Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Kunzima Kangaka Ukugwema Ukushaya Indlwabu?

“IMIKHUBA ifana nombhede onofonofo—kulula ukungena kuwo kodwa kunzima ukuphuma kuwo.” Kusho isaga esithile. Futhi yeka ukuthi lokhu kuyiqiniso kanjani ngokushaya indlwabu! Enye indoda eyasebenzisa lomkhuba kusukela ineminyaka eyi-10 kuze kube yilapho inengama-43 yavuma: “Lomkhuba ucindezela ngokwengeziwe kunomkhuba wokubhema, engiye ngawuyeka nakuba kwakungelula.”

Isihloko esidlule sabonisa ukuthi kungani ukushaya indlwabu kuyingozia Pho-ke, kungani intsha ihileleka kalula kangaka kulomkhuba?

Ukuqhuma Kwenkanuko Yobusha

Oweve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili ungenela isikhathi eBhayibhelini esibizwa

ngokuthi “isikhathi sokuqhuma kwenkanuko yobusha,” lapho izinkanuko zobulili ziba namandla. (1 Korinte 7:36, NW) Njengoba umzimba uqala ukuzilungiselela ubuzali, amahormone anamandla aphathelene nezitho zokuzala ayakhululwa. Phakathi nalenkathi, omusha uyaqaphela ukuthi lezitho zikwazi ukuveza imizwa ejabulisayo. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukulangazelela ukwazi kanye nobusha balemizwelo ejabulisayo kuholela intsha ukuba ihlole ngokuphulula lezizitho ukuze ithole injabulo eyengeziwe noma ukuze idambise izinga eliphakeme lenkanuko yobulili.

Ngenxa yezinguquko ezenzeka emzimbeni wakhe, omusha angavukelwa inkanuko yobulili ngisho nalapho eqinisweni engacabangi ngobulili. Ngokwesibonelo, kubafana, ukucindezeleka okubangelwa ukukhathazeka okuhlukahlukene, ukwesaba, noma ukukhungatheka kungathinta izinzwa zabo zokuzwa futhi kubangele ukuvuswa kwenkanuko yobulili. Ukwakheka kwamalotha nakho kungabangela ukuba ashaywe yizibuko, ngokuvamile elihambisana nephupho elivusa inkanuko yobulili noma kubangele umfana ukuba avuke enenkanuko yobulili evusiwe. Ngokufanayo, amantombazane athile asemasha angazithola enenkanuko yobulii engazelele. Futhi owesifazane osemusha ingaba nenkanuko yobulili ephakeme ngaphambi noma ngemva nje kokuba kwakhe sesikhathini.

Uma uye wahlangabezana nokuvuswa kwenkanuko yobulili okunjalo okungafunwa, akukho lutho olonakele ngawe. Lokhu ukusabela okungokwemvelo komzimba osemusha. Imizwa enjalo, ngisho noma inamandla kakhulu, ayifani nokushaya indlwabu, njengoba ngokwezinga elikhulu ingezenzakalelayo. Futhi njengoba uqhubeka ukhula futhi udlula “esikhathini sokuqhuma kwenkanuko yobusha,” amandla alemizwa azophela.

‘Amandla Engqondo”

Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi, ukuvuswa kwalenkanuko kubangwa okungaphezu nje sokusebenza kwamahormone omuntu. Ngokwesibonelo, iBhayibheli lichaza insizwa ehlangatshezwa owesifazane oyisifebe. Uyayanga futhi athi: “Woza . . . sijabule ngokuthandana.” Khona-ke kwenzekani? “Uyamlandela masinyane njengenkabi iya ekuhlatshweni.” (IzAga 7:7-22) Ngokusobala, imizwelo enamandla yalensizwa yavuswa yilokho eyakubona, yakuzwa, futhi yahlangabezana nakho—hhayi kuphela amahormone iyo! Ngokufanayo, enye insizwa iyavuma: Umsuka wayo yonke inkinga yami yokushaya indlwabu uwumphumela walokho engangikufaka engqondweni yami, Ngangibuka zinhlelo zeTV ezazihlanganisa ukuziphatha okubi futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngibuke izinhlelo ezikhokhelwayo zeTV ezibonisa abantu abanqunu. Imifanekiso enjalo ishaqisa kangangokuba ayisuki kuwe. Yayilokhu ivela engqondweni yami, iveza amandla engqondo adingekile ukuze ngihileleke ekushayeni indlwabu.’

Ngakho, ngokuvamile yilokho umuntu akufundayo, akubukayo, noma akulalelayo ukuze azijabulise, akhuluma ngakho noma azindla ngakho, okwenza kube nzima ukugwema ukushaya indlwabu. Ngakho-ke, ukuqaphela ngokunakekela lokho okufaka engqondweni yakho kubalulekile ukuze uyeke lomkhuba. Kunjengoba owesifazane oneminyaka engama-25 avuma: “Ngangihluleka ukuwuyeka lomkhuba. Nokho, ngangijwayele ukufunda izincwadi zothando, futhi lokhu kwanezela kulenkinga.” Ngokuthakazelisayo, kwakungeyona kuphela imicabango engcolile yobulili eyaholela ukuba abe nomkhuba wokushaya indlwabu. Ngempela, okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe kwembula mhlawumbe isizathu esikhulu kakhulu sokuthi kungani kunzima ukuyeka lomkhuba

“Isidakamizwa”

Owesifazane osemusha uyaqhubeka: “Ngokuvamile ngangishaya indlwabu ukuze ngikhulule ukucindezeleka, noma ukukhathazeka. Leyonjabulo edlulayo yayifana nesiphuzo umlutha wotshwala osiphuzayo ukuze uthulise izinzwa zawo.” Akayedwa neze kulokhu. Abacwaningi uSuzanne noIrving Sarnoff bayabhala: “Ngabantu abathile ukushaya indlwabu kungaba umkhuba abaphendukela kuwo ngenduduzo lapho becindezelwe noma bezizwa benovalo ngokuthile. Nokho, abanye, bangase baphendukele kulendlela ngezikhathi ezithile kuphela, lapho bengaphansi kokucindezeleka okungokomzwelo okukhulu kakhulu.”

UDr. Sherwyn Woods uyenezela: “Ingxenye enkulu yokushaya indlwabu ibangelwa ngokwezinga eliphansi yizidingo zothando kunokukhathazeka okuvamile, ukucindezeleka, nesizungu kulokho kuba isidakamizwa esifunwayo.” Ngakho lapho othile ecasukile, ecindezelekile, enesizungu, noma engaphansi kokucindezeleka okukhulu, lomkhuba uba “isidakamizwa” esiseduze sokususa izinkinga zomuntu. (Qhathanisa nezAga 31:6, 7.) Ngakho-ke, ukuze ugweme ukushaya indlwabu, kufanele ubheke lokhu njengendela yobuntwana yokubhekana nezinkinga futhi uzimisele uku . . .

“Yeka Izindlela Zobuntwana”

Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Lapho ngisengumntwana, ngakhulumisa okomntwana, ngaqondisa okomntwana, ngazindlisa okomntwana, kuthe sengiyindoda, ngayeka okobuntwana.” (1 Korinte 13:11) Ukushaya indlwabu kuyindlela yobuntwana yokusabela ezinkingeni. Uma sezigxilile, ‘izindlela zobuntwana zingaphikelela nasebudaleni. Ngokwesibonelo, eneminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye, umfana othile ngesinye isikhathi wabhekana nenkinga enzima yezibalo esikoleni. Okokuqala waphendukela ekushayeni indlwabu ukuze apholise umqondo wakhe. Ngemva kwalokho wayephendukela kulomkhuba noma nini uma enethuba lapho ebhekene nenkinga edida ikhanda. Manje, njengomuntu omdala, uyavuma: “Kuze kube namuhla, ingxenye enzima yomsebenzi odinga ingqondo ingishukumisela emuzweni onamandla kakhulu wokuba ngishaye indlwabu. Ngaphandle kwalokhu, angikwazi ukusebenza.”

Nakuba lendaba edlule ingase ibe ehlukile, kunengozi engokoqobo ekusebenziseni sidakamizwa’ ukuze uzame ukugwema izimo ezinzima ezingokomzwelo. Kodwa kunokuba ngokwengqondo uzibalekele ngokushaya indlwabu, bonisa “ikhono lokucabanga” futhi ubhekane nenkinga ngokwayo. (izAga 1:4, NW) Lapho izinkinga nezimo zokukhungatheka zibonakala zingaphezu kwamandla, funda ‘ukuphonsa izinkathazo zakho zonke phezu kwakhe, [uNkulunkulu] ngokuba uyakukhathalela’ futhi uqonda isimo sakho esibucayi, ngisho noma unomuzwa wokuthi akekho omunye umuntu osiqondayo. (1 Petru 5:6, 7) Vumela uNkulunkulu akusize “akunike ukuqiniseka emandleni ngoMoya wakhe kumuntu ongaphakathi.” (Efesu 3:16) Esikhundleni sokuba ngobuthakathaka uphendukele ekushayeni indlwabu ‘njengesidakamizwa,’ “nibe ngamadoda [nabesifazane, hhayi ‘njengabantwana’], nibe namandla.”—1 Korinte 16:13.

AbakwaSarnoff encwadini yabo ethi Masturbation and Adult Sexuality bathi: “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungani noma kukanjani abantu benomuzwa wokuntula okuthile, isinqumo sabo sokushaya indlwabu sisho ukuthi abazami ukuvala isikhala sokuntulekayo ngemisebenzi yobungane enenjongo . . . Yiqiniso, umuntu angathatha inkambiso evamile yokuzama kokubili ukuba axazulule izinkinga zakhe futhi ashaye indlwabu noma nini lapho eba nokucindezeleka. Kodwa isilingo sokukhetha ‘ikhambi’ lesibili sikhulu kakhulu, njengoba umzimba wakho uhamba nawo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngakho kungcono kakhulu ukuba ugxile ekutholeni nasekusebenziseni amakhambi angokoqobo ezinkingeni zakho.” Uma othile eshaya indlwabu lapho ebhekene nezinkinga esikhundleni sokuba afune izindlela zokuzixazulula, lomkhuba ungaba ocindezelayo ngokoqobo.

“Umlutha Onamandla Kakhulu”

Ngemva kokulwisana nokushaya indlwabu eminyakeni engaphezu kweyi-15 kusukela iseneminyaka eyi-11 ubudala, enye indoda yavuma: “Kuwumlutha onamandla kakhulu—akuyona into ongayithatha kalula. Kungaba umkhuba njengayo yonke imilaliso noma uphuzo oludakayo.” Incwadi ethi Your Growing Child ebhalwe nguPenelope Leach iyachaza: “Injabulo nokuphumula ongakuthola ekushayeni indlwabu kuye kwaba okucindezelayo ngoba ezinye izici zokuphila kwakhe akanakuzibekezelela. Njengomlutha ongokoqobo, kufanele ashaye indlwabu ngokwengeziwe, futhi ngokwenza kanjalo uzihlukanisa ngokwengeziwe nezinjabulo eziphambene nakho.”

Umuzwa ophuthumayo wokushaya indlwabu ngenxa nje yenjabulo edlulayo lapho izinto zingahambi kahle ekuphileni kungabangela umuntu abe ‘isigqila esiyisiwula sezinkanuko nokumatasa okuyizinhlobonhlobo.’ (Thithu 3:3) Nokho, umphostoli uPawulu uthi: “Kepha mina anginakubuswa-lutho.” (1 Korinte 6:12) Wayengeke avumele izinkanuko zakhe zibe yinkosi enonya. Ngokuphambene, uPawulu wabhala: “Kodwa ngiyawutuba umzimba wami, [izinkanuko zenyama] ngiwenza isigqila.” (1 Korinte 9:27) Waziphatha ngesandla esiqinile! Umzamo ofanayo uyosiza noma ubani ukuba agqashule ekushayeni indlwabu—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kunzima kanjani ukwenza lokho.b

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 11]

Ukubuka imidlalo yokuziphatha okubi kunganikeza “amandla engqondo” okushaya indlwabu