Ukwakheka Kwempikiswano
OWESIFAZANE udinga ukuveza imizwa. Owesilisa ufuna ukunikeza amakhambi. Kungenzeka ukuthi izigidi zezimpikiswano zasemshadweni esikhathini eside ziye zathatha izimo eziningi ezihlukene, kodwa ngokuvamile ziye zaba umehluko ezicini ezimbalwa eziyisisekelo. Ukuqonda umbono noma indlela ehlukile yokukhuluma yomngane wakho womshado kungasiza ekudambiseni isimo sentukuthelo evuthayo sibe isimo esinokuthula emkhayeni ojabulayo.
“Ungalawuli Ukuphila Kwami!”
Amadoda amaningi angase azithole esesimweni esiphikelelayo sowesifazane ocindezelayo nobeleselayo ecindezelwe nhlangothi zonke yizeluleko, izicelo, nokugxekwa. IBhayibheli liyayivuma imizwa enjalo, lithi: ‘Ukuxabana komfazi kunjengokuconsa njalonjalo.’ (IzAga 19:13) Owesifazane angase enze isicelo indoda yakhe esenqaba buthule ngenxa yezizathu angazazi. Ecabanga ukuthi ayizwanga, ngokulandelayo uyitshela lokho okumelwe ikwenze. Ukwenqaba kwayo kuyaqina. Ingabe ungowesifazane obeleselayo nendoda ebuswa umfazi? Noma kumane nje kungabantu ababili abangazange bakhulumisane ngendlela ecacile?
Ngokombono wenkosikazi, ilubonakalisa kangcono kakhulu uthando kumyeni wayo lapho inikeza iseluleko esiwusizo. Ngokombono wendoda yayo, iyamlawula futhi ibonisa ukuthi akanakhono. Amazwi athi, “Ungakhohlwa isikhwama sakho” angamazwi abonisa ukukhathalela kunkosikazi, iqikelela ukuthi umyeni wayo unakho konke akudingayo. Indoda kuyikhumbuza unina eyimemeza emnyango ethi, “Ingabe ulithathile ijezi lakho?”
Inkosikazi ekhathele ingase ngobumnene ithi, “Ingabe ufuna siyodla ngaphandle kusihlwa nje?” eqinisweni isho ukuthi, “Ungangikhipha yini ukuze siyodla ukudla kwakusihlwa? Ngikhathele ukupheka.” Kodwa indoda yakhe ethembekile ingase isebenzise lelithuba ukuze ibabaze ukupheka komkayo futhi iphikelele ngokuthi ithanda ukudla okuphekwa nguye ukwedlula noma yikuphi okunye. Noma indoda ingase ibe nomuzwa wokuthi, ‘Uzama ukungixhaphaza!’ Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ngokucasuka inkosikazi ingase ithi kuyo ngokwayo, ‘Kungani kufanele ukuba ngicele?’
“Awungithandi!”
“Angakucabanga kanjani lokho?” kubabaza indoda ekhungathekile, ididekile. “Ngiyasebenza, ngikhokha izikweletu, ngimphathela ngisho nezimbali ngezinye izikhathi!”
Nakuba bonke abantu bedinga ukuzizwa bethandwa, owesifazane unesidingo esikhethekile sokuqinisekiswa ngalokhu ngokuphindaphindiwe. Angase angakusho ngokuzwakalayo lokho, kodwa ngaphakathi angase azizwe njengomthwalo ongafuneki, ikakhulukazi uma umjikelezo wakhe wokuba sesikhathini umenza azizwe ecindezelekile okwesikhashana. Ngezikhathi ezinjalo umyeni wakhe angase ahoxe, ecabanga ukuthi udinga isikhathi esithile sokushaywa umoya. Owesifazane angase abheke ukuntula kwendoda ukusondelana naye njengobufakazi bokuthile akusaba kunakho konke—indoda ayisamthandi. Angase aphahluke ngolaka, efuna ukuphoqelela indoda ukuba imthande futhi imsekele.
“Kwenzenjani, S’thandwa?”
Indoda ingase isingathe inkinga ecindezelayo ngokufuna indawo ethulile yokuzindla ngayo. Owesifazane angase abone inkinga ethile futhi asabele ngokomzwelo ngokuzama ukukhuthaza indoda ukuba ikhulume. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lemizamo inesisusa esihle kangakanani, indoda ingase iyithole iwukugxambukela futhi ilulaza. Njengoba ifulathela ukuze icabangele inkinga yayo, iyaphenduka futhi ibona umkayo oqotho eyilandela ngentshiseko. Izwa lelophimbo eliphikelelayo elinothando: “S’thandwa, ingabe akukho okonakele? Kwenzenjani? Masixoxe ngakho.”
Uma ingekho impendulo, inkosikazi ingase izwe ubuhlungu. Lapho inenkinga, ifuna ukuxoxa nomyeni wayo ngayo. Kodwa indoda eyithandayo ayifuni ukuhlanganyela imizwa yayo. Owesifazane angase aphethe ngokuthi “akasangithandi.” Ngakho ekugcineni lapho lendoda engasoli lutho isizimisele ukuxoxa, yanelisekile ngekhambi elitholile, nayo ayisatholi umngane womshado onothando okhathalelayo eye yambekela eceleni, kodwa ithola inkosikazi ecasukile esilungele ukumbekela inselele ngenxa yokuyibekela eceleni.
“Awungilaleli Neze!”
Lokhu kumangalela kubonakala kuhlekisa. Endodeni kubonakala sengathi okuwukuphela kwento eyenzayo ukulalela. Kodwa njengoba umkayo ekhuluma, unomuzwa oqinile wokuthi amazwi akhe ayacusumbulwa futhi ahlaziywe nge-computer exazulula inkinga yezibalo. Ukusola kwakhe kuyaqinisekiswa lapho, njengoba esakhuluma, indoda ithi: “Ngakho, kungani ungamane nje . . . ?”
Lapho inkosikazi iza kumyeni wayo nenkinga, ngokuvamile ayimsoli noma ifune ikhambi elivela kuye. Ekufuna kakhulu umuntu onozwela ozolalela, hhayi nje amaqiniso angacacile, kodwa imizwa yayo ngawo. Khona-ke, ayifuni iseluleko, kodwa ukuqinisekiswa kwemizwa yayo. Yingakho amadoda amaningi anezisusa ezinhle aye abangela ukuqhuma kwentukuthelo lapho nje ethi: “S’thandwa, akufanele uzizwe ngaleyondlela. Akukubi kangako.”
Ngokuvamile, abantu balindele abangane babo bomshado ukuba bazi lokho abakucabangayo. “Sekuyiminyaka engu-25 sishadile,” kusho enye indoda. “Uma engakwazi namanje engikufunayo, kungenzeka akakhathaleli noma akanandaba.” Omunye umlobi usho lokhu encwadini yakhe ephathelene nobuhlobo basemshadweni: “Lapho abangane bomshado bengatshelani ukuthi bafunani futhi begxekana njalo ngenxa yokushiyeka, akumangalisi ukuthi umoya wothando nokubambisana uyanyamalala. Esikhundleni sawo kuvela . . . ukuncintisana, lapho umngane womshado ngamunye ezama khona ukuphoqelela omunye ukuba anelise izidingo zakhe.”
“Awuve Ungakhathaleli!”
Inkosikazi ingase ingasho kanjalo ngokuqondile kumyeni wayo, kodwa ingakubonisa ngokusobala ngendlela efanayo ngephimbo layo. Amazwi athi, “Kungani wephuze kangaka?” angase abhekwe njengesicelo sokwaziswa. Nokho, cishe ukubuka kwayo okumangalelayo nesandla okhalweni kutshela umyeni wayo ukuthi: “Wena mfanyana ongakhathaleli, ungikhathazile. Kungani ungazange ushaye ucingo? Awuve ungacabangeli! Ukudla sekupholile!”
Ngempela, uqinisile ngokudla. Kodwa uma kuqhuma impikiswano, ingabe ubuhlobo babo nabo busengozini? “Izimpikiswano eziningi aziveli ngoba abantu ababili bengavumelani, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi indoda inomuzwa wokuthi owesifazane akavumelani nombono wayo noma owesifazane akavumelani nendlela indoda ekhuluma naye ngayo,” kuphawula uDkt. John Gray.
Abanye banombono wokuthi ekhaya umuntu kufanele akhululeke ukusho noma yini ayithandayo. Kodwa umuntu okhuluma kahle nabanye ufuna ukusebenzela ukufeza isivumelwano futhi afinyelele ukuthula, ecabangela imizwa yesilaleli. Singase sifanise amazwi anjalo nokunikeza umngane wakho womshado ingilazi yamanzi abandayo ngokuphambene nokumthela ngawo ebusweni. Singathi umehluko usendleleni okwethulwa ngayo.
Ukusebenzisa amazwi akweyabaseKolose 3:12-14 kuyoqeda izimpikiswano futhi kuholele emkhayeni ojabulayo: “Yembathani ububele benhliziyo, nesisa, nokuzithoba, nobumnene, nokubhekakade, nibekezelelane, nithethelelane, uma umuntu enensolo komunye; njengokuba neNkosi yanithethelela, yenzani njalo nani. Kepha phezu kwakho konke lokho yembathani uthando oluyisibopho sokuphelela.”
[Isithombe ekhasini 9]
Owesilisa uvikela amaqiniso, owesifazane uvikela imizwa