Ngamehlo Omntwana

ABAZALI abaningi bazovumelana okungenani ngephuzu elilodwa: ukukhulisa umntwana ngokuphumelelayo kungenye yezinselele ezinkulu kakhulu okwake kwadingeka babhekane nazo. Kuye kwabhalwa inkindlane yamazwi ngendlela yokukwenza lokhu futhi kuphumelele. Nokho, kunendlela eyodwa abazali abakwazi ukuyifinyelela, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi abazali, ogogo nomkhulu, obabekazi, omalume, noma abangane nje. Lapho kuziwa ekuqondeni nasekuqeqesheni abantwana, ingabe uke wazama ukubheka ngamehlo omntwana? Yini kahle-hle ecatshangwa yilezozingqondo ezincane?

Khumbula, abantwana bangabantu abancane. Ukuba nalombono ngabo kuyosisiza ekuqondeni indlela abasibheka ngayo. Bazalwa bebancane bezalelwa ezweni labantu ababonakala bebakhulu, benegunya, namandla. Kumntwana ocathulayo, abantu abadala bangamelela isivikelo, induduzo, nosizo noma babe usongo olukhahlamezayo.

Ababona Abantu Abadala Abancane

Elinye iphuzu elibalulekile lokuqonda liwukuqaphela ukuba ungenzi iphutha lokubaphatha njengabantu abadala abasebancane. Ubuntwana kumelwe bube esinye sezikhathi ezijabulisa kakhulu ekuphileni. Asikho isidingo sokujaha ukubadlulisa kubo noma sokubenza baphuthelwe yibo ngokuphelele. Benze babujabulele. Njengomzali, ungathatha ithuba lokugxilisa kubo izimiso zokuziphatha ezidingekile ukuze, ngesikhathi esifanelekile, babe abantu abadala abahlelekile.

Lapho usebenzelana nezinsana, ukubheka izinto ngamehlo omntwana akulahlekelwa ukubaluleka kwakho. Ngokwesibonelo, ukukhala akumelwe neze kube isimemo sokushaywa abazali abakhungathekile. Ukukhala noma ukutetema kuyindlela yemvelo ngomntwana osanda kuzalwa ukuba azwakalise izidingo zakhe. Ngemva kokuba umntwana ephumile esibelethweni esilondekile sikanina, uyakwazi ukwenza umbono wakhe uzwakale ngokukhala okungekhona ukutetema!

Khuthaza Futhi Uqondise Kunokuba Ufune Ngenkani

Kuhle ukukhuthaza imizamo yabantwana yokuba bazwakalise imibono yabo. Indlela ababheka ngayo izinto ingase yembule izinkinga, futhi inkinga eqondwa ngokucacile kulula kakhulu ukuyixazulula. Kodwa indlela esisabela ngayo kwabakushoyo ibaluleke njengokubenza ukuba bazwakalise imibono yabo. UWendy Schuman, ohlangene nabahleli bakamagazini iParents, unikeza iseluleko ngendlela okumelwe sizame ngayo ukukhuluma nabantwana: “Ukwenza uzwela luzwakale ngamazwi . . . kuyisici esingumgogodla esiyisisekelo somsebenzi omningi wamuva kwezokuxhumana kwabazali nabantwana. Kodwa uzwela ngokwalo alwanele uma lungavezwa ngolimi olunozwela. Futhi lokhu akuzenzakaleli ezindebeni zabazali abaningi.”

Ngamanye amazwi, uma umntwana engahloniphi noma enze okuthile okushaqisayo, edinga isiqondiso, kumelwe sizame kanzima ukuba singasivumeli isimo sethu sengqondo nephimbo lezwi ukuba kufane nokucasuka noma ukukhungatheka kwethu. Yebo, lokhu kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Kodwa khumbula, izimpendulo ezikhahlamezayo noma ezikhwantabalisayo, ezinjengokuthi, “Siphukuphuku” noma, “Awukwazi ukwenza izinto ngendlela?” azisithuthukisi neze isimo esesinzima kakade.

Abazali abaningi baye bathola ukuthi ukubonisa uzwela ngokutusa, ikakhulukazi ngaphambi kokweluleka, kungase kuveze imiphumela emihle. Nanti futhi ithuba lokubheka ngamehlo omntwana. Abantwana abaningi baqaphela kakhulu lapho ukutusa okunjalo kwenziwa ngenxa yesinye isisusa noma lapho kungasuki enhliziyweni. Ngakho-ke, lapho situsa abantwana bethu, kumelwe siqiniseke ngokuthi ukubancoma kusuka enhliziyweni futhi bakufanelekele.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo yomntwana esidumile uDkt. Haim G. Ginott, encwadini yakhe iBetween Parent and Child, ugcizelela ukuthi abazali kumelwe batuse okufeziwe kunokuba batuse umuntu. Ngokwesibonelo, ngemva kokuba indodana yakho yakhe ikhabethe lezincwadi futhi ngokuziqhayisa ikubonisa lona, ukusho kwakho ukuthi, ‘Lelokhabethe lezincwadi alilihle nje kuphela kodwa futhi liwusizo,’ kuyokwakha ukuzethemba kwayo. Ngani? Ngoba utusa ekwenzile. Khona-ke, ukutusa kwakho kungokwempela kumntwana wakho. Nokho, inkulumo ethi, ‘Ungumbazi onekhono,’ ingase ingakwenzi lokho, njengoba ugxile kuye njengomuntu.

UDkt. Ginott uyaphawula: “Abantu abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi ukutusa kwakha ukuzethemba komntwana futhi kumenze azizwe elondekile. Empeleni, ukutusa kungase kuphumele ekucindezelekeni nasekungaziphathini kahle . . . Lapho abazali betshela umntwana ukuthi, ‘Awuve ungumfana omuhle nje,’ angase angakwazi ukukwamukela ngenxa yokuthi umbono wakhe siqu ngaye uhluke kakhulu . . . Ukuncoma kumelwe kuphathelane nemizamo yomntwana nakufezayo, kodwa hhayi ubuntu bakhe . . . Ukutusa kunezingxenye ezimbili: amazwi ethu nendlela umntwana akubheka ngayo lokho. Amazwi ethu kumelwe asho ngokucacile ukuthi siyawazisa umzamo womntwana, umsebenzi, akwenzayo, usizo, nokucabangela kwakhe.”

Lokhu kusikisela okunengqondo kokutusa kuvumelana neseluleko esiphefumlelwe sokubonisa ukupha, njengoba sitholakala kuzAga 3:27: “Ungakugodli okuhle kulabo okubafanele, lapho kusemandleni akho ukukwenza.”—New International Version.

Kungashiwo ngeqiniso ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi seluleko sini esihle noma sokuhlakanipha esisifundayo, ayikho indlela enqamulelayo kulokho abanye abaye bakubiza ngokuthi isimiso seminyaka engama-20 sokukhulisa indodana noma indodakazi. Kudinga isineke, uthando, ukuqonda, nokucabangela. Kodwa usizo olukhulu ekuphumeleleni liwukufunda ukubona nokuqonda ukuziphatha komntwana wakho “ngamehlo omntwana.”

INkosi ehlakaniphile uSolomoni yabhala: “Indodana ehlakaniphile ngeyenza uyise athokoze.” (IzAga 10:1, NW) Kwangathi ukuyiqonda kangcono indlela yokucabanga nokubheka komntwana wakho kungakusiza ukuba ufinyelele okuhlangenwe nakho okufana nalokho okujabulisayo.