Chinsinsi cha Banja Losangalala
Zimene Mungachite Kuti Mukhale Wosangalala M’chaka Choyamba cha Ukwati
Mwamuna: “Ndikudabwa kuti ine ndi mkazi wanga timachita zinthu zosiyana kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, ine ndimakonda kudzuka m’mawa kwambiri, pomwe iye amakonda kudzuka mochedwa. Ine ndimakonda kugona mwamsanga, pomwe iye amakonda kugona mochedwa. Komanso ndimadabwa kwambiri kuti nthawi zina amakhala wosangalala kenako amasintha mwadzidzidzi n’kukwiya kapena kukhumudwa. Komanso chinthu china, ngati ndikuphika ndine chakudya, iye amangodandaula ndi zimene ndikuchita, makamaka ndikapukutira m’manja kansalu kopukutira mbale.”
Mkazi: “Mwamuna wanga sakonda kulankhula. Koma ineyo ndinazolowera zimene tinkachita kwathu. Tinkakonda kucheza kwambiri makamaka panthawi ya chakudya. Komanso mwamuna wanga akamaphika, amapukutira m’manja kansalu kopukutira mbale. Zimenezi zimandikwiyitsa kwabasi. Kodi amuna anakhala bwanji? Kodi munthu angatani kuti zinthu ziziyenda bwino m’banja?”
NGATI inunso mwangokwatirana kumene, kodi mukukumana ndi mavuto ngati amenewa? Kodi mwina mukuona kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu mwadzidzidzi wayamba kuchita zinthu zinazake zosasangalatsa, zimene sankachita panthawi imene munali pa chibwenzi? Kodi mungatani kuti muchepetse “mavuto a tsiku ndi tsiku amene anthu amakumana nawo m’banja”?—1 Akorinto 7:28, Today’s English Version.
Choyamba, musaganize kuti inuyo ndi mnzanuyo popeza munalumbira kuti mudzakhala m’banja moyo wanu wonse ndiye kuti mwakhala akatswiri pa nkhani za m’banja. Mwina musanalowe m’banja munaphunzira mfundo zina ndi zina zokuthandizani kukhala bwino ndi anthu ndipo n’kutheka kuti munaphunziranso zambiri pamene munali pa chibwenzi. Koma tsopano pamene mwalowa m’banja, ndi pamene zimaoneka kuti munaphunziradi zenizeni. Komanso mwina mungafunike kuphunzira zinthu zinanso zowonjezera kuti banja lanu liziyenda bwino. Koma kodi mukachita zimenezi ndiye kuti simudzalakwitsa kalikonse? Ayi. Nanga kodi n’zotheka kuphunzira mfundo zothandiza kuti banja lanu liziyenda bwino? Inde.
Kuti munthu adziwe zambiri pa nkhani inayake, ayenera kufunsa katswiri wa nkhani imeneyo. Kenako ayenera kutsatira zimene katswiriyo wanena. Katswiri wamkulu pa nkhani za m’banja ndi Yehova Mulungu. Zili choncho chifukwa chakuti iyeyo ndi amene anatilenga ndi chikhumbo chofuna kukwatira kapena kukwatiwa. (Genesis 2:22-24) M’munsimu muwerenga mmene Mawu ake, Baibulo, angakuthandizireni kuthetsa mavuto ndiponso kuphunzira zinthu zimene zingathandize kuti banja lanu lisadzathe.
CHOYAMBA: MUZIKAMBIRANA
Zimene zingayambitse mavuto.
Keijia ndi mwamuna wokwatira wa ku Japan. Nthawi zina iye ankaiwala kuti zimene wasankha kuchita zimakhudzanso mkazi wake. Iye ananena kuti: “Anthu ena akatiitanira kunyumba kwawo, ndinkangovomera ndisanafunse kaye mkazi wanga. Kenako ndinkazindikira kuti kwa mkazi wanga, imeneyo sinali nthawi yabwino.” Nayenso Allen amene ndi mwamuna wokwatira wa ku Australia ananena kuti: “Ndinali kuona kuti monga mwamuna, sindiyenera kuyamba ndakambirana kaye ndi mkazi wanga pa zinthu zina.” Iye ankachita zimenezi chifukwa cha mmene anakulira. N’chimodzimodzinso ndi Dianne, wa ku Britain. Iye anati: “Nthawi zambiri ndikafuna kuchita zinthu zinazake ndinkafunsa makolo kapena abale anga. Choncho, titangokwatirana kumene ndinkafunsabe iwowo m’malo mofunsa mwamuna wanga.”
Zimene zingathandize.
Kumbukirani kuti Yehova Mulungu amaona kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ndi “thupi limodzi.” (Mateyo 19:3-6) Kwa iye, ubale umene uli pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ndi wofunika kwambiri kuposa ubale wawo ndi munthu wina aliyense. Kuti ubale umenewu ukhalebe wolimba, mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ayenera kumakambirana momasuka.
Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake angaphunzire zambiri mwa kuona mmene Yehova Mulungu analankhulira ndi Abulahamu. Mwachitsanzo, werengani nkhani imene ili pa Genesis 18:17-33. Onani kuti Mulungu analemekeza Abulahamu m’njira zitatu. (1) Yehova anafotokoza zimene ankafuna kuchita. (2) Anamvetsera pamene Abulahamu anali kufotokoza maganizo ake. (3) Mogwirizana ndi zimene Abulahamu anapempha, Yehova anasintha moyenerera zimene ankafuna kuchita. Kodi inuyo mungatsatire bwanji zimene Yehova anachitazi pamene mukukambirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu?
TAYESANI IZI: Pokambirana nkhani zimene zingakhudze mnzanuyo, (1) fotokozani zimene mukufuna kuchita, koma muzinene ngati maganizo chabe, osati molamula kapena moopseza, (2) pemphani mnzanuyo kunenapo maganizo ake ngakhale ngati maganizo akewo angakhale osiyana ndi anu, ndiponso (3) “kulolera kwanu kudziwike” mwa kutsatira zimene mnzanuyo akufuna, ngati n’zotheka.—Afilipi 4:5.
CHACHIWIRI: MUZILANKHULA MOGANIZIRANA
Zimene zingayambitse mavuto.
Mwina chifukwa cha kumene mumachokera kapena mmene munakulira, mungakhale ndi chizolowezi cholankhula molamula kapenanso mokhadzula. Mwachitsanzo, Liam, wa ku Ulaya ananena kuti: “Kwathu anthu amangolankhula mosaganizirana. Nthawi zambiri mkazi wanga ankakhumudwa chifukwa choti ndinkamulankhula mokhadzula. Choncho ndinayesetsa kuti ndiphunzire kulankhula modekha.”
Zimene zingathandize.
Musaganize kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amasangalala mukamamulankhula ngati mmene munkalankhulirana kwanu musanalowe m’banja. (Afilipi 2:3, 4) Malangizo amene mtumwi Paulo anapatsa mmishonale wina angathandizenso anthu amene angokwatirana kumene. Iye analemba kuti: “Kapolo wa Ambuye sayenera kukangana ndi anthu, koma ayenera kukhala wodekha.” (2 Timoteyo 2:24) Mawu achigiriki amene anamasuliridwa kuti “wodekha” tikhoza kuwamasuliranso kuti “woganizira ena.” Munthu amene amaganizira ena amatha kuona zimene zingawakhumudwitse ndipo amachita zinthu mwaulemu komanso mokoma mtima.
TAYESANI IZI: Mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akakukwiyitsani, m’malo momulankhula ngati mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu, yerekezerani kuti mukulankhula ndi mnzanu wapamtima kapena bwana wanu. Ngakhale mutakwiya, kodi mungalankhule naye ngati mmene mukulankhulira panopa? Mukhoza kuona kuti pali zifukwa zabwino kwambiri zimene muyenera kulankhulira mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu mwaulemu ndiponso momuganizira kwambiri kuposanso mnzanu kapena bwana wanu.—Akolose 4:6.
CHACHITATU: YESETSANI KUKWANIRITSA UDINDO WANU WATSOPANO
Zimene zingayambitse mavuto.
Poyamba, mwamuna angalakwitse zina ndi zina poyesa kukwaniritsa udindo wake monga mutu wa banja. Nayenso mkazi zingamutengere nthawi kuti azolowere kunena maganizo ake mwaulemu. Mwachitsanzo Antonio, amene ndi mwamuna wokwatira wa ku Italy, ananena kuti: “Bambo anga sankakambirana ndi amayi akafuna kusankha zochita zokhudza banja lathu. N’chifukwa chake nditangokwatira kumene ndinali kulamulira banja langa ngati mfumu.” Nayenso Debbie amene ndi mkazi wokwatiwa wa ku Canada ananena kuti: “Ndinkauza mwamuna wanga kuti azikhala waukhondo, koma iye sankafuna kusintha chifukwa sindinkamuuza mwaulemu.”
Zimene mwamuna angachite kuti athetse vutoli.
Amuna ena okwatira amaganiza kuti zimene Baibulo limanena zokhudza kugonjera kwa mkazi wokwatiwa ndi zofanana ndi zimene Baibulo limanena kuti ana makolo. (Akolose 3:20; 1 Petulo 3:1) Komabe, Baibulo limanena kuti mwamuna “adzaphatikana ndi mkazi wake, ndipo awiriwo adzakhala thupi limodzi.” (Mateyo 19:5) Koma silinena kuti kholo ndi mwana amakhala thupi limodzi. Yehova ananena kuti mkazi ndi wothandiza mwamuna, kapena kuti mnzake weniweni wochita naye zinthu limodzi. (Genesis 2:18) Mulungu sananene kuti mwana ndi kholo lake amakhala pa ubale ngati umenewu. Choncho ngati mwamuna amatenga mkazi wake ngati mwana, ndiye kuti akulemekeza dongosolo la ukwati?
Mawu a Mulungu amalimbikitsa amuna kuti azisamalira akazi awo ngati mmene Yesu amasamalilira mpingo wachikhristu. Mungachite zinthu zothandiza mkazi wanu kuti asamavutike kukugonjerani monga mutu wa banja ngati (1) simuyembekezera kuti mkazi wanu adzangofikira kuzolowera kukugonjerani, ndiponso (2) mumamukonda ngati mmene mumakondera thupi lanu, ngakhale pa mavuto.—Aefeso 5:25-29.
Zimene mkazi angachite kuti athetse vutoli.
Muzikumbukira kuti mwamuna wanu ndiye mutu wa banja wosankhidwa ndi Mulungu. (1 Akorinto 11:3) Choncho, mukamalemekeza mwamuna wanu ndiye kuti mukulemekeza Mulungu. Koma ngati simufuna kugonjera mwamuna wanu, ndiye kuti mumasonyeza mmene mumamuonera ndiponso mmene mumaonera Mulungu ndi malamulo ake.—Akolose 3:18.
Pokambirana mavuto ena, m’malo moimba mlandu mwamuna wanu, muzikambirana zimene mungachite kuti muthetse mavutowo. Mwachitsanzo, Mfumukazi Estere ankafuna mwamuna wake, Mfumu Ahaswero, kuti athetse zinthu zinazake zopanda chilungamo. M’malo momuimba mlandu mwamuna wake, Estere anafotokoza maganizo ake mwaulemu. Mwamuna wakeyo anavomereza maganizo akewo ndipo pa mapeto pake anachitapo kanthu. (Estere 7:1-4; 8:3-8) Mwamuna wanu sizingamuvute kukukondani kwambiri ngati (1) mumamulezera mtima pamene akuzolowera kukhala mutu wa banja, ndipo (2) mumamulemekeza ngakhale alakwitse zinthu zina.—Aefeso 5:33.
TAYESANI IZI: M’malo moganizira zimene mnzanu ayenera kusintha, ganizirani zimene inuyo muyenera kusintha. Amuna tayesani izi: Ngati mkazi wanu wakhumudwa ndi mmene mukuchitira zinthu monga mutu wa banja, m’pempheni kuti akuuzeni zimene mufunika kusintha kuti mukhale mutu wabwino, ndipo lembani zimene wakuuzanizo. Akazi yesani izi: Ngati mwamuna wanu akuona kuti simukumulemekeza, m’pempheni kuti akuuzeni zimene mufunika kusintha ndipo nthawi zonse muzikumbukira zimene wakuuzanizo.
Musamayembekeze Kuti Zinthu Ziziyenda Bwino Nthawi Zonse
Munthu amene akuphunzira kuchita zinthu zimene zingathandize kuti azikhala ndi banja losangalala ali ngati munthu amene akuphunzira kukwera njinga. Amadziwa kuti nthawi zina akhoza kugwa pamene akuyesetsa kuti aidziwe bwino. Inunso muyenera kudziwa kuti muzilakwitsa zina ndi zina pamene mukuzolowera moyo wapabanja.
Musamakhumudwe msanga mukalakwitsa zinthu, m’malomwake muzingozinyalanyaza. Komabe, musanyalanyaze maganizo a mnzanuyo komanso zinthu zimene zimamudetsa nkhawa. Yesetsani kumachita zinthu zosangalatsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu m’chaka choyamba cha ukwati wanu. (Deuteronomo 24:5) Chofunika kwambiri ndi chakuti muzitsatira Mawu a Mulungu m’banja lanu. Mukachita zimenezi, banja lanu lidzakhala lolimba mpaka kalekale.
a Tasintha mayina ena.
DZIFUNSENI KUTI . . .
Kodi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanga ndi amene ndimamasuka naye kumuuza zakukhosi, kapena kodi ndimamasukira anthu ena?
Kodi lero ndachita chiyani chosonyeza kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanga ndimamukonda ndi kumulemekeza?