Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kholo Chidakwa—Kodi Ndingalake Motani?

“Ndinada kufika panyumba. Sindinali wotsimikizira ngati Amayi akakhalapo, ndipo ngati analipo, ngati akakhala oledzera ndi kuyamba kulalata ponena za mmene ndinaliri mwana wopanda pake.”—Robert.

“Ndinali kuchita manyazi kwambiri kubweretsa anthu panyumba . . . Ndinachita manyazi kwambiri ndi banjalo.”—Patricia.

ACHICHEPERE mamiliyoni ambiri amapirira vuto lamasiku onse la kukhala ndi kholo chidakwa. Bukhu la Teen Troubles limati: “Kukhala ndi kholo chidakwa kumatanthauza kupsinjika maganizo—kupsinjika maganizo kodza pa inu kaamba ka zifukwa zosiyanasiyana.”

Chiŵerengero chachikulu cha makolo zidakwa amachita nkhanza yakumenya kapena kugona ana awo.a Ndipo ngakhale pamene mkhalidwewo suli wonkitsa motero, bukhu la Options limati, “ngati kumwa kuchititsa [kholo chidakwa] kukhala losatsimikizirika, losadziletsa, laukandifere, kapena laukali, zimenezo nzoipa ndithu.”

Pamenepo, nkosadabwitsa kuti mungakwiye, kuchita manyazi, kapena kugwiritsidwa mwala nthaŵi zina. Komabe, pamene kukhala ndi kholo chidakwa kuli kovuta, mungathe kuphunzira kupilira.

Kuzindikira Vutolo

Choyamba, kupeza chidziŵitso chonena za chifukwa chimene kholo lanu limamwera moŵa kumathandiza.b ‘Wozindikira afikira uphungu,’ imatero Miyambo 1:5.

Chidakwa sali chabe munthu amene amaledzera mwakamodzikamodzi, ndiponso chidakwa sichiri kwenikweni chigona m’bawa. Akatswiri amati uchidakwa ndivuto lakumwa kosalekeza kumene kumachititsa mavuto osautsa oyambukira moyo, ntchito, ndi thanzi. Chidakwa amatanganitsidwa—kutengeka maganizo—ndi moŵa ndipo sangathe kulamulira kamwedwe kake. Akatswiri ambiri amavomereza kuti uchidakwa ungathe kulamuliridwa kokha mwakulekeratu moŵa.c

Pamene uchidakwa ungachititsidwe ndi kaumbidwe ka thupi kamene kangapangitse anthu ena kukhala okhoterera kwambiri kuuchidakwa, mbali zamalingaliro nazonso zikuwonekera kukhala zophatikizidwa. Mwachitsanzo, kudzinyansa kaŵirikaŵiri kumakhala nakatande wa mkhalidwe wakunja wa chidakwa. (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 14:13.) “M’ntchito yanga,” akutero Dr. Abraham Twerski, “sindinakumanepo ndi chidakwa chimene chinali ndi lingaliro lotsimikizirika la kudzilemekeza, kudzimva wokhutira ndi wachidaliro, asanayambe kumwa moŵa.” Ndithudi, zidakwa zambiri zinakulira m’mabanja a zidakwa. Kumwa kungatumikire kutonthoza ululu wa kusweka mtima kwawo kwapaubwana.

Komabe, kumwa kumawonjezera mavuto a chidakwa. Malinga ndi bukhu lakuti Under the Influence, “zochita [zake], maganizo, ndi malingaliro zimayambukiridwa ndi moŵa.” Chotero chidakwa chiri ndi mavuto ochuluka kuposa vuto lakumwa; chirinso ndi vuto lalikulu kwambiri lakulingalira. Angafunikire chithandizo chachikulu, mwinamwake kuchokera kwa katswiri wodziŵa vutoli, kuti asiye kumwa. Ndiponso, pokhala ndi chidziŵitso chakutichakuti cha uchidakwa, mungathe mwapang’ono kuyamba kukomera mtima kholo lanu.—Miyambo 19:11.

Mmene Mumayambukiridwira

Pamene kholo liri chidakwa, chiŵalo chirichonse cha banja chimayambukiridwa. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 12:26.) Moyo wanu ungakhale wodzala ndi zikaikiro. Kodi kholo lanu lidzafika panyumba liri losaledzera kapena loledzera? Kodi mudzafungatidwa kapena kubwanyulidwa? Inde, kaŵirikaŵiri makolo zidakwa amasinthasintha monkitsa chotero. “Angathe kukhala achikondi ndi odera nkhaŵa pamene sanaledzere, achiwawa ndi ankhanza mopambanitsa ataledzera,” akutero Dr. James P. Comer. Kusatsimikizirika kotero kungapangitse moyo wanu kukhala wamaganizo osatsimikizirika. Mungakonde kholo lanu chidakwalo panthaŵi ino, ndi kuipidwa nalo panthaŵi yotsatira. “Masiku ena ndinakhumba kuti mwenzi atate anali atafa,” anaulula motero msungwana wina.

Nthaŵi zina ziyambukiro za kukulira m’banja la chidakwa sizimawonekera kufikira pambuyo pa zaka zambiri. Ana a zidakwa kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala zidakwa nawonso—kapena amakwatira chidakwa. Chotero msungwana wina Wachikristu anafikira pakuchita chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wina amene anamfotokoza kukhala “woyamba kumene kukhala chidakwa.” Ngakhale kuti anadziŵa amuna ena abwino Achikristu, okhazikika, iye sanawafune. Kodi nchifukwa ninji anakopeka motero ndi chidakwa? Polankhulira ena ofanana naye, anati: “Ameneŵa ndiwo amuna okha amene tachita nawo ndi amene tazoloŵera.”

Mkulu Wachikristu anakhoza kumthandiza kusintha kalingaliridwe kake pankhaniyi, mwakutero kuthetsa zungulirezungulire wowononga wa uchidakwa. Mwachiwonekere pamenepa, sizitanthauza kuti simudzapeza chimwemwe kokha chifukwa chakuti mumakhala m’banja la chidakwa. Nkotheka kuchepetsa chivulazo chothekera ndipo mwinamwake ngakhale kuthandiza kholo lanu chidakwa.

Mmene Mungalakire

Dr. Stanton E. Samenow akuti: “Malo amene munthu amachokerako amamyambukira pang’ono kwambiri kuposa chosankha chimene munthuyo amapanga polabadira zochitika m’malowo.” Inde, ngakhale ngati kuti zinthu panyumba zingawonekere kukhala zosalamulirika, inuyo mungathe kulamulira moyo wanu. Motani?

Musadziimbe mlandu wa kumwa kwa kholo lanu. “Makolo anga anandiuza kuti unali mlandu wanga,” anatero Beth wazaka 13 zakubadwa. Iwo anapaka thayo pamkhalidwe wake wakusadzisungira kukhala wochititsa kumwa kwawo. “Ndinali waliwongo kwambiri pa nkhani yonseyo,” iye anavomereza motero. Komabe, liri kholo lanu—kholo lanu lokha—limene liri ndi thayo la uchidakwa wake. “Yense adzasenza katundu wake wa iye mwini,” amatero Agalatiya 6:5.

Chifukwa chake inu simungathe kuchiritsa kholo lanu chidakwa. Kulalata, kulongolola, kulira ndi kukangana nalo sikumathandiza konse. Kumbali ina, inu simuli ndi thayo lakulitetezera ku zotulukapo za kumwa kwake mwakulinenera mabodza kapena kulikoka kuchoka m’khonde litagona kwala chifukwa choledzera.

Alimbikitseni kufunafuna chithandizo. Kaŵirikaŵiri zimenezi zimafuna kugwirizanika kwa kholo lanu losakhala chidakwa ndi abale anu.d Galamukani! wa December 8, 1982 (m’Chingelezi), anapereka malingaliro achindunji onena za mmene ziŵalo zabanja (1) zingathandizire chidakwacho kuyang’anizana ndi zotulukapo za kumwa kwake ndi (2) kukambitsirana naye mwachindunji ponena za kumwa kwake. Kusamalira zochitikazi mwanjirayi kungawathandize kuwona kufunika kwa kufunafuna chithandizo.

Chokani pamalo a mavuto. Miyambo 17:14 imati: “Kupikisana kusanayambe tasiya makani.” Musamadziika pachiswe mwakuloŵerera m’ndewu ya makolo. (Miyambo 26:17) Ngati nkotheka, pitani kuchipinda chanu, kapena pitani kunyumba ya bwenzi. Ngati pali chiwopsezo cha kuchita chiwawa, chithandizo cha ena chingafunikire.

Zindikirani malingaliro anu. Achichepere ena amakhala ndi liwongo chifukwa chakuti nthaŵi zina amaipidwa ndi atate awo. Komatu kuli kwachibadwa kulingalira motero, makamaka ngati kumwa kwawo kumawalepheretsa kukupatsani chisamaliro ndi chichirikizo zimene mumafunikira. Zowona, Baibulo limakuikizirani thayo lakulemekeza makolo anu. (Aefeso 6:2, 3) Koma “kulemekeza” kumatanthauza kuchitira ulemu ulamuliro wawo waukholo monga momwe mumachitira ulemu ofisala wapolisi kapena woweruza. Sikumatanthauza kuti muvomereze kumwa kwawo. (Aroma 12:9) Ndiponso inu simuli munthu woipa chifukwa chakuti mumanyansidwa ndi kumwa kwawo; uchigona m’bawa ngwonyansa! (Wonani Miyambo 23:29-35.) Komabe, mwinamwake mungaphunzire kulunjikitsa udani wanu pauchidakwa wawo mmalo mwa kuulunjikitsa pa iwo monga munthu.—Yerekezerani ndi Yuda 23.

Funafunani mayanjano omangirira. Pamene moyo panyumba uli m’chipwirikiti, mungathe kuiŵala zinthu zabwino. Chifukwa chake kuli kofunika kuti muyanjane ndi anthu a mkhalidwe wauzimu ndi malingaliro athanzi. Mpingo Wachikristu uli magwero a “abale, ndi alongo, ndi amayi” amene angapereke chisamaliro ndi chichirikizo chachikulu. (Marko 10:30) Angakupatseninso mpumulo pa nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi kuchipsinjo chabanja. Kuyanjana ndi mabanja Achikristu kungaperekenso chitsanzo chabwino kwa inu cha moyo wabanja, umene ungawongolere chitsanzo chopotoka chomwe mumawona panyumba.

Pezani chithandizo. Kukhala ndi wachikulire wosinkhuka ndi wodalirika, amene mungafotokozere malingaliro anu kumathandiza kwambiri. Kaŵirikaŵiri akulu ampingo amatumikira m’mbali imeneyi. “Mosasamala kanthu za mmene mukhalira woipidwa,” akukumbutsa motero Dr. Timmen Cermak, “kumbukirani kuti simuyenera kuvutika nokha.”

Ayi, inu mwina simungathe kusintha mkhalidwe panyumba. Koma monga momwe Dr. Claudia Black analembera: “Ziŵalo zabanja zingathe kusintha mmene miyoyo yawo imayambukiridwira.” Mmalo moyesa kulamulira chidakwa, sumikani chisamaliro pa munthu amene mungalamulire—inu mwininu. Samalirani zosoŵa zanu zauzimu. (Mateyu 5:3; 24:14; Ahebri 10:24, 25) “Gwirani ntchito yake ya chipulumutso chanu,” limatero Baibulo pa Afilipi 2:12. Kutero kudzakuthandizani kusunga kapenyedwe ka zinthu kotsimikizirika, ndipo mwinamwake kungasonkhezerenso kholo lanu kufunafuna chithandizo cha vuto lawo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 19]

Kambitsiranani malingaliro anu momasuka ndi wachikulire wodalirika