Bancane, Kodwa Bacindezeleke Kakhulu
“Ngokuqinisekile izikhalo zezingane zincane, kodwa zilingana nayo ingane.”—Percy Bysshe Shelley.
BHEKA umdwebo wesigqoko ngezansi. Uma uqala ukusibona sibonalakala siphakeme kunobubanzi bomphetho waso. Nokho, empeleni ubude nobubanzi buyalingana. Ubukhulu bento kalula bungahlulelwa kabi.
Kulula ngendlela efanayo ngabantu abadala ukwahlulela kabi ubukhulu bokucindezeleka kwengane. Abanye bacabanga ukuthi, ‘izinkinga zezingane zincane kakhulu.’ Kodwa lokhu ukucabanga okukhohlisayo. “Abantu abadala akufanele bahlulele izinkathazo ngobukhulu bazo,” kuxwayisa incwadi i-Childstress!, “kodwa ngobukhulu bobuhlungu ezibubangelayo.”
Ezimweni eziningi ubuhlungu bengane bukhulu kunokuba abantu abadala beqaphela. Lokhu kwaqinisekiswa ukuhlola okwenziwa lapho abazali bacelwa khona ukuba basho ukuthi sinjani isimo esingokomzwelo sezingane zabo. Cishe bonke baphendula ngokuthi izingane zabo “zazijabule kakhulu.” Nokho, lapho zibuzwa zodwa bengekho abazali bazo, izingane eziningi zazichaza ngokuthi “azijabulile” ngisho nangokuthi “zikhathazekile.” Izingane zibhekana nokwesaba abazali abangakushayi mkhuba.
Kokunye ukuhlola, okwenziwa uDkt. Kaoru Yamamoto, iqembu lezingane lacelwa ukuba lihlele ngokulandelana izenzakalo zokuphila ezingu-20 esikalini sokucindezeleka esinamazinga ayisikhombisa. Iqembu labantu abadala lase lihlela lezozenzakalo ngokwendlela elalinomuzwa wokuthi izingane bezingazihlela ngayo. Abazali bahlulela kabi izinto ezingu-16 kwezingu-20! “Sonke sicabanga ukuthi siyazazi izingane zethu,” kuphetha uDkt. Yamamoto, “kodwa ngokuvame kakhulu asikuboni ngempela noma sikuzwe, noma ngisho sikuqonde, lokho okuzikhathazayo ngempela.”
Abazali kufanele bafunde ukubheka okuhlangenwe nakho kokuphila ngombono omusha: ngeso lengane. (Bheka ibhokisi.) Lokhu kubaluleke ngokukhethekile namuhla. IBhayibheli labikezela ukuthi “ezinsukwini zokugcina kuyakuba nezikhathi eziyingozi zokucindezeleka okukhulu . . . okunzima ukubhekana nazo nokunzima ukuzibekezelela.” (2 Thimothewu 3:1, The Amplified Bible) Izingane azikugonyelwe ukucindezeleka okunjalo; ngokuvamile, ziyizisulu zakho eziyinhloko. Nakuba okunye ukucindezeleka kwezingane kumane nje ‘kungokobusha,’ okunye akuvamile neze futhi kufanele kunakekelwe ngokukhethekile.—2 Thimothewu 2:22.
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 5]
Ukubona Izinto Ngeso Lengane
Ukufa Komzali = Umuzwa Wecala. Lapho ikhumbula okwesikhashana imicabango yokucasukela umzali, ingane ingase ibe nemizwa ecashile yokuba necala.
Isehlukaniso = Ukulahlwa. Ukucabanga kwengane kuwukuthi uma abazali bekwazi ukuyeka ukuthandana, nayo bangayeka ukuyithanda.
Ukuba Umlutha Wotshwala = Ukucindezeleka. UClaudia Black uyabhala: “Isimo sansuku zonke sokwesaba, ukulahlwa, ukunganakwa, ukushintshashintsha kwesimo, kanye nobudlova obungokoqobo noma obucatshangelwayo esibangelwa ikhaya elinomlutha wotshwala akusiso neze isimo esenza umuntu akwazi ukwenza umsebenzi ovamile, nesinempilo.”
Ukulwa Kwabazali = Ukwesaba. Ukuhlolwa kwabafundi abangu-24 kwembula ukulwa kwabazali njengokwakucindezela kangangokuba imiphumela yayiba iziqubu zokuhlanza, ukudikiza kobuso, ukuqothuka kwezinwele, ukuncipha noma ukuzimuka komzimba, kanye nezilonda.
Ukufinyelela Imigomo Ephezulu Kakhulu = Ukukhungatheka. “Noma kuphi lapho izingane ziphendukela khona,” kubhala uMary Susan Miller, “zibonakala zihileleke emncintiswaneni onzima eziwubekelwe abantu abadala.” Njengoba zicindezelwa ukuba ziphume phambili esikoleni, ekhaya, ngisho nasemdlalweni, ngaleyondlela ingane ayikufinyeleli lokho, nomncintiswano awupheli.
Ukuzalwa Kwengane = Ukulahlekelwa. Manje njengoba ingane kufanele ihlanganyele ukunaka kanye nothando komzali, ingase ibe nomuzwa wokuthi ilahlekelwe umzali kunokuba ibe nomuzwa wokuthi ithole udadewabo noma umfowabo omusha.
Isikole = Ukukhathazeka Ngokwehlukana. Ngo-Amy, ukushiya unina aye esikoleni kwakubuhlungu ngokwedlulele futhi kucindezela.
Amaphutha = Ukuzinyeza. Njengoba zingazethembi, izingane “zithambekele ekubhekeni izinto njengeziyizinkinga ezingathi sína kakhulu kunokuba zinjalo ngempela,” kusho uDkt. Ann Epstein. Wathola ukuthi ukuzinyeza, kwakungenye yezimbangela ezivame kakhulu zokuzibulala kwezingane.
Ukukhubazeka = Ukukhungatheka. Ngaphandle kokuhlekwa ontanga abangenalo uzwela, ingane ekhubazekile ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo kungase kudingeke ibekezelele ukungabi nasineke kothisha kanye namalungu omkhaya azwakalisa ukudumazeka ngalokho engenakukwazi ukukwenza.
[Isithombe ekhasini 4]
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