Abesifazane—Ingabe Bayahlonishwa Ekhaya?

“Ngokuphindaphindiwe, abesifazane bahlangabezana nokufa okunyantisayo. . . . Futhi nakuba indlela abafa ngayo yayehlukahluka, izimo eziyisisekelo zazifana: Amaphoyisa aseQuebec [eCanada] athi ngamunye wabesifazane wayebulewe umyeni noma isithandwa sesikhathi esidlule noma samanje. Sekukonke, kuye kwabulawa abesifazane abangu-21 eQuebec kulonyaka [ka-1990], abayizisulu zokwanda kobudlova basemshadweni.”—Maclean’s, October 22, 1990.

UBUDLOVA basekhaya, obubizwa ngabanye ngokuthi “uhlangothi olumnyama lokuphila komkhaya,” buhlwanyela isivuno semikhaya ephazamisekile futhi bukhiqiza abantwana abanombono osontekile ngalokho ubuhlobo basemshadweni okumelwe bube yikho. Abantwana bahlukene phakathi ekwethembekeni kwabo kubazali babo njengoba bezama ukuqonda isizathu sokushaya kukababa umama. (Akuvamile ukuba kubuzwe, kungani umama enonya olungaka kubaba?) Isivuno sobudlova basekhaya ngokuvamile sihilela amadodana okuthi lapho esekhulile nawo ashaye omkawo. Lokho ubaba ayekwenza kuye kwawashiya enezinkinga ezingathi sína ezingokwengqondo kanye nezobuntu.

Incwadi yeUN ethi The World’s Women—1970-1990 ithi: “Ukuhlasela kwamadoda abesifazane emakhaya abo kucatshangwa ukuthi kuwubugebengu obungabikwa kakhulu—ngokwengxenye ngenxa yokuthi ubugebengu obunjalo bubhekwa njengobubangela ukuhlupheka, hhayi ubugebengu.”

Kubi kangakanani ukuxhashazwa komngane womshado eUnited States? Umbiko weSigele ocashunwe esihlokweni esandulelayo uthi: “Inkulumo ethi ‘ubudlova basekhaya’ ingase izwakale kalula, kodwa ukuziphatha ekuchazayo akukuhle neze. Izibalo ziveza umbono owesabekayo wokuthi kungaba okungathi sína kanjani—empeleni ngisho nokuyingozi—ukuxhaphaza umngane womshado. . . . Abesifazane abaphakathi kuka-2 000 no-4 000 bayafa unyaka ngamunye ngenxa yokuxhashazwa. Ngokungafani nobunye ubugebengu, ukuxhaphaza umngane womshado kuwubudlova ‘basafuthi.’ Kuwukwesabisa okuphikelelayo nokulimaza ngokomzimba okuphindaphindiwe.”

Umagazini iWorld Health uthi: “Ubudlova obenziwa kwabesifazane benzeka kuwo wonke amazwe nakuzo zonke izigaba zezenhlalo nezomnotho. Ezimpucukweni eziningi, ukushaya abesifazane kubhekwa njengelungelo lendoda. Ngokuvame kakhulu, ukushaywa ngezikhathi ezithile nokudlwengulwa kwabesifazane namantombazane kubhekwa ‘njengezindaba zangasese’ ezingabathinti abanye—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bayizikhulu zomthetho noma izisebenzi zezempilo.” Lobubudlova basekhaya kulula ukuba busakazekele ezikoleni.

Lokhu kwaboniswa kulokho okwenzeka esikoleni okuhlalwa kuso sabafana namantombazane eKenya ngoJuly 1991. INew York Times yabika ukuthi “amantombazane esikole eve eshumini elinambili angu-71 adlwengulwa abafundi besilisa futhi amanye angu-19 afa ngobunye ubusuku bobudlova endaweni yokuhlala okubikwa ukuthi . . . baqhubeka bunganakiwe amaphoyisa endawo noma othisha.” Bungachazwa kanjani lobudlova obungokobulili? “Lenhlekelele iye yagcizelela ukuphakama kwabesilisa okwenyanyekayo okubusa ukuphila komphakathi waseKenya,” kuloba uHilary Ng’Weno, umphathi wabahleli beWeekly Review, umagazini waseKenya ofundwa kabanzi. “Isimo sabesifazane bethu namantombazane singesokukhalelwa. . . . Sikhulisa abafana bethu ngendlela yokuba babe nenhlonipho encane noma bangabi nayo kwanhlobo ngamantombazane.”

Nawo-ke umnyombo wenkinga emhlabeni wonke—abafana ngokuvamile bakhuliswa ngendlela yokuba babheke amantombazane nabesifazane njengezidalwa eziphansi, zokuxhashazwa. Abesifazane babhekwa njengabangenakuzivikela nababuswa kalula. Kusukela lapho kumane kuyisinyathelo esincane esiyisa ekungahloniphini abesifazane nasekuzibhekeni kwabesilisa njengabaphakeme futhi kuyisinyathelo esincane ngokulinganayo ukudlwengula abajwayelene naye noma abaphola naye. Ngokuqondene nokudlwengula, akumelwe kukhohlwe ukuthi “ukuhlaselwa kungathatha isikhathi esifushane, kodwa kungazwiwa kuso sonke isikhathi sokuphila.”—UMbiko Wesigele.

Amadoda amaningi, nakuba engenabo ngempela ubudlova obungokomzimba kwabesifazane, angachazwa njengazonda abesifazane engazi. Esikhundleni sobudlova obungokomzimba, asebenzisa ukuxhaphaza okungokwengqondo noma ukushaya. Encwadini yakhe ethi Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them, uDkt. Susan Forward uthi: “Njengoba abangane bawo bomshado babewachaza, [lamadoda] ngokuvamile ayemahle futhi enothando, kodwa ayekwazi ukuguqukela ekuziphatheni konya, kokukhohlakala, nokuhlambalazayo ngokuphazima kweso. Ukuziphatha kwawo kwakuhlanganisa uchungechunge olude, kusukela ekwesabiseni okusobala nokusongela kuya ekuhlaseleni kobuqili obengeziwe, obucashile obathatha isimo sokuphoxa njalo noma sokugxeka okukhukhulayo. Kungakhathaliseki isitayela sabo, imiphumela yayifana. Indoda yaba elawulayo ngokuhlukumeza owesifazane. Futhi lamadoda aye enqaba ukuthatha noma imuphi umthwalo wemfanelo wendlela ukuhlasela kwabo okwakwenza abangane babo bomshado bazizwe ngayo.”

UYasuko,a umJapane omncane ngomzimba, manje oseneminyaka engu-15 eshadile, watshela iPhaphama! ngokuhlangenwe nakho komkhaya wakhe: “Ubaba wayemshaya njalo futhi emphatha kabi umama. Wayemkhahlela futhi amfake isibhakela, amhudule ngezinwele, futhi amphonse ngisho nangamatshe. Futhi uyazi ukuthi kungani? Ngenxa yokuthi waba nesibindi wamsola ngokungathembeki kwakhe nomunye wesifazane. Uyabona, empucukweni yamaJapane, kuye kwabhekwa njengokuvame kakhulu ukuba amanye amadoda abe neshende. Umama wayengumuntu wesimanje futhi wenqaba ukukwamukela. Ngemva kweminyaka engu-16 yomshado futhi enabantwana abane, wafaka isehlukaniso. Ubaba akazange amshiye nezondlo zabantwana.”

Nokho, ngisho nalapho ukushaya amakhosikazi kuye kwabikwa khona ezikhulwini, ngokuvamile akuzange kuvimbele umyeni ongaxoleli ekubulaleni umkakhe. Ezikhathini eziningi, emazweni anjengeUnited States, umthetho uye washiyeka ekuvikeleni umngane womshado osongelwayo nohlukunyezwayo. “Okunye ukuhlola kwabonisa ukuthi kokungaphezu kwengxenye kwakho konke ukubulawa kwamakhosikazi ngabayeni bawo, amaphoyisa ayebizwe kahlanu kuleyondawo ngonyaka owandulele ukuze ahlole isikhalazo sobudlova basekhaya.” (UMbiko Wesigele) Kwezinye izimo ezimbi kakhulu, ukuze izisindise ekuxhashazweni okuqhubekayo, inkosikazi iye yabulala umyeni wayo.

Ubudlova basekhaya, ngokuvamile owesifazane ayisisulu kubo, buzibonakalisa ngezindlela eziningi ezihlukahlukene. ENdiya inani elibikiwe lalokho okuthiwa ukufa ngenxa yelobolo elikhokhwa kumyeni (ukubulala kwamadoda amakhosikazi ngenxa yokunganeliseki ngelobolo elikhokhwa umkhaya wakubo kankosikazi) lenyuka lisuka ku-2 209 ngo-1988 liya ku-4 835 ngo-1990. Nokho, lamanani awanakubhekwa njengaphelele noma aqondile, ngoba ukufa okuningi kwabesifazane kuchazwa ngokungeyikho ngokuthi izingozi zasekhaya—ngokuvamile ngokuwashisa ngamabomu ngophalafini osetshenziselwa ukupheka. Okunezela kulokhu ukuzibulala kwamakhosikazi angasenakulubekezelela usizi lwasekhaya.

Lapho Kubelethwa Amadodana Noma Amadodakazi

Abesifazane bayabandlululwa kusukela bezalwa futhi ngisho nangaphambi kokuba bazalwe. Kwenzeka kanjani lokho? IPhaphama! yaxoxa noMadhu waseBombay, eNdiya, phakathi kokunye yathola lempendulo: “Lapho kuzalwa indodana emkhayeni wamaNdiya, kuyathokozwa. Izinkinga zikamama seziphelile. Manje abazali sebenendodana eyobanakekela lapho sebegugile. ‘Ukulondeka kokunakekelwa’ kwabo kuyaqinisekiswa. Kodwa uma ebeletha indodakazi, ubhekelwa phansi njengesehluleki. Kunjengokungathi ulethe omunye umthwalo emhlabeni. Abazali kuyomelwe balungiselele ilobolo elibizayo elikhokhwa kwabesilisa ukuze endiswe. Futhi uma umama eqhubeka ebeletha amadodakazi, khona-ke uzibulele.”b

Iphephabhuku i-Indian Express labika ngokuqondene namantombazane eNdiya: “Ukuqhubeka kwawo ephila akubhekwa njengokubaluleke ngempela ekuqhubekeni komkhaya uphila.” Umthombo ofanayo ucaphuna ukuhlola okwenziwa eBombay “okwembula ukuthi emibungwini engu-8 000 eyakhishwa ngemva kokuhlola okubonisa ubulili bozozalwa, engu-7 999 yayingabesifazane.”

UElisabeth Bumiller uyabhala: “Isimo sabanye besifazane baseNdiya sidabukisa kangangokuthi uma usizi lwabo belungathola ukunakekela okunikezwa amaqembu amancane ezizwe nezinhlanga kwezinye izingxenye zomhlaba, isimo sabo sasiyonakwa amaqembu alwela amalungelo abantu.”—May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons.

Umsebenzi Wowesifazane Awupheli

Ukuthi umsebenzi wowesifazane awupheli kungase kubonakale njengokuphelelwe isikhathi. Kodwa kuchaza iqiniso amadoda avame ukungalinaki. Owesifazane onabantwana akanakho ukunethezeka kwesimiso esiqondile somsebenzi, kusukela ngehora lesishiyagalolunye kuya kwelesihlanu, njengoba amadoda ngokuvamile enaso. Uma ingane ikhala ebusuku, cishe ubani oyosabela? Ubani ohlanzayo, awashe, futhi a-ayine? Ubani olungiselela futhi aphake ukudla lapho indoda ifika ekhaya ivela emsebenzini? Ubani ococayo ngemva kokudla abese elungiselela abantwana ukuyolala? Futhi emazweni amaningi, ngaphezu kwakho konke lokhu, ubani okulindeleke ukuba ayokukha amanzi futhi asebenze ngisho nasemasimini ebelethe ingane? Ngokuvamile umama. Isimiso sakhe asiwona nje amahora angu-8 noma angu-9 ngosuku; ngokuvamile amahora angu-12 kuya kwangu-14 noma ngaphezulu. Nokho, akakhokhelwa ngokusebenza isikhathi esengeziwe—futhi ngokuvame kakhulu akabongwa nokubongwa!

Ngokukamagazini iWorld Health, e-Ethiopia “abesifazane” abaningi “kulindeleke ukuba basebenze amahora angu-16 kuya kwangu-18 ngosuku, [futhi] izinga lomholo wabo liphansi kangangokuthi abakwazi ukuzondla bona kanye nemikhaya yabo. . . . Indlala iyinsakavukela; ezimweni eziningi, bona [abesifazane abangababuthi nabathwali bezinkuni] bathola isidlo esisodwa kuphela esincane ngosuku futhi ngokuvamile bahamba emakhaya abo bengadlile ukudla kwasekuseni.”

USiu, ongowokuzalwa eHong Kong, manje oseneminyaka engu-20 eshadile, wathi: “Emphakathini wamaShayina, amadoda ayethambekele ekubabukeleni phansi abesifazane, ebabheka njengabasizi basekhaya nabazali babantwana noma, okubi nakakhulu, njengezithombe, amathoyizi, noma izisulu zobulili. Kodwa empeleni, lokho thina bantu besifazane esikufunayo ukuphathwa njengezidalwa ezihlakaniphile. Sifuna ukuba amadoda asilalele lapho sikhuluma futhi angamane nje enze njengokungathi singonodoli!”

Akumangalisi ukuthi incwadi ethi Men and Women ithi: “Kuyo yonke indawo, ngisho nakuba abesifazane baziswa kakhulu, imisebenzi yamadoda yaziswa ngaphezu kweyabesifazane. Ayisho lutho indlela umphakathi ohlela ngayo izindima nemisebenzi phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane; leyo eyenziwe amadoda ngokungenakugwenywa ibhekwa njengebaluleke ngokwengeziwe emehlweni awo wonke umphakathi.”

Iqiniso lalendaba liwukuthi indima yowesifazane ekhaya ngokuvamile ayinakwa. Ngakho, isandulela seWorld’s Women—1970-1990 sithi: “Izimo zokuphila zabesifazane—kanye nezingxenye abazifezayo emkhayeni, emnothweni nasekhaya—ngokuvamile akusabonakali. Izibalo eziningi ziye zachazwa ngendlela ebonisa izimo zamadoda nezingxenye azifezayo, hhayi ezabesifazane, noma emane nje ingabunaki ubulili. . . . Omningi womsebenzi owenziwa abesifazane usalokhu ungabhekwa neze njengoyinzuzo engokomnotho—futhi awubalwa ngisho nokubalwa.”

Ngo-1934, umlobi waseNyakatho Melika uGerald W. Johnson wazwakalisa imibono yakhe ngabesifazane endaweni yomsebenzi: “Ngokuvamile owesifazane uthola umsebenzi wendoda kodwa akuvamile ukuba athole umholo wendoda. Isizathu siwukuthi awukho umsebenzi onengqondo wansuku zonke okungenakwenzeka ukuba wenziwe kangcono indoda ethile kunanoma imuphi wesifazane. Abathungi bezingubo abakhulu nabenzi bezigqoko zabesifazane amadoda . . . Abapheki abakhulu kuhlala kungamadoda. . . . Njengamanje kuyiqiniso ukuthi noma imuphi umqashi uzimisele ukunika indoda imali eyengeziwe kunaleyo ayinika owesifazane ngomsebenzi ofanayo ngoba unesizathu sokukholelwa ukuthi indoda izowenza kangcono.” Nakuba leyonkulumo kungenzeka ukuthi yayihlekisa, yabonisa ubandlululo lwaleyonkathi, olusekhona ezingqondweni zabesilisa abaningi.

Ukuntula Inhlonipho—Inkinga Yomhlaba Wonke

Zonke izimpucuko ziye zaba nezimo zengqondo zazo siqu nobandlululo ngendima yabesifazane emphakathini. Kodwa umbuzo okumelwe uphendulwe uwukuthi, Ingabe lezimo zengqondo zibonisa inhlonipho efanele ngesithunzi sabesifazane? Noma, kunalokho, ingabe zibonisa ukubusa kwabesilisa emakhulwini eminyaka ngenxa yamandla angokomzimba endoda avame ukuba aphakeme? Uma abesifazane bephathwa njengezigqila noma njengezinto zokuxhashazwa, khona-ke iphi inhlonipho ngesithunzi sabo? Ngezinga elikhulu noma elincane, izimpucuko eziningi ziye zaphendukezela indima yowesifazane futhi zabukela phansi ukuhlonipheka kwakhe.

Esinye isibonelo sabaningi emhlabeni wonke sivela eAfrika: “Abesifazane baseYoruba [eNigeria] kumelwe bashaye sengathi abanalwazi futhi bamukele noma yini lapho benamadoda abo, futhi lapho bewanika ukudla, kudingeka baguqe ezinyaweni zamadoda abo.” (Men and Women) Kwezinye izingxenye zomhlaba, lesimo sobugqila singaboniswa ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene—inkosikazi kudingeke ihambe ibanga elithile ngemva kwendoda yayo, noma ihambe ngezinyawo kuyilapho indoda igibele ihhashi noma umnyuzi, noma ithwale imithwalo kuyilapho indoda ingaphethe lutho, noma idle ngokwehlukile, njalonjalo.

Encwadini yakhe ethi The Japanese, uEdwin Reischauer, owazalwa futhi wakhulela eJapane, wabhala: “Izimo zengqondo zokukhonya kwabesilisa zisobala kakhulu eJapane. . . . Indinganiso ekabili yobulili, eshiya indoda ikhululekile futhi owesifazane evinjelwe, isavamile. . . . Ngaphezu kwalokho, abesifazane abashadile kulindeleke ukuba bathembeke kakhulu kunamadoda.”

Njengasemazweni amaningi, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili kuyinkinga naseJapane, ikakhulukazi ezinqoleni eziminyene ezihamba ngaphansi ngamahora okuphithizela ngawo. UYasuko, waseDolobheni laseHino, emaphethelweni aseTokyo, watshela iPhaphama!: “Njengowesifazane osemusha, ngangivame ukuya eTokyo ngezinto zomphakathi. Kwakuphathisa amahloni kakhulu ngoba amanye amadoda ayesebenzisa lesosimo ukuze ancinze noma ezwe noma yini ayengase ayizwe. Yini thina besifazane esasingakwenza ngakho? Kwakumelwe sikubekezelele. Kodwa kwakuhlazisa. Ngehora okuphithizela ngalo ekuseni, kwakunenqola ehlukile yabesifazane, ngakho okungenani abanye babengase bakwazi ukubalekela lokho kuhlaziswa.”

USue, owayeyisakhamuzi saseJapane, wayenendlela yakhe siqu yokuzikhulula kulokhu kunakwa. Wayethi ngezwi eliphakeme, “Fuzakenai de kudasai!” okusho ukuthi “Hlukana nami!” Uthi: “Lokho kwakuthola ukunakekela nesinyathelo esisheshayo. Akekho owayefuna ukuhlazeka phambi kwabo bonke abanye. Ngokushesha kwakungekho neyodwa indoda engithintayo!”

Ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho ngabesifazane emkhayeni ngokusobala kuyinkinga yomhlaba wonke. Kodwa kuthiwani ngendima yabesifazane endaweni yomsebenzi? Ingabe bathola inhlonipho eyengeziwe nokuqashelwa lapho?

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]

Bunqunywa Kanjani Ubulili Bomntwana?

“Ubulili bomntwana ongakazalwa bunqunywa lapho isidoda sihlangana neqanda, futhi isidoda sikababa esinqumayo. Wonke amaqanda akhiqizwa owesifazane ayisifazane ngomqondo wokuthi aqukethe ichromosome yobulili engu-X, noma yesifazane. Endodeni, ingxenye kuphela yesidoda equkethe ichromosome engu-X, kuyilapho enye ingxenye iqukethe engu-Y, okuyichromosome yobulili besilisa.” Ngakho, uma amachromosome amabili ango-X ehlangana, umphumela uba intombazane; uma u-Y wowesilisa ehlangana no-X wowesifazane, ingane iyoba umfana. Ngakho, ukuthi owesifazane uzala abafana noma amantombazane kunqunywa isici samachromosome esidodeni sowesilisa. (ABC’s of the Human Body, incwadi yeReader’s Digest) Akunangqondo ngendoda ukuba isole umkayo ngokuthola amantombazane kuphela. Akekho okumelwe asolwe. Kumane nje kuwukungaqiniseki kokuzala.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 8]

Inhlekelele Enkulu

Encwadini yakhe ethi Feminism Without Illusions, uElizabeth Fox-Genovese wabhala: “Kunesizathu esihle sokukholelwa ukuthi amadoda amaningi . . . ngokwandayo alingeka ukuba asebenzise amandla [awo] esimweni esisodwa esisawasebenzela ngokucacile—ubuhlobo bawo bomuntu siqu nabesifazane. Uma ngiqinisile kulokhu kusola, khona-ke sibhekene nenhlekelele enkulu.” Futhi leyonhlekelele enkulu ihlanganisa izigidi zabesifazane abahlupheka nsuku zonke ezandleni zendoda ehlukumezayo, ubaba, noma imuphi owesilisa—owesilisa ohluleka “ukuhlangabezana novivinyo lwemithetho emihle nobulungisa.”

“Emazweni angamashumi amathathu [aseUnited States], cishe kusavumelekile ngokomthetho ukuba amadoda adlwengule omkabo; futhi amazwe ayishumi kuphela anemithetho egunyaza ukuboshelwa ubudlova basekhaya . . . Abesifazane abaphoqeleka ukuba babaleke bathola ukuthi nakho lokho akungcono. . . . Ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yabesifazane abayisigidi esisodwa abashaywayo abafuna indawo yokukhosela yesimo esiphuthumayo unyaka ngamunye abayitholi.”—Isethulo seBacklash—The Undeclared War Against American Women, kaSusan Faludi.

[Isithombe]

Amakhulu ezinkulungwane aphila ngaphandle kwamanzi agelezayo, ukukhucululwa kwendle, noma ugesi emakhaya awo—uma enalo ikhaya

[Isithombe ekhasini 7]

Ezigidini zabantu, ubudlova basekhaya buwuhlangothi olubi kakhulu lokuphila komkhaya