Ukuqonda Izidingo Zabazali Bakho
UKUZE ube usizo lwangempela kubazali bakho asebegugile, kumelwe uthole ukuthi ziyini izidingo zabo nezinto abazithandayo. Kungenjalo ungase—ngezisusa ezinhle—unikeze usizo nezinkonzo abangazidingi futhi abangazifuni abazali bakho, nakuba bengase babe manqikanqika ukukutshela lokho. Khona-ke ubuhlobo bakho, obusekelwe ekungaqondini, buyoba obucindezela ngokungadingekile hhayi kuwena kuphela kodwa futhi nakubazali bakho.
Yini Ngempela Abayifunayo?
Njengoba ecabanga ukuthi ngolunye usuku kuyodingeka ukuba abazali bakhe bathuthele kuye, owesifazane uhlela ukuba kuthuthwe ngokushesha. Kamuva uthola ukuthi abazali bakhe bayakwazi ukuzihlalela emzini wabo—futhi bangakujabulela kakhudlwana ukuhlala kanjalo!
Njengoba ilethe abazali bayo ukuba bahlale nayo, indodana ithi: “Ngeke nikukhokhele ukuhlala endlini yami! Kuningi kakhulu eningenzele kona!” Nokho, lokhu kwenza abazali bayo bazizwe bencike kuyo ngokweqile. Ekugcineni bayitshela ukuthi bangakujabulela ukunikela ngandlela-thile.
Umkhaya othile unikeza abazali bawo abagugile lonke usizo noluncane kangakanani ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi bahleli ngokunethezeka futhi abasindwa ukucindezeleka okungokomzimba. Kamuva bathola ukuthi abazali babo bafuna ukuzenzela okwengeziwe.
Ngasinye salezizibonelo ezingenhla, usizo olwanikezwa lwalungadingwa futhi lungafunwa ngabazali. Lokhu kungenzeka kalula uma indodana noma indodakazi enezisusa ezinhle ishukunyiswa umuzwa oyihaba wokuba nomthwalo wemfanelo noma uma zingaqondakali izidingo zangempela zabazali. Cabanga ngokucindezeleka okungadingekile lokhu okukubangelayo kulabo abahilelekile. Yiqiniso, ikhambi liwukuba uthole ukuthi yini ngempela abazali bakho abayidingayo nabayifunayo.
Ingabe kuleliqophelo kuyadingeka ngempela ukuba abazali bakho bathuthele kwakho? Ingabe bayafuna ngempela? Kungase kukumangalise ukuthola ukuthi abanye abantu abadala bafisa ukuhlala ngokukhululeka ngangokunokwenzeka. Ngenxa yokwesaba ukuba babonakale bengazisi, bangase bangabaze ukutshela abantwana babo ukuthi bangathanda ukuhlala bodwa emizini yabo, naphezu kwezinkathazo ezithile. Bangase babathande abantwana babo futhi balangazelele ukuchitha isikhathi nabo. Kodwa ingabe lokho kusho ukuthi kufanele bancike kubantwana babo? Cha, bangase bathande ukuzenzela izinto.
Mhlawumbe ngolunye usuku kuyodingeka ukuba ubathuthele kwakho abazali bakho. Nokho, uma lesosikhathi singakafiki, futhi uma bethanda ngobuqotho ukuhlala bodwa, kungani ubancisha leminyaka yokuzimela? Ingabe ukulungisa okuthile kwasekhaya noma ukubashayela ucingo noma ukubavakashela okuhleliwe kwangezikhathi ezithile kungabenza bakwazi ukuqhubeka behlala emzini wabo? Bangase bazizwe bejabule kakhudlwana uma behlala emzini wabo siqu, bezenzela izinqumo zabo zansuku zonke.
Omunye umnakekeli wachaza isimo sakhe sokuthatha unina ngamawala amlethe kwakhe: “Lapho ubaba efa, sathatha umama, simzwela. Umphumela waba ukuthi, waphila iminyaka eyengeziwe engu-22. Ukube ayidayiswanga indlu yakhe, wayengaqhubeka ehlala kuyo. Ungabi namawala ekunqumeni ukuthi yiziphi izinyathelo okufanele uzithathe. Isinqumo esinjengaleso, lapho sesenziwe, kunzima ukusiguqula.”—Qhathanisa noMathewu 6:34.
Ungase uphikise ngokuthi, ‘Kodwa kuthiwani uma kwenzeka okuthile komunye wabazali bami lapho bezihlalele emzini wabo? Uma uMama noma uBaba ewa futhi elimala, ngiyozizwa nginecala kakhulu!’ Lokhu ukukhathazeka okuzwakalayo, ikakhulukazi uma amandla nempilo yabazali bakho sekunciphe kwaze kwaba seqophelweni lokuba kungavela ingozi yangempela. Nokho, uma kungenjalo, zibuze ukuthi ukhathalela abazali bakho noma uzikhathalela wena, okungukuthi, ukuzivikela ekubeni necala elingafanele.
Cabanga nangokuthi kungenzeka abazali bakho basesimweni esingconywana emzini wabo. Encwadini ethi You and Your Aging Parents, u-Edith M. Stern noDkt. Mabel Ross bathi: “Ukuhlola kuye kwabonisa ukuthi abantu abadala bahlala bebasha futhi beyimiqemane ngempela uma bezihlalela emizini yabo kunokuhlala kwenye indawo. Ngamafuphi, imizamo eminingi engaqondile yokwenza lula iminyaka yabo yokuguga iphumela kuphela ekusheshiseni kakhudlwana ukuwohloka.” Ngakho, siza abazali bakho ukuba bahlale ngokukhululeka ngangokunokwenzeka, kuyilapho ubanakekela futhi ubanikeza usizo abaludinga ngempela. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi kufanele uphinde uthole ukuthi yini abayidingayo futhi ushintshe uma izidingo zabazali bakho zanda noma ngisho zincipha.
Yiba Ngoqaphelayo
Uma kucatshangelwa impilo nezimo zabazali bakho, ukubaletha emzini wakho kungase kube umqondo ongcono kunayo yonke. Uma kunjalo, qaphela ukuthi kungenzeka ukuba bathanda ukuzenzela okuningi ngangokunokwenzeka. Njengabantu banoma yibuphi ubudala, cishe bafisa ukulondoloza izimfanelo zabo ezibehlukanisa kwabanye, ukuba nesimiso semisebenzi sabo siqu, nabangane babo siqu. Lokhu kungaba okunempilo. Nakuba kungaba okujabulisayo ukwenza izinto ndawonye njengomndeni, kungase kube kuhle ukushiya eminye imisebenzi ukuze uyenze nomkhaya wakho siqu futhi uvumele abazali bakho nabo bazenzele imisebenzi yabo. Omunye umnakekeli waphawula ngokuhlakanipha: “Qikelela ukuthi abazali bakho banempahla yasendlini evamile nezithombe ezikhethekile kubo.”
Njengoba uzama ukuqonda izidingo zangempela zabazali bakho, xoxa nabo. Lalela izinkathazo zabo futhi uqaphele lokho okungenzeka ukuthi bazama ukukutshela kona. Bachazele lokho ongase ubenzele khona nalokho ongeke ubenzele khona ukuze bangadunyazwa ukubheka umnyama ongenafu. Omunye umnakekeli watusa: “Qonda ngokucacile ukuthi yini elindeleke kuwo wonke umuntu emkhayeni. Yiba nezingxoxo zasikhathi sonke ukuze ugweme imizwa yentukuthelo nokucasuka nokwakheka kwenzondo.” Uma wenza izithembiso zesikhathi eside (“Ngizonishayela ucingo njalo ngoMsombuluko ntambama”; “Ngizonikhipha siyoshaywa umoya njalo ngempelasonto”), ungase ucacise ukuthi uzokuzama lokhu okwesikhashana esithile futhi ubone ukuthi kusebenza kanjani. Ngaleyondlela, uma uhluleka, usengakwazi ukubuye ulungise.
Kulokhu okungenhla akukho okufanele kuthathwe njengezizathu zokuncisha abazali inhlonipho nosizo olubafanele. Ukuma koMdali kucacile ngalendaba. Abantwana asebekhulile bakweleta abazali babo inhlonipho, ukunakekela, nokusekela. UJesu wabalahla abaFarisi ababezenza abalungile ngokusonta imibhalo ukuze bathethelele ukunganaki abazali. Amazwi acacile atholakala kuzAga 30:17 embula indlela uNkulunkulu abenyanya ngayo labo abangabahloniphi abazali babo: “Iso eliklolodela uyise nelidelela ukulalela unina liyakukhishwa ngamagwababa angasemfuleni, lidliwe ngamazinyane okhozi.”—Bheka uMarku 7:9-13; 1 Thimothewu 5:4, 8.
Lapho unikeza abazali bakho usizo oludingekayo, ungase futhi ubhekane nokucindezeleka okusha. Ungabhekana kanjani nalokhu? Isihloko esilandelayo sizonikeza ukusikisela okuthile.
[Izithombe ekhasini 5]
Umzali angase azijabulele izinto azenzela zona enabangane kanye nazenza enomkhaya