Iminyaka Yokufundiseka—Lokho Okuhlwanyela Manje Uyokuvuna Kamuva

UBUCHOPHO bezingane buyiziponji ezimunca konke okuzizungezile. Eminyakeni emibili abanikazi babo bafunda ulimi oluyinkimbinkimbi ngokuluzwa nje. Uma umntwana ezwa izilimi ezimbili, uzifunda zombili. Akulona ulimi kuphela kodwa namakhono omculo kanye nawobuciko, ukusebenza ngokuvumelana kwemisipha, izindinganiso zokuziphatha kanye nonembeza, ukholo nothando kanye nesifiso sokukhulekela—konke kubangelwa amakhono namandla afakwe kusengaphambili ebuchosheni bengane. Zilindela kuphela ukwaziswa okungenayo kuvela endaweni ezizungezile okuzozenza zikhule. Futhi, kunohlelo lwesikhathi olunembile ukuze lokhu kwaziswa okungenayo kube nemiphumela engcono kakhulu, futhi lesosikhathi esifanelekayo siphakathi neminyaka yokufundiseka.

Lenqubo iqala ekuzalweni. Ibizwa ngokuthi ukwakheka kwesibopho. Umama uyibuka emehlweni ingane ngothando, ukhuluma nayo ngezwi elipholile, uyayanga futhi ayigone. Imizwelo yobumama iyashukunyiswa njengoba ingane imbukisisa futhi izizwa ilondekile. Uma ukuncelisa kuqala ngalesosikhathi, kuba ngcono kakhulu ngabo bobabili. Ukuncela kwengane kubangela ukukhiqizwa kobisi. Ukuthinta unina ngesikhumba kubangela ukudedelwa kwamahormone anciphisa ukopha kwangemva kokubeletha. Ubisi lukamama lunamasosha omzimba avikela ingane ezifweni. Ukwakheka kwesibopho kuyaqala. Kuba yisiqalo sothando. Kodwa kumane nje kuyisiqalo.

Laba ababili ngokushesha baba bathathu lapho ubaba ehileleka, njengoba kumelwe nakanjani ahileleke. “Bonke abantwana bayamdinga . . . ubaba,” kusho uDkt. T. Berry Brazelton, “futhi bonke obaba bangenza lukhulu. . . . Omama bathambekele ekubeni abazitotosayo futhi abakhuluma ngezwi eliphansi nezingane zabo. Obaba, ngakolunye uhlangothi, bathambekele ngokwengeziwe ekuzidlaliseni, ekuzikitazeni kanye nasekuzichokolozeni izingane zabo ukwedlula omama.” Izingane zisabela kulokhu kudlaliswa ngamandla ngokumemeza nokuklabalasa ngentokozo, zinokwesasa futhi zibanga umsindo zifuna ukudlaliswa ngokwengeziwe. Kuwukuqhutshekiselwa phambili kokwakheka kwesibopho okuqale lapho izalwa, ‘ubuhlobo bothando phakathi kwabazali nomntwana ngokulindelekile obenziwa noma obulahleka ezinyangeni zokuqala eziyishumi nesishiyagalombili zokuphila kwengane,’ kusho uDkt. Magid, owahlanganyela ekulobeni incwadi ethi High Risk: Children Without a Conscience. Uthi, uma buye balahleka, abantwana abanjalo bangakhula bengabantu abangenakhono lokwakha ubuhlobo nabantu futhi abangakwazi ukuthanda abanye.

Umama Nobaba Bahlanganyela Ukwakha Isibopho

Ngakho-ke, yeka ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ngabo bobabili umama nobaba ukuba babambisane ekuqiniseni lobuhlobo bothando, lokhu kwakheka kwezibopho kanye nokusondelana phakathi kwabazali nomntwana phakathi neminyaka yokukhula ngaphambi kokuba aye enkulisa! Ukwanga kanye nokuqabula okuvela kubo bobabili abazali kufanele kube kuningi. Yebo, nawobaba! IMen’s Health kaJune 1992, ithi: “Ukwanga kwabazali kanye nothando olungokomzwelo kubonisa ngokuqinile impumelelo ekwakheni ubungane, imishado kanye nemisebenzi esikhathini esizayo sabantwana, kusho ukuhlola okuneminyaka engu-36 kwenziwa okwakhishwa kuyiJournal of Personality and Social Psychology. Amaphesenti angamashumi ayisikhombisa abantwana abanabazali abanothando aye aphumelela ekwakheni ubudlelwane nabantu, uma kuqhathaniswa namaphesenti angu-30 kuphela abantwana abanabazali abangenandaba; futhi ukwanga kukababa kwatholakala ukuthi kwakubaluleke njengokukamama.”

Futhi, mbambe lapho eyendezela esihlalweni esiyendezelayo. Mfundele okuthile njengoba ezizwa elondekile ethangeni lakho. Khuluma naye futhi umlalele, mfundise ngezinto ezilungile nezingalungile, futhi uqikelele ukuba nibe yizibonelo ezinhle, nani ngokwenu nenza ngokuvumelana nalezimiso. Futhi ngaso sonke isikhathi nihlala nikhumbula iminyaka yomntwana. Kugcineni kulula, kugcineni kuthakazelisa, nikwenze kujabulise.

Umntwana wakho unelukuluku elingokwemvelo lokufuna ukwazi, isifiso sokuhlola izinto, sokufunda ngakho konke okumzungezile. Ukuze anelise lendlala yokufuna ukwazi, umntwana ukuhloma ngohide lwemibuzo. Yini ebangela umoya? Kungani isibhakabhaka siluhlaza? Kungani kuba bomvu uma ilanga lishona? Yiphendule. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi. Lemibuzo iyisimemo sokuba uthonye ingqondo yomntwana wakho, ukuba ungenise ukwaziswa okuthile, mhlawumbe ugxilise ukwazisa ngoNkulunkulu kanye nangendalo yakhe. Ingabe yibhungane elihamba kancane eqabungeni elimhehayo? Noma ingabe umklamo wembali encane? Noma ingabe ukubukela isicabucabu siphotha ulwembu? Noma ukumba nje enhlabathini? Futhi ungakubukeli phansi ukufundisa ngezindaba ezincane, njengoba uJesu enza ngemifanekiso yakhe. Kwenza ukufunda kujabulise.

Ezimweni eziningi bobabili abazali kudingeka basebenze ukuze bakwazi ukuziphilisa. Ingabe bangenza umzamo okhethekile wokuba bachithe isikhathi sakusihlwa nesangezimpela-sonto bekanye nabantwana babo? Ingabe kungenzeka ukuba umama asebenze ingxenye yosuku ngalunye ukuze abe nesikhathi esiningi sokuba nabantwana bakhe? Kunabazali abaningi abangabodwa namuhla, futhi kumelwe basebenze ukuze bazondle bona siqu kanye nabantwana babo. Ingabe bangakukhuthalela ukunikela ngesikhathi sakusihlwa nesangezimpela-sonto esiningi kangangokunokwenzeka ukuze babe nabantwana babo? Ezimweni eziningi kuba nesidingo sokuba omama bahlukane nabantwana babo. Nakuba izizathu zokuhlukana nabantwana zingezizwakalayo, umntwana omncane akakuqondi lokho futhi angase azizwe elahliwe. Ngakho kumelwe kwenziwe imizamo ekhethekile yokuthengisisa isikhathi sokuba nomntwana wakho.

Manje-ke, siyini ngempela ‘lesikhathi esizuzisayo’ esizwa kukhulunywa ngaso? Abazali abamatasa bangase bachithe imizuzu engu-15 noma engu-20 njalo ngemva kosuku olulodwa benabantwana babo, mhlawumbe kube ihora elilodwa ngezimpela-sonto, futhi lokho bakubiza ngokuthi isikhathi esizuzisayo. Ingabe sanele ekubeni sigcwalise isidingo somntwana wakho? Noma ingabe injongo yaso iwukuthoba unembeza womzali? Noma singesokuphumuza ingqondo kamama osebenzela ukuzenelisa kuyilapho eshiya umntwana wakhe enganelisiwe? Kodwa uthi, ‘Ngempela, ngimatasa kakhulu anginaso nje isikhathi esinjalo.’ Lokho kubi futhi kudabukisa kakhulu ngani nobabili wena kanye nomntwana wakho ngoba azikho izindlela ezinqamulelayo. Thola isikhathi phakathi neminyaka yokufundiseka, noma ukulungele ukuvuna igebe lesizukulwane eminyakeni yokweva eshumini elinambili.

Akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi umntwana oshiywa enkulisa angase onakale, kodwa nabazali bayalahlekelwa lapho bephuthelwa ukujabulela umntwana njengoba ekhula. Umntwana akaziqondi ngaso sonke isikhathi izizathu zokuba ashiywe yedwa; angase azizwe enganakiwe, elahliwe, eshiyiwe, futhi engathandwa. Lapho eseve eshumini elinambili kungenzeka abe esezakhele ubuhlobo nontanga ukuze bathathe indawo yabazali abamatasa kakhulu ukuba babe naye. Umntwana angase aqale ukuphila ukuphila okumbaxambili, okunye okokujabulisa abazali bakhe futhi okunye okokuzijabulisa yena siqu. Amazwi, izincazelo, ukuxolisa—akukho nokukodwa kukho okuvala igebe. Ukukhuluma kobuzali ngothando manje akuzwakali njengokoqobo kumntwana owayenganakwa phakathi neminyaka ayebadinga kakhulu ngayo abazali bakhe. Inkulumo yothando manje izwakala ingamanga; amazwi azwakala engeqotho. Njengokholo, uthando olushiwo ngomlomo olungenayo imisebenzi lufile.—Jakobe 2:26.

Siyavuna Ngisho Namanje Lokho Esiye Sakuhlwanyela

Kulesizukulwane esinomoya wobumina, ubugovu bandile, futhi lokhu kubonakala ikakhulukazi ekushiyweni kwabantwana bethu. Siyabazala, bese sibabeka ezinkulisa. Ezinye izinkulisa zingabalungela abantwana, kodwa ezinye azilungile, ikakhulukazi abantwana abancane. Ezinye zizithola ziphenywa ngisho nangamacala okuxhashazwa kwabantwana ngokobulili. Umcwaningi othile wathi: “Ngokungangabazeki, esikhathini esizayo, siyoba nezinkinga ezenza ezanamuhla zibonakale ziwumbungazo wetiye.” Umbungazo wetiye wanamuhla kakade usuyesabeka, njengoba imininingwane enikezwe uDkt. David Elkind ngo-1992 ibonisa:

“Kuye kwaba nokwanda kwamaphesenti angu-50 ekukhuluphaleni kwabantwana kanye nasentsheni emashumini amabili eminyaka edlule. Silahlekelwa izinkulungwane eziyishumi zabeve eshumini elinambili ngonyaka ezingozini ezihlobene nokusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa notshwala, ngaphandle kwabalimele kanye nabagogekile. Oyedwa kwabane abeve eshumini elinambili uphuza ngokweqile njalo ngemva kwamasonto amabili, futhi sinabeve eshumini elinambili abayizigidi ezimbili abayimilutha yotshwala.

“Amantombazane eve eshumini elinambili eMelika akhulelwa ngesilinganiso sabayisigidi ngonyaka, okuyinani eliliphinda kabili elezwe elililandelayo ngamanani okukhulelwa eliseNtshonalanga, iNgilandi. Ukuzibulala kuye kwanda ngokuphindwe kathathu phakathi kwabeve eshumini elinambili eminyakeni engu-20 edlule, futhi abeve eshumini elinambili abayizinkulungwane eziphakathi kweziyisihlanu neziyisithupha bayazibulala unyaka ngamunye. Kulinganiselwa ukuthi oyedwa kwabane emantombazaneni eve eshumini elinambili ubonakalisa okungenani uphawu olulodwa lokuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla, ngokuvamile okuwukunciphisa kakhulu isilinganiso sokudla. Iqembu labaneminyaka engu-14 kuya kwengu-19 ubudala linesilinganiso sokubulala esilandela inani eliphakeme kakhulu ukwedlula noma yiliphi elinye iqembu.”

Kulemininingwane esabekayo yenezela ukubulawa kwezigidi ezingaphezu kwezingu-50 zezingane ezibulawa zisesesibelethweni, futhi “umbuthano wobungane” wanamuhla kunzima ukuwuchaza. Njengoba kubonakala sengathi imikhaya iyawohloka, uDkt. Elkind wathi: “Ushintsho olungokwezenhlalo olusheshayo luyinhlekelele kubantwana nasentsheni, edinga ukuzinza kanye nokulondeka ukuze ikhule ngendlela enempilo futhi ithuthuke.” Umlobi othile owabhala ngobugovu obubangelwa umoya wobumina wakhononda: “Kodwa akekho ozimisele ukuba athi emibhangqwaneni, Lalelani, kumelwe nihlale nishadile. Uma ninabantwana, hlalani nishadile!”

Kuthatha isikhathi ukuthanda umntwana. Eminyakeni eyedlule uRobert Keeshan, umsakazi wohlelo lwezingane owayaziwa ngelithi Kaputeni Kangaroo, waxwayisa ngemiphumela yokugodlela abantwana bakho isikhathi sakho. Wathi:

“Umntwana omncane, encela isithupha, ephethe udoli, enokungabekezeli, ulindela ukufika komzali ekhaya. Ufisa ukulandisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe kokudlala ebhokisini elinenhlabathi. Unenjabulo yokuhlanganyela okuthile okuthokozisayo akuthole ngalolosuku. Isikhathi siyafika, umzali uyafika. Edangaliswe izinto ezicindezelayo zasemsebenzini ngokuvamile umzali uthi kumntwana, ‘Hhayi manje, sithandwa. Ngisematasa, hamba uyobuka ithelevishini.’ Lamazwi ikakhulu avame ukukhulunywa emakhayeni amaningi aseMelika, ‘Ngisematasa, hamba uyobuka ithelevishini.’ Uma kungekhona manje, nini? ‘Kamuva.’ Kodwa lesosikhathi sakamuva asivamile ukufika . . .

“Iminyaka iyadlula futhi umntwana uyakhula. Simnika izinto zokudlala kanye nezingubo zokugqoka. Simnika izingubo ezinamagama abaklami abadumile kanye nestereo kodwa asimniki lokho akudinga kakhulu, isikhathi sethu. Manje useneminyaka eyishumi nane, amehlo acweba izinyembezi, usengene enkingeni. ‘Sithandwa, kwenzenjani? Ngitshele, ngitshele.’ Sekwephuzile. Sekwephuzile. Uthando lusidlulile. . . .

“Lapho sithi kumntwana, ‘Hhayi manje, kamuva.’ Lapho sithi, ‘Hamba uyobuka iTV.’ Lapho sithi, ‘Ungabuzi imibuzo eminingi kangaka.’ Lapho sehluleka ukunika abasha bethu into eyodwa abayidingayo kithi, isikhathi sethu. Lapho sehluleka ukuthanda umntwana. Akukhona ukuthi asinandaba naye. Simane nje simatasa kakhulu ukuba simthande umntwana.”

Kudingeka Isikhathi Esiningi

Umqondo lapha akukhona nje ukumane unikeze “isikhathi esizuzisayo” esinikezwa ngezilinganiso ezilinganiselwe; kufanele kuhlanganise futhi “isikhathi esiningi.” IBhayibheli, eliqukethe ukuhlakanipha okudlula konke okwake kwabhalwa ezincwadini ngokuphathelene nokusebenza kwengqondo kuDuteronomi 6:6, 7 lithi: “Lawamazwi engikuyala ngawo namuhla ayakuba-senhliziyweni yakho, ubafundise impela wona abantwana bakho, uwakhulume lapho uhlezi endlini yakho, nalapho uhamba endleleni, nalapho ulala, nalapho uvuka.” Kumelwe ugxilise ezinhliziyweni zabantwana bakho izindinganiso ezivela eZwini likaNkulunkulu ezisenhliziyweni yakho. Uma uphila ngokuvumelana nazo, umntwana wakho uyokulingisa.

Ingabe uyasikhumbula isaga esicashunwe esigabeni sokuqala esihlokweni esandulela lesi? Nasi futhi: “Khulisa umntwana ngendlela eyakuba-ngeyakhe; kuyakuthi lapho esekhulile, angasuki kuyo.” (IzAga 22:6) Siba yiqiniso kuphela uma ukuqeqeshwa ngezindinganiso kuye kwenziwa kwaba yingxenye yomuntu wangaphakathi, okungukuthi, kuye kwafakwa ngaphakathi kuye, kwenziwa ingxenye yokucabanga kwakhe, imizwa yakhe ejulile, lokho ayikho ekujuleni kwenhliziyo. Lokhu kwenzeka kuphela uma lezindinganiso bezingafundiswa yena nje kuphela ngabazali bakhe kodwa nabazali bakhe bebephila ngokuvumelana nazo.

Uye wazamukela njengendlela yokuphila. Kuye kwaba indinganiso yakhe siqu eyingxenye yakhe siqu. Ukwenza kwakhe ngokuphambene nazo manje ngeke kube ukuphambana nalokho abazali bakhe abamfundise khona kodwa lokho yena uqobo abe yikho. Uyobe akathembekile kuye ngokwakhe. Uyobe uziphika yena. (2 Thimothewu 2:13) Kunokungathandi okujulile kokuba enze lokhu kuye siqu. Ngakho, cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba ‘asuke kulendlela’ eye yagxiliswa kuye. Ngakho yenza ukuba abantwana bakho bamukele ukuziphatha okuhle okuvela kuwe. Fundisa ngokuba nomusa ngokubonisa umusa, imikhuba emihle yokuziphatha ngokuyibonisa, ukuba mnene ngokuba ube mnene, ukwethembeka kanye nokuba neqiniso ngokubeka isibonelo sako.

Ilungiselelo LikaJehova

Ubunye bomkhaya babuyilungiselelo likaNkulunkulu kusukela ekuqaleni. (Genesise 1:26-28; 2:18-24) Ngemva kweminyaka eyizinkulungwane eziyisithupha yomlando wesintu, busabhekwa njengobungcono kubo bobabili abantu abadala kanye nabantwana, njengoba kuqinisekiswa incwadi ethi Secrets of Strong Families ngalamazwi:

“Mhlawumbe okuthile okungaphakathi kithina kuyaqaphela ukuthi umkhaya uyisisekelo sempucuko. Mhlawumbe ngokwemvelo siyazi ukuthi uma kuziwa ezintweni eziyinhloko ekuphileni akuyona imali, umsebenzi, udumo, indlu, izwe, noma izinto ezibonakalayo okubalulekile—abantu abasithandayo futhi abasikhathalelayo. Ekuphileni kwethu abantu okumelwe sibanakekele futhi esingathembela kubo ukuba basisekele futhi basisize yibona ababaluleke ngempela. Ayikho enye indawo ngaphandle kwasemkhayeni lapho kunethuba lokuthola uthando, ukusekelwa, ukukhathalelwa, kanye nokunakekelwa sonke esikulangazelayo.”

Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukukhuthala nokuhlwanyela ukuqeqesha okuhle manje phakathi neminyaka yokufundiseka ukuze lokho okuvunayo esikhathini esizayo, kuwe nomntanakho, kube ukuphila komkhaya okujabulisayo.—Qhathanisa nezAga 3:1-7.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 10]

Hlobo Luni Lomzali Engiyoba Yilo?

“Ngiphume ngamalengiso ezifundweni ezimbili,” kumemeza umfanyana, izwi lakhe lichichima injabulo. Uyise wabuza ngokungacabangi, “Kungani ungenzanga okufanayo nakwezinye?” “Mama, sengiqedile ukugeza izitsha.” kumemeza intombazane isemnyango wasekhishini. Unina ngokunganaki wathi, “Usuzichithile izibi?” “Sengibugundile utshani,” kusho umfana omude, “futhi ngabeka umshini wokugunda utshani endaweni yawo.” Enyuse amahlombe, uyise wambuza, “Ingabe uzisikile nezihlahla ezakha uthango?”

Abantwana bakwamakhelwane babonakala bejabule futhi benelisekile. Kwenzeke okufanayo nakhona, futhi kwenzeka ngalendlela:

“Ngiphume ngamalengiso ezifundweni ezimbili,” kumemeza umfanyana, izwi lakhe lichichima injabulo. Uyise ngokuziqhenya wathi, “Kuhle kakhulu, ngiyajabula ngokuthi wenze kahle kangaka.” “Mama, sengiqedile ukugeza izitsha,” kumemeza intombazane isemnyango wasekhishini. Unina wamomotheka futhi ngezwi eliphansi wathi, “Ngikuthanda ngokwengeziwe usuku ngalunye.” Sengibugundile utshani,” kusho umfana omude, “futhi ngabeka umshini wokugunda utshani endaweni yawo.” Uyise waphendula ngokujabula, “Ungenza ngiziqhenye ngawe.”

Abantwana bafanelwe ukunconywa ngemisebenzi abayenzayo usuku ngalunye. Ukuze baphile ukuphila okujabulisayo, okuningi kuxhomeke kuwe.

[Izithombe ekhasini 7]

Ubaba uhlanganyela nomama enqubweni yokwakheka kwesibopho

[Isithombe ekhasini 8]

Njengoba imicabango ikhula, umfana ogijima elule izingalo uba yindiza endizela phezulu emoyeni, ibhokisi elikhulu liba yindlu yokudlala, induku yomshanelo iba yihhashi elivuthayo, isihlalo siba isihlalo somshayeli semoto yomjaho