Ingabe Umshado Ungalubekezelela Uvivinyo?

“Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.”—MATHEWU 19:6.

IMIZI eyayibonakala inezisekelo eziqinile yabhidlika. Njengoba izivunguvungu ezinkulu zishaye izindawo ezinkulu embulungeni yonke muva nje, ukuqina kwezakhiwo eziningi kuye kwavivinywa kakhulu.

Nokho, kunolunye uhlobo lwesivunguvungu olulimaza isisekelo selungiselelo lomshado eselinesikhathi likhona. “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umphumela uyini, umshado uye wasuswa endaweni yawo esemqoka ekuphileni komuntu ngamunye nasekuphileni komphakathi uwonke,” kusho isazi-mlando semikhaya uStaphanie Coontz.

Ingabe uyayibona yini imiphumela yalesi simo? Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi umshado ulahlekelwa yindawo yawo ehloniphekile emphakathini? Uma kunjalo, kungani kunjalo? Futhi yiliphi ithemba umuntu analo lokuba nomshado olondekile futhi ojabulisayo? Nokho, okokuqala, yini efaka umshado engozini?

Umshado Uyahlaselwa

Ukuhlaselwa komshado akukusha; kuhlehlela emuva ekuqaleni komlando wesintu. Izimfanelo nezimo zengqondo ezaqala kubazali bethu bokuqala ziye zaholela ezinkingeni zemishado esibhekana nazo namuhla. U-Adamu no-Eva bona lapho bevumela izifiso zobugovu, futhi ngaleyo ndlela “isono sangena ezweni.” (Roma 5:12) Umlando weBhayibheli uthi ngokushesha ngemva kwalokhu, ‘konke ukuthambekela kwemicabango yenhliziyo yomuntu kwaba kubi ngaso sonke isikhathi.’—Genesise 6:5.

Akushintshanga lutho kusukela ngaleso sikhathi. Phakathi kwezinto ezilimazayo eziwukuthambekela futhi eziwuhlupho emshadweni ukuphishekela komuntu ukwanelisa izifiso zakhe zobugovu. Umshado ungase ubonakale uyisidala, uyinto engasasebenzi ezweni lanamuhla elingaphansi kwethonya lendlela entsha yokuziphatha. Ukuthanjiswa kwemithetho elawula ukwehlukanisa emshadweni kuye kwasusa isihlamba esasihambisana nesehlukaniso.

Abantu abangakwazi ukubekezela, abafuna imiphumela esheshayo nokwaneliseka ngokushesha, abanandaba nemiphumela yesehlukaniso. Behehwa yizithembiso zenkululeko nokuzibusa, bakholelwa ukuthi isehlukaniso siyobaholela enjabulweni.

Lapho bebhekene nezinkinga ezinzima emishadweni yabo, abanye baya kubantu abayizazi zokwelapha nakubeluleki bezemishado noma ezincwadini ezibhalwe yilabo bantu. Ngokudabukisayo, ezinye “izazi” zezemishado zanamuhla ziye zabonakala zinesandla ekugqugquzeleni isehlukaniso kunokuba zilwele ukulondoloza imishado. Incwadi ethi The Case for Marriage ithi: “Mhlawumbe kuyaqala ngqa emlandweni wesintu ukuba umshado, oyinto ethandwa kangaka, uhlaselwe ngokuphindaphindiwe ngendlela ephumelela ngokumangalisayo. Ngezinye izikhathi lokhu kuhlasela kuqonda ngqo futhi kusekelwe endleleni ethile yokucabanga, eyenziwe ‘izazi’ ezikholelwa ukuthi ukwethembeka emshadweni ukuphila konke akunangqondo noma kuyacindezela.”

Imibono Eshintshile

Iye yashintsha nemibono ngokuphathelene nemvelo nenjongo yomshado. Cishe uye waphawula ukuthi akusabhekwa njengokubalulekile ukuba abantu abashadile bathembeke futhi basekelane, kodwa sekuwukuba umuntu azanelise yena—ngisho noma lokho kulimaza lowo ashade naye. Ukushintshela kulo mbono wobugovu ngomshado “kwaqala ngawo-1960 kwadlanga kakhulu ngawo-1970,” kusho i-Journal of Marriage and Family. Izizathu ezivamile zokushada—njengesifiso sokuthandwa, ukusondelana, ukuthembeka komunye umuntu, ukuba nabantwana nokwanelisana—ziye zancipha kakhulu.

Kunezinye izenzakalo eziningana eziye zadlondlobalisa ushintsho lomshado emazweni amaningi. Okokuqala, indima engokwemvelo yamadoda njengabondli nabesifazane njengabanakekeli bekhaya isishintshile emazweni amaningi. Ngenxa yokuthi nabesifazane sebeyasebenza, kuye kwaba khona ukwanda okuphawulekayo enanini lemikhaya enobaba nomama abasebenzayo. Okwesibili, ukuzalwa kwezingane ngaphandle komshado sekwamukeleka kakhulu, okwenza kube nemikhaya eminingi enomzali oyedwa. Okwesithathu, ukukipita okuthatha indawo yomshado kuya ngokuya kwanda. (Bheka ibhokisi elithi “Abuzinzile Njengemishado.”) Okwesine, ukushada kwabantu bobulili obufanayo nemizamo yokwenza le mishado ibe semthethweni kuye kwasekelwa kakhulu. Ingabe lokhu kuthambekela kwanamuhla kuye kwathonya indlela owubheka ngayo umshado?

Amanani Andayo Esehlukaniso

Ake sibheke amazwe ambalwa ukuze sibone ukuthi ukwanda kwesehlukaniso kuye kwaholela kanjani ekuchithekeni kwemishado. Umbiko othile wamuva nje uthi e-United States, “inani lemibhangqwana eyehlukanisile liye laphindeka kane phakathi kuka-1970 no-1996.” Cishe oyedwa kubantu abadala abayisihlanu uye waba yisisulu sesehlukaniso. Obani abasengcupheni kakhulu yesehlukaniso? Izibalo zibonisa ukuthi amaphesenti angu-60 azo zonke izehlukaniso enzeka phakathi neminyaka yokuqala eyishumi.

Nakwamanye amazwe, amanani esehlukaniso ayanda. Ingqikithi yezehlukaniso eNgilandi naseWales yafinyelela ku-153 490 ngo-2004. Abantu base-Australia bangalindela ukuba amaphesenti angu-40 emishado aphele ngesehlukaniso. ERepublic of Korea, inani lezehlukaniso lenyuka ngo-21 800 onyakeni owodwa vó—kusukela ngo-2002 kuya ku-2003—ngoba kwehlukanisa imibhangqwana engu-167 100. IJapane, lapho umshado owodwa kwemine uphela khona ngesehlukaniso, isizofinyelela inani lezehlukaniso elinjengelaseYurophu. Isazi sezocwaningo lwemikhaya saseJapan Red Cross University saphawula: “Ezikhathini ezidlule kwakuyimishado emibi ngempela eyayiphela ngesehlukaniso. Manje sekuyindlela evamile yokuphila.”

Emazweni amaningi izinhlangano zenkolo ezinesikhathi eside zikhona kanye namasiko omphakathi kwakunendima enkulu ekugcineni imishado iqinile. Nokho, akusakwazi manje ukuqeda igagasi elikhulayo lokwamukeleka kwesehlukaniso emphakathini. Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngeSonto LamaRoma Katolika, lapho umshado ubhekwa khona njengento engcwele. Ngo-1983 leli sonto lathambisa imithetho yalo ephathelene nezibopho zomshado lakwenza kwaba lula ngamaKatolika ukuthola isehlukaniso. Ngakho-ke, ukwehlukanisa kuye kwanda kusukela ngaleso sikhathi.

Ngokusobala, izibopho zomshado ziyaqaqeka. Kodwa akuzona zonke izizathu ezisobala. Empeleni, ngalé nje kokuwohloka komphakathi, kunenye imbangela enkulu yokuwohloka kwemishado—efihlekile emehlweni abantu abaningi.

Imbangela Eyimfihlo Yenkinga

IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi uSathane uDeveli, owumthombo wobugovu, unethonya elingabonakali kodwa elilimazayo emhlabeni wonke. Kungani kunjalo? Kungenxa yokuthi uxoshiwe ezulwini wehlela emhlabeni futhi akathukuthele uthelwa ngamanzi. Ngempela, uzimisele ukubangela ‘umaye’ noma izinkinga eziningi ngangokunokwenzeka, futhi ilungiselelo likaNkulunkulu lomshado lingenye yezinto ezibhekene nentukuthelo yakhe elimazayo.—IsAmbulo 12:9, 12.

Ebhekisela enkathini yangemva kokuxoshwa kukaSathane ezulwini, uJesu wathi: “Ngenxa yokwanda kokwephulwa komthetho uthando lwabaningi luyophola.” (Mathewu 24:12) Ngokufanayo, umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: ‘Abantu bayokuba abazithandayo, abathanda imali, abazazisayo, abazidlayo, abahlambalazi, abangalaleli abazali, abangabongiyo, abangathembeki, abangenalo uthando lwemvelo [noma, lomndeni], abangafuni sivumelwano, abanyundeli, abangenakho ukuzithiba, abanolaka, abangenalo uthando lokuhle, abakhapheli, abanenkani, abakhukhumele, abathandi benjabulo kunokuba abathandi bakaNkulunkulu.’ (2 Thimothewu 3:2-4) Lezi zinto ezinyanyekayo bezilokhu zikhona ngokwezinga elithile, kodwa manje sezande kakhulu, njengoba nabantu abaningi bekuvuma lokho.

Uma sibheka izinkinga ezihlasela ilungiselelo lomshado, yini esingayenza ukuze sizivikele futhi sijabulele umshado ojabulisayo nohlala njalo? Isihloko esilandelayo sizohlola lo mbuzo.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]

“Emphakathini osujwayele ukulahla izinto, nabantu kungenzeka babe nesimo sengqondo esinjalo mayelana nobuhlobo.”—USANDRA DAVIS, UCHWEPHESHE WEZOMTHETHO EZINDABENI ZOMKHAYA

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 4]

“Abuzinzile Njengemishado”

Imibhangqwana eminingi yobulili obuhlukile iyakipita. Nokho, ubuhlobo obunjalo “abuzinzile njengemishado,” kusho umbiko we-U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Eminye yale mibhangqwana iyakipita ukuze ihlole ukuthi iyafanelana yini ngaphambi kokuba ishade. Ingabe ukwenza kanjalo kubenza bafanelane futhi kuthuthukisa imishado yabo ngemva kwalokho? Ngokwe-Journal of Marriage and Family, ubufakazi buveza ukuthi akunjalo. “Phakathi kwabantu abashadile, ukukipita kuhlobene nokunganeliseki ngokugcwele emshadweni . . . , ukuba nezinkinga eziningi zomshado, kanye . . . nengozi enkulu yokuchitheka komshado,” kusho le Journal.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 5]

Ubude Bokuphila Nomshado

Abantu baphila isikhathi eside namuhla. Nakuba lokhu kukuhle, kodwa kuye kwanezela izinkinga emshadweni. Namuhla, isehlukaniso siqeda imishado eminingi eyayingase iqedwe ukufa ezikhathini ezidlule. Ake ucabange ngenkinga emangalisayo ehlasela abesifazane asebeshade isikhathi eside eJapane. Ngokwe-Washington Post, izazi ziyibiza ngokuthi “i-RHS [retired husband syndrome]” noma “isifo samadoda asethathe umhlalaphansi.” Ikhumbula mhla umyeni wayo ethatha umhlalaphansi, enye inkosikazi, eyayisineminyaka engu-40 ishadile, ithi ngaleso sikhathi yayicabanga ithi: “Kuzofanele ngihlukane naye. Kwakunzima kabi nje ukumnakekela uma ebuya emsebenzini. Kodwa kwakunzima nakakhulu ukubekezelela ukuhlala naye endlini ngaso sonke isikhathi.”