Pamene Ndewu Ibuka m’Banja

“Ndewu za anthu—kaya zikhale kumenya pama kapena kukankha, kukhapana ndi mipeni kapena kuwomberana mfuti—zimachitika mwakaŵirikaŵiri kwambiri mkati mwabanja koposa kwina kulikonse m’chitaganya chathu.”—Behind Closed Doors.

TAYENDANI m’khwalala lirilonse mu Amereka. M’banja lachiŵiri lirilonse, mtundu wakutiwakuti wa ndewu m’banja idzabuka pafupifupi kamodzi chaka chino. Ndipo 1 mwamabanja 4, idzachitika mobwerezabwereza. Kwenikweni, ambiri amene akuwopa kuyenda m’makwalala usiku ali pangozi yokulirapo panyumba.

Komatu ndewu m’banja siziri vuto la ku Amereka kokha. Zimachitika padziko lonse lapansi. Mwachitsanzo, m’Denmark kupha mwambanda 2 mwa 3 kulikonse kumachitikira m’banja. Kufufuza mu Afirika kumasonyeza kuti mwa kupha mwambanda konse kochitidwa m’banja kumasiyanasiyana kuyambira pa 22 kufikira 63 peresenti, zikumadalira pa dziko. Ndipo mu Latin America anthu ambiri, makamaka akazi, amaluluzidwa, kumenyedwa, kapena kuphedwa ndi amuna ankhalwe.

M’Canada akazi pafupifupi zana limodzi chaka chirichonse amaphedwa ndi amuna awo kapena otolana nawo muukwati. Mu United States, mmene muli chiŵerengero cha anthu choŵirikiza pafupifupi nthaŵi khumi kuposa cha Canada, chaka chirichonse akazi 4,000 amaphedwa ndi amuna awo ankhanza kapena mabwenzi awo achimuna. Ndiponso, chaka chirichonse ana 2,000 amaphedwa ndi makolo awo, ndipo chiŵerengero chofananacho cha makolo chimaphedwa ndi ana awo.

Chotero, kuzungulira padziko lonse, amuna amamenya akazi, akazi amakung’untha amuna, makolo amamenya ana, ana amaukira makolo, ndipo ana okhaokha amachita ndewu. “Mkwiyo ndi ndewu zochulukitsitsa zimene achikulire amakumana nazo m’miyoyo yawo zimachokera kapena kuchitikira pakati pa achibale apafupi,” likutero bukhulo When Families Fight, “ndipo mkwiyo umenewo ngwaukulu kwambiri koposa wochitika muunansi wina uliwonse.”

Banja Limenyana Nkhondo

Kuchitira nkhanza mnzawo wamuukwati: Kaŵirikaŵiri kwambiri, amuna amalingalira chikalata chaukwati monga chilolezo cha kumenya akazi awo. Pamene kuli kwakuti akazi amakung’unthadi amuna, chivulazocho kaŵirikaŵiri sichimakhala chachikulu mofanana ndi chochitidwa ndi amuna pamene amenya anzawo amuukwati. Magazini a Parents akusimba kuti: “Nkhani zochitiridwa lipoti zoposa 95 peresenti za kuchitira nkhanza [kwakukulu] mnzawo wa muukwati zimaphatikizapo mwamuna akumamenya mkazi.”

Loya wa chigawo cha New York akufotokoza kuti: “Kumenya akazi kukuchitika pamilingo yaikulu kwambiri m’chitaganya cha Amereka. FBI yayerekezera kuti . . . akazi ochuluka kufikira mamiliyoni 6 amamenyedwa chaka chirichonse.” Pamene kuli kwakuti chiŵerengero cha zochitikazo chimasiyana mogwirizana ndi maiko osiyanasiyana, malipoti akusonyeza kuti kumenyedwa kwa akazi ndi amuna kwafikira kukhala mliri wa chaola m’maiko ambiri, ngati asali maiko ochulukitsitsa.

Mu United States, kukuyerekezeredwa kuti “mmodzi mwa akazi 10 alionse adzaukiridwa kwambiri (kutibulidwa, kupondedwa chidali, kumenyedwa kapena zoipirapo) ndi mwamuna wake panthaŵi ina mkati mwa ukwati wake.” Magazini a Family Relations akufotokoza kuti, pamene nkhani zazing’ono ziphatikizidwa, “mmodzi mwa akazi aŵiri mu United States adzamenyedwapo m’banja.”

Kunena zowona, loya wa chigawo cha New York akunena kuti kwatsimikiziridwa kuti “kumenya mkazi kumachititsa zivulazo zokulirapo kwa akazi zofunikiritsa kuti aikidwe m’chipatala koposa kugwiridwa chigololo, kufwambidwa, ndi ngozi zamagalimoto zonse zitaphatikizidwa pamodzi.”

Dr. Lois G. Livezey akuti: “Nkwachiwonekere kuti kuchita ndewu ndi akazi ndi kuchita ndewu m’banja kuli kofala, ndi kuti oukirawo . . . ali anthu wamba. . . . Liri vuto lowopsa pakati pa magulu onse ndi mafuko a anthu.”

Mikholeyo panthaŵi zina imadziimba mlandu chifukwa cha nkhanzayo, zikumachititsa kudzitchipisa. Magazini a Parents akufotokoza kuti: “Mkazi amene alibe chidaliro chaumwini ndi amene amadzitchipisa amadzichititsa kukhala mkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza. . . . Mkazi wochitiridwa nkhanza woteroyo amawopa kulinganiza ndi kuchitapo kanthu modzipindulitsa.”

Ndewu m’maukwati zirinso ndi chiyambukiro chovulaza pa ana. Iwo amaphunzira kuti ndewu ingagwiritsiridwe ntchito kulamulira ena. Azimayi ena amasimbadi kuti ana awo amagwiritsira ntchito chiwopsezo pa iwo, chonga chakuti, “Ndidzauza Atate akumenyeni,” kuti apeze zimene afuna.

Kuchitira ana nkhanza: Chaka chirichonse ana mamiliyoni ambiri amayang’anizana ndi chilango chakuthupi choipitsitsa chimene chingaŵavulaze kwambiri, kuŵapundula, kapena kuŵapha. Kukuyerekezeredwa kuti pachochitika chankhanza chochitiridwa lipoti chimodzi chirichonse, zochitika zokwanira 200 sizimachitiridwa lipoti. “Kwa ana, kaŵirikaŵiri panyumba ndiwo malo owopsa koposa okhala,” likutero bukhulo Sociology of Marriage and the Family.

Profesa wa pa yunivesite John E. Bates akunena kuti nkhanza ndiyo chisonkhezero chapanyumba champhamvu kopambana choyambukira mmene mwana amadzadzisungira pambuyo pake m’moyo. Dr. Susan Forward akuti: “Ndapeza kuti palibe chochitika china cha m’moyo chimene chimaipitsa kwambiri ulemu waumwini kapena kuwapangitsa kukhala ofulumira kukhala ndi mavuto okulira amalingaliro atakula.” Zizindikiro za nkhalwe m’mikhalidwe yovuta zingawonedwe ngakhale mwa ana azaka zinayi kapena zisanu za kubadwa. Pamene akukula, ana oterowo amakhala ndi mlingo waukulu kwambiri wa kugwiritsira ntchito molakwa anamgoneka, kugwiritsira ntchito molakwa zoledzeretsa, mkhalidwe waupandu, kusokonezeka maganizo, ndi kupinimbira.

Moyenerera, ana ambiri ochitiridwa moipa amakwiyira kholo lowachitira nkhanza, koma kaŵirikaŵiri amakwiyiranso kholo losawachitira nkhanza chifukwa cha kulola chiwawacho kupitirizabe. M’maganizo mwa mwanayo, lowona zochitika losalankhula chirichonselo lingalingaliridwe kukhala logwirizana nazo.

Kuchitira nkhanza okalamba: Chiŵerengero choyerekezeredwa kukhala 15 peresenti ya okalamba a ku Canada amachitiridwa nkhanza mwakuthupi ndi mwamaganizo ndi ana awo achikulire. Dokotala wina akuneneratu kuti “mkhalidwewo ungaipirepo kokha pamene unyinji ukukalamba, ndipo mitolo yazachuma ndi yamalingaliro pa ana awo ikuwonjezereka.” Pali nkhaŵa zofananazo kuzungulira dziko lonse.

Kaŵirikaŵiritu, okalamba amanyalanyaza kuchitira lipoti kuchitiridwa nkhanzako. Iwo angakhale odalira pa wowachitira nkhanzayo ndipo chotero amasankha kupitirizabe kukhala m’mikhalidwe yoluluzikayo. “Nthaŵi yotsatira” ndilo yankho limene mkazi wina wokalamba anapereka pamene anafunsidwa kuti ndiliti pamene adzapereka mwana wake wamwamuna ndi mpongozi wake kwa olamulira. Iwo anali atammenya kwambiri kotero kuti anaikidwa m’chipatala kwamwezi umodzi.

Kuchitirana nkhanza kwa ana: Kumeneku ndiko mtundu wofala wa ndewu m’banja. Ena amaichepsa, akumati, “Ndimo mmene anyamata aliri.” Komabe, loposa theka la ana apachibale m’kufufuza kwina anachita zinthu zimene zikanakhala zowopsa kwambiri zofunikiritsa kuzengedwa mlandu ngati michitidweyo ikanachitidwira winawake kunja kwa banjalo.

Ambiri amalingalira kuti kuchitirana nkhanza kwa ana apaubale kumaphunzitsa chitsanzo chimene chimapitirizabe kufikira kuuchikulire. Mwa ena chingakhale chochititsa chachikulu koposa cha kuchitirana nkhanza muukwati koposa kukhala kwawo atawona ndewu pakati pa makolo awo.

Bwalo Lankhondo Lowopsa

Wofufuza milandu panthaŵi ina anayerekezera kuti apolisi anaitanidwa kukathetsa ndewu m’banja mwakaŵirikaŵiri kwambiri koposa zochitika zaupandu zina zonse zitaphatikizidwa pamodzi. Iye ananenanso kuti apolisi owonjezereka anaphedwa polabadira ziitano za kukathandiza mavuto abanja koposa poyankha mtundu wina uliwonse wa kuitanidwa. “Kwakukulukulu ponena za uchifwamba umadziŵa zoti ukonzekerere,” anatero wapolisi wina. “Koma kuloŵa m’nyumba ya munthu wina . . . Sumadziŵa zomwe zidzakuchitikira.”

Pambuyo pa kupenda kwakukulu ndewu m’banja, kagulu kena kofufuza mu Amereka kanagamula kuti, kusiyapo ankhondo m’nthaŵi yankhondo, banja ndilo kagulu ka anthu kandewu kwambiri koposa onse.

Kodi chimachititsa ndewu m’banja nchiyani? Kodi zidzatha konse? Kodi zikulungamitsidwa konse? Nkhani yotsatira idzapenda mafunso amenewa.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 4]

“Kumenya akazi kukuchitika pamilingo yaikulu kwambiri m’Chitaganya cha Amereka.”—Loya wa chigawo

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 5]

“Kwa ana, kaŵirikaŵiri panyumba ndiwo malo owopsa koposa okhala.”—Sociology of Marriage and the Family