Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingabhekana Kanjani Nokugxeka Kwabazali Bami?

“ABAZALI abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi indlela engcono kakhulu ngabo yokusiza izingane zabo zithuthuke iwukugxeka lokho ezingakwenzi kahle.” Wabhala kanjalo uClayton Barbeau encwadini yakhe ethi How to Raise Parents.

Akungabazeki, uma ungumuntu osemusha, ngokunokwenzeka uqondiswa abazali bakho cishe kaningi kangangezikhathi odla ngazo. Nakuba lokhu kungase kucasule ngezinye izikhathi, ukugxeka okunjalo akuyona ngempela into embi.a Sonke siyakudinga ukuqondiswa ngezikhathi ezithile; ukugxeka okwakhayo kungaba nempilo, kube nenzuzo.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abazali bayeqisa ngezinye izikhathi, bebelesela izingane zabo kuze kube yilapho ziphelelwa khona yithemba. (Kolose 3:21) Noma bangase bavumele imizwelo yabo ukuba ibalawule futhi bakhankathe baze badumaze izingane zabo ngeziphambeko ezincane. Nokho, kungakhathaliseki indlela lokhu kugxeka okwethulwa ngayo, kungenzeka ukuba uzuze kukho. Phela, cishe abazali bakho bakukhathalela ngokusuka enhliziyweni. Njengoba iBhayibheli lasho endulo, “amanxeba othandayo athembekile.” (IzAga 27:6) Yiqiniso, ngenxa yokuthi abazali bakho basondelene kakhulu nawe, ukugxeka kwabo kungalimaza ngokujulile. Kodwa uma ufunda ukusabela ngokuhlakanipha ekugxekweni, unganciphisa ubuhlungu futhi wandise izinzuzo.

Indlela Engalungile

Cabangela okuhlangenwe nakho kukaStephanie osemusha, uStephanie uyalandisa: “Lapho umama efika ekhaya evela emsebenzini, waqala ukungibelesela ngokuthi namanje angikayihlanzi indlu noma ngichithe izibi. Wathi, ‘Awukwazi ukwenza noma yini elungile lapha, kodwa uma kuziwa ekuzuleni, lokho ukwenza kahle.’ Ngathi, ‘Lapho kuziwa ekubeleseleni, lokho ukwenza kahle.’ Waqala ukumemeza futhi ngamshiya ngase ngivala umnyango wekamelo lami ukuze ngingamuzwa. Wangena ngolaka, ememeza ethi ngizojeziswa.”—My Parents Are Driving Me Crazy, ngoDkt. Joyce L. Vedral.

Ingabe kuzwakala njengento ojwayelene nayo? Khona-ke uyazi ukuthi kubuhlungu kangakanani ukutshelwa ukuthi “awukwazi ukwenza noma yini kahle.” Nakuba kunjalo, yini uStephanie ayifeza ngokuthukuthelela unina? Ukukhankatha, ukumemeza, noma ukuvukela kungamane kumenze abhoke kakhulu ngolaka umzali. Ukwaneliseka okuncane okuzuzwa ngokukhipha intukuthelo cishe akunakuba nalusizo uma kuqhathaniswa nesijeziso okuqinisekile ukuthi sizoza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, osemusha ongumKristu okhuluma ngokungenanhlonipho nomzali uthola ukulimala ngokomoya—futhi uzifaka engozini yokungamthokozisi uNkulunkulu.—IzAga 30:17; Efesu 6:1, 2.

Kungenzeka umama kaStephanie akazange asingathe izindaba ngendlela engcono kakhulu. Kodwa ingabe akunakwenzeka ukuthi kwakuneqiniso elithile ekukhonondeni kwakhe ngoStephanie? Ngakho ngokwenqaba ukugxekwa, uStephanie akazange nje kuphela enze ukuphila kube nzima ngokwengeziwe ngaye kodwa futhi walahlekelwa ithuba lokwenza intuthuko edingekile.

Ukubaluleka Kokulalela

IBhayibheli linikeza lesiseluleko: “Yizwa isiluleko, wamukele ukulaywa, ukuze uhlakaniphe ekugcineni.” (IzAga 19:20) Yebo, lwisana nokuthambekela kokuzithethelela, ukukhankatha, noma ukuphindisela ukugxeka okuthile okungokwakho siqu, futhi ugxilise ukunakekela kulokho okushiwoyo ngempela. Umagazini i’Teen wakubeka ngalendlela: “Lalela ukugxeka ngekhanda lakho hhayi ngemizwelo yakho.”

Ukwenza kanjalo kukusiza ukuba ugweme ukukhulisa noma ukuthatha njengokweqisa lokho okushiwo umzali wakho. Ingabe ngempela umzali wakho ukubiza ngokuthi ungongenalusizo noma uyisehluleki ngokuphelele, noma ingabe umane nje uthi wenze umsebenzi wobudlabha wokupenda igalaji noma ukuhlanza isitofu? Uma lokhu kwakamuva kuyiqiniso, kungani usabela ngokweqile? IBhayibheli lithi: “Akukho-muntu emhlabeni owenza okulungile ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi ongalokothi enze iphutha.” (UmShumayeli 7:20, Today’s English Version) Futhi noma ngabe uye wehluleka emsebenzini othile, lokhu akusho neze ukuthi uyisehluleki ekuphileni ngokwakho. Ngakho zikhumbuze ukuthi unamanye amakhono nezimfanelo ezinhle.

Ukuzotha Ngaphansi Kokucindezeleka

“Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma enza okuthile okuwubuwula, ngithi, ‘Lesithutha,’” kwavuma omunye ubaba. Kuthiwani uma umzali wakho ngokufanayo ephendukela ekukwetheni amagama acasulayo noma olunye uhlobo lokusebenzisa kabi amazwi? Okokuqala, lawula imizwelo yakho! “Obamba amazwi akhe unokwazi; onomoya opholileyo ungumuntu oqondileyo.”—IzAga 17:27.

Ungagxili ebubini obucatshangelwayo balokho okushiwoyo; lokho kuyomane kukuthukuthelise ngokwengeziwe. Kunalokho, gxila ezicini odinga ukuthuthukisa kuzo. Zikhumbuze ukuthi abazali bakho bayakuthanda nokuthi cishe abananzondo. (Ubaba ocashunwe ngenhla wavuma: “Akufanele ngimbize ngesithutha ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokushesha uzokukholelwa.”) Thembela ezisuseni zabo uma bebonakala bekhathele noma bekhathazwe ukucindezela kwasemsebenzini. “Ukuhlakanipha komuntu kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe; kuludumo lwakhe ukudlula esiphambekweni.”—IzAga 19:11.b

Nakuba ukuphindisela kungeke kufaneleke, ungase ukwazi ukunciphisa intukuthelo ebangelwa yilokhu kuhlaselwa. Ngokwesibonelo, zama ukuphindaphinda amazwi omzali wakho, uphinde uwagxilise enkingeni. Uma ubaba wakho ekubiza ngokuthi uyisithutha ngoba engayithandi indlela opholishe ngayo imoto yomkhaya, zama ukusabela ngokuthi: “Ucasukile ngoba angiwenzanga kahle umsebenzi wokupholisha imoto.” Noma ungase nje uvumelane nokugxeka. (“Uqinisile Baba. Bekufanele ngenze umsebenzi ongcono.”) Noma zama ukucela izindlela eziqondile zokuthuthukisa. IzAga 15:1 zithi: “Impendulo ethambileyo iyabuyisa ukufutheka, kepha izwi elilukhuni livusa ulaka.”

Uyamkhumbula uMahluleli uGideyoni? IBhayibheli lithi wahola isizwe sakwaIsrayeli ekunqotshweni okukhulu kwesizwe esiyisitha sakwaMidiyani. UGideyoni wayesethumela izithunywa esizweni esivelele sakwaEfrayimi futhi wabacela ukuba bavimbele ukubaleka kwabakwaMidiyani abanqotshiwe. AbakwaEfrayimi basabela, bethumba amakhosana amabili akwaMidiyani. Kodwa abaholi besizwe abaqhoshayo “bamkhankatha kakhulu” uGideyoni! Babecasukile ngoba babengazange bamenywe ukuba bahlanganyele empini ngaphambidlana.—AbAhluleli 8:1.

Lokhu kuhlasela ngamazwi ngokusobala kwakungenangqondo. Futhi ukuba uGideyoni wayeyisififane, wayengase anikeze abakwaEfrayimi impendulo evuthayo—futhi abangele impi yombango. Kunalokho, waphendula: “Ngenzeni mina, uma kulinganiswa nokwenu na? Ukukhothoza kwabakwaEfrayimi akukuhle yini kunokuvuna umvini kwama-Abiyezeri na?” (AbAhluleli 8:2) Impendulo kaGideyoni yayisho ukuthi ngokuthumba amakhosana akwaMidiyani, abakwaEfrayimi babefeze okungaphezu kwalokho uGideyoni akufezile ngokwakhe. Kanjalo impendulo kaGideyoni emnene nenokuzithoba yaphebeza ukugxeka okungafanele futhi yalondoloza ukuthula.

Sifundani kulokhu? Gwema ukusabela ngokweqile lapho abazali bakho bekugxeka. Ukuba nesizotha kungakuvimbela ekukhulumeni noma ekwenzeni okuthile oyozisola ngakho kamuva.—Qhathanisa nomShumayeli 10:4.

Ukuthatha Isinyathelo

Nokho, amazwi anomusa awanele. Thatha isinyathelo! Khumbula, ‘ukuthula kwaphezulu . . . kukulungele ukulalela.’ (Jakobe 3:17, qhathanisa neNW.) Qala ukuhlanza lelokamelo, ukupholisha imoto, ukugunda izinwele zakho, ukushintsha izingubo zakho zokugqoka, noma ukwenza noma yikuphi ukulungisa abazali bakho abafuna ukuba ukwenze. Lena indlela engcono kakhulu yokunqanda ukugxekwa okwengeziwe.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungase ngokwethembeka ungavumelani nokugxeka. Phela, ngisho nabazali abangcono kakhulu bayawenza amaphutha. Kodwa kunokuba uzame ukuxazulula izinto ngokuklabalasa, lindela ‘isikhathi esifanele,’ bese uxoxa nabazali bakho. (IzAga 15:23, NW) IzAga 13:10 zithi, “kwabalulekwayo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.” Yethula ukukhononda kwakho ngendlela emnene, nevuthiwe, unikeze abazali bakho izizathu eziqondile zokuthi kungani ungavumelani nabo. Mhlawumbe ungabenza babone izinto ngendlela yakho. Uma kungenjalo, kungase kufuneke ukuba umane uzithobe egunyeni labo njengabazali.—IzAga 6:20.

Nokho, ukwamukela ukuyala kwabo kungakuzuzisa ekugcineni. Ingani, ngisho nendoda ephelele uJesu “wafunda ukulalela ngalokho ahlupheka ngakho.” (Heberu 5:8) Nawe futhi unezifundo eziningi eziwusizo okumelwe uzifunde. Kakade kufanele ubhekane nokugxeka okuvela kothisha. Esikhathini esizayo, kungase kudingeke ukuba usebenzelane nabaqashi. Funda manje ukusingatha ukugxekwa.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ungase uqonde ngisho nombono wabazali bakho. Insizwa okuthiwa uJames ithi ngabazali bayo: “Babeqinile kimi ezicini ezinjengesikole, ibandla, nemisebenzi evamile yasekhaya. Ngezinye izikhathi ngangingakwazi ngisho nokuphumula! Kodwa njengoba ngangikhula, ngaqonda ukuthi ukuphumelela kufuna ukuzikhandla.” Ingabe leso kwakungesona isifundo esikufanelekele ukufundwa? Futhi nawe uyofunda izifundo ezifanayo eziwusizo ngokufunda ukusingatha ukugxekwa.

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Ukumemeza, ukukhankatha, noma ukuzithethelela ngokuvamile kumenza abhoke ngolaka umzali

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Ukucela kumzali wakho izindlela eziqondile ongathuthuka ngazo kungase kuqede ubuhlungu bokugxekwa