Abazali Abangabodwa, Indathane Yezinselele

“Ngifikelwa yimizwelo eminingi. Ngichitha isikhathi esiningi ebusuku ngikhala egunjini lokugeza. Kusinda kwehlela.”—UJANET, UMAMA ONGAYEDWA WEZINGANE EZINTATHU.

ZININGI izimbangela zokuba kube nabazali abangabodwa. Eminye imikhaya isala nomzali oyedwa ngenxa yempi, inhlekelele yemvelo, noma izifo.

Abazali bezinye izingane banquma ukungashadani. Ngokwesibonelo, eSweden cishe ingxenye yezingane zakhona ziyimilanjwana. Izehlukaniso nazo zidala imikhaya enomzali oyedwa. Ucwaningo lusikisela ukuthi izingane zaseMelika ezingamaphesenti angaphezu kwangu-50 ziyohlala ekhaya elinomzali oyedwa esikhathini esithile sobuntwana bazo.

Ukuqonda Izinselele

Omama abasanda kuba abafelokazi banomthwalo ohlukile okumelwe bawuthwale. Kumelwe bathathe umthwalo wemfanelo wokuphatha indlu yabo kuyilapho besalilela umyeni oshonile. Ukuzivumelanisa nale ndima kungase kuthathe izinyanga, ngisho neminyaka, njengoba bebhekana nezinselele zezomnotho nomthwalo wemfanelo wokududuza izingane zabo. Umama ongumfelokazi angase akuthole kunzima kakhulu ukuthwala le mithwalo eyengeziwe. Lokhu kungase kushiye ingane inganakiwe ngumzali ngesikhathi lapho idinga kakhulu ukunakwa nokuqinisekiswa.

Omama abangabodwa abangashadanga noyise bezingane zabo ngokuvamile basuke besebancane futhi bengenakho okuhlangenwe nakho. Kungenzeka abazange babe nethuba lokuqedela imfundo yabo yasesikoleni. Njengoba bengenawo amakhono afanele omsebenzi, cishe bayoba mpofu futhi bayosebenza imisebenzi engaholeli. Ngaphandle kokusekelwa yizihlobo, njengabazali babo, bayoba nomthwalo wemfanelo owengeziwe wokutholela izingane zabo nomzanyana ozozinakekela emini. Lo mama ongashadile kungenzeka futhi ukuthi ulwa nezingcindezi ezingokomzwelo, njengamahloni nesizungu. Abanye kungenzeka babe novalo lokuthi ukuba khona kwengane kunciphisa amathuba okuba bathole umngane womshado ofanelekayo. Njengoba izingane zikhula emikhayeni enjalo, nazo zingabeleselwa yimibuzo engenampendulo ngesizinda sazo nangesidingo sazo sokuqashelwa umzali ongekho.

Ngendlela efanayo abazali abafake isehlukaniso bacindezeleke kakhulu. Abanye abazali bangase babe nolaka kakhulu ngenxa yalesi sehlukaniso. Ukuzinyeza nomuzwa ojulile wokungathandwa ungase uphuce abanye abazali ikhono labo lokunaka imizwelo yezingane zabo. Omama okudingeka ukuba bayosebenza ngokokuqala ngqá, bangase bakuthole kunzima ukusingatha umthwalo wemfanelo wokuphatha ikhaya. Bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi abanaso isikhathi noma amandla okunakekela izidingo ezikhethekile zezingane, nazo ngokwazo ezisuke zibhekene nezinguquko ezinkulu ngemva kokwehlukanisa kwabazali.

Izinselele Eziyingqayizivele Zabazali Abahlukanisile

Abazali abangabodwa bayaqaphela ukuthi izidingo zezingane zabo ngazinye zihlukile futhi zishintshashintsha njalo. Kubazali abangabodwa abahlukanisile, ukwenza amathuba afanele okunikeza isiqondiso esingokomoya kungase kube nezinselele eziyingqayizivele.

Ngokwesibonelo, abanye abazali abahlukanisile abangoFakazi BakaJehova bangase bangaziwini izingane zabo. Baye bafune ukuba zibavakashele ngesikhathi lapho beyokwazi khona ukuya nazo emhlanganweni wobuKristu. Leli lungiselelo lokuvakasha linikeza ingane ithuba lokuxhumana njalo nebandla lobuKristu, okuzisiza kakhulu izingane zabazali abahlukanisile.

Abazali abahlukanisile abanamathuba ambalwa okuxhumana njalo nezingane zabo kudingeka bafune izindlela zokuziqinisekisa ukuthi bayazithanda futhi bazikhonzile. Ukuze umzali aphumelele, kudingeka aziphaphamele izidingo ezingokomzwelo zengane ezishintshashintshayo. Lokhu kubalulekile ikakhulukazi lapho ingane isiqala ukuthomba futhi iqala ukuba nesithakazelo sokuya emibuthanweni nesokuba nabangane.

Umzali ophumelelayo uqonda namakhono engane, ubuntu bayo, nendlela yayo yokucabanga. (Genesise 33:13) Umzali nengane bajabulela izingxoxo zokuthululelana izifuba nobungane. Imizila yokukhulumisana ihlala ivulekile. Ingane izibandakanya nokuphila komzali, nomzali azibandakanye nokuphila kwengane.

Isidingo Sokuba Nengqondo

Ngemva kwesehlukaniso, izingane ziyazuza ngokuxhumana njalo nabo bobabili abazali. Ake sithi abazali besezinkolweni ezihlukene; omunye unguFakazi KaJehova kanti omunye akayena. Ukukhulumisana njalo ngokukhululekile kusiza ekugwemeni izingxabano ezingadingekile. Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Yibani nedumela lokuba abanengqondo.” (Filipi 4:5, Phillips) Izingane kufanele zifundiswe ukuhlonipha amalungelo abo bobabili abazali okuqhuba inkolo yabo.

Umzali ongeyena uFakazi angase aphikelele ngokuthi ingane iye ezinkonzweni zesonto lakhe. Umzali ongomunye woFakazi BakaJehova angenzenjani? Naye angase afundise ingane izimfundiso zakhe ezingokwenkolo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ingane ingenza isinqumo sayo ngokuphathelene nenkolo, njengoba kwenza uThimothewu osemusha, okungenzeka ukuthi unina noninakhulu bamfundisa izimiso zeBhayibheli. (2 Thimothewu 3:14, 15) Uma ingane izizwa ingakhululekile ukuya ezinkonzweni zenye inkolo, mhlawumbe ingacabangela uNahamani waseBhayibhelini, okwathi ngemva kokuba ngumkhulekeli weqiniso, waqhubeka efeza imisebenzi yakhe yokuphelezela inkosi eyayikhulekela endlini kaRimoni. Lokhu kulandisa kungaqinisekisa ingane ukuthi uJehova uyayithanda futhi uyasiqonda isimo nakuba iya emikhosini yenkolo engayijwayele.—2 AmaKhosi 5:17-19.

Umzali ophumelelayo uyakwazi ukulolonga ukucabanga kwengane noma izingane nokuqonda imizwa yazo. (Duteronomi 6:7) Kuyiqiniso ukuthi abazali abangakaze bashade bangase bazizwe benamahloni ngenkambo yabo yokuphila yangaphambili. Nokho, abazali abanjalo kufanele bakhumbule ukuthi izingane zizalwa abantu ababili. Izingane zifuna ukubazi bobabili abazali, futhi kufanele zibe nomuzwa wokuthi ziyathandwa, ukuthi azibanga khona ngengozi. Ngokukhuluma ngenhlonipho ngomzali ongekho nangokunikeza izimpendulo othile olingana naleyo ngane angaziqonda, noma okudingeka azazi, umzali anganikeza ingane ukuqinisekisa kothando.

Abazali kufanele bakhumbule ukuthi umuzwa wokuqala ingane eba nawo ngothando, igunya namandla ulolongwa ubuhlobo enabo nomzali. Ngokusebenzisa igunya namandla ngendlela enothando, umzali ongumKristu angenza lukhulu ekuhlomiseleni ingane ukuba nobuhlobo bothando noJehova futhi ihloniphe amalungiselelo ebandla.—Genesise 18:19.

Kubalulekile Ukubambisana Kwezingane

Izingane ezihlala emikhayeni enomzali oyedwa nazo kudingeka ziqonde ukuthi ukubambisana kwazo kubalulekile ukuze umkhaya uphumelele. (Efesu 6:1-3) Ukulalela kwazo igunya lomzali kubonisa ukuthi ziyamthanda umzali wazo futhi ziyawazisa umzamo omkhulu awenzayo ukuze zibe nekhaya eliphephile nelijabulayo. Njengoba ukukhulumisana kuhilela ukukhuluma nokulalela, izingane ezisemkhayeni onomzali oyedwa kudingeka zikhumbule ukuthi kumelwe zizimisele ukusekela imizamo yomzali yokulondoloza ukukhulumisana okuhle emkhayeni.—IzAga 1:8; 4:1-4.

Ngokuvamile izingane ezinjalo kudingeka ziqale ukuthwala imithwalo yemfanelo ngokushesha kunezingane ezisemikhayeni enabazali ababili. Lapho befundiswa ngothando nangesineke, abafana namantombazane bayoba nomuzwa wokuzethemba nokuqiniseka njengoba befunda amakhono okuphila besebancane. Futhi, eminye imisebenzi ingase inikezwe izingane ukuze zisize ekunakekeleni ikhaya ngokuhleleka.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi umgomo womzali ongayedwa uwukwenza izingane zakhe zibe abantu abadala abasebancane, abazimele abangasidingi isiqondiso somzali. Ngokuqinisekile, akuhlakaniphile neze ukushiya ingane esencane iyodwa noma ingenasiqondiso.

Abazali abangabodwa bavame ukwenza iphutha lokucabanga ukuthi kumelwe babe oshomi bezingane zabo. Nakuba ubuhlobo obuseduze budingeka, abazali abangabodwa kufanele bakhumbule ukuthi izingane zidinga umzali nokuthi ingane ayikavuthwa ngokwanele ngokomzwelo ukuba ibe isifuba somzali noma untanga yakhe. Izingane zakho zilindele ukuba uziphathe njengomzali.

Abazali abangabodwa nezingane ababambisene ebuhlotsheni bothando banganezela emkhayeni ojabulayo. Njengoba kunezingane eziningi ngokwandayo ezikhulela emikhayeni enomzali oyedwa, bonke abantu kufanele baziqaphele izinselele ezihlukile abazali abangabodwa nezingane zabo ababhekene nazo futhi bazimisele ukunikeza isikhuthazo sothando futhi babasekele.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 9]

Imiphumela Okunayo Ezinganeni

Ngokuvamile abazali abangabodwa bangase babe nesikhathi esincane abangasichitha nomntwana ngamunye kunaleso ebesingasetshenziswa ngabazali ababili. Ngezinye izikhathi umzali ongayedwa uhlala nomuntu angashadile naye. Nokho ukukipita akuzinzile njengomshado. Izingane ezikhulela emikhayeni enjalo cishe ziyoba nabazali abahlukahlukene ekuphileni kwazo.

Ngokocwaningo oluthile, “ngokuvamile izingane eziphuma emikhayeni enomzali oyedwa cishe ziba nezinkinga ngokomzwelo kunezingane eziphuma emikhayeni ebumbene.” Nokho, ukuhlaziya ucwaningo olunjalo kubonisa ukuthi ukuntula imali kungase kube “isici esisodwa esiyinhloko esibangela umahluko okhona phakathi kwezingane eziphuma emikhayeni ehlukahlukene.” Kodwa-ke lokhu akusho ukuthi izingane zemikhaya enomzali oyedwa nakanjani ziyoba izehluleki. Ngokuqondiswa nokuqeqeshwa okuhle, zingakwazi ukunqoba imiphumela emibi.