Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Abazali Bami Bezama Ukulawula Ukuphila Kwami?

“Ngifuna ithuba lokwenza, lokwelula imisipha yami, lokuzwa amandla ami. . . . Ngifuna ukwazi umehluko wokubabayo nokumnandi ngokukunambitha, hhayi ngokukhuluma. Ngilambele okuhlangenwe nakho; [abazali bami] bangifunza izincazelo.”​—⁠Umfana oneminyaka engu-16 ubudala.

“Mina nomama sixabana ngempela . . . Uzama ukungenza umntwana . . . Ngifuna ukuhamba; anginakukubekezelela ukuvalelwa ejele. . . . Ngizama ukukhula futhi akangivumeli.”​—⁠Intombazane eneminyaka engu-17 ubudala.

KUYISIKHALAZO esivamile entsheni ukuthi abazali bayo bazama ukulawula ukuphila kwayo. Futhi mhlawumbe nawe ngokwakho unesikhalo esifanayo. Uthi ufuna ukwephuza ukubuya; bathi kumelwe usheshe ubuye ekhaya. Uthi usukulungele ukuphola; bathi usemncane kakhulu. Kubonakala sengathi wonke amazwi athi ‘Ngicela’ ahlangatshezwa ngathi ‘Cha, ngeke ukwenze.’

Nokho, uma sikhuluma iqiniso ngabazali, intsha eningi iyavunyelwa ukuba yenze ekuthandayo okungenani ngezikhathi ezithile. Futhi ngokunokwenzeka nawe uye wavunyelwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abazali bakho ngokunokwenzeka bazi kahle ukuthi awuseyena umntwana; kungekudala kuzodingeka bayeke ukukulawula ngendlela abebenza ngayo selokhu wazalwa. Futhi njengabazali abaningi, ngokunokwenzeka bafuna ukuba ube umuntu omdala olinganiselayo, nozimele.

Khona-ke, ungase uzibuze: ‘Uma abazali bami benalomuzwa, kungani bengawubonisi?’ Kuwe kubonakala sengathi banamandla acindezelayo ekuphileni kwakho futhi abakez’ ukukudedela. Nokho, empeleni, kuncane ukungabaza okukhona ngokuthi uzokwazi yini ukulawula ukuphila kwakho. Umbuzo okhona owokuthi nini. Ufuna ukukulawula manje. Kodwa abazali bakho bangase bafune ukuba ukwenze kancane kancane.

Omunye osemusha wabheka lokhu “njengokuboniswa kokungethenjwa” ngabazali bakhe, into ecasulayo ebonisa ukuthi “unokuthambekela kokuzilimaza okumelwe kunqandwe.” Kodwa kungenzeka yini ukuthi abazali bakho banesizathu esihle sokwenza njengoba benza? Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, ukuqonda kwakho umbono wabo kungakusiza ukuba uqede noma yimiphi imizwa yenzondo okungenzeka unayo ngendlela abakuphatha ngayo. Njengoba izAga 19:​11 zisho: “[Ukuqonda, NW] komuntu kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe.”

Isizathu Sokuba Bakulawule

Okokuqala, qaphela ukuthi izwe ngokuqhubekayo seliye laba ingozi futhi lonakala kakhulu kusukela esikhathini abazali bakho abadlula ngaso ebusheni. (2 Thimothewu 3:​1, 13) Omunye umzali wavuma: ‘Izwe indodana yethu noma indodakazi ebhekana nalo eminyakeni engu-14 noma engu-15 noma engu-16 ubudala liyingozi kakhulu ukwedlula ngesikhathi thina sikhula. Akusalondekile neze ukuhamba wedwa. Intsha eyengeziwe iyakhulelwa kunangesikhathi thina sisebancane.’ Akumangalisi ukuthi abazali bakho bafuna ukukuvikela!

Uma abazali bakho bengabantu abesaba uNkulunkulu, bakhathazeke ngokujulile futhi nangempilo yakho engokomoya. IBhayibheli liluleka ukuba abazali banike abantwana “isiqondiso, esifanele ukukhulisa umntwana ngendlela yobuKristu.” (Efesu 6:⁠4, The New English Bible) Futhi bayazi ukuthi ngeke uzithathe ngokuzenzakalelayo izindinganiso nezinkolelo zobuKristu ngenxa nje yokuthi bona bayakwenza. Bayaqaphela futhi ukuthi “umntwana oyekwayo uyahlazisa unina.” (IzAga 29:​15) Nakuba bengase bangakubheki njengomntwana, basengazizwa bephoqelekile ukuba bakubekele imithetho yesikhathi futhi bakubekele neminye imigoqo.

Ungase ubheke ukulawulwa okunjalo njengokukwehlisa isithunzi, okobuntwana. Kodwa khumbula, kungekudala kakhulu ngempela wawungumntwana ongakwazi ukuzisiza ezingalweni zabazali bakho. Futhi manje bafuna ukukuvikela ekulimaleni okungokokuziphatha, ngendlela abake bakuvikela ngayo ekulimaleni okungokomzimba. Futhi, khumbula, abazali bakho ngokwabo bake baba basha, futhi babazi kahle ubunzima intsha engangena kubo. Phela, ngisho nomuntu olungile uJobe wavuma “amaphutha obusha [bakhe].” (Jobe 13:​26, NW) Futhi ngesikhathi besebasha, abanye abazali benza amaphutha amakhulu aye enza ukuphila kwabo kwaba nzima.

Omunye umama wavuma: “Kwadingeka ukuba ngishade. Kwakungenxa yokuthi ngaba nesoka ngisemncane kakhulu. Ngakhulelwa ngineminyaka eyishumi nesithupha. Manje nginezingane ezintathu, futhi ezimbili zazo zeve eshumini elinambili leminyaka. Ngizizwa sengathi ngineminyaka engamashumi amahlanu esikhundleni sengamashumi amathathu nesikhombisa. Ngalahla ubusha bami.”

Mhlawumbe abakho abazali abazange babe nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kanjalo. Nokho, ngokunokwenzeka bakhathazeke kakhulu ngezingozi zokuphola usemncane futhi bangase bakunqabele ukuba uphole. Ingabe kumelwe ukuzonde lokhu kwenqatshelwa? Uma ukuzonda, cabangela amazwi ezAga 27:​12: “Oqondileyo uyabona ububi, acashe, kepha abangenalwazi badlula nje, bahlupheke ngakho.” Ngempela, uma ulalela iseluleko sabazali bakho, ungalugwema usizi.

Ukushintsha Kobuntu

Nakuba kunjalo, ungase uzizwe njengosemusha owathi: “Ngiyakwazi engikwenzayo. Ngeke ngikone ukuphila kwami. Kungani bengangiyeki ngiphile ukuphila kwami ngendlela yami?” Kodwa inkinga ingase ibe wukuthi ngokungahlosile unikeza abazali bakho izimpawu ezingacacile. Ngezinye izikhathi ungase wenze njengomuntu omdala onezimfanelo ezinhle; ngezinye izikhathi ungase ubonise isidingo esinjengesomntwana sosizo lomzali.

Encwadini ethi How to Single Parent, uDkt. Fitzhugh Dodson ukhuluma ngokuhlangenwe nakho kukamama owayeyothenga nendodakazi yakhe eneminyaka engu-15 ubudala. Njengoba yayisizitholile izingubo ezintathu eyayingakhetha kuzo, indodakazi yabuza ukuthi iyiphi eyifanela kangcono ukwedlula ezinye. Unina wacabanga umzuzwana wayesephendula: “Ngicabanga ukuthi eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka ikufanela kangcono ngempela kunezinye.” Yaba yini impendulo kulesiseluko esiceliwe? “Hhayi, Mama, ngaso sonke isikhathi uzama ukubusa ukuphila kwami futhi ungitshele ukuthi kumelwe ngenzeni!”

Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva bahamba futhi bayothenga. Indodakazi yakhetha izingubo ezimbalwa yayisibuza: “Mama, iyiphi kulamasudi engifanela kangcono kunamanye?” Ekhumbula isehlakalo sokuqala, umama wanquma ukugwema ingozi futhi waphendula: “Ngiyaqiniseka ungakwazi ukuzinqumela,” kulokho indodakazi yakhe yathi: “Hhayi, Mama, awungisizi neze lapho ngikudinga!”

Imizwelo eshintsha isuka ekuzethembeni kokuqhosha okungathandeki iye ekunamatheleni kobuntwana iyabadida abazali. Futhi ngokwezinga elithile, yonke intsha ikhathazwa yilokhu kuziphatha okushintshashintshayo; kuyingxenye engokwemvelo yokukhula. Kodwa nakuba kungokwemvelo, kutshela abazali bakho ukuthi “usenokuthambekela komntwana” okuthile okumelwe ukunqobe nokuthi awukakakulungeli ukuba amatomu axegiswe ngokuphelele.​—⁠1 Korinte 13:​11, NW.

Ukuthola Ilungelo Elithé Xaxa Lokuzibusa

Nokho ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi ungakwazi ukuphumelela okungenani ngaphandle kokunye kwalokho kusekelwa nokunakekelwa. Futhi ngethemba lokuthola inkululeko oyifisayo, ngezinye izikhathi ungase ulingekele ngisho nokuba uphendukele ezindleleni zobuqili. Enye intombazane esentsha yabhala, “Ngiyazi ukuthi akumelwe ngiqambe amanga, kodwa ngiwaqambile ukuze nje ngenze izinto zibe lula. [UMama] unemithetho eqine kakhulu futhi ubengeke angivumele ukuba ngihambe ukuba bengimtshele iqiniso.” Nokho, ukukhohlisa abazali bakho, akuzenzi neze izinto zibe lula. Uma amanga etholakala (njengoba ngokunokwenzeka ezotholakala), kungazenza zibe nzima kakhulu izinto.

Abalobi bencwadi ethi Options ngokuhlakanipha bayaphawula: “Ukuqamba amanga [kubazali bakho] lapho ufuna bakwethembe kufana nokuntshontsha ukuze ubonise ukuthi uthembeke kangakanani. Lapho bekubamba, ngokunokwenzeka bayokubekela imithetho eyengeziwe, ngenxa nje yokuba umkhohlisi.” Okubaluleke nakakhulu, ukuqamba amanga kuletha ukungavunyelwa uNkulunkulu ngokwakhe. IzAga 3:32 zithi: “Umuntu [okhohlisayo, NW] uyisinengiso kuJehova.”

Ngakho thembeka kubazali bakho. Banike imininingwane ephelele neqondile ngokuthi ufuna ukuyaphi nokuthi uhamba nobani. Lapho bekubekela imithetho yesikhathi, yigcine. Lokhu kuyobaqinisekisa ngokuthi ungumuntu onokwethenjelwa. Ngokunokwenzeka ngeke bakhathazeke lapho ungekho. Futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi bangase bakwethembe kakhudlwana ukuba bakunike inkululeko ethe xaxa. Kunjengoba iBhayibheli lisho: “Kuyolindeleka okuningi konikezwe okuningi, futhi uma indoda ithenjwa kakhulu, abantu bayolindela okwengeziwe kuyo.”​—⁠Luka 12:​48, Phillips.

Isikhathi sokuba uqondise ukuphila kwakho siyofika ngokushesha okufanelekile. Okwamanje, bekezela. Jabulela ubusha bakho. (UmShumayeli 11:⁠9) Bambisana nokuma abazali bakho abakuthathayo ngokuphathelene nokuphola, izimiso, imithetho yesikhathi, nokufanayo. Ukwenza kanjalo manje kungase kukuvikele ekuzisoleni nasebuhlungwini benhliziyo kamuva. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi imigoqo ethile ayibufanele ubudala bakho noma ayibonisi ukukucabangela, musa ukuvukela. Ngomoya ophansi xoxa ngakho nabazali bakho. Mhlawumbe bamane bakhohlwa ukuthi umdala kangakanani noma usukhule kangakanani. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, ngokunokwenzeka uyothola ukuthi akukhona ngempela ukuthi banesithakazelo sokulawula ukuphila kwakho. Bamane bafuna ukuqikelela ukuthi uyojabula esikhathini esizayo.

[Isithombe ekhasini 23]

Uyibheka kanjani imithetho yokunqunyelwa isikhathi neminye imigoqo?