Umbono Olinganiselayo Ngokuwinwa Kwabantwana

NGOKUVAMILE, inselele yangempela iphakama ngemva kwesehlukaniso, lapho abazali belwela ukuthandwa nokuba nethonya kumntwana. Isisho sesiNgisi esithi, “Impi idinga abantu ababili” asilona iqiniso ngaso sonke isikhathi. Impi ingabangelwa umzali oyedwa ocindezelayo ofuna ukuba izinto zenziwe ngendlela yakhe. Ummeli wezemikhaya waseToronto, eCanada, waphawula: “Kwezomthetho ezithinta umkhaya, konke okwenzekayo kuyakhandla ngokomzwelo futhi kuthinta inhliziyo.”

Kunokuba bacabange ngalokho okuzozuzisa umntwana, abanye abazali baqhubekisela impi phambili ngokumangala ngezindaba ezingenamsebenzi. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye baye bazama ukubonisa ukuthi umntwana kufanele atholwe yibo ngoba omunye umzali ungomunye woFakazi BakaJehova futhi uyophuca umntwana ‘indlela yokuphila evamile.’

Ongeyena uFakazi angase avuse impikiswano ngokugujwa kwezinsuku zokuzalwa, uKhisimusi, noma ngisho ne-Halloween. Abanye bangase bakhononde ngokuthi ubudlelwane bomntwana nabanye abantu nokuzivumelanisa kwakhe nomphakathi kungathiyeka uma umntwana enquma ukungalikhulekeli ifulege. Noma abanye bangase bathi umntwana uyosangana uma ehlanganyela nomzali ekuxoxeni nabanye ngeBhayibheli. Abanye abazali abangebona oFakazi baye bamangalela ngisho nangokuthi ukuphila komntwana kuyoba sengozini ngoba umzali onguFakazi ngeke avume ukuba umntwana ampontshelwe igazi.

UmKristu ubhekana kanjani nenselele yemibono enjalo ekhathazayo? Ukuhluthuka inhliziyo—“ukucima umlilo ngomlilo”—ngeke kuphumelele. Uma lendaba iyiswa ejajini, umzali ngamunye uyothola ithuba lokuzikhulumela. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukukhumbula iseluleko seBhayibheli: “Phonsa phezu kukaJehova umthwalo wakho, uzakukuphasa; akayikuvuma naphakade ukuba olungileyo azanyazanyiswe.” (IHubo 55:22) Ngokuzindla ngalokhu nangokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli, abazali, ngosizo lukaJehova, bangabhekana nanoma yimuphi umphumela wecala lokuwinwa kwabantwana.—IzAga 15:28.

Ukucabangela

Into ebalulekile yilokho okuzuzisa umntwana. Uma umzali efuna okuningi ngokweqile, angase alahlekelwe ilungelo lokuwina umntwana futhi abekelwe ngisho nemibandela emalungelweni akhe okuvakashela umntwana. Umzali ohlakaniphile uziphatha ngendlela enokuthula, ekhumbula iseluleko seBhayibheli: “Ningabuyiseli muntu okubi ngokubi. . . . Qhelelani ulaka . . . Ungazivumeli ukuba unqotshwe okubi, kodwa qhubeka unqoba okubi ngokuhle.” (Roma 12:17-21) Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi basenkantolo, ehhovisi lommeli, noma kumhlaziyi wecala lokuwinwa komntwana, abazali kufanele benze ‘ukuba nengqondo kwabo kwaziwe yibo bonke abantu.’—Filipi 4:5.

Ngezinye izikhathi umzali ozehlukanisile angazama ukukhohlisa abanye ngokuveza izinkinga ezingamanga nezicatshangelwayo. Kuwukuhlakanipha ukulwa nokuthambekela kobuntu kokuhluthuka lapho uhlaselwa ngamazwi anjalo. Ezempilo, ezenkolo nezemfundo kuyizindaba abangane bomshado abazehlukanisile abathandayo ukuzisebenzisa ukuze baphakamise izinkinga ekuqulweni kwecala lokuwinwa kwabantwana.—IzAga 14:22.

Ukuba nengqondo kuhlanganisa nekhono lokucabangela amaqiniso nokufinyelela isivumelwano esifanele. Akekho umzali okufanele akhohlwe ukuthi ngisho nangemva kwesehlukaniso, umntwana usenabazali ababili. Abazali bahlukanisile kodwa abazihlukanisanga nomntwana. Ngakho-ke, ngaphandle kwasezimweni ezeqisayo, umzali ngamunye kufanele abe nenkululeko yokwenza izinto njengomzali lapho enomntwana. Ngamunye kufanele abe nenkululeko yokuveza imizwa yakhe nezindinganiso zakhe futhi ahlanganyele nomntwana ezintweni azenzayo ezivunyelwe umthetho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ezenkolo noma okunye.

Ake sicabangele lokho okungase kube umphumela wokuqulwa kwecala: (1) ukunikezwa kwabo bobabili abazali ilungelo lokunakekela umntwana, (2) ukuwinwa komntwana umzali oyedwa, (3) nemibandela yamalungelo okuvakashela umntwana. Uyini umehluko phakathi kokunikezwa kwabo bobabili abazali ilungelo lokunakekela umntwana kanye nokuwinwa komntwana umzali oyedwa? Ungabhekana kanjani nesimo lapho ulahlekelwa ilungelo lokuwina umntwana? Kuthiwani uma omunye umzali esusiwe ekuhlanganyeleni?

Ukunikezwa Kwabo Bobabili Abazali Ilungelo Lokunakekela Umntwana

Amanye amajaji anomuzwa wokuthi kubalulekile ukulondoloza ubuhlobo phakathi komntwana nabo bobabili abazali. Indlela amajaji acabanga ngayo isekelwe ekucwaningeni okubonisa ukuthi abantwana bangase bangacindezeleki kakhulu futhi bangalimali kakhulu ngokomzwelo ngemva kwesehlukaniso uma abazali bekwazi ukubanakekela bobabili. Kunokuba azizwe elahlwe omunye umzali, umntwana uyoba nomuzwa wokuthi bobabili abazali bayamthanda futhi wamukelekile kuyo yomibili imikhaya yabo. Ummeli othile wezindaba zomkhaya uthi: “Ukunakekelwa komntwana yibo bobabili abazali kuyindlela yokubahilela bobabili.”

Nokho, uDkt. Judith Wallerstein, umqondisi ophethe i-Center for the Family in Transition, eCorte Madera, eCalifornia, uxwayisa ngokuthi ukuze ukunakekelwa komntwana abazali bobabili kusebenze, kudingeka ukuba abazali babambisane futhi umntwana avumelane nezimo futhi azwane nabantu. Lezi zimfanelo zibalulekile ngoba lapho umntwana enakekelwa yibo bobabili abazali, bobabili banelungelo elingokomthetho lokuhlanganyela ekwenzeni izinqumo ezindabeni ezibalulekile ezihilela impilo, imfundo, ukuqeqeshwa ngokwenkolo nokuphila komntwana emphakathini. Kodwa lokhu kuphumelela kuphela uma bobabili abazali behlala benengqondo ehluzekile lapho becabangela lokho okuzuzisa umntwana kunokuba bacabangele lokho okuzuzisa bona.

Ukuwinwa Komntwana Umzali Oyedwa

Inkantolo inganikeza umzali oyedwa ilungelo lokunakekela umntwana uma inomuzwa wokuthi ukuhlomele kangcono ukunakekela izidingo zakhe. Ijaji lingase linqume ukuthi lowo mzali abe ukuphela komuntu owenza izinqumo ngokuphathelene nezindaba ezibalulekile ezithinta inhlalakahle yomntwana. Ngokuvamile, inkantolo ifinyelela leso sinqumo ngemva kokulalela okutholwe abahlaziyi—ngokuvamile abayizazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, odokotela bezifo zengqondo, noma izisebenzi zezenhlalakahle.

Abasekeli bokuwinwa komntwana umzali oyedwa banomuzwa wokuthi leli lungiselelo lenza ukuphila komntwana kuzinze. Uma abazali bengakwazi noma bengenakubonisana ngokuphumelelayo, amajaji amaningi ezinkantolo ezihlaziya icala akhetha leli lungiselelo. Yiqiniso, umzali ongamwinanga umntwana akahlukaniswa nokuphila komntwana. Ngokuvamile lowo mzali unikezwa amalungelo okuvakashela umntwana, futhi bobabili abazali bangaqhubeka benikeza umntwana isiqondiso nothando aludingayo.

Amalungelo Okuvakashela Umntwana

Akufanele ukuba abazali babheke icala lokuwinwa kwabantwana njengelinomuntu “onqobile” kanye “nohluliwe.” Abazali bayaphumelela futhi “banqobe” uma bebona abantwana babo bekhula beba abantu abadala abavuthiwe, abaphumelelayo nabahloniphekile. Ukuphumelela ekukhuliseni abantwana akuhlobene nokuthi unakekelwa ubani ngokomthetho. Ngokulalela imibandela ebekwe inkantolo ezindabeni zokuwinwa kwabantwana, ngisho noma ibonakala ingalungile, umKristu ubonisa ‘ukuzithoba emagunyeni aphakeme.’ (Roma 13:1) Kubalulekile futhi ukukhumbula ukuthi lesi akusona isikhathi sokufuna ukuthola uthando noma ukuthembeka kwabantwana bakho ngokululaza omunye umzali uzama ukulimaza ubuhlobo bakhe nabantwana.

Kunezibonelo zeBhayibheli zabazali abesaba uNkulunkulu abahlukana nabantwana babo ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene. Ngokwesibonelo, u-Amramu noJokebedi, abazali bakaMose, befuna ukuzuzisa umntwana wabo, bamfaka ebhokisini elincane elintantayo “emhlangeni ngasogwini lomfula.” Lapho indodakazi kaFaro ithola lolu sana, bathembela kuJehova. Laba bazali abahlakaniphile nabathembekile bavuzwa ngamalungelo amahle “okuvakashela umntwana” abawasebenzisa ngokuphumelelayo ekuqeqesheni lomfanyana ngezindlela zikaJehova. UMose wakhula waba inceku evelele kaNkulunkulu weqiniso.—Eksodusi 2:1-10; 6:20.

Nokho, kuthiwani uma omunye wabazali esusiwe ekuhlanganyeleni? Ingabe umzali ongumKristu kufanele avume ukuba umntwana avakashelwe? Inqubo yebandla yokususa ekuhlanganyeleni ishintsha ubuhlobo obungokomoya kuphela phakathi komuntu nebandla lobuKristu. Eqinisweni, inqamula izibopho ezingokomoya. Kodwa ubuhlobo phakathi komntwana nomzali buhlala bunjalo. Umzali owine umntwana kumelwe awahloniphe amalungelo okuvakasha omzali osusiwe ekuhlanganyeleni. Nokho, uma umzali ongamwinanga umntwana ewusongo olukhulu enhlalakahleni yomntwana engokomzimba noma engokomzwelo, khona-ke inkantolo (hhayi umzali owine umntwana) ingase ihlele ukuba kube nomuntu wesithathu ozoqapha isimo lapho umntwana evakashelwa.

Awuwedwa

Inqubo yesehlukaniso nezingxabano eziza kamuva ngokuwinwa kwabantwana kuyizenzakalo ezikhathazayo ngokomzwelo. Ubuhlobo obaqala kahle kangaka sebushabalele kanye nezifiso, amacebo, namathemba alowo mbhangqwana. Ngokwesibonelo, ukungathembeki komngane womshado noma ukuxhashazwa ngokweqile kungase kuphoqelele umfazi othembekile ukuba azifunele yena nomntanakhe isivikelo esingokomthetho. Nokho, angase abeleselwe isazela nemizwa yokwehluleka njengoba ezibuza ukuthi konakalaphi noma ukuthi lendaba yayingasingathwa kanjani ngokuphumelelayo. Imibhangqwana eminingi ikhathazeka ngendlela abantwana abayosabela ngayo lapho umkhaya uhlukana. Ukuqulwa kwecala lokuwinwa kwabantwana kungase kube isimo esikhandlayo ngokomzwelo esingavivinyi ukuthembeka komuntu njengomzali okhathalelayo kuphela kodwa esivivinya nokholo nokuthembela komuntu kuJehova.—Qhathanisa neHubo 34:15, 18, 19, 22.

Lapho umngane womshado ongenacala ekhetha ukuthatha isinyathelo ngenxa yokuxhashazwa kwabantwana noma ukuxhashazwa umngane womshado ngokweqile noma ukuze avikele impilo yakhe engozini yezifo ezithathelwana ngobulili ezivela kumngane wakhe womshado ongathembekile, asikho isizathu sokuba lowo mngane ongenacala azizwe enecala noma abe nomuzwa wokuthi uJehova umfulathele. (IHubo 37:28) Umngane ongathembekile noma oxhaphazayo nguyena ophule isivumelwano esingcwele somshado futhi ‘wakhohlisa’ umngane wakhe womshado.—Malaki 2:14.

Qhubeka ‘unonembeza omuhle’ phambi kwabantu noJehova ngokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli, umphathe ngokwethembeka umngane wakho womshado ozehlukanisile, futhi ubonise ukuvumelana nezimo ezivumelwaneni zenu zokuwinwa kwabantwana. “Kungcono ukuhlupheka ngoba nenza okuhle, uma intando kaNkulunkulu ifisa kanjalo, kunokuhlupheka ngoba nenza okubi.”—1 Petru 3:16, 17.

Abantwana bona badinga ukuqinisekiswa ukuthi ukuhlukana komkhaya akubangelwanga yibona. Ngezinye izikhathi izinto azihambi njengoba kuhleliwe. Kodwa ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli kungadambisa igalelo lesehlukaniso ngokukhuthaza ukukhulumisana okukhululekile nokubonisa ukuqonda phakathi kwabazali nabantwana. Ngokwesibonelo, lokhu kungenziwa ngokuvumela abantwana ukuba babe nengxenye ebonakalayo ekuhleleni ukuphila komkhaya kwangemva kwesehlukaniso. Ngokuba nesineke nomusa nangokuba nesithakazelo endleleni abantwana abazizwa ngayo nangokulalela abakushoyo, uyofeza lukhulu ekubasizeni ukuba bavumelane nohlelo olusha nezimo zokuphila ezintsha.

Abanye Bangasiza

Abazali akubona kuphela abangasiza umntwana omkhaya wakubo uyahlukana. Amalungu omkhaya, othisha nabangane bangafeza okukhulu ekusekeleni nasekuqinisekiseni abantwana besehlukaniso. Ikakhulukazi ogogo nomkhulu bangafeza okukhulu ekuzinzeni kwabantwana nasenhlalakahleni yabo engokomzwelo.

Ogogo nomkhulu abangamaKristu banganikeza abantwana ukuqeqeshwa okungokomoya nemisebenzi eyakhayo, kodwa kumelwe bahloniphe izinqumo zabazali ngokuphathelene nokuqeqeshwa okungokwenkolo, ngoba abazali, hhayi ogogo nomkhulu, abanegunya elibuswa unembeza nelingokomthetho lokwenza lezi zinqumo.—Efesu 6:2-4.

Ngokusekelwa okunjalo, abantwana besehlukaniso bangabhekana ngokuphumelelayo nokuchitheka komshado wabazali babo. Futhi bangaqhubeka bebheke phambili ezibusisweni zezwe elisha likaNkulunkulu, lapho yonke imikhaya iyokhululwa “ekugqilazweni ukonakala futhi ibe nenkululeko ekhazimulayo yabantwana bakaNkulunkulu.”—Roma 8:21; 2 Petru 3:13.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 11]

Ukulungisa Ukungezwani

“Ulimi lwabahlakaniphileyo luveza kahle ukwazi,” futhi umzali ongumKristu unethuba elihle lokulungisa ukungezwani noma izinto ezingabazekayo. (IzAga 15:2) Ngokwesibonelo, ngokuphathelene nokunakekelwa kwempilo yabantwana babo, “oFakazi BakaJehova bayakwamukela ukwelashwa ngemithi nangokuhlinzwa,” kodwa lapho enikezwe igunya lokuwina umntwana, uFakazi unelungelo lokuvuma ukwelashwa ngemva kokwaziswa nganoma iyiphi inqubo yokwelapha.a—I-Journal of the American Medical Association.

OFakazi BakaJehova bayithatha ngokungathi sína inkolo yabo esekelwe eZwini likaNkulunkulu, iBhayibheli. Lokhu kubenza babe obaba abangcono, omama, abantwana, abangane, omakhelwane nezakhamuzi ezingcono. Abazali abangamaKristu banikeza isiyalo ngothando, bakhe inhlonipho ngegunya futhi bahlomise abantwana babo ngezindinganiso zokuphila ezinengqondo.b—IzAga 13:18.

Imfundo yezwe iyingxenye ebalulekile yokukhuliswa komntwana, futhi oFakazi BakaJehova bafuna ukuba abantwana babo bathole imfundo ephambili.c—IzAga 13:20.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 10]

Umzali owine umntwana kufanele alalele ngesineke lapho umntwana emtshela ngokuvakashela kwakhe umzali ongamwinanga umntwana