Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ingabe Ngikulungele Ukushayela?

“OSEMUSHA ongenazo izincwadi zokushayela akayena ngempela umuntu omusha.” Akungabazeki ukuthi intsha eningi ihlanganyela imizwa eboniswe yilomfana oneminyaka eyeve eshumini elinambili. Kalula nje, emazweni amaningi kunzima ukuba ilindele isikhathi lapho iyoshayela khona.

Entsheni eningi izincwadi zokushayela ziwuphawu lwesikhundla nolokuvuthwa. Ukukwazi ukushayela kusho inkululeko, ukukhululeka ekuphathweni abazali. Kusho ukuhamba ngokukhululeka, ukungabe usancika kubazali noma kubafowenu nodadewenu abadala ukuba bakugibelise ezimotweni zabo. Kuyavunywa, akuyona yonke intsha enezisusa ezizwakalayo zokufuna ukushayela. Ngokwesibonelo, enye ifuna ukushayela ngenxa yokuhileleka okungenzeka kokuqonywa owobulili obuhlukile. Futhi njengoba uDkt. Haim G. Ginott aphawula encwadini yakhe iBetween Parent & Teenager, entsheni ethile imoto “imelela . . . amandla, isivinini nenjabulo.”

Nokho, lapho ishayelwa ngendlela ebonisa ukuvuthwa, nenengqondo, imoto ingaba usizo lwangempela. Ngokwesibonelo, intsha eningi engoFakazi BakaJehova, izisebenzisa kahle izimoto enkonzweni yayo yasobala. Imoto futhi ivumela osemusha ukuba enzele abanye imisebenzi ewusizo futhi asize abadinga into yokuhamba ebayisa emihlanganweni yobuKristu.

Khona-ke, ake sithi uneminyaka ekugunyaza ukuba ungashayela. Wenze izifundo zokushayela esikoleni futhi uyifunde ngokuqaphelisisa imithetho yomgwaqo. Ngaphansi kokuqondisa kwabazali bakho (noma kwesikole), uye wathola ngisho nokuhlangenwe nakho okuthile kokushayela. Kungenzeka ukuthi uye waphumelela ekuhlolweni kokushayela futhi wathola izincwadi zokushayela! Ingabe konke lokhu kusho ukuthi manje usukulungele ukushayela? Akunjalo.

Abashayeli Abasebasha: Irekhodi Liyakhuluma

UDkt. Ginott waphawula: “Kunabaneminyaka eyishumi nesithupha ubudala abaphatha imoto ngekhono nangokuzethemba; bashayela kahle kunabazali babo. Ngokuphambene, kunabaneminyaka eyishumi nesishiyagalombili ubudala abangavuthiwe kangangokuthi kungaba okungenangqondo ukubavumela ukuba bashayele.”

Amaqiniso afakazela ukuba yiqiniso kwale ndaba. IStatistical Abstract of the United States 1988 ibonisa ukuthi abashayeli abaneminyaka yobudala engama-21 nangaphansi benza isibalo esicishe sibe amaphesenti ayi-10 kuphela sabantu abashayelayo. Noma kunjalo, bahlanganisa inani elishaqisayo lamaphesenti angama-20 abashayeli abahileleka ezingozini ezihlasimulisayo. Futhi, ngokwencwadi iDriving High: The Hazards of Driving, Drinking, and Drugs, izingozi zezimoto zaseU.S. ziyimbangela eyinhloko yokufa phakathi kwentsha eneminyaka eyi-16 kuya kweyi-19! Izinkulungwane ezengeziwe zentsha ziye zaba nezibazi futhi zakhubazeka unomphela ezingozini zezimoto.

Eziningi zalezozingozi ngabe zavinjelwa ukuba abashayeli abasebasha babethathe isixwayiso esilula sokubopha amabhande ezihlalo. Nokho, uDkt. David Hochberg, udabukiswa iqiniso lokuthi intsha eningi iphikelela ngokuba kwayo “nelungelo” lokushayela ingaphazanyiswa imithetho esindisa ukuphila. UHochberg ekhuluma nentsha ngokuqondile, uthi: “Ngima ngasemibhedeni yalabo abasindile, ngihlole izingozi futhi ngihlele ukwelashwa okudingekayo. Ngiye ngibuze umbuzo engiye ngawubuza izikhathi eziningi: ‘Kungani ubungawabophile amabhande esihlalo . . . ?’ Kafushane, kubuya impendulo yokuziqungisa isibindi nengagunci: ‘Nginamalungelo ami, Dokotela.’”

Nokho, ngokuvamile “amalungelo” entsha angqubuzana namalungelo abanye empilo nenjabulo. Isihloko esakhishwa kumagazini iCar and Driver sabika ngokuhlola okwabonisa ukuthi “abashayeli abasebasha babulala abanye abantu ngokuvame kakhulu kunabo siqu. Abantu abangaphezu kwengxenye kubo bonke ababulawa ezingozini zemigwaqo ezenziwa intsha babesemotweni eyayishayelwa osemusha noma abagibeli bemoto ‘eyashayiswa.’” Isihloko saphetha ngokuthi “kalula nje, ngokunengqondo labashayeli abasebasha bangabhekwa njengabayingozi.”

Lelirekhodi lokushayela elibi likhona naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi abashayeli abasebasha bacabanga ngokushesha, amehlo abo abona kahle, bezwa kangcono, banekhono elikhudlwana lokusebenzisa izandla, futhi ngokuvamile bayiqonda kangcono imishini yezimoto kunabantu abadala. Ngokusobala, ikhono lilodwa alenzi umshayeli ofanelekayo, futhi iqiniso lokuthi umuntu useneminyaka emgunyaza ukuba ashayele futhi unolwazi oludingekile ukuze aphumelele ekuhlolweni kokushayela akumenzi afaneleke.a

Isizathu Sokuba Intsha Eningi Ibe Abashayeli Abashayela Kabi

IThe Family Handbook of Adolescence ithi: “Amandla angokomzimba uma eqhathaniswa awalutho ekushayeleni. . . . Ikhono elingokomzimba cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi landulela ukufaneleka ngokomzwelo.” Yebo, ingxenye yenkinga ngabashayeli abasebasha isimo sentsha ngokwaso. USolomoni wathi “udumo lwabasha lungamandla abo,” okusho ukuthi, intsha ingaba namandla amakhulu nekhono. (IzAga 20:29) Nokho, ngokuvamile ikuntula kakhulu ukwahlulela okulungileyo. Ngempela, ngokushayela kwayo budedengu, enye intsha iye yabonisa ukuthi ubuwula ‘busaboshelwe’ ngempela ‘ezinhliziyweni zayo.’—IzAga 22:15.

Kanjalo enye ithambekele ekunganakini, ekusebenziseni imoto ukuze ihlabe abanye umxhwele futhi ibajabulise, ekubonakaliseni isibindi nokuba kuthiwe inesibindi. Ezandleni zentsha enjalo, imoto iyisikhali esibulalayo esinamandla; izincwadi zokushayela, ziyimvume yokubulala. Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela ingozi eyenzeka eyayihilela umdlali webhola likanobhutshuzwayo esikoleni esiphakeme oneminyaka eyi-17 ubudala ogama lakhe linguHarvey. Ngobusuku bakhe bokuqala aphuma ngabo ngemoto eyedwa, uHarvey wangena ngokushesha lapho kunqamula khona abahamba ngezinyawo—futhi washayisa ingane nonina.

Umqeqeshi kaHarvey kwezokugijima waphawula imbangela yalengozi: “Ukuba babengibuzile, ngangiyobatshela ukuthi uHarvey ngokomzwelo wayengakulungele ukushayela. Unochuku lapho esendlini yabadlali yokugqoka futhi uqala abanye abadlali. Ungumdlali othanda ukubukisa futhi unesimo sokulwa. Isimo sakhe sengqondo sazibonakalisa ngokushesha lapho eshayela kungekho muntu omqondisayo. Umfana wayefuna ukuba abe ngowokuqala ukusuka lapho irobhothi liba luhlaza.”

Kubuhlungu ukusho ukuthi, intsha eningi enezincwadi zokushayela ngokufanayo ‘ngokomzwelo ayikulungele ukushayela.’ Encwadini yakhe iLicensed to Kill, uRonald M. Weiers wacaphuna ukuhlola okwenziwa inkampane enkulu yomshuwalense eU.S. kubashayeli abasebasha. Ukuhlola kwaphawula “ukunganaki, ukushisekela nokuthambekela kwentsha ‘ekubukiseni’ ngeminyaka yobusha” njengesici esivelele ezingozini eziningi ezihilela abashayeli abasebasha.

Okudinga ukucatshangelwa ngokukhethekile iqiniso lokuthi intsha eningi kakhulu ishayela idakiwe. Izibalo zamuva eUnited States zabonisa ukuthi abashayeli abangaphansi kweminyaka engama-21 cishe bahlanganisa ingxenye eyodwa yabashayeli abadakiwe ababehilelekile ezingozini ezihlasimulisayo. Abalobi bencwadi iHow to Survive Your Adolescent’s Adolescence: bayachaza: “Ukushayela udakiwe kuvame ngokukhethekile entsheni ngenxa yezizathu ezintathu: (1) ayinakho okuhlangenwe nakho kokusingatha kokubili ukuphuza nokushayela, futhi kanjalo ayinaso isisekelo sokuhlangenwe nakho engasisebenzisa lapho yenza izahlulelo nganoma yimuphi umsebenzi; (2) izama ukuhlaba abangane bayo umxhwele ngokuthi yona ‘ivuthwe’ kangakanani; futhi (3) ayicabangi ukuthi ukuboshelwa ukushayela uphuzile noma ukwenza ingozi kungenzeka kuyo, kodwa kungenzeka komunye umuntu kuphela. Kodwa izibalo zeminyaka eyishumi edlule ziye zabonisa ngokuqondile ukuthi cishe abangaba amaphesenti angama-60 alabo abafa ezingozini zokushayela uphuzile bangabeve eshumini elinambili.”

‘Cha! Ngeke Ushayele!’

Ngokubhekwa kwawo wonke lamaqiniso, akumangalisi ukuthi abanye baye bacela uhulumeni ukuba abeke izimfuneko eziphakeme zobudala kwabafuna ukuthola izincwadi zokushayela, befuna ngisho nokuba yenqatshelwe ukushayela ngezikhathi ezithile. Nokho, kungase kube okubaluleke kakhulu ukusabela kwabazali bakho.

Ngenxa yokuzazi kahle izingozi zokushayela kwentsha, abanye abazali bayenqaba ukuvumela abantwana babo ukuba bashayele ngisho nalapho sebebufinyelele ubudala obugunyazwe umthetho. Omunye umzali wathi: “Asiyivumeli indodana yethu eneminyaka eyishumi nesithupha ubudala ukuba ishayele. Siyawafunda amaphephandaba futhi siyazi ukuthi yini engenzeka. Ngeke ngizikhathaze ngize ngife isikhathi ngasinye lapho ihambe ngemoto.”

Ukuma okunjalo kungabonakala kungalungile futhi kungenangqondo kuwe. Nokho, ungase ube osemusha ozimisele, ocophelelayo, ongathambekeli neze ekufakeni ukuphila kwakho noma kwabanye engozini. Inkinga iwukuthi, Ungabaqinisekisa kanjani abazali bakho ngalokhu? Umagazini wethu olandelayo uyophendula lombuzo.

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Imoto iwuphawu lwesikhundla, amandla, nenjabulo

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Uma ishayelwa ngokungafanele nangokunganaki imoto iba isikhali sokubulala esinamandla