Ukuhlonipha Abesifazane Ekuphileni Kwansuku Zonke

UKUZE abesifazane bahlonishwe ngokwengeziwe kunamanje, ushintsho kumelwe luqale nini futhi kuphi? Nokho, ngokuvamile ubandlululo luqala nini futhi kuphi? Ekhaya, nasesikoleni phakathi neminyaka yokuqala. Sihlakulela izimo zethu zengqondo ngokwezinga elikhulu ngaphansi kwethonya labazali. Ngakho ubani, ngokunengqondo, ongaba nethonya elinamandla ezimweni zengqondo zesikhathi esizayo zezinsizwa ngabesifazane? Ngokusobala, ubaba nomama. Ngakho esinye sezihluthulelo zalenkinga imfundo ekahle engangena emakhaya futhi ithonye abazali.

Indlela Abesifazane Ababhekwa Ngayo

Ukuthi ubandlululo lucoshwa ekhaya kuboniswa uJenny, unobhala oshadile, omdala emadodakazini amane, owathi: “Njengabesifazane abasebasha, ngaso sonke isikhathi sasiliqaphela iqiniso lokuthi eUnited States, kunabesifazane abaningi kunamadoda. Ngakho uma ufuna ukushada, kumelwe uzenze otholakalayo.

“Futhi-ke, abesifazane benziwa bacabange ukuthi bayizidalwa eziphansi. Ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nabazali bakho bakwenza ucabange ukuthi awulutho kunabafana. Lapho indoda ethile ingena ekuphileni kwakho, idlulisela isigijimi esifanayo, ukuthi uphansi kunamadoda.

“Futhi kungani ukuzethemba kwethu kusekelwe ngokuyinhloko ebukhulwini nasezicini ezingokomzimba noma ekuntulekeni kwakho? Ingabe amadoda ahlulelwa ngaleyondlela?”

UBetty, oseneminyaka engu-32 eshadile, owayeyimenenja yesitolo, waveza elinye iphuzu: “Kungani abesifazane bahlulelwa ngobulili babo esikhundleni sokuba bahlulelwe ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo, ikhono, nokuhlakanipha? Engikucelayo nje ukuthi amadoda alalele umqondo wami. Ungangideleli ngesikelelo sobulili bami!

“Ngokuvame kakhulu amadoda abheka abesifazane njengokungathi sonke siyizithutha noma siyiziduphunga—siyizithutha kakhulu ukuba singenza isinqumo esikahle. Uyazi ukuthi ngithini? Abasiphathe ngendlela ababengafuna ukuphathwa ngayo. Lokho kuzowushintsha ngokushesha umqondo wawo!” Akucelayo nje ukuba amadoda asebenzise uMthetho Wegolide, ‘Yenza kwabanye njengoba ubungathanda ukuba benze kuwe.’—Mathewu 7:12.

Laba besifazane baphakamisa amaphuzu ayiqiniso. Ukubaluleka kwangempela kowesifazane akufanele kusekelwe ekubonakaleni nasebuhleni obungokomzimba okungasho lutho noma obandlululweni olungokwempucuko. Isaga seSipanishi sikubeka ngalendlela: “Owesifazane obukeka kahle uthokozisa amehlo; owesifazane onezimfanelo ezinhle uthokozisa inhliziyo. Uma okokuqala kuyitshe eliyigugu, okokugcina kuyingcebo.”

IBhayibheli liveza iphuzu elifanayo ngendlela ehlukile: “Ukubukeka kwakho akumelwe kuxhomeke ekulungiseni izinwele kakhulu, noma ekugqokeni amatshe ayigugu noma izingubo ezinhle, kodwa ebuntwini bangaphakathi—ubuhle obungabuni bomoya opholile nozolile, okuyinto eyigugu kakhulu emehlweni kaNkulunkulu.” Futhi njengoba kungamelwe sahlulele ngokubonakala kwangaphandle, ngakho akufanele sahlulele abantu ngobulili babo.—1 Petru 3:3, 4, Phillips.

Ukubonisa Inhlonipho Ekhaya

Isikhalazo esizwakalayo sabesifazane abaningi, ikakhulukazi amakhosikazi asebenzayo nomama, siwukuthi amadoda ayehluleka ukuqaphela imisebenzi yasekhaya njengomsebenzi owengeziwe, futhi ngokuvamile awasenzi isabelo sawo. USusan Faludi, ocashunwe ngaphambili, uthi: “Abesifazane abakujabuleli ukulingana emakhaya abo siqu, lapho besathwala khona amaphesenti angu-70 emisebenzi yasekhaya.” Liyini ikhambi lalokhu kungabi nabulungisa?

Nakuba mhlawumbe kulumela emadodeni amaningi kwezinye izimpucuko, kufanele kwenziwe ilungiselelo lasekhaya elingakhethi, ikakhulukazi uma inkosikazi kudingeka iye emsebenzini. Yebo, noma ikuphi ukuhlanganyela imisebenzi kufanele kucabangele izinhlobo zomsebenzi lezo ngokuvamile ezingumthwalo wemfanelo wowesilisa—ukunakekela imoto, ukucenta egcekeni nasengadini, ukulungisa amapayipi, umsebenzi kagesi, njalonjalo—nokho, ezingavamile ukulingana nesikhathi esichithwa inkosikazi emisebenzini yasekhaya. Kwamanye amazwe amadoda alindela ngisho nanokuthi inkosikazi igcine imoto ihlanzekile, njengokungathi iyingxenye exhuma ikhaya!

Ngandlela-thile, lokhu kusikisela kokuhlanganyela emisebenzini yasekhaya kuyavumelana neseluleko somphostoli uPetru emadodeni sokuba ahlale nomkawo “ngokokwazi.” (1 Petru 3:7) Phakathi kokunye, lokhu kusho ukuthi indoda akufanele ibe nje umuntu ohlala naye ekamelweni noma endlini ongacabangeli nongenandaba. Kufanele ihloniphe ukuhlakanipha nokuhlangenwe nakho komkayo. Kufanele futhi iqonde izidingo zakhe njengowesifazane, inkosikazi, nomama. Lokhu kuhilela okungaphezu kwesidingo sokuba umondli ilethe ekhaya isheke lomholo; abesifazane abaningi abasebenzayo nabo bayakwenza lokho. Kumelwe iqonde izidingo zakhe ezingokomzimba, ezingokomzwelo, ezingokwengqondo, ezingokobulili, futhi, ngaphezu kwakho konke, ezingokomoya.

Endodeni ethi ilandela izimiso zobuKristu, kunomthwalo wemfanelo omkhulu ngokwengeziwe ohilelekile—lowo wokulingisa isibonelo sikaKristu. Wadlulisela isimemo esihle kubo bonke labo ‘ababekhathele nababesindwa,’ ethi: “Ngizakuniphumuza. . . . Ngimnene, ngithobile ngenhliziyo; khona imiphefumulo yenu iyakufumana impumuzo.” (Mathewu 11:28, 29) Yeka inselele ngamadoda nobaba abangamaKristu! Ngamunye kufanele azibuze: ‘Ingabe ngiyamphumuza umkami noma ngiyamcindezela? Ingabe nginomusa futhi ngiyangeneka, noma ingabe ngithambekele ekubeni umashiqela, umakhonya, noma uzwi-lakhe? Ingabe ngiyalubonisa ‘uthando lobuzalwane’ emihlanganweni yobuKristu bese ngiba ongabekezeleki ekhaya?’ Akufanele kube nabayeni abayizimbulu ebandleni lobuKristu.—1 Petru 3:8, 9.

Ngakho, ayithetheleleki incazelo yendoda eyanikezwa omunye wesifazane ongumKristu owayexhashazwa: “Inhloko yomkhaya engumKristu ongumashiqela enhle kakhulu eHholo LoMbuso futhi ethengela abanye izipho kodwa ephatha umkayo njengezibi.” Inhlonipho efanele ngenkosikazi ayikuvumeli ukucindezela nokuphoxa. Yebo, lokhu kukabili; inkosikazi kufanele futhi ibonise inhlonipho efanele ngendoda yayo.—Efesu 5:33; 1 Petru 3:1, 2.

Cishe eqinisekisa okungenhla, uDkt. Susan Forward uyabhala: “Ubuhlobo obuhle busekelwe ekuhloniphaneni.” Lokho kwenza bobabili abangane bomshado banikele empumelelweni. Uyaqhubeka: “Kuhilela ukukhathalela nokushesha ukusabela emizweni nasezidingweni zomunye nomunye, kanye nokwazisa izinto ezenza umlingane womshado ngamunye akhetheke kangaka. . . . Abangane bomshado abanothando bathola izindlela eziphumelelayo zokusingatha ukungezwani kwabo; ababheki ukungezwani ngakunye njengempi okumelwe inqotshwe nakanjani.”—Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them.

IBhayibheli linikeza futhi iseluleko esihle emadodeni kwabase-Efesu 5:28: “Amadoda afanele ukuthanda omkawo njengemizimba yawo. Othanda umkakhe uzithanda yena.” Kungani leyonkulumo iyiqiniso? Ngoba umshado unjengeakhawunti yasebhange yabantu ababili, ngamunye afake kuyo amaphesenti angu-50. Uma indoda isebenzisa kabi leyomali, ilimaza isimo esingokwezimali sabo bobabili. Ngokufanayo, uma indoda ilimaza umkayo nganoma iyiphi indlela, khona-ke esikhathini esifushane noma eside, nayo iyazilimaza. Ngani? Ngoba umshado wayo uyinto ehlanganyelwe. Uma ulimaza leyonto, ulimaza bobabili abahlangene kuyo.

Kunelinye iphuzu elibalulekile okumelwe likhunjulwe ngenhlonipho—akumelwe ifunwe ngenkani. Nakuba ngamunye umngane womshado ekweleta omunye inhlonipho, kumelwe futhi ifanelekelwe. UKristu akazange athole inhlonipho ngokuzama ukuphoqelela amandla akhe aphakeme noma isikhundla.a Ngokufanayo, emshadweni indoda nenkosikazi bazuza inhlonipho ngenkambo yabo yokucabangelana, hhayi ngokusebenzisa imibhalo yeBhayibheli njengento yokuyifuna ngenkani.

Ukubonisa Inhlonipho Emsebenzini

Ingabe amadoda kudingeka abheke abesifazane njengabasongela ubudoda babo? Encwadini yakhe ethi Feminism Without Illusions, uElizabeth Fox-Genovese wabhala: “Eqinisweni, abesifazane abaningi namuhla bafuna lokho amadoda amaningi akufunayo: ukuphila kahle, ukuba nokuphila komuntu siqu okuvuzayo, nokuqhubeka ekuphileni ngaphandle kwezinkinga eziningi.” Ingabe kufanele lesosifiso sibhekwe njengosongo emadodeni? Wathi futhi: “Kungani singaqapheli ukuthi, naphezu kwalo lonke ushintsho oluye lwenzeka noma olungase lwenzeke ezweni lethu, umehluko uhlala ukhona futhi ungajatshulelwa?”

Amadoda angamaKristu akhonza njengezinduna noma abaphathi ikakhulukazi adinga ukuhlonipha isithunzi sabasebenza nabo abangabesifazane nokukhumbula ukuthi owesifazane oshadile unendoda eyodwa kuphela ‘njengenhloko’ yakhe ngomqondo ongokweBhayibheli, indoda yakhe. Abanye kungenzeka basezikhundleni zobubonisi futhi bayahlonishwa ngalokho; kodwa futhi ngomqondo wangempela ongokweBhayibheli, ayikho enye indoda ngaphandle kwendoda yakhe ‘eyinhloko’ yalowo wesifazane.—Efesu 5:22-24.

Izingxoxo emsebenzini kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi kube ezikhuthazayo. Lapho amadoda ephendukela engxoxweni ehlanganisa izincazelo ezimbili noma ukusikisela kobulili, asuke engabonisi inhlonipho ngabesifazane, futhi engathuthukisi idumela lawo siqu. UPawulu wabhalela amaKrsitu: “Ubufebe, nakho konke ukungcola, noma isangabe, makungaphathwa nangegama phakathi kwenu, njengokuba kufanele abangcwele, nehlazo, nokubheda, nokulawula, okuyizinto ezingafanele, kepha kunalokho makube-ngukubonga.”—Efesu 5:3, 4.

Ukushintsha isabelo somsebenzi ngaphandle kokucabangela imizwa yowesifazane kungenye indlela yokuhluleka ukubonisa inhlonipho. UJean, umhlengikazi, wathi: “Bekungaba kuhle kakhulu uma bekungathintwana ngaphambi kokuba kwenziwe ushintsho ezabelweni zethu zomsebenzi. Ngokuqinisekile bekuyoveza imiphumela emihle. Abesifazane badinga uzwela futhi badinga ukuzizwa bebalulekile futhi baziswa.”

Esinye isici senhlonipho emsebenzini umngcele abanye besifazane abawubiza ngokuthi “uphahla lwengilazi.” Lokhu kusho “ubandlululo lwasemsebenzini oluvimbela abesifazane ukuba bathole izikhundla eziphakeme zokuphatha embonini yomuntu.” (The New York Times, kaJanuary 3, 1992) Ngenxa yalokho, ukuhlola kwamuva eUnited States kwabonisa ukuthi amaphesenti aphansi emisebenzi yezinga eliphezulu aphethwe abesifazane, kusukela emaphesentini angu-14 eHawaii namaphesenti angu-18 eUtah kuya emaphesentini angu-39 eLouisiana. Uma kuboniswa inhlonipho, ukukhushulwa emsebenzini ngeke kusekelwe ebulilini kodwa ekhonweni nakokuhlangenwe nakho. Umqondisi wokuhlola uSharon Harlan wathi: “Kuya kuba ngcono, kodwa . . . kusenemingcele eminingi eyisisekelo ngabesifazane.”

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 14]

INHLONIPHO Yini Abesifazane Abangayenza?

● Yiba NOKUZIHLONIPHA futhi ukulondoloze

● Kwenze kucace lokho okuvumela ukuba kushiwo noma kwenziwe lapho ukhona

● Beka imingcele efanele yokuziphatha nenkulumo eyamukelekayo

● Ungazami ukuncintisana namadoda endabeni yokuhlambalaza namahlaya asolekayo; kuyakwehlisa njengentokazi futhi akubenzi izincwasimende

● Ungagqoki ngendlela evusa inkanuko, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini imfashini yamanje; indlela ogqoka ngayo ibonisa izinga lakho siqu lokuzihlonipha

● Zuza inhlonipho ngokuziphatha kwakho; phatha amadoda ngenhlonipho obungayilindela kuwo

● Ungadlali ngothando

INHLONIPHO Yini Amadoda Angayenza?

● Phatha bonke abesifazane ngenhlonipho nangesithunzi; ungazizwa usongelwa owesifazane oyisilwi

● Ungajwayelani ngokweqile nowesifazane ongeyena umkakho, wenze akuthande ngokungadingekile

● Gwema amahlaya ahlazisayo nokubuka okusikiselayo

● Ungabonisi umusa ngokweqile, futhi ugweme ukuthinta okungafanele

● Ungawubukeli phansi umsebenzi wakhe noma ubuyena

● Bonisana, lalela, futhi khuluma ngendlela enenjongo

● Zwakalisa ukwazisa ngomsebenzi wowesifazane

● Siza ngemisebenzi yasekhaya. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi kwehlisa isithunzi sakho, kuthiwani ngesakhe?

● Uma uhlala nabazali bakho, shesha ukusabela ekucindezelekeni okuzwiwa umkakho. Manje usengumthwalo wakho wemfanelo wokuqala futhi uyakudinga ukusekela kwakho (Mathewu 19:5)