Ukuthemba Noma Ukungathembi

KUNGABA nzima ukwazi ukuthi kufanele uthembe noma ungathembi. Ngayinye yalezi zinkambo inezingozi zayo, ikakhulukazi ezweni eligcwele ukukhohlisa nokukhaphela. Kodwa sonke siyabadinga abangane abathembekile abazosisekela lapho sinezinkathazo. (IzAga 17:17) Eminyakeni engaba ngu-2000 edlule, umlobi waseRoma uPhaedrus waveza lendida ngalendlela: “Ukuthemba noma ukungathembi kuyingozi.”

Ukuthemba Kungaba Ingozi

Kungani ukuthemba othile kungase kube ingozi? Ake ucabangele isixwayiso esinikezwa kumagazini i-Psychology Today. Sichaza abathile abakusebenzisa kabi ukuthenjwa abantu ngokuthi “izilwane” “ezisebenzisa ubuhle nokushintshashintsha imibala njengonwabu ukuze zikhohlise futhi zixhaphaze abantu abazizungezile futhi zonakalise ukuphila kwabo.” Ngokusobala, njengoba kunabakhohlisi abanjalo, akungabazeki ukuthi ukuthemba ngokweqile kuyingozi.

Umuntu owethemba ngokweqile angakhohliseka kalula futhi ngenxa yalokho axhashazwe kalula. Isibonelo esivelele sokukhohliseka kalula kwakunguSir Arthur Conan Doyle, umsunguli wendaba yomseshi oyingcweti ehluzekile uSherlock Holmes. Ngo-1917 amantombazanyana amabili, u-Elsie Wright nomzala wakhe, uFrances Griffiths, azisholo ukuthi ayedlale notokoloshe engadini yakubo eCottingley, eNgilandi. Aveza ngisho nezithombe zalabotokoloshe ezama ukufakazela lokho.

UConan Doyle, owayenesithakazelo esijulile ekusebenziseni imimoya ngemva kokufa kwendodana yakhe, wawakholelwa futhi wazikholelwa izindaba ezikhuluma ngotokoloshe—njengoba kwenza abantu abaningi ngaleso sikhathi. Kwaze kwaba seminyakeni engaba ngu-55 kamuva lapho lamantombazane amabili avuma khona ukuthi ayebakhohlisa nokuthi ayebasike encwadini “otokoloshe” ngaphambi kokubathwebula izithombe. UFrances Griffiths wamangala ukuthi kukhona abayikholelwa indaba yabo. Wathi: “Ukuthi abantu babengakhohliseka kalula kangaka bakholelwe ukuthi babengokoqobo kwakuyimfihlakalo njalo kimi.”—I-Hoaxers and Their Victims.

Ingabe uyalubona ugibe uConan Doyle angena kulo? Ngokuphuphutheka wayikholelwa lendaba ngoba nje ayefuna ibe iqiniso. Umlobi uNorman Moss uthi: “Singakhohliswa ngoba nje ukucabanga kwethu kuthuntubezwe umkhuba, futhi sibheka izinto ngokufifiyela. . . . Ngezinye izikhathi samukela into njengeyiqiniso ngenxa yokuthi iyinto esifuna ibe iqiniso.” (The Pleasures of Deception) Lokho kwenanela isixwayiso esanikezwa iciko elidumile elingumGreki uDemosthenes eminyakeni engaba ngu-350 ngaphambi kweNkathi yethu Evamile: “Into elula kunazo zonke ukuzikhohlisa wena siqu, ngoba lokho umuntu akufisayo ngokuvamile ukholelwa ukuthi kuyiqiniso.” Ukuthembela nje emizweni yethu kungaba ingozi.

Yiqiniso, ungase ucabange ukuthi lesi isibonelo esiyihaba nokuthi uConan Doyle wayeyisiwula kakhulu kunalokho ongase ube yikho. Kodwa akubona abakhohliseka kalula kuphela abasengozini yokukhohliswa. Abantu abaningi abacophelelayo nabavame ukuqaphela baye bakhohliswa abantu ababukeka bethembekile.

Ukungathembi Kungaba Ingozi

Nokho, kunezingozi ukungathembi muntu noma okuthile. Ukungathembi kunjengokugqwala okunamandla. Kungaqeda futhi kubhubhise lokho obekungase kube ubuhlobo obujabulisayo, obuseduze. Ukungathembi okujulile futhi okungaguquki kungakwenza ube umuntu ongajabulile, ongenabungane. Kungalimaza ubuhlobo nabanye abantu kangangokuba umlobi waseNgilandi uSamuel Johnson wabhala, “kujabulisa kakhulu ukukhohliswa ngezinye izikhathi kunokungathembi.”

Ukungathembi kungasongela ngisho nempilo yakho engokomzimba. Ungase uqaphele ukuthi imizwelo enamandla njengentukuthelo ingakuchaya engozini yesifo senhliziyo. Kodwa bewazi yini ukuthi okunye ukucwaninga kubonisa ukuthi ukungathembi kungenza okufanayo? Umagazini i-Chatelaine uthi: “Abantu abanesififane akubona kuphela abangandisa amathuba okuba nesifo senhliziyo ngenxa yokuziphatha kwabo. Ukucwaninga okusha kubonisa ukuthi ngisho nezindlela ezicashile zonya, njengokuthambekela kokungathembi, zingakufaka engozini.”

Qaphelisisa Izinyathelo Zakho

Yini ongayenza? IBhayibheli linikeza iseluleko esihle kulendaba. “Ongenalwazi uyakholwa ngamazwi onke,” kusho izAga 14:15. Lokhu akukhona ukungathembi okonakalisayo. Kuyisikhumbuzo esingokoqobo sesidingo sokuqapha. Kungaba umuntu ongenakho okuhlangenwe nakho kuphela ongawakholelwa ngokuphelele wonke amazwi awezwayo. Ngesizathu esihle isaga seBhayibheli siyaqhubeka: “Kepha oqondileyo uyaqaphela ukunyathela kwakhe.” Umlobi wemidlalo waseNgilandi uWilliam Shakespeare wabhala: “Ungawethembi amapulangwe abolile.” Noma ubani ocabanga ukuthi abolile amapulangwe ebhuloho eliphakeme uyobe eyisiwula uma enyathela kuwo. Khona-ke, ‘ungakuqaphela kanjani ukunyathela kwakho’ ukuze ungathembi umuntu okungafanele umethembe?

IBhayibheli lisikhuthaza ukuba sivivinye lokho abantu abakushoyo kunokuba sivele samukele noma yini esiyizwayo. Lithi: “Indlebe iyavivinya amazwi, njengokuba ulwanga luzwa ukudla.” (Jobe 34:3) Akulona yini iqiniso lokho? Asikunambithi yini ukudla ngokuvamile ngaphambi kokuba sikugwinye? Kufanele futhi sivivinye amazwi nezenzo zabantu ngaphambi kokuba sikwamukele. Akekho umuntu oneqiniso ongaphatheka kabi lapho sihlola ukwethembeka kwakhe. Ukuthi kufanele sihlole ukuze sibone ukuthi okuthile kuyiqiniso kusekelwa isaga saseScotland esithi: “Lowo ongikhohlisa kanye, makube ihlazo kuye; uma engikhohlisa kabili, makube ihlazo kimi.”

Umphostoli uPawulu waluleka: “Vivinyani zonke izinto.” (1 Thesalonika 5:21, Today’s English Version) Igama elasetshenziswa umphostoli uPawulu elithi ‘vivinya’ lalisetshenziswa futhi ngokuphathelene nokuvivinya okusansimbi okuyigugu ukuze kubonakale ukuthi kungokoqobo yini. Umuntu ohlakaniphile wayekuvivinya njalo akuthengayo ukuze abone ukuthi kungokoqobo yini. Kungenjalo wayengagcina enalokho okwakubizwa ngokuthi igolide-mbumbulu—okuthile okufana negolide kodwa eqinisweni okwakuyize.

Sebenzisa Ingqondo Futhi Ulinganisele

Yiqiniso, sifuna ukuba abasebenzisa ingqondo kulendaba futhi singasoli abanye ngokungafanele. (Filipi 4:5) Ungasheshi ukucabangela ukuthi noma ubani unezisusa ezingezinhle. Ukungaziqondi izisusa kungaba indlela esheshayo yokuqeda ubuhlobo obuhle, obuseduze. Ngokuvamile kuhle kakhulu ukucabanga ukuthi abangane bakho bafuna ukukwenzela okungcono kakhulu kunokuba uthi banezisusa ezimbi lapho kuphakama izimo ezinzima.

Bonelela ukungapheleli namaphutha abanye. “Ukukhashelwa umngane kusho ukuphela kokuthembana,” kusho umlobi uKristin von Kreisler. Nokho, ukukhashelwa okunjalo kungenziwa ngenhloso noma kungase kube umphumela wobuthakathaka umuntu asezisola ngokujulile ngabo. Ngakho-ke, uyaqhubeka: “Ungagxili ekukhashelweni—noma ukuvumele kukwenze ungabethembi abanye.” Ungavumeli okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu nokungathandeki kukwephuce injabulo engaba khona ngokwakha ubuhlobo obunokwethenjelwa nabanye.

Yiba olinganiselayo. Akudingekile ukuba uziphuphuthekise lapho uhlaziya abantu; umuntu oqaphelayo uhlala ephapheme. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uDokotela uRedford Williams usikisela ukuba sizame ukucabanga ukuthi abanye benza konke okusemandleni abo, sizame ukuqonda umbono wabo, futhi “sibethembe abanye” lapho kunokwenzeka khona. Kungase kube ngcono ukuthemba ngokweqile kunokungathembi nhlobo.

Umlobi wencwadi yeBhayibheli yezAga uyavuma ukuthi “kukhona abangane abaphulana babe yizicucu”—okuwukuthi, abantu abayozama ukukusebenzisa kabi ukubethemba kwakho. Izwe ligcwele bona. Kodwa nikeza abanye isikhathi nethuba lokubonakalisa ukuthi banokwethenjelwa, futhi eqinisweni uyothola abangane ‘abanamathela kakhulu kuneselamani.’—IzAga 18:24, NW.

Khona-ke, ingabe ukhona umuntu noma into ethile ongayethemba ngokuphelele, ngaphandle kokwesaba ukuxhashazwa noma ukukhashelwa? Yebo, ngokuqinisekile ukhona. Isihloko esilandelayo sizohlola ngamafuphi ukuthi ungathembelaphi ngokuphelele.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 6]

“Ongenalwazi uyakholwa ngamazwi onke, kepha oqondileyo uyaqaphela ukunyathela kwakhe.”—IzAga 14:15

[Isithombe ekhasini 7]

Bonelela ukungapheleli namaphutha abanye