Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ingabe Kubonisa Ukuphila Engqondweni Ukuba Msulwa?

‘Ingabe kukhona okukukhathazayo namuhla, Jane?’ kubuza udokotela onomusa.

‘Dokotela,’ esho ngokungabaza, ‘amantombazane amaningi esikoleni akhuluma ngokusebenzisa amaphilisi okuvimba inzalo nangokuba nobuhlobo bobulili. Ingabe kukhona okungalungile ngami ngenxa yokuthi angibi nobuhlobo bobulili?’—What Shall We Tell the Kids?, kaDkt. Bennett Olshaker.

UBUMSULWA. Ezikhathini ezedlule babuwuphawu lodumo. Namuhla, intsha eningi ibubheka njengesizathu samahloni nokudumazeka, isimo esibonisa ukungaphili kwengqondo, isifo okumelwe “selashwe” ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ngokungamangalisi, intsha idela ubumsulwa bayo ngamanani aqopha umlando. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuhlolwa kwango-1983 kwentsha yaseJalimane kwembula ukuthi amaphesenti angu-9 kuphela amantombazane aneminyaka engu-15 ubudala namaphesenti amane abafana abaneminyaka engu-15 ubudala ayenokuhlangenwe nakho kobuhlobo bobulili. Ngo-1989 amanani ayesekhuphukele kumaphesenti angu-25 nangu-20 ngokulandelana! Ukuthambekela okufanayo kuyaphawuleka emhlabeni jikelele.

Nokho, yini eye yenza ubumsulwa baba nedumela elibi entsheni? Intsha yazo zonke izizukulwane kuye kwadingeka ibhekane nemizwa enamandla evuka phakathi nesikhathi sokuthomba. Nokho, intsha yanamuhla ikhulela ezweni eliyinika isiqondiso esincane sokuziphatha noma engayiniki kwanhlobo. Kwelinye izwe laseYurophu, iqembu labadala abangamaKristu liyabika: “Naphezu kolwelwesi oluyisembozo lwenkolo, leli ngokusisekelo izwe elintula izindinganiso zokuziphatha. Ubulili bokuziphatha kabi bubekezelelwa ngokuthi ‘buwubuthakathaka bobuntu.’ Izingane zikhulela emikhayeni lapho abazali bengashadile khona. Ezokukhangisa ezigxile ebulilini zimbi kakhulu lapha kunakunoma kukuliphi elinye izwe eNtshonalanga.”

Intsha emazweni asathuthuka ibhekana ngokufanayo namathonya anamandla angokwesiko nangokomnotho akhuthaza ukuziphatha okuxekethile. ‘Uma insizwa ingabi nobuhlobo bobulili,’ kuxwayiswa intsha kwelinye izwe laseAfrika, ‘khona-ke umzimba wayo uzoba buthakathaka.’ Okuvame ngendlela efanayo inkolelo yokuthi ‘intombazane isuke ingakwazi ukuphila kuze kube yilapho iba nobuhlobo bobulili nomfana.’

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngenxa yokuntuleka kwemisebenzi nobumpofu okugcwele yonke indawo, intombazane ingase yesabe ukwenqaba ukwenza lokho okufunwa ongase ayiqashe kokuba ibe nobuhlobo bobulili naye. Othisha ngokufanayo bangase bafune ubulili njengenkokhelo yamamaki okuphasa esikoleni. Phela, akukhona okungavamile ukuba amantombazane ampofu anikele ngobulili ukuze athole izidingo eziyisisekelo—ngisho nesitini sensipho! “Ukuba nobuhlobo bobulili kubhekwa kakhulu njengokuphuza noma ukudla,” kubika izingqapheli kwelinye izwe elisathuthuka.

Ukucindezela Kontanga

Nokho, okuyithonya ngokukhethekile, ukucindezela okuvela kontanga. Osemusha osemsulwa kunokwenzeka ukuba abe isisulu sokugconwa nokuhlukunyezwa okuphikelelayo. Futhi uma ungomunye woFakazi BakaJehova, ungase ukhethwe ngokukhethekile ngokuphathelene nalokhu. Ontanga yakho bangase bakutshele ukuthi awuyona indoda noma owesifazane ngempela ngaphandle kokuba ube nobuhlobo bobulili. Bangase baphikise ngokuthi kuwumqondo omuhle ukuthola “okuhlangenwe nakho” ngaphambi kokuba ushade. Noma bangase bazame ukukhuluma nawe ngezindaba zohambo lokuyoba nobuhlobo bobulili obungekho emthethweni.

Enye intokazi yathi, “uSally wayeqamunda ngendlela obabubuhle ngayo ubulili ayeba nabo nesoka lakhe. Futhi wayengenza ngicabange ukuthi ngangiphuthelwa enye yezinjabulo ezimnandi zokuphila.” Ihluleka ukuqaphela ukuthi “kunokuziqhayisa okuningi, ihaba, nokuqamba amanga ngokuhlangenwe nakho kobulili entsheni,” intsha eningi iduswa izindaba ezinjalo. (Coping With Teenage Depression, kaKathleen McCoy) Enye intokazi egama layo linguMaria eyadela ubumsulwa bayo ngokuziphatha kabi kobulili iyakhumbula: “Ngazizwa ngicindezelwe, futhi ngangikufuna kakhulu ukwamukelwa. Ngisho nakuba ngangazi ukuthi kwakungalungile, ngafuna ukuba njengabanye—ukuba nesoka.”

Izigidi zentsha nazo ngokufanayo ziye zavumela inkolelo-ze yezwe futhi zikholelwa ukuthi ubumsulwa bubonisa ukungaphili kwengqondo nokuthi ubulili bangaphambi komshado buwukuzijabulisa okungalimazi. Ngaleyondlela abamsulwa basengozini yokucishe baphele nya phakathi kwentsha.

Ubumsulwa—Umbono KaNkulunkulu

Nokho, kunohlangothi lobulili bangaphambi komshado ontanga yakho abangase bangakhulumi ngalo. UMaria uyakhumbula: “Ngemva kwakho ngazizwa ngidumele futhi nginamahloni. Ngazizonda futhi ngazonda nesoka lami.” Okuhlangenwe nakho okunjalo kuvame kakhulu ngaphezu kokuba intsha eningi ivuma. Khohlwa izindaba ezikhangayo nehaba ongase ukuzwe ngontanga yakho. Esimweni esingokoqobo ubulili bangaphambi komshado buvame ukuba okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu ngokomzwelo nobehlisa isithunzi—okunemiphumela emibi!

Lokhu akumelwe kukumangaze. Ngoba nakuba izwe lingase libheke ubulili ngaphambi komshado njengobunempilo nobuvamile, lokhu akubenzi bube obufanele emehlweni kaNkulunkulu. UJesu Kristu usikhumbuza ukuthi “lokho okuphakemeyo phakathi kwabantu kuyisinengiso emehlweni kaNkulunkulu.” (Luka 16:15) UNkulunkulu unezindinganiso zakhe zokuziphatha okwamukelekayo. IBhayibheli lithi: “Lokhu kuyintando kaNkulunkulu, ukungcweliswa kwenu, ukuba nidede ebufebeni ukuba yilowo nalowo kini akwazi ukuhlala nomkakhe ngobungcwele nangokuhlonipha . . . Ngokuba uNkulunkulu kasibizelanga amanyala, kepha wasibizela ebungcweleni.”—1 Thesalonika 4:3-7.

Khona-ke, ngokukaNkulunkulu, ubumsulwa ensizweni noma entombini akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi bufanele kodwa buhlanzekile futhi bungcwele! KuIsrayeli wasendulo, amantombazane amsulwa ayejabulela isikhundla esihloniphekile. Ayevikelwa uMthetho ekuxhashazweni ngokobulili. (Duteronomi 22:19, 28, 29) Futhi ubumsulwa buyaqhubeka buhlonishwa phakathi kwamaKristu eqiniso. Ibandla lobuKristu ngokwalo lifaniswa ‘nentombi emsulwa’ ngenxa yobumsulwa balo bokuziphatha.—2 Korinte 11:2; IsAmbulo 21:9.

Akukho lapho iBhayibheli linxusa khona intsha ukuba ibheke ubumsulwa bayo njengesiqalekiso. Ngokuphambene nalokho, umphostoli uPawulu wathi “omiyo eqinile enhliziyweni yakhe . . . ukuthi uzakugcina ubumsulwa bakhe [ngokuhlala engashadile] wenza kahle. Kanjalo nonikela ngobumsulwa bakhe emshadweni, wenza kahle; kepha ongabunikeli emshadweni wenza kahle kakhulu.”a UPawulu wayengalahli ubuhlobo bobulili obuhloniphekile emshadweni. Kunalokho, wayebonisa ukuthi umKristu ongumfana noma intombazane okhetha ukugcina ubumsulwa bakhe ngokuhlala engashadile wayeyokwazi ukujabulela ‘ukunaka okweNkosi ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka.’—1 Korinte 7:25, 33-38, NW.

Khona-ke, kosemusha ongumKristu, ubumsulwa abulona uphawu lwehlazo kodwa ubufakazi bokuba qotho komuntu kuNkulunkulu. Kuyavunywa, akulula ukuhlala umsulwa; kudingeka ukuzithiba okukhulu. Kodwa iBhayibheli liyasiqinisekisa ukuthi ‘imiyalo kaNkulunkulu ayinzima.’ (1 Johane 5:3) Umhubi uyasiqinisekisa: “Imiyalo kaJehova ilungile, ijabulisa inhliziyo; umyalezo kaJehova uhlanzekile, ukhanyisa amehlo.” (IHubo 19:8) Ukulandela izindlela zikaNkulunkulu kunempilo futhi kuyazuzisa ngaso sonke isikhathi.

‘Ukona Komuntu Umzimba Wakhe’

Ngokuqhathanisa, iBhayibheli kweyoku-1 Korinte 6:18 lithi: “Owenza ubufebe wona owakhe umzimba.” Nakuba kuyimfundiso eyaziwayo ethandwa kakhulu, akukho bufakazi bokuthi ukuyeka ubulili kuyalimaza ngokomzimba. Ukuzitika okunezingozi ezingokomzimba! Udokotela ovelele uthi: “Izifo ezidluliselwa ngobulili ziyoqhubeka zanda ngaphandle kokuba kusetshenziswe amasu okuvimbela aphumelelayo, futhi ukwanda kwamuva nje kokwenzeka kwazo kuye kwabangelwa, ngokwengxenye, amazinga aphakeme obulili phakathi kwentsha.”—Current Controversies in Marriage and Family.

Ukuziphatha ngokuxekethile kwentsha kuye futhi kwabangela umqedazwe wokukhulelwa kwentsha. EUnited States, ingxenye yalokhu kukhulelwa iqedwa ngokuphuphuma kwezisu nangokukhishwa kwezisu ngamabomu. Kube sekuba khona nokulimala okungokomzwelo okubangelwa ukuziphatha kabi kobulili: “Ngemva kokuba lomfana esethole okwase kukade ekufuna,” kukhumbula uDiana osemusha, “wangilahla.” Amazwi kaPawulu azwakala eyiqiniso. Ubulili bangaphambi komshado ‘buwukona komuntu umzimba wakhe.’

Ukuhlobonga futhi ‘kona futhi kuphazamise amalungelo’ abanye. (1 Thesalonika 4:6) Okungenani, kuphuca omunye ilungelo lokungenela umshado esesimweni esihlanzekile sokuziphatha. Umlingane womshado wesikhathi esizayo naye uphucwa ilungelo lakhe lokuba nomlingane womshado omsulwa.

Ngakho-ke incwadi ethi Why Wait Till Marriage? iphawula ngalendlela eyenza umuntu acabange: “Ngemva kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kokuqala kobulili, awuseyena omsulwa. . . . Ukhetha kube kanye kuphela.” Yenza ukukhetha okuhle! Unganxenxwa inkolelo-ze yezwe ukuba ucabange ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ngawe uma ubambelela ezindinganisweni zeBhayibheli. Ubumsulwa abuyona into eyinqaba noma ebonisa ukungaphili engqondweni. Ukuziphatha kabi ngokobulili okwehlisa isithunzi, okululazayo, nokulimazayo. Ngokugcina ubumsulwa bakho, uvikela impilo yakho, impilo yakho engokomzwelo, futhi okubaluleke kunakho konke, ubuhlobo bakho noNkulunkulu.

Ukuthi osemusha angakwenza kanjani ngempela lokhu kuzoba indaba yezihloko ezilandelayo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

Kunokuziqhayisa nokuqamba amanga okuningi ngokuxhaphaza ngokobulili