Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Aliyense Akuloŵa mu Ukwati Kusiyapo Ine?

“Bwenzi ndikukwatiwa. Ndikanakondwa.”—Cheryl.a

KULI kwachibadwa kufuna kuloŵa mu ukwati. Mulungu anaika chikoka chachibadwa pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi. Ndipo anakhazikitsa ukwati monga chigwirizano chachikhalire pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi.—Genesis 1:27, 28; 2:21-24.

Motero, sikwachilendo kuti, mungataye mtima kapena ngakhale kuganiza kuti mwatsala nokha ngati simuli mu ukwati—makamaka ngati anzanu ambiri aloŵa kale mu ukwati. Anzanu amene amakufunirani zabwino angawonjezere nkhaŵa. “Ndine mbeta ya zaka 24, ndipo sindili pachibwenzi ndi aliyense pakali pano,” akutero Tina. “Aliyense akuoneka kuti akudera nkhaŵa kwenikweni kuti sindili wokwatiwa kwakuti ndayamba kuvutika nazo zimenezo. Akundichititsa kumva ngati mkazi wopyola pa zaka zokhoza kuloŵa mu ukwati kapena ngati kuti pali kanthu kena kake kolakwika ndi ine.”

Kwa ena umbeta ungayambe kuoneka ngati khoma, chopinga chosagonjetseka, chimene chimawatsekereza chimwemwe chawo. Chaka chilichonse chikapita, kumaoneka ngati kuti mzere umodzi wa njerwa wawonjezedwa pamwamba pa khomalo. Wachichepere angayambe kuona ngati kuti sali wokongola kapena wofunika. Mtsikana wina wotchedwa Rosanna ku Italy akunena kuti: “Kaŵirikaŵiri ndimasungulumwa ndi kudzimva wopanda pake; ndiyesa ndilibe mwaŵi wa kukwatiwa.” Nawo anyamata angakhale ndi malingaliro amodzimodziwo. Frank, mwachitsanzo, anayamba kuona kuti anzake onse anakhala okondweretsa ndi odziŵa zinthu pambuyo pa kukwatira. Anayamba kulingalira ngati ukwati ukhoza kuchita chimodzimodzi kwa iye.

Kodi mumalingalira m’njira imodzimodziyo? Ngati ndinu mbeta, kodi nthaŵi zina mumalingalira kuti pali kanthu kenakake kolakwika ndi inu kapena kuti mungakhale paumbeta kwa moyo wanu wonse?

Ukwati—Nthanthi ndi Choonadi Chake

Choyamba, tiyeni tipende chikhulupiriro chofala chakuti munthu akaloŵa mu ukwati basi khomo la kuchimwemwe limatseguka. Nzoona kuti ukwati ungathe ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri umawonjezera chimwemwe cha munthu. Komabe, kungoloŵa mu ukwati chabe sikumachititsa wina kukhala wachimwemwe. Ngakhale maukwati opambana koposa amadzetsa ‘chisautso chinachake m’thupi’. (1 Akorinto 7:28) Chimwemwe cha mu ukwati chimadza kokha ngati pali kudzimana kosalekeza ndi kuyesayesa kolimba. Mokondweretsa, munthu wamkulu koposa onse amene anakhalako, Yesu Kristu, anali mbeta. Kodi pali amene anganene kuti sanali wachimwemwe? Kutalitali! Chimwemwe chake chinadza ndi kuchita chifuniro cha Yehova.—Yohane 4:34.

Nthanthi ina ndiyo yakuti ukwati ndiwo mankhwala otsimikizirika a kusungulumwa. Limenelo ndilo bodza! Mwamuna wina Wachikristu wokwatira anadandaula kuti: “Mkazi wanga sanasonyezepo chidaliro mwa ine kapena kukambitsiranapo zinthu zanzeru ndi ine, sanayesepo!” Mofananamo akazi ena Achikristu adandaula kuti amuna awo amalephera kulankhulana nawo kapena kuti amaika nzeru zawo pa ntchito zawo kapena pa mabwenzi awo kuposa iwo. Mwachisoni, kukhala mu ukwati koma wosungulumwa kuli kofala kwambiri.

Ndiyeno pali awo amene amaona ukwati kukhala pothaŵirapo mavuto a banja. Mtsikana wina wokwatiwa akunena kuti: “Ndiganiza makolo anga anafunikira kundipatsa mpata wakukula. Koma sanandilole kukhala ndi bwenzi lachimuna kapena kupita kokacheza . . . Makolo anga akanandipatsa mpata, ndiganiza kuti sindikanakwatiwa ndi zaka 16. Koma ndinafuna kuwasonyeza kuti ndinali wamkulu.”

Mungaganize kuti moyo panyumba ndi womangika kwambiri. Koma ukwati umadzetsa mathayo amene angachepetse kwambiri ufulu wanu. Talingalirani zimene zimafunika pogwira ntchito, kulipira ngongole, kukonza nyumba ndi galimoto, kuphika, kuyeretsa, kuchapa zovala, kapena ngakhale kulera ana! (Miyambo 31:10-31; Aefeso 6:4; 1 Timoteo 5:8) Achichepere ambiri amazunguzika mutu pamene akumana ndi mathayo ameneŵa a anthu achikulire.

Ena amakhulupiriranso kuti ukwati ndiwo mfungulo ya kutchuka. Koma palibe chitsimikizo chakuti ena adzafunitsitsa kukhala pamodzi ndi inu—kapena ndi mnzanu—kokha chifukwa chakuti muli mu ukwati. Anthu adzakukondani ngati ndinu wokoma mtima, wopatsa, ndi wosadzikonda, kaya muli mu ukwati kapena ayi. (Miyambo 11:25) Ndipo ngakhale kuti kukhala okwatirana kumakuchititsani kugwirizana mosavuta ndi mabwenzi anu okwatirana, mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ayenera kukumbukira kuti ali “thupi limodzi.” (Genesis 2:24) Nkhaŵa yawo yaikulu iyenera kukhala mmene amakhalira ogwirizana wina ndi mnzake—osati ndi anzawo.

Wokonzekera Ukwati?

Zoonadi, ngakhale kuti mukuona ubwino wa nsongazi, mungalefulidwebe nthaŵi zina. Mwambi wina wakale unati: “Chiyembekezo chozengereza chidwalitsa mtima.” (Miyambo 13:12) Mwachitsanzo, Tony wachichepere anatsala pang’ono kutaya mtima chifukwa chakuti anali mbeta. Anayamba kuganiza kuti anali wokonzeka kukwatira aliyense. Mtsikana wina wotchedwa Sandra mofananamo analefulidwa nthaŵi zonse pamene anamva za kuyambika kwa unansi wachikondi; ankalingalira za pamene nthaŵi yake idzafika.

Musanataye mtima, dzifunseni kuti, ‘Kodi ndilidi wokonzekera kuloŵa mu ukwati?’ Kunena zoona, ngati ndinu wachichepere, yankho lanu lingakhale ayi wotsimikiza! Ku United States, maukwati ambiri a achichepere amalephera mkati mwa zaka zisanu.b Indedi, achichepere ena amakhala okhwima kuposa zaka zawo mwapadera ndi kukhoza kukhala ndi maukwati achipambano. Koma zimenezo sizimatanthauza kuti inu muyenera kuloŵa mu ukwati. Kodi moona mtima mwalingalirapo ndi kuona kaya ndinu wokonzekera kutenga mathayo a mu ukwati?

Kudzipenda koona mtima kungavumbule zambiri. Mwachitsanzo, kodi ndinu wokhwima ndi wathayo motani? Kodi mumakhoza kusunga ndalama, kapena kodi mumaziwononga mutangozilandira? Kodi mumalipira ngongole zanu panthaŵi yake? Kodi mukhoza kusunga ntchito kapena kuyang’anira nyumba? Kodi mumagwirizana ndi ena, onga ngati antchito anzanu ndi makolo, kapena kodi mumakangana nawo nthaŵi zonse? Ngati zili choncho, mungapeze kuti kukhala ndi mnzanu wa mu ukwati kudzakhala kovuta kwambiri.

Ngati mukali wachichepere, mungapeze kuti mukufunikabe zaka zina zingapo zachidziŵitso kuti mukhale wokhwima ndi wokhazikika bwino, zinthu zofunika kuti mukhale mwamuna kapena mkazi wabwino. Kuzindikira choonadi chimenechi kungakuthandizeni kusintha ziyembekezo zanu ndi kuona ukwati kukhala chinthu chamtsogolo. Zimenezi zingakuthandizeni kukhala “wokhazikika mumtima” kwambiri ponena za umbeta wanu, makamaka panthaŵi ino.—1 Akorinto 7:37.

Kukonzekera Bwino

Bwanji nanga ngati mukhulupirira kuti mwapyola pa “unamwali” ndipo mukulingalira kuti muli wokonzeka kuloŵa mu ukwati? Zingakhale zolefula ngati amene mungakwatirane nawo ngochepa kapena ngati nthaŵi zonse mumakanidwa mutafunsira wina wake. Koma kodi zimenezi zimatanthauza kuti simuoneka bwino? Ayi. Mfumu Solomo sanapambane mpang’ono pomwe poyesayesa kuyanjidwa ndi mtsikana amene anakonda—ndipo iye anali mmodzi wa anthu achuma kwambiri, anzeru koposa amene anakhalako! Vuto lake? Mtima wa mtsikanayo sunamkonde. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 2:7) M’njira imodzimodziyo, zingakhale kuti simunakumanebe ndi munthu amene mungayenereranedi naye.

Kodi mukulingalira kuti sindinu wokongola kwakuti nkukopa aliyense? Zoona, kukongola kuli ndi ubwino wake, koma sindiko chinthu chachikulu koposa. Pamene mulingalira za okwatirana amene mumadziŵa, kodi si zoona kuti pali anthu a utali, kaimidwe ka thupi, ndi kukongola kosiyanasiyana? Ndiponso, munthu amene alidi woopa Mulungu adzayang’ana kwenikweni pa zimene inu muli mkati, ‘m’munthu wobisika wa mtima.’—1 Petro 3:4.

Zoonadi, simuyenera kunyalanyaza kaonekedwe kanu kakunja; kuli bwino kudzikonza kuti muzioneka bwino. Mavalidwe ndi mapesedwe osaoneka bwino angachititse ena kukhala ndi chithunzi cholakwika ponena za inu.c Ndiponso, kusakhala ndi maluso a kulankhula bwino kapena zifooko zina mu umunthu wanu zingachititse ena kusakukondani asanakudziŵeni. Mnzanu wokhwima kapena kholo angathe kukuuzani ngati masinthidwe ochepa pa zinthu zimenezi ngofunika. Choonadi chingakhale chopweteka, koma kuchivomereza kungakuthandizeni kupanga masinthidwe ndi kukhala wokhumbika kwa ena.—Miyambo 27:6.

Komabe, kwakukulukulu, mtengo wanu, kapena kufunika kwanu monga munthu sikumayesedwa ndi kuti kaya muli mu ukwati kapena ayi. Chofunika koposa ndicho mmene Mulungu amakuonerani, ndipo “ayang’ana mumtima.” (1 Samueli 16:7) Motero muyenera kusumika nkhaŵa yanu yaikulu pa kupeza chiyanjo cha Yehova osati pa kuloŵa mu ukwati. Motero yesani kusalola chachiŵiricho kulamulira malingaliro ndi nkhani zanu. Samalani mayanjano anu, nyimbo, ndi zosangulutsa.

Zoona, chikhumbo cha kuloŵa mu ukwati sichingathe, koma musataye mtima. Khalani woleza mtima. (Mlaliki 7:8) M’malo moona umbeta wanu monga temberero, gwiritsirani ntchito bwino ufulu umene umbeta umapereka ndi mipata ya kutumikira Mulungu popanda zocheukitsa. (1 Akorinto 7:33-35, 38) Ukwati ungabwere panthaŵi yake—mwinamwake posachedwapa kuposa mmene muganizira.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 31]

Nkosavuta kuganiza kuti mwatsala nokha pamene mabwenzi anu akuloŵa mu ukwati