Imini Yomtshato—Imyoli Kodwa Ilucelomngeni

IBHAYIBHILE ibonisa ukuba yayinguYehova uThixo—obazi abantu ngaphezu kwakhe nabani na—owaqhuba umtshato wokuqala. Wabeka umtshato njengesiseko sebutho labantu. (Genesis 2:18-24) Yaye kwiLizwi likaThixo eliphefumlelweyo, iBhayibhile sifumana imigaqo eyahlukeneyo enokusinceda isikhokele xa sisenza amalungiselelo omsitho womtshato.

Ngokomzekelo, uYesu wathi amaKristu afanele ‘abuyisele izinto zikaKesare kuKesare.’ (Mateyu 22:21) Ngenxa yoko, amele enze ngokuvisisana nomthetho welizwe lawo. Umtshato osemthethweni ukhusela abo babandakanyekileyo ngeendlela ezininzi, njengokuyenza icace imbopheleleko abanayo ebantwaneni (kuquka ukubanyamekela nokubafundisa) namalungelo elifa. Kukwakho nemithetho eyenzelwe ukukhusela amalungu entsapho ekuxhatshazweni.a

Amalungiselelo

Xa sesenziwe isigqibo sokuba isibini siza kutshata yaye umtshato waso uvisisana nemithetho nemigaqo yeBhayibhile kwakunye nomthetho welizwe, yiyiphi imiba efanele iqwalaselwe? Phakathi kwayo kufanele kuqwalaselwe umhla nohlobo lomtshato esiwunqwenelayo.

Enye incwadi ethetha ngalo mba ithi: “Kusenokwenzeka ukuba esi sibini asidibani nabazali ngeembono, yaye sisenokuziva singazi ukuba masiye kweliphi icala phakathi koko sikufunayo nokulandela indlela yeentsapho zaso yokwenza izinto.” Kuza kuthiwani? “Ayinakuconjululwa lula nje le ngxaki, ngaphandle kokuba niyixubushe, nize nivumelane. Lixesha elichukumisa iimvakalelo kumntu wonke, yaye ukucinga kusengaphambili nokuqonda kuya kunceda lukhulu ekwenzeni amalungiselelo abe lula.”—The Complete Wedding Organiser and Record.

Nangona abazali abanothando benokwenza lukhulu ukuqinisekisa ukuphumelela kwaloo mini, bafanele basixhathise isilingo sokumisela izinto ezifunwa ngabo. Kwelinye icala, nangona izigqibo ziya kwenziwa ngumtshakazi nomyeni, bafanele bawaphulaphule amacebiso asebenzisekayo. Xa sigqiba ngamacebiso esinokuwamkela, isibini siya kwenza kakuhle ukukhumbula esi siluleko seBhayibhile: “Zonke izinto zisemthethweni; kodwa asizizo zonke izinto eziyingenelo. Zonke izinto zisemthethweni; kodwa asizizo zonke izinto ezakhayo. Ngamnye makafune, kungekhona ingenelo yakhe, kodwa eyomnye umntu.”—1 Korinte 10:23, 24.

Amalungiselelo aquka izinto ezahlukeneyo, ukususela ekuthumeleni izimemo ukuya kuma ngokulungiselela itheko lomtshato. UH. Bowman uthi kwincwadi yakhe ethi Marriage for Moderns: “Okukhona amalungiselelo esenziwa kakuhle kokukhona uya kukwazi ukucinga kusengaphambili ulungise izinto, kanti xa kungalungiselelwa kakuhle oko kuya kuba yindinisa etyhafisayo.” Ulumkisa ngelithi: “Kwanaphantsi kwezona meko zifanelekileyo, kusenokubakho izinto ezithile ezidinayo, yaye kusengqiqweni ukwenza konke okusemandleni ukuziphungula.”

Kuya kufuneka kwenziwe imisebenzi ethile konwatyiswe neendwendwe. Ngaba izalamane nentsapho zinokunceda? Ngaba izinto ekunganyanzelekanga ukuba zenziwe ngumtshakazi nomyeni zinokunikwa abanye abayithabatha nzulu imbopheleleko?

Iindleko

Kubalulekile ukuba imali yabiwe kakuhle. Akukho ngqiqweni ingelulo nothando ukulindela ukuba isibini okanye abazali baso benze amatyala omtshato angaphaya kokuba benokuwafikelela. Abaninzi abebenokufikelela umsitho womtshato omkhulu baye bakhetha ukuwenza ube mncinane. Enoba kutheni, ezinye izibini ziye zakufumanisa kuluncedo ukwenza uludwe oluneendleko eziqikelelwayo nezo zenziwayo. Kwakhona kunokuba luncedo ukuba noludwe lwamaxesha ezimele zibe zenziwe ngawo zonke izinto ezifuna ukulungelelaniswa. Kunokubangela uxinezeleko ukufuna ukugcina onke la maxesha ngentloko.

Uxabisa kangakanani umsitho womtshato? Amaxabiso ayahluka ngokweendawo, kodwa enoba uhlala phi, bekuya kuba bubulumko ukuzibuza lo mbuzo: ‘Ngaba sinokuzifikelela zonke izinto esiye saziceba? Ngaba ziyimfuneko ngokwenene?’ Omnye umtshakazi ekuthiwa nguTina wathi: “Ezinye izinto ekwakukhangeleka ngathi ‘asinakwenza nto ngaphandle kwazo’ ngelo xesha zabonakala zingeyomfuneko ekugqibeleni.” Cinga nje ngecebiso likaYesu: “Ngubani na kuni othi efuna ukwakha inqaba angahlali phantsi kuqala, abale indleko, ukuze abone ukuba unokwaneleyo kusini na kokuyigqiba?” (Luka 14:28) Ukuba akukwazi kuzifikelela zonke izinto ozithandayo, ziyeke ezinye. Kwanokuba unokufikelela okungakumbi, usenokufuna ukuzenza lula izinto.

EItali, kwenye intengiso yezinto zomtshato kwachazwa iindleko ezinokusetyenziswa ngumtshakazi oqhelekileyo waseItali. Ukulungisa yena neenwele zakhe ngama-R4 000; ukuqesha engayiwayo inqwelo-mafutha ngama-R2 700; ukufota lo mhla ngevidiyo, ngama-R5 500; ialbham yeefoto zomhla womsitho womtshato (ngaphandle kweefoto), li-R1 150-R4 550; iintyatyambo, ukususela kuma-R5 500; isidlo, ngama-R400-800 umntu ngamnye; ilokhwe yomtshato, ngaphezu kwe-R11 000. Xa ucinga ngokubaluleka kwesi siganeko, siyaqondakala isizathu sokufuna ukwenza izinto ezikhethekileyo. Kodwa nantoni ekugqitywe kuyo ifanele yenziwe ngolungelelwano.

Nangona abanye bechitha imali eninzi, abanye bayakuvuyela ukonga imali—okanye abanakwenza ngakumbi. Omnye umtshakazi wathi: “Sasingoovulindlela sobabini [abavangeli bexesha elizeleyo], yaye sasingenamali, kodwa yayingeyiyo eyona nto ibalulekileyo. Umazala wam wathenga ilaphu lelokhwe, eyathungwa ngumhlobokazi wakhe njengesipho somtshato. Izimemo zabhalwa ngosiba ngumyeni wam, waza umhlobo wethu ongumKristu wasiboleka inqwelo-mafutha. Kwitheko lethu sathenga izinto ezibalulekileyo, yaye mntu uthile wasipha iwayini. Asizange sidlale ngemali, kodwa zonke izinto zanela.” Ngokutsho komnye umyeni, xa intsapho nezihlobo zincedisa, “zihla ngokwenene iindleko.”

Enoba imeko yemali injani na, izibini ezingamaKristu ziya kukuphepha ukugqithisa, ukusebenzisa iindlela zehlabathi okanye ukuqhayisa. (1 Yohane 2:15-17) Hayi indlela ebekuya kuba lusizi ngayo ukuba isiganeko esifana nomsitho womtshato besiya kubangela umntu asilele ukulandela imigaqo yeZibhalo ephathelele ukulungelelana, elumkisa nxamnye nokubhukuxa, ukunxila, okanye nantoni na enokuphazamisana nokuba umntu agqalwe ‘njengongenakukhalazeleka’!—IMizekeliso 23:20, 21; 1 Timoti 3:2.

Phepha utyekelo lokuzama ukwenza umsitho womtshato omkhulu nobhetele kuneyabanye. Khawucinge nje ngezigqubuthelo ezidla imali eninzi ezazinxitywe ngabatshakazi ababini kwelinye ilizwe—esinye sasiziimitha ezili-13 ubude yaye ubunzima baso babuziikhilogram ezingama-220, esinye sasiziimitha ezingama-300 ubude, sifuna ukuthwalwa ngabakhaphi abali-100. Ngaba ukulinganisa oko bekuya kuvisisana nesiluleko seBhayibhile sokuba nengqiqo?—Filipi 4:5.

Ngaba Kufanele Kulandelwe Isithethe?

Izithethe zomsitho womtshato ziyahluka kumazwe ngamazwe, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima ukuba sithethe ngazo zonke. Xa sisenza isigqibo ngokulandela isithethe esithile, isibini siya kuba senza kakuhle ukuzibuza oku: ‘Yintoni intsingiselo yaso? Ngaba sinxulumene nenkolelo yethamsanqa okanye ukunqwenelelwa ukuba nenzala—njengokuphosela abo basandul’ ukutshata ngerayisi? Ngaba sinxulumene nonqulo lobuxoki okanye olunye uqheliselo olugatywayo yiBhayibhile? Ngaba asikho ngqiqweni okanye asibonisi luthando? Ngaba sinokuphoxa okanye sikhubekise abanye? Ngaba sinokuvusa amathandabuzo ngeentshukumisa zesi sibini? Ngaba asithandeki?’ Ukuba kukho amathandabuzo ngayo nayiphi na kwezi ngongoma, bekuya kuba kokulungileyo ukusiphepha eso sithethe yaye ukuba kuyimfuneko wazise iindwendwe ngesigqibo osenzileyo kusengaphambili.

Uvuyo Neemvakalelo

Ngaloo mini inkulu kunokubakho iimvakalelo ezimnandi neenyembezi. Omnye umtshakazi uthi: “Kwakuvuyisa ngokwenene, kwakungathi kuzaliseka iphupha.” Kodwa umyeni yena ukhumbula oku: “Yayiyeyona mini imbi ikwayeyona ilungileyo ebomini bam. Abasebukhweni babeziinyhididi ziinyembezi ngenxa yokuba ndandibathathela umafungwashe wabo, umfazi wam wayesezinyembezini ngenxa yokubona abazali bakhe belila yaye nam ndagqibela ndingakwazi ukuzibamba ukulila kuba ke ndandingenakunyamezela.”

Iintsabelo ezinjengezi azifanele zisothuse—zibangelwa luxinezeleko. Kungafanele kusothuse nokuba amaqhina entsapho naphakathi kwesibini aphazamiseke kancinane maxa wambi. IThe Complete Wedding Organiser and Record ithi: “Ngapha koko, kusenokwenzeka ukuba ngamava abo okuqala okucwangcisa isiganeko esikhulu bebobabini, yaye olo yolo lusenokuba negalelo kulwalamano lwabo ngandlel’ ithile. Akukho nto kuyincedayo ukucaphuka ngenxa yokuba izinto zingahambi kakuhle njengoko bezilindelwe; kuya kukunceda gqitha ukufuna icebiso nenkxaso ngexesha elifana neli.”

Omnye umyeni wathi: “Into engendandikuvuyele ukuba nayo nebendisoloko ndizisola ngokungabi nayo ngumcebisi endandinokuzityand’ igila kuye nendandinokwabelana naye ngeemvakalelo zam.” Ngubani ke onokuvala eso sikhewu kunomhlobo oqolileyo okanye omnye umntu onamava kwibandla lamaKristu?

Xa abazali bebukela umntwana wabo eshiya ikhaya, iingqondo zisenokubethabethana babe novuyo, babe nelunda, bangafuni ukwahlukana naye, babe noloyiko. Noko ke, bafanele bengazingci baqonde ukuba sele lifikile ixesha lokuba lo mntwana ‘ashiye uyise nonina’ aze anamathele kwiqabane lakhe baze “babe nyama-nye,” njengoko uMdali wayenenjongo yokuba kube njalo. (Genesis 2:24) Egqabaza ngendlela awasabela ngayo ekutshateni konyana wakhe wamazibulo, omnye umama ukhumbula oku: “Ndandinyembezana, kodwa ukongezelela kuloo ntlungu, ndandineenyembezi zovuyo ngokufumana umolokazana othandeka ngokwenene.”

Ukuze benze esi sihlandlo sibe myoli size sibe sesakhayo, abazali—kanye njengomtshakazi nomyeni—bafanele babonise iimpawu zamaKristu zentsebenziswano, ukuzola, ukungazingci nokunyamezelana.—1 Korinte 13:4-8; Galati 5:22-24; Filipi 2:2-4.

Abanye abatshakazi boyikela ukuba kukho into engazi kuhamba kakuhle ngomhla womsitho womtshato wabo—ukuba inqwelo-mafutha iza konakalelwa lithayara aze afike emva kwexesha emsithweni, imozulu iza kuba mbi, okanye ilokhwe yakhe yomtshato iza konakala ingalungiseki ngomzuzu wokugqibela. Mhlawumbi akuzi kwenzeka nokuba ibe nye kwezo. Noko ke, sebenzisa ingqiqo. Asizizo zonke izinto eziza kugqibelela. Imele yamkelwe into yokuba kukho apho ziza konakala khona izinto. (INtshumayeli 9:11) Zama ukuba ungaphulukani noburharha bakho xa ujamelene neenzingo, yaye ube nesimo sengqondo esihle. Ukuba izinto zinokuhamba kakubi, khumbula ukuba ngokuhamba kweminyaka uya kuhleka njengoko ubalisa ngazo. Musa ukuvumela into encinane iphazamise uvuyo lomsitho womtshato.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 25]

“Ezinye izinto ekwakukhangeleka ngathi ‘asinakwenza nto ngaphandle kwazo’ ngelo xesha zabonakala zingeyomfuneko ekugqibeleni.”—UTINA, UMTSHAKAZI

[Ibhokisi/Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 25]

UMZEKELO WOLUDWE LWAMALUNGISELELOb

Kwiinyanga ezi-6 okanye ngaphezulu ngaphambili

❑ Xubushani ngamalungiselelo noza kuba ngumyeni okanye umfazi, abasebukhweni kwanabazali

❑ Yenzani isigqibo ngohlobo lomtshato eniwufunayo

❑ Yenzani uhlahlo lwabiwo-mali

❑ Hlolisisani iimfuno zomthetho

❑ Dibanani nomfoti

❑ Qeshani indawo yetheko

Kwiinyanga ezi-4 ngaphambili

❑ Khethani (kwimpahla eninayo), thengani okanye nithunge iimpahla zomtshato

❑ Odolani iintyatyambo

❑ Khethani nize niodole izimemo

Kwiinyanga ezi-2 ngaphambili

❑ Thumelani izimemo

❑ Thengani imisesane

❑ Fumanani amaxwebhu ayimfuneko

Kwinyanga ngaphambili

❑ Linganisani iimpahla zomsitho womtshato

❑ Qinisekisani iiodolo namaxesha eniwabekileyo

❑ Bhalani iileta zokubulela naziphi na izipho enisele nizifumene

Kwiiveki ezi-2 ngaphambili

❑ Qalisani ukuthabatha izinto zenu niye kuzibeka kwindawo entsha eniza kuhlala kuyo

Kwiveki ngaphambili

❑ Qinisekani ukuba bonke abaza kuninceda bayayazi into elindeleke kubo

❑ Yenzani amalungiselelo okubuyisela zonke izinto ezibolekiweyo

❑ Yabela abanye imisebenzi kangangoko kunokwenzeka

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 26]

“Oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu”