli xa beza kuya endaweni ethile. Ngaloo ndlela uya mtyeneneza ukuze amxhaphaze. Xa umxhaphazi sele emenze umntwana wamthemba sele kumbovu ukuba amxhaphaze.

Naxa sele emxhaphaza akanakuba ndlongondlongo. Unokusebenzisa ithuba lokuba umntwana esenokufun’ ukwazi ngesini, azenze “utitshala” okanye athi mabadlale kunye “umdlalo” oza kwaziwa ngabo bodwa. Unokubonisa umntwana imifanekiso engamanyala esenzela ukuba oko akwenzayo kubonakale ngathi yinto eqhelekileyo.

Emva kokuba egqibile ukumxhaphaza umntwana, uye afune ukuqiniseka ukuba oko ukugcina kuyimfihlo. Unokusebenzisa iindlela ezininzi, kuquka ukumsongela okanye ukumtyhola. Ngokomzekelo, usenokuthi: “Nguwe obangele le nto. Akukhange undinqande.” Usenokongezelela athi: “Ukuba nje unokubaxelela abazali bakho, baya kubiza amapolisa yaye mna ndiya kuhlala entolongweni ubomi bam bonke.” Okanye usenokuthi: “Masingaxelel’ imntu. Ukuba unokundixela, akakho umntu oza kukukholelwa. Ukuba abazali bakho banokuyazi ndiza kubenzakalisa.” Abantu abaxhaphazayo abaphelelwa ngamaqhinga.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 5]

Yiba nomdla kwizinto ezenziwa ngumntwana wakho

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Musa ukuba madolw’ anzima ekufundiseni umntwana wakho ngesini

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 8]

Mfundise umntwana wakho ukuba athethe phandle ukuba kunokubakho umntu onokufuna ukumxhaphaza