Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingapeŵe Motani Kupweteka kwa Kutyasira?

“KODI ndiwe wotani? Kodi ndiwe wouma mtima choncho eti?” Pokhala wopwetekedwa mtima ndi wothedwa nzeru, Michelle akufunsa chifukwa chimene Eduard anampangitsira kukhulupirira kuti adamkonda. Pambuyo posonyeza chisamaliro chomkonda, kodi iye tsopano anganene bwanji kuti safuna kumtomera? Eduard akunena kuti iye sanali ncholinga chompweteka maganizo, koma Michelle sanamve zimenezo. Kwa iye, Eduard ali wotyasira wankhalwe kwenikweni.

Kutyasira kumatanthauza kuchita mosonyeza chikondi chopanda cholinga chenicheni. Kuchita motero kuli kovulaza kwenikweni, ngakhale ngati kuchitidwa ndi achichepere akusukulu amene amangofuna kukhumbiridwa kapena kusonyeza kunyada kwawo. Ndipo pamene anthu achikulire pang’ono amsinkhu wokhoza kukwatira ayesa malingaliro a ena, zikhoza kuchititsa kupwetekedwa ndi kusweka mtima.

Otyasira ena amakhumudwitsa anzawo mwadala, ngakhale mwanjiru, kumavutitsa malingaliro a anthu opanda liŵongo. Komabe, ambiri ochita zimenezi amatero chifukwa chosadziŵa mochitira zinthu osati njiru ayi. Kaŵirikaŵiri amuna ndi akazi achichepere samadziŵa mmene machitidwe awo amakhudzira malingaliro a ena. Kapena iwo angapusitsidwe ndi ‘mitima yawo yonyenga’ ndikuyesa kulungamitsa kudzisungira kwawo kotyasira.—Yeremiya 17:9.

Lingalirani nkhani ya Eduard ndi Michelle. Kuchiyambi kwa unansi wawo, Eduard anafotokoza mosamalitsa kwa Michelle kuti ngakhale kuti anamkonda monga bwenzi, iye sanali ncholinga chokulitsa nkhaniyo. Chikhalirechobe, iye ankapita naye kokayenda ndi kuchita naye zinthu, kulankhula naye pa lamya, kupatsana mphatso. Ngakhale kumagwirana naye m’manja. Komabe, Eduard analingalira kuti, malinga ngati sanamtomere msungwanayo, iye analibe thayo lirilonse. Chifukwa chake iye anadabwa nasoŵa chonena pamene Michelle anamuuza za chikondi chake chachikulu pa iye.

Komabe, nzowonekeratu kuti Eduard analola mtima wake kumnyenga. Kodi ndimotani mmene mungapeŵere kupanga cholakwa chofananacho? Ndipo kodi pali njira iriyonse yopeŵera kupwetekedwa ndi wotyasira?

Kutyasira Kumapwetekanso Wotyasirayo

Choyamba, muyenera kuzindikira kuti kuchitira wina monga ngati mufuna kumkwatira pamene simukutero nkunama kwenikweni. Wotyasira amakhala ndi miyezo iŵiri yamkhalidwe yadyera. Iye amayembekezera ena kukhala owona mtima ndi zolinga zawo kwa iye, koma iye amawachitira mosiyana. Iye ali ngati wamalonda wosimbidwa m’Baibulo amene anali ndi “miyeso yosiyana”—wina wowona, ndi winawo wonyengera akasitoma ake. Kuchita mwachinyengo koteroko kunali ndipo kuli ‘konyansa’ kwa Yehova. (Miyambo 12:22; 20:23) Kungawonongenso mbiri yanu kwa ena.

Mkonzi Kathy McCoy anachenjezanso m’nkhani ya m’magazini a Seventeen kuti kutyasira “kungawononge luso lanu lakugaŵana, ndipo kungalepheretse kukondana. M’kupita kwanthaŵi, kutyasira kopanda kulingalirana kungakhale kogwiritsa mwala.”

Mmene Mungapeŵere Kukhala Wotyasira

Chotero muyenera kusanthula cholinga chanu pamene mukhala ndi chisonkhezero chakusonyeza chikondwerero kwa wosiyana naye ziŵalo. Kodi cholinga chanu chiridi ukwati? Ngati ayi, kodi nkuperekeranji chisamaliro chopambanitsa kwa munthuyo? Ndipo ngati mukufuna ukwati, muyenerabe kudziletsa kuti mukhale wokomera, wowona, ndi wolunjika m’zochita zanu. Baibulo limalongosola unansi wabwino pakati pa mbusa wachinyamata ndi msungwana. Panalibe kukaikirana kapena kusakhulupirirana pakati pawo; iwo anali owona mtima ndi omasuka pouzana malingaliro awo.—Nyimbo ya Solomo 2:16.

Kutsatira malamulo amakhalidwe abwino oterowo kumabalanso zipatso zabwino lerolino. Juan ndi Anaeli akhala muukwati wawo kwa zaka zoposa ziŵiri tsopano. Juan akuti: “Pali chinthu chimodzi chimene chatithandiza kwambiri kukhala ndi chimwemwe chenicheni. Mwachidule, KUWONA MTIMA.” Kukhalirana owona mtima kunawathandiza kuyala maziko olimba omangapo chikondi. Leo Buscaglia anati m’bukhu lake lakuti Loving Each Other—The Challenge of Human Relationships: “Sitiyenera kudziika paupandu wakuloŵa muunansi wozikidwa pa mabodza, ngakhale ochitira zabwino. . . . Zowona zokha nzimene zingatibweretsere chidaliro chofunika muunansi wokhalitsa.” Baibulo linagwirizanitsa kalelo kuwona mtima ndi chikondi mwakunena kuti: ‘ [Kunena, NW] zowona mwa chikondi tikakule m’zinthu zonse.’—Aefeso 4:15; yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 3:3.

Ndithudi, ngakhale amene amayesayesa kukhala wowona mtima ndi wolingalira angaloŵe unansi wosaphula kanthu. Chinthu chofunika kuchita ndicho kukambitsirana mowona mtima, ndipo ngati kuli kofunika, uthetseni unansiwo.a Erik, anapalana chibwenzi ndi Ingrid kwa nthaŵi yoposa chaka chimodzi asanazindikire kuti iwo sakatha kukwatirana. Mmalo motchula malingaliro ake mwachindunji, iye anayesa kuthetsa unansiwo mwapang’onopang’ono. Pamene cholinga cha msungwanayo chinadziŵika pomalizira pake, Ingrid anadzuma kuti: “Nthaŵi yonseyi ndinkamyembekezera kuti aganize bwino, komano iye akundiuza malingaliro ake ondidabwitsa!” Kuli kukoma mtima kolakwika ngati wina asonyeza chikondi chopanda chiyembekezo. Ndipo mungawonedwe kukhala wotyasira.

Komabe, kaŵirikaŵiri kuyambika kwa chikondi chosagwira ntchito ndi kusamvana kungachinjirizidwe mwakugwiritsira ntchito uphungu wa Baibulo: ‘Munthu asafune zake za iye yekha, koma za mnzake.’ (1 Akorinto 10:24) Monga momwe wolemba nkhani Kathy McCoy ananenera kuti: “Chenjerani ndipo asamalireni malingaliro amene mumadzutsa mwa ena.” Inde, gwiritsirani ntchito Lamulo Lamakhalidwe Abwino muunansi wanu ndipo “nthaŵi zonse chitirani ena mmene mukafunira iwo kukuchitirani.” (Mateyu 7:12, The New English Bible) Kumbukirani kuti anthu ena alinso ndi malingaliro. Peŵani kupereka chithunzi cholakwika mmalo moloza chala ena kaamba kosakumvetsetsani.

Musapwetekedwe ndi Wotyasira!

Komabe, kodi ndimotani mmene mungapeŵere kupwetekedwa? Choyamba, peŵani kulabadira mopambanitsa ku chisamaliro choperekedwa ndi wosiyana naye ziŵalo. Musagamule kuti kumwetulira kwabwino kulikonse kumatanthauza chikondi pa inu.

Achikulire pang’ono ena amapanganso cholakwa chakukondana kwambiri mofulumira. Jonathan anakondana ndi Deborah ngakhale kuti msungwanayo anali ndi chizoloŵezi chakutyasira ndi amuna ena. Posapita nthaŵi anatomerana. Kenako, mwadzidzidzi ndipo popanda chifukwa choperekedwa, Deborah anathetsa unansi wawo. Monamizira kusavutika mtima, Jonathan anayesayesa kubisa kukhumudwa kwake, mwakunena kuti: “Ndiribe naye kanthu. Ndimangofuna kuseka naye basi!” Komanso iye nkugwira kumaso ndi kuyamba kulira. Bwanji nanga Deborah? Iye anatomeredwanso kaŵiri, namakuthetsa konseko mwanjira yofananayo.

Pamene kuli kowonekeratu kuti Deborah ndiye anali wolakwa kwambiri, Jonathan sanali wopanda liŵongo kotheratu. Choyamba, Jonathan iyemwini anali wotyasira wodziŵika bwino. Iye motero anakumana nazo zonenedwa m’lamulo lamakhalidwe abwino lakuti: ‘Umatuta chimene uchifesa.’ (Agalatiya 6:7) Musapange cholakwa chofananacho. Popeza kuti otyasira amakonda kukopa otyasira anzawo, mwachiwonekere mudzapeŵa kupwetekedwa ngati nthaŵi zonse mumachita mwaulemu ndi wosiyana naye ziŵalo.

Jonathan analepheranso kusonyeza nzeru ndi kulingalira kwabwino. Miyambo 14:15 imati ‘wochenjera asamalira mayendedwe ake.’ M’mawu ena, dziŵani zoloŵetsedwamo musanachitepo kanthu. Musanadziloŵetse m’kukondana ndi wina, funsani achikulire ofikapo, kaya munthuyo ali ndi mbiri yabwino kapena ayi. (Yerekezerani ndi Machitidwe 16:2.) Jonathan akanachita zimenezo, akanadziŵa kuti Deborah anadziŵika kukhala wodzigangira kwambiri m’kuchita kwake ndi mabwenzi.

Chomalizira, dziŵani kusiyana kokhala pakati pa chikondi ndi kutengeka maganizo. Deborah anali wachimasomaso, wokopeka mosavuta ndi amuna achichepere ena. Izi zinayenera kudziŵitsa Jonathan kuti chikondwerero chake mwa iye chinali chakanthaŵi. Chikondi chenicheni chiribe chimasomaso.—Yerekezerani ndi Nyimbo ya Solomo 8:6.

Kuthetsa Kupwetekako

Kungakhale kuti zovuta za apa ndi apo panjira yomkira ku chikondi chenicheni nzosapeŵeka. Koma ngati mwapwetekedwa maganizo ndi wotyasira, musataye chiyembekezo m’moyo wanu. Michelle (wotchulidwa poyambapo) sanafune kukhala ndi mzimu wachidani ndi wolipsira. M’malo mopitiriza ndi chikondi cha mbali imodzi pa Eduard, iye anapitiriza ndi moyo wake ndipo wakhala akupeza mwaŵi wochuluka muutumiki Wachikristu. Posachedwapa, iye anatomeredwa ndi mwamuna wachichepere wabwino.

Kufikira pamene muloŵa muukwati, sungani ulemu wanu. Simufunikira kutyasira kapena kupalana chibwenzi ndi wotyasira kuti mudziŵe ponena za wosiyana naye ziŵalo kapena kuti mupeze chikondi chenicheni. Peŵani kotheratu osiyana nawo ziŵalo amene ali ochepa nzeru kapena ongofuna kukhutiritsa dyera lawo. Khalani wokomera, wowona mtima, ndi wopanda dyera m’kalankhulidwe kanu ndi machitidwe. Mukatero, mudzapeŵa kupweteka kwa kutyasira.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 18]

Kutyasira kungapangitse kusamvana ndi kusweka mtima