Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngisebenzelana Kanjani Nomzali Wami Owahamba Ekhaya?

“Ngezinsuku lapho ubaba ethembise ukuza azosilanda ukuze sivakashe, uMama wayesigqokisa kahle sinodadewethu. Khona-ke sasihlala simlinde. Silinde. Kwakudlula amahora ngamahora. Ekugcineni uMama wayethi, ‘Sekuyisikhathi sokulala.’ Sasiqala ukukhala sithi ‘Uzofika, uzofika!’ Ngisho nasekuseni ngakusasa, sasimlindela kodwa nalapho, lutho ukufika uBaba. Ngezinye izikhathi kwakubonakala kuyindaba yokuphila kwethu.”—Anne.a

UMA, njengoAnne, uye wabona abazali bakho behlukana, cishe ungase uqonde ukuthi kungani uJehova, uMklami womshado, engasikhuthazi kangaka isehlukaniso. (Qhathanisa noMalaki 2:16.) Isehlukaniso silimaza wonke umuntu esimthintayo—ngisho noma umzali owoniwe enelungelo elingokomBhalo lokwehlukanisa nomunye.b

Kodwa lapho abazali behlukana ekugcineni, mhlawumbe ngesehlukaniso esingokomthetho, lokho akuziqedi izinkinga ukungezwani kwabo okuzilethayo kuwe. Eqinisweni, manje ungase ubhekane nenselele enzima: ukunquma noma ulondoloze uhlobo oluthile lobuhlobo nomzali oye washiya ikhaya. UMeg uyakhumbula ukuthi lokho kungase kube nzima kanjani: “Ngangindikindiki kangangokuthi imizwelo yavele yangasebenza. Ngakho-ke okwesikhashana, ngangingenayo imizwa. Kwakusengathi ubaba ufile.” Futhi uMike uyakhumbula: “Ngaqala ukumzonda ubaba, futhi lowomuzwa wahlala isikhathi eside. Lapho ngicabanga indlela ashiya ngayo umama nabantwana abane, emondla ngokuncane kakhulu ayengasondla ngakho—yebo, kwangenza ngahlanya.”

Vula Izindlela Zokuxhumana, Ungazivali

Kulesisikhathi sesiyaluyalu nesesiphithiphithi ekuphileni kwakho, kulula ukumane uphelelwe uthando ngomunye wabazali bakho bese ugcwala intukuthelo nokucasuka. Kodwa ukukhulisa lolohlobo lomhawu kungawonakalisa umbono wakho ngokuphila. Intukuthelo enjalo ingakuholela ekubeni uvale izindlela zokuxhumana, ulimaze izibopho zokuxhumana nomzali kuze kube yilapho kungenakwenzeka ukuzakha futhi.

IBhayibheli alisinikezi imvume yokungabahloniphi abazali bethu. (Qhathanisa noLuka 18:20.) Izazi ziyavuma ukuthi ezimweni eziningi kufanele uzame ukulondoloza ubuhlobo nabo bobabili abazali ngemva kokuba sebehlukene. UProfesa wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Robert E. Gould wabhala kumagazini iSeventeen ukuthi ukubabona njalo bobabili abazali kungase ngisho kwenze kube lula ukusamukela isimo sokwehlukanisa kwabo. Abacwaningi uWallerstein noKelly ngokufanayo bathola ukuthi intsha eyabhekana ngokuphumelelayo nokwehlukanisa kwabazali yayinobuhlobo obuseduze nabo bobabili abazali. Kodwa ungasondelana kanjani nomzali oye wahamba ekhaya noma oye wangathembeka?c

Ukuqonda—Isihluthulelo Sokuthula

Intukuthelo yakho yemvelo ingaba isithiyo ekuqaleni. Kodwa uma ukwenza umgomo wakho ukuqonda kangcono umzali wakho, ukuqonda okuwumphumela kungakusiza ukuba unciphise intukuthelo yakho. Njengoba izAga 19:11 zithi: “Ukuhlakanipha [ukuqonda, NW] komuntu kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe; kuludumo lwakhe ukudlula esiphambekweni.” Lokhu kulula ngokuqinisekile lapho lowo onecala eye wabonisa ukudabuka noma ukuphenduka. Khumbula, ukuqonda umbono, ubuntu, nokushiyeka kobuntu komzali ohlukanisile akusho ukuthi uyamxolela umzali onecala noma uthatha uhlangothi lwalowomzali embangweni wesehlukaniso; futhi akusho ukuthi uyamlahla umzali ohlala naye. Kumane kusho ukuthuthukisa umbono ongokoqobo ngokwengeziwe ngomzali wakho.

Ngokwesibonelo, intsha eningi icabanga ukuthi umzali oye washiya ikhaya kumelwe ukuba uyayizonda—uma kungenjalo kungani ahamba? Kodwa ngempela, ukwehlukana kwabangelwa izinkinga zomshado, hhayi wena. Umzali ohambayo ngokunokwenzeka wayengaqondile ukuthi uyakulahla wena ngokuhamba—ngisho nakuba ungase uzizwe ngaleyondlela. Njengoba uDkt. Gould ekubeka: “Kukho konke okungenzeka, abazali abakuthandayo ngaphambi kwesehlukaniso bayokuthanda ngendlela efanayo nangemva kwaso.”

Ungase ubuze, ‘khona-ke kungani kunzima ukuba avakashe?’ Lapho umzali ehluleka ngokuphindiwe ukwenza ukuvakasha okuhleliwe, noma ethintana nawe ngokwethukela, ngempela kungase kubonakale sengathi akafuni ukukubona. Kodwa kungase kungabi njalo neze. Ngezinye izikhathi umzali uyazi ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe ngaphambi kokwehlukana kuye kwashiya umkhaya usesimweni esibuhlungu kakhulu. Uma wake walimaza imizwa yomngane, uyazi ukuthi kungase kube nzima kanjani ukubhekana naye kamuva! Njengoba izAga 18:19 zithi: “Umzalwane owoniwe mubi kakhulu kunomuzi olondekile.”—The Interlinear Hebrew-Aramaic Old Testament.

Ngenxa yokuba nemizwa yecala, umzali wakho angase esabe ukubhekana nomkhaya. Ukuqhosha nakho kungaba yisici. Kungase ngisho kube ukuthi umzali ohlukanisile umane nje akanakubhekana nowayengumlingane womshado, ikakhulukazi uma eseye washada futhi; ‘okwakuyikhaya’ kungase manje kubonakale kuyindawo engajwayelekile. Lezi kanye nezinye izici zingase zenze kube nzima ngomzali wakho ukuba akuvakashele. Yini ongayenza ukuze wenze izinto zibe lula? KumaRoma 12:18 siyafunda: “Uma kungenzeka, ngokwenu, hlalisanani ngokuthula.” Ungakwenza kanjani lokho?

Phakathi kokunye, kungase kudingeke ukuba unciphise izinto ozilindele. Ukulindela isikhathi nokunakekela okuningi komzali wakho kunalokho okutholayo njengamanje kuzomane kukukhungathekise futhi kukudumaze. Okungenani zama ukujabulela isikhathi esilinganiselwe eniba naso nindawonye.

‘Kepha sikhuluma ngani?’ ungase ubuze. Yiqiniso, lokhu kuvakasha kungase kube okungathakazelisi ekuqaleni. Kodwa ngokunokwenzeka kunokuningi umzali wakho afuna ukukwazi—ngabangane bakho, intuthuko yakho esikoleni, kanye nezinto ozithakazelelayo ngaphandle kwesikole. Futhi kuningi ongase ubuze ngakho. Ngokungangabazeki isehlukaniso siye sashiya igebe elikhulu ekuphileni kwabazali bakho, njengoba silishiyile nakuwe. Ngakho-ke yiba ‘njengomuntu wokuqonda’ okukhulunywa ngaye kuzAga 20:5, ‘okha amanzi ajulile’ eseluleko komunye. Buza imibuzo. Yazi ngekhaya elisha lomzali wakho noma ngomsebenzi, izithakazelo zokuzilibazisa, imidlalo, kanye nabangane. Uma ungakwazi ukuqeda ubuhlungu oye wabubangelwa umzali wakho, mhlawumbe ngesikhathi esifanele ungathola indlela yokukhuluma ngakho ngokuthula.

Ukugcina Ukulinganisela Kwakho

Nokho, kunengozi yokumthanda kakhulu umzali ongekho ekhaya. Ubaba kaRandy, umlutha wotshwala nothanda kakhulu abantu besifazane, washiya umkhaya ngokuphindiwe futhi ekugcineni wenza isehlukaniso nomama kaRandy. Futhi nokho, uRandy uyakhumbula: “Ngenxa yesizathu esithile, ngacishe ngayikhulekela ngempela indoda.”

Ukukhulekela okunjalo okuphambene akusikho okungavamile. EUnited States, izingane ezicishe zibe ngamaphesenti angu-90 zabazali abahlukanisile zihlala nomama futhi zivakashela ubaba. Ngakho, umama ngokuvamile unomthwalo wemfanelo wokunakekela izingane zakhe usuku nosuku—kuhlanganise nokuyala. Naphezu kokukhokhwa kwesondlo, isimo sikamama esingokomnotho siyehla ngemva kwedivosi; esikababa singase ngisho senyuke. Umphumela: Ukuvakasha nobaba kusho ukuthola izipho nokuba nezikhathi ezijabulisayo! Ukuphila noMama kusho ukonga nokutshelwa okufanele ukwenze nalokho ongamelwe ukwenze. Kuyadabukisa ukuthi, enye intsha iye yashiya ngisho nomzali ongumKristu ukuze iyohlala nomzali ocebile noyekelelayo ongakholwa.—Qhathanisa nezAga 19:4.

Uma ulingelwa ukuba wenze ukukhetha okunjalo, hlola izinto ezibalulekile kuwe. Khumbula ukuthi uMdali wakho wazisa kakhulu lokho okudinga ngempela—isiqondiso sokuziphatha nokuyala. Akukho lutho okunye umzali angakunikeza okungathinta ngokujulile ubuntu nemfanelo yokuphila kwakho. Ukuyala kuwuphawu lothando lwangempela.—Bheka izAga 4:13; 13:24.

Khumbula, futhi, ukuthi uMdali wakho unesimiso esisodwa kuphela sokulungile nokungalungile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini umzali akuvumela ukuba uyenze. UTom uthi: “UMama akakaze asenqabele ukuba sibone ubaba. Kodwa njalo ngoLwesihlanu uma sizomvakashela wayethi, ‘Nikhumbule ukuthi ningamaKristu nokuthi uJehova uyakubona enikwenzayo.’ Lokho kwangisiza ukuba ngingachezuki ezinkolelweni zami lapho ngivakashele ubaba.”

Nokho, zama ngangokunokwenzeka, nakuba ungenakukwazi ukuthola ukuvunyelwa umzali ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ukusikisela okunikezwe kulesihloko kungakusiza ukuba uvale igebe phakathi kwakho nomzali wakho. Kodwa ngisho noma yonke imizamo yakho yehluleka, ungalilahli ithemba. Abantu bayashintsha. Futhi okungenani uyoba nokwaneliseka ngokwazi ukuthi ‘ngokwakho,’ ukuthula kuye kwalondolozwa. Okungcono futhi, usayoqhubeka ujabulela imfudumalo yokujatshulelwa umzali. Njengoba uJehova kuzAga 27:11 ethi: “Ndodana yami, hlakanipha, uthokozise inhliziyo yami ukuba ngiphendule ongisolayo.” Uma unamathela ngenhlonipho ezindinganisweni zikaJehova futhi usebenzela ukubonisa ukuqonda komusa ebuhlotsheni bakho nabazali bakho, uyajabula. Futhi unguMngane noMzali ongeke neze wadinga ukuba uhlukane naye.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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Ngezinye izikhathi kuwuvivinyo ukushiya omunye umzali ukuze uchithe isikhathi nomunye