Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .
Ootata Ababaleka Imbopheleleko—Ngaba Banokuyibaleka Ngokwenene?
“Xa wathi kum, ‘Ndiza kuzala umntwana wakho,’ ndothuka. Wayeza kunyanyekelwa ngubani lo mntwana? Ndandingenakunyamekela ntsapho mna. Kwakungathi ndingasuka ndiyibaleke yonke loo nto.”—UJim.a
INGXELO evela kwiAlan Guttmacher Institute ithi: “Nyaka ngamnye, amalunga nesigidi amabhinqa akwishumi elivisayo . . . akhulelwayo.” “Ama-78% amabhinqa akwishumi elivisayo azalayo akatshatanga.”
Ngaphambili, amadoda ayeziva ebophelelekile ukuba anyamekele abantwana bawo. Kodwa njengokuba incwadi ethi Teenage Fathers isitsho, “ukumitha ungatshatanga akuselohlazo njengokuba [kwakha] kwanjalo.” Phakathi kwabantu abaselula kwezinye iindawo, xa ungutata womntwana ujongwa njengothile! Sekunjalo, basembalwa abafana abayithabathayo imbopheleleko yokunyamekela abantwana babo. Ekugqibeleni abaninzi bayabashiya—okanye bababaleke—bemke.b
Kodwa ngaba umfana angayibaleka ngokupheleleyo imiphumo yehambo yokuziphatha okubi? IBhayibhile ithi akanakukwazi. Ilumkisa ngelithi: “Ningalahlekiswa: UThixo akanakwenziwa intlekisa. Loo nto ayihlwayelayo umntu, uya kuvuna kwayona.” (Galati 6:7) Njengoko siza kubona, ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini kudla ngokuba nemiphumo engapheliyo kumakhwenkwe namantombazana. Abantu abaselula banokuyiphepha loo miphumo ngokuthobela isiluleko seBhayibhile esicacileyo sokuphepha ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini.
Ukumshiya—Akulula
Ukunyamekela umntwana kubandakanya ukuncama ngokupheleleyo ixesha, imali nenkululeko yakho. Incwadi ethi Young Unwed Fathers ithi: “Abanye abafana abanamdla ‘wakunyamekela mntu,’ xa ukwenza loo nto kuza kubadla imali.” Noko ke, ukuzingca okunjalo kuba nemiphumo ebuhlungu kwabanye. Ngokomzekelo, iinkundla nabaqulunqi bemithetho kumazwe amaninzi baya bengawanyamezeli amadoda asilelayo ukuxhasa abantwana bawo. Ukuba kukhe kwafunyaniswa ukuba umntu ungutata ngokusemthethweni, utata oselula kuya kufuneka ehlawule kangangeminyaka eliqela ezayo—yaye kufanele kube njalo. Ulutsha oluninzi kuyanyanzeleka ukuba lushiye isikolo okanye lwenze imisebenzi ehlawula kancinane ukuze luhlawulele ezo mfanelo. Incwadi ethi School-Age Pregnancy and Parenthood ithi: “Okukhona umntu esiba ngumzali esemncinane, kokukhona efumana imfundo encinane.” Yaye ukuba umntu uyasilela ukukhupha imali yokuxhasa umntwana, ityala lithi chatha.
Kambe ke, asingabo bonke abafana abangabakhathaleliyo abantwana babo. Abaninzi badla ngokuba neenjongo ezintle. Ngokutsho kolunye uhlolisiso, bangama-75 ekhulwini ootata abakwishumi elivisayo abaye babatyelela abantwana babo ezibhedlele. Kodwa iba lithutyana nje uninzi lootata abaselula loyiswe ziimbopheleleko zokunyamekela abantwana.
Abaninzi bafumanisa ukuba abanabo ubuchule okanye amava anokubanceda bafumane umsebenzi ofanelekileyo. Bebuhlungu ngenxa yokungakwazi kwabo ukunikela inkxaso engokwezimali, ekuhambeni kwexesha bayazilahla iimbopheleleko zabo. Noko ke, iintlungu ezibangelwa kukuzisola zinokumdla umfana kangangeminyaka ezayo. Omnye utata oselula uvuma ngelithi: “Maxa wambi ndidla ngokucinga ngoko kwenzeka kunyana wam. . . . Ndibuhlungu ngokuba ndiye ndamshiya, kodwa ngoku ndiye ndaphulukana naye. Mhlawumbi ngenye imini uya kuze andifumane.”
Umonakalo Owenziwe Ebantwaneni
Kwakhona ootata ababaleka imbopheleleko kusenokufuneka bajamelane neemvakalelo ezinzima zentlungu—intlungu yomonakalo awenze emntwaneni wakhe. Ngapha koko, njengokuba iBhayibhile isitsho, umntwana kufuneka abe nomama notata. (Eksodus 20:12; IMizekeliso 1:8, 9) Xa indoda ishiya umntwana wayo, imbeka esichengeni seengxaki ezininzi. Ingxelo eyanikelwa yiU.S. Department of Health and Human Services ithi: “Abantwana abaselula kwiintsapho ezinomama ongatshatanga batyekele ekufumaneni amanqaku aphantsi kwiimviwo zezibalo. Xa besebancinane abantwana abakhuliswe ngumzali ongatshatanga badla ngokufumana amanqaku aphantsi, babe neengxaki kwisimilo sabo, baze babe sesichengeni kakhulu sokuba nempilo enkenenkene baze bagule ngengqondo. Kwabo bakwishumi elivisayo nabasele befikelele kubuntu obukhulu, ukukhulela kwintsapho enomama ongatshatanga kunxulunyaniswa nengozi enkulu yokuba nomntwana kwishumi elivisayo, ukuphuma ungekagqibi kumabanga aphakamileyo, ukubanjwa nokungafumani msebenzi okanye isikolo.”
Iphephancwadi iAtlantic Monthly liqukumbela ngelithi: “Ngokobungqina obuninzi obufunyenwe kwintlalo yabantu nakwinzululwazi, abantwana abakwiintsapho eziphazanyiswe luqhawulo-mtshato nabazelwe ngaphandle komtshato abaphumeleli kunabantwana abazalelwe kwiintsapho eziluqilima kwiinkalo ezininzi zobomi. Abantwana abazelwe ngabazali abangatshatanga banamathuba aphindwe kathandathu okuba babe ngamahlwempu. Kwakhona kunokwenzeka ukuba bahlale bengamahlwempu.”
Khumbula ukuba ezi ngozi zisekelwe kuhlolisiso oluye lwenziwa kumaqela abantu yaye azibhekiseli kumntu ngamnye. Abantwana abaninzi bakhula ngendlela efanelekileyo, babe ngabantu abakhulu abanolungelelwano, kungakhathaliseki iimeko ezingentle abakhulele kuzo. Sekunjalo, iimvakalelo zokuba netyala zinokubangela umfana oshiye umntwana wakhe abe buhlungu. Omnye utata ongatshatanga uthi: “Kusenokwenzeka ukuba ngokwenene [ndibonakalisile] ubomi bakhe bonke.”—Teenage Fathers.
Ucelomngeni Lokunikela Inkxaso
Asingabo bonke ootata abaselula ababaleka imbopheleleko. Abanye abafana baye bazive benelungelo nembopheleleko ngabantwana babo yaye ngokunyanisekileyo bafuna ukuncedisa ekubakhuliseni. Noko ke, kulula ukuthetha kunokwenza. Ngokomzekelo, utata ongatshatanga unokuba namalungelo ambalwa angokwasemthethweni, eshiyela kwintombazana nabazali bayo ukuze balawule ukuba kukangakanani—okanye lithuba elincinane kangakanani—anokuhlala ngalo nomntwana wakhe. UJim ocatshulwe ekuqaleni uthi: “Kungumgudu ukuba ude ukwazi ukulawula umntwana.” Kusenokwenziwa isigqibo angasithandiyo utata oselula, njengokuba umntwana wakhe anikwe abanye abantu—okanye ade aqhomfwe.c Omnye utata oselula ukhalaza ngelithi: “Kunzima ukuba ndimyeke anikelwe kubantu endingabaziyo, kodwa ndicinga ukuba akukho kwenza ngakumbi.”
Abanye abafana badla ngokuthi baza kubatshata oonina babantwana babo.d Kuyavunywa ukuba, umtshato unokususa ukuphoxeka kuloo ntombi kuze kunike umntwana ithuba lokukhuliswa ngabazali ababini. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba phezu kwayo nje ihambo evakalala, aba baselula bathandana ngokwenene. Noko ke, isibakala sokuba le nkwenkwe ikwazi ukuvelisa inzala asithethi ukuba ikhulile engqondweni nangokweemvakalelo kangangokuba ingangumyeni nobawo. Singathethi nokuba ingakwazi ukuxhasa umfazi nomntwana ngokwezimali. Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba imitshato equma ukumitha idla ngokungahlali thuba lide. Ngoko ukubalekela emtshatweni akusoloko kusisicombululo sobulumko.
Abafana abaninzi baye babaxhase abantwana babo ngokwezimali. Njengoko kukhankanywe ngaphambilana, kuye kufuneke azimisele lo tata uselula ukuze akwazi ukuqhubeka enikela le nkxaso kangangethuba elide—mhlawumbi kangangeminyaka eli-18 nangaphezulu! Kodwa inkxaso elolu hlobo inokukhusela umama nomntwana ekuphileni njengamahlwempu.
Kuthekani ngokuba nenxaxheba ngokoqobo ekukhuliseni umntwana? Nako oku kunokuba lucelomngeni olunzima. Maxa wambi abazali besi sibini basenokoyikela ukuba singaphinda sibe neentlobano zesini baze ke bangakukhuthazi—okanye bakuthintele—ukubonana kwesi sibini. Le ntombi ngokwayo isenokugqiba kwelokuba ayifuni umntwana wayo “anxibelelane” nendoda engengomyeni wayo. Phofu ke, ukuba utata uyavunyelwa ukuba aze kubona umntwana wakhe, ezi ntsapho ziya kuba zilumkile ukuba ziyaqinisekisa ukuba xa etyelela kubakho impelesi, ukuze kuphetshwe ukuphinda kubekho ihambo evakalala.
Njengoko benomnqweno wokusondela kubantwana babo, abanye ootata abangatshatanga baye bafunda ukwenza imisebenzi esisiseko yobuzali, njengokuhlamba, ukutyisa okanye ukufundela abantwana babo. Umfana oye wafumana ulwazi ngemilinganiselo yeBhayibhile usenokuzama ukufundisa umntwana wakhe ngeminye imigaqo yeLizwi likaThixo. (Efese 6:4) Kodwa ngoxa uhlobo oluthile lwengqalelo enothando evela kutata lubhetele kunokuba ingabikho, ayifani kwaphela nokuba notata osoloko ekho. Yaye ukuba umama womntwana uyatshata, utata oselula kusenokufuneka abukele angenzi nto njengoko enye indoda iwuthabathela kuyo umsebenzi wokukhulisa lo mntwana wayo.
Noko ke, licacile elokuba, ukuba ngutata womntwana ungatshatanga kuzisa intlungu engathethekiyo—kubo bobabini abazali nasemntwaneni. Ngaphandle kwenkxalabo eqhelekileyo, kukho nengozi yokungakholeki phambi kukaYehova uThixo, okugwebayo ukuziphatha okubi ngokwesini. (1 Tesalonika 4:3) Ngoxa ubani esenokuhlangabezana nemeko enjengokumitha usekwishumi elivisayo, kufanele kucace ukuba elona khondo lifanelekileyo kukuphepha kwasekuqaleni ukubandakanyeka ekuziphatheni okubi. Omnye utata oselula uvuma ngelithi: “Ukuba nje ukhe wanomntwana ungatshatanga, ubomi bakho abusayi kubuyela esiqhelweni.” Eneneni, utata oselula kuya kufuneka anyamezele imiphumo yempazamo yakhe ubomi bakhe bonke. (Galati 6:8) Kwakhona isiluleko seBhayibhile siye sangqineka sinobulumko xa sisithi: “Sabani kulo uhenyuzo.”—1 Korinte 6:18.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Amanye amagama atshintshiwe.
b Bona inqaku elithi “Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . . Ukuba Ngutata Wabantwana—Ngaba Kumenza Ubani Abe Yindoda?” kwinkupho kaVukani! kaMeyi 8, 2000. Ukuze ufumane ingxubusho ngezinto ezibangelwa kukuba ngoomama abangatshatanga kumabhinqa aselula, bona inqaku elithi “Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . . Ukuba Ngumama Ongatshatanga—Ngaba Kunokwenzeka Kum?” kwinkupho ka-Agasti 8, 1985.
c Bona inqaku elithi “Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . . Ukuqhomfa—Ngaba Kusisicombululo?” kwinkupho kaVukani! kaMatshi 8, 1995.
d UMthetho kaMoses wawusithi ukuba indoda iye yalukuhla intombi enyulu ifanele itshate nayo. (Duteronomi 22:28, 29) Noko ke, kwakunganyanzelekanga ukuba itshate, kuba uyise wale ntombi wayenokungayivumeli loo nto. (Eksodus 22:16, 17) Nangona amaKristu namhlanje engasekho ngaphantsi koMthetho, kodwa ucacisa indlela ekunzulu ngayo ukona ngokuba neentlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato.—Bona “Imibuzo Evela Kubafundi,” kwinkupho yeMboniselo kaNovemba 15, 1989.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]
Kubhetele ukuphephe ukuziphatha okubi kwasekuqaleni