Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ukuba Ngutata Wabantwana—Ngaba Kumenza Ubani Abe Yindoda?

“Ndazi [abafana] abaliqela abathi, ‘ndinentombazana yam ehlala apha nonyana wam ohlala phaya,’ yaye ngendlela abatsho ngayo oko kubonakala ngathi abakhathali.”—UHarold.

MINYAKA le phantse ibe ngamantombazana akwishumi elivisayo asisigidi athi akhulelwe eUnited States. Uninzi lwabantwana abazalwa ngabo mama luzalwa ngaphandle kweqhina lomtshato. Om-1 kwaba-4 kwaba mama bakwishumi elivisayo ugqibela ngokuba nomntwana wesibini kwisithuba nje seminyaka emibini elandelayo. Iphephancwadi iAtlantic Monthly lithi: “Ukuba olu tyekelo luyaqhubeka, bangaphantsi kwesiqingatha sabo bonke abantwana abazalwa namhlanje abaya kuhlala ngokuqhubekayo nomama notata wabo ebuntwaneni babo. Inkoliso yabantwana baseMerika iya kuchitha iminyaka emininzi ihlala kwintsapho yomama ongenaqabane.”

Nangona iUnited States inomlinganiselo wokukhulelwa kwabakwishumi elivisayo ophakame kakhulu kunamanye amazwe ahambele phambili, ingxaki yokuzala ngaphandle komtshato izalise ihlabathi lonke. Kwamanye amazwe aseYurophu, afana neNgilani neFransi, umlinganiselo wokuzala okunjalo uyalingana nalowo waseUnited States. Kwamanye amazwe aseAfrika nakuMzantsi Merika, umlinganiselo wokuzala kwamantombazana akwishumi elivisayo uphantse uwuphinde kabini lowo waseUnited States. Sibangelwa yintoni esi sihelegu?

Oonobangela Besi Sihelegu

Ubukhulu becala, le meko ibangelwa kukuwohloka kwemilinganiselo yokuziphatha kula “maxesha amanqam” siphila kuwo. (2 Timoti 3:1-5) Kula mashumi eminyaka akutshanje imilinganiselo yokuqhawulwa kwemitshato iye yophul’ izikeyi. Ubufanasini nezinye iindlela zokuphila ezifanayo ziye zanempembelelo koku. Kwakhona abaselula baye bangamaxhoba obuxoki obusasazwa ngamajelo eendaba—umculo ongcolileyo nomculo wevidiyo, amanqaku othusayo akumaphephancwadi nakwizibhengezo, imiboniso nemifanekiso eshukumayo kamabonwakude ekhuthaza ukudlala ngeentlobano zesini. Ukufumaneka lula kweenkonzo zokuqhomfa nokuthintela inzala nako kuye kwafak’ isandla kwinkolelo exhaphakileyo kwabaselula yokuba ukuba neentlobano zesini akubi namiphumo. Omnye utata ongatshatanga uthi: “Ndifuna ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle kokuzibophelela.” Omnye uthi: “Ukuba neentlobano zesini kukuziyolisa yaye ngumdlalo.”

Isimo sengqondo esinjalo sisenokuxhaphaka ngokukhethekileyo kulutsha olungamahlwempu. UMphengululi uElijah Anderson wadlan’ indlebe nolutsha oluninzi oluhlala edolophini waza wathi: “Kumakhwenkwe amaninzi, ukuba neentlobano zesini luphawu olubalulekileyo lokuba ugqalwe njengothile; uloyiso lokuba neentlobano zesini kukufumana intshinga.” Enyanisweni, omnye utata ongatshatanga waxelela uVukani! ukuba ngokubanzi uloyiso lokuba neentlobano zesini lugqalwa “njengendebe onokuqhayisa ngayo.” Yintoni ephembelela isimo sengqondo sokungakhathali esinjalo? UAnderson usichazela ukuba kwiimeko ezininzi abona bantu babalulekileyo kubomi boselula edolophini “ngamalungu eqela loontanga bakhe. Ammisela imilinganiselo ngendlela aziphatha ngayo, yaye kubalulekile kuye ukuphila ngaloo milinganiselo.”

Ngaloo ndlela uAnderson uphawula ukuba kubafana abaninzi, impumelelo yokuba neentlobano zesini ayithethi nto kwaphela ngaphandle nje kokuba ngumdlalo, “injongo yawo ekukubhanxa omnye umntu, ngokukodwa amabhinqa aselula.” Wongezelela athi “lo mdlalo ubandakanya ukuzibalaselisa kwenkwenkwe, ngesinxibo sayo, ngendlela ezilungisa ngayo, inkangeleko, indlela edanisa ngayo nangokuncokolisa.” Amakhwenkwe amaninzi anobuchule bokuphumelela kulo “mdlalo.” Kodwa uAnderson uphawula oku: “Xa intombazana ikhulelwa, loo nkwenkwe iyishiya kwesinomhlwa.”—Young Unwed Fathers—Changing Roles and Emerging Policies, ebhalwe nguRobert Lerman noTheodora Ooms.

Imbono KaThixo

Kodwa ngaba ukuba ngutata womntwana kumenza ubani abe yindoda? Ngaba ukuba neentlobano zesini ngumdlalo nje? Akunjalo kuMdali wethu, uYehova uThixo. KwiLizwi lakhe, iBhayibhile, uThixo ukwenza kucace ukuba iintlobano zesini zenzelwe injongo ephakamileyo. Emva kokusixelela ngokudalwa kwendoda nebhinqa lokuqala, iBhayibhile ithi: “UThixo wabasikelela waza wathi kubo uThixo: ‘Qhamani, nande, niwuzalise umhlaba.’” (Genesis 1:27, 28) Ayizange ibe yinjongo kaThixo ukuba abantwana bashiywe ngooyise. Wabeka indoda nebhinqa lokuqala ukuba bahlale kunye ngokungapheliyo kwiqhina lomtshato. (Genesis 2:24) Ngoko ke, yayiyinjongo yakhe ukuba wonke umntwana abe nomama kunye notata.

Noko ke, kungekudala amadoda aqalisa ukuzithabathela abafazi abaninzi. (Genesis 4:19) IGenesis 6:2 isixelela ukuba kwanezidalwa eziziingelosi ‘zaziphawula iintombi zabantu, ukuba zintle ngenkangeleko.’ Emva kokuzambathisa imizimba yabantu, ngokubawa ezi ngelosi ‘zazithabathela abafazi kuzo zonke ezazikhethayo.’ UMkhukula kaNowa wanyanzela ezo demon ukuba zibuyele kummandla womoya. Noko ke, iBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba ngoku ziphoselwe kummandla womhlaba. (ISityhilelo 12:9-12) Ngaloo ndlela uSathana needemon zakhe banempembelelo enamandla ngeyona ndlela ebantwini namhlanje. (Efese 2:2) Bengaqondi abafana bayekelela kuloo mpembelelo xa besiba ngootata babantwana abangafunwayo nabangathandwayo.

Ngoko ke, ngokufanelekileyo iZibhalo zithi: “Kukuthanda kukaThixo, ukuba ningcwaliswe, nikhwebuke kuhenyuzo; ukuze ngamnye wenu akwazi ukusizuza esakhe isitya ngobungcwalisa nembeko, kungekhona ngenkanuko yesini njengeentlanga ezingamaziyo uThixo; ukuze kungabikho nabani owona umzalwana wakhe kulo mbandela, kuba uYehova uya kubohlwaya abo benza izinto ezinjalo.”—1 Tesalonika 4:3-6.

‘Ngaba simele sikhwebuke kuhenyuzo’? Abafana abaninzi basenokuhlekisa ngale mbono. Ngapha koko, baselula, yaye iminqweno yabo isenamandla! Kodwa phawula ukuba uhenyuzo lubandakanya ‘ukona’ abanye. Ngaba asikokuyona intombazana ukuyishiya nosana ngaphandle kwenkxaso yomyeni? Yaye kuthekani ngokuyibeka esichengeni sokuyosulela ngezifo ezidluliselwa ngesini, ezifana nokuphuma amadyunguza kumalungu esini, igcushuwa, isifo sobhobhozo, okanye uGawulayo? Liyinyaniso elokuba, maxa wambi ubani uyakwazi ukuyiphepha imiphumo enjalo. Nakuba kunjalo, ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato isekukona amalungelo aloo ntombazana okuzenzela igama elihle nokungenelela umtshato inyulu. Ngoko ke, ukukhwebuka kuhenyuzo kusengqiqweni yaye kubonakalisa ukuqola. Liyinyaniso lona elokuba, kufuneka ubani azeyise yaye azimisele ukuze “akwazi ukusizuza esakhe isitya” aze akhwebuke kwiintlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato. Kodwa njengoko uIsaya 48:17, 18 esixelela, ngemithetho yakhe, uThixo ‘usifundisa okuyingenelo kuthi.’

“Yibani Ngamadoda”

Noko ke, umfana unokuzingqina njani ukuba uyindoda yokwenene? Kucacile ukuba akanakwenjenjalo ngokuba ngutata wabantwana abayimigqakhwe. IBhayibhile isibongoza isithi: “Hlalani niphaphile, yimani niqinile elukholweni, yibani ngamadoda, yomelelani. Zonke izinto zenu mazenziwe ngothando.”—1 Korinte 16:13, 14.

Phawula oku, ‘ukuba yindoda’ kubandakanya ukuba ngophaphileyo, ukuqina elukholweni, ukuba nenkalipho nokuba nothando. Kakade ke, le migaqo isebenza kumadoda namabhinqa ngendlela efanayo. Kodwa ukuba uvelisa iimpawu zokomoya ezinjengezi, abantu baya kuba nezizathu ezifanelekileyo zokukuhlonela baze bakugqale njengendoda yokwenene! Funda isifundo koyena mntu ubalaseleyo wakha waphila—uYesu Kristu. Khawucinge nje ngobudoda nokukhalipha kwakhe xa wayejamelene nokuthuthunjiswa nkqu nokufa. Wayeziphatha njani uYesu kubantu besini esahlukileyo?

Ngokuqinisekileyo uYesu wayenethuba lokunandipha ukuba kunye namabhinqa. Wayenabalandeli abaninzi abangamabhinqa, amanye awo ‘ayelungiselela [yena nabapostile bakhe] ngempahla yawo.’ (Luka 8:3) Wayesondele ngokukhethekileyo koodade ababini bakaLazaro. Enyanisweni, iBhayibhile ithi “uYesu wayemthanda uMarta nodade wabo.” (Yohane 11:5) Ngaba uYesu wasebenzisa ukuba krelekrele kwakhe, ukuba nomtsalane, okanye ukuba nomkhitha kwakhe, nto ezo ekungathandabuzekiyo ukuba wayenazo njengomntu ofezekileyo, ukuze arhwebeshele loo mabhinqa kwizenzo zokuziphatha okubi? Ngokuchaseneyo noko, iBhayibhile ithi uYesu “akazange enze sono.” (1 Petros 2:22) Akazange aziphathe ngokungafanelekanga kwanaxa ibhinqa elalisaziwa ngokubanzi njengomoni, mhlawumbi ihenyukazi lathi ‘lalila laza lazifefa iinyawo zakhe ngeenyembezi zalo, lazisula ngeenwele zentloko yalo.’ (Luka 7:37, 38) UYesu akazange acinge kwaukucinga ukusebenzisa ithuba lokuba elo bhinqa lalingumntu othabatheka lula! Wabonakalisa amandla okukwazi ukulawula iimvakalelo zakhe—uphawu lokuba yindoda yokwenene. Wawaphatha amabhinqa kungekhona njengezinto zokusetyenziselwa ukuba neentlobano zesini, kodwa njengabantu abafanelwe luthando nentlonelo.

Ukuba ungumfana ongumKristu, ukulandela umzekelo kaKristu—kungekhona lowo wabanye boontanga bakho—kuya kukuthintela ‘ekoneni’ nasekutyhobozeleni kumalungelo omnye umntu. Kuya kukukhusela nakwimiphumo emibi yokuba ngutata womntwana ongumgqakhwe. Liyinyaniso elokuba, abanye basenokuhlekisa ngawe ngokukhwebuka kuhenyuzo. Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, ukuzuza inkoliseko kaThixo kuya kuba yingenelo kuwe ngaphezu kokuzuza inkoliseko yokwexeshana yoontanga bakho.—IMizekeliso 27:11.

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba oselula uye waphila ngokuziphatha okubi kodwa ngoku sele elishiyile ikhondo lakhe lokuziphatha okubi yaye uguquke ngokwenene? Ukuba kunjalo, njengoKumkani uDavide owaguqukayo, naye owabandakanyeka ekuziphatheni okubi ngokwesini, unako ukuqiniseka ngokuba uThixo umxolele. (2 Samuweli 11:2-5; 12:13; INdumiso 51:1, 2) Kodwa ukuba oko kuye kwaphumela ekukhulelweni ngaphandle komtshato, loo mfana kusenokufuneka enze izigqibo ezithile ezibalulekileyo. Ngaba ufanele ayitshate loo ntombazana? Ngaba unembopheleleko kuloo mntwana wakhe? Inqaku elilandelayo liza kuxubusha le mibuzo.

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 30]

Ngokuphosakeleyo ulutsha oluninzi lucinga ukuba, ukuba neentlobano zesini akubi namiphumo