Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .
Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Sindimakhala ndi Mabwenzi?
“Ineyo ndi bwenzi langa tinali kukonda zinthu zambiri zofanana ndipo tinkachitira limodzi zinthu zambiri; nthaŵi zambiri tinkasangalala tili tonse. Koma mwadzidzidzi ubwenzi wathu unayamba kuzirala. Zimenezo zinandichititsa tondovi kwambiri.”—Maria.
POMALIZIRA pake mwapeza bwenzi, munthu amene amakumvetsetsani ndipo samakuweruzani. Ndiyeno, mwadzidzidzi, ubwenzi wanu uyamba kutha mofulumira. Mukuyesa kuusunga, koma mosaphula kanthu.
Bwenzi lokhulupirika lilibe mtengo woliyerekezera nawo. (Miyambo 18:24) Ndipo kutayikiridwa nalo kungakhale chinthu chopweteka. Baibulo limatiuza kuti pamene Yobu anasiyidwa ndi mabwenzi ake, anadandaula kuti: “Anansi anga andisoŵa, ndi odziŵana nane bwino andiiŵala.” (Yobu 19:14) Mungasautsidwe mofananamo ngati posachedwapa munali ndi ubwenzi umene wasokonezeka. Monga mmene Patrick wachichepere ananenera, “zili monga ngati munthu amene umakonda amwalira.” Koma bwanji ngati pafupifupi ubwenzi uliwonse umene mwakhalapo nawo wawonongeka?
Maubwenzi Osalimba
Buku lakuti Adolescence lolembedwa ndi Eastwood Atwater limanena kuti maubwenzi a achichepere “amakhala osakhazikika, osintha mwadzidzidzi ndipo opweteketsa mtima pamene mabwenzi aleka kugwirizana.” Kodi nchiyani chimene chimachititsa maubwenzi a achichepere kukhala osalimba motero? Chifukwa chimodzi ndicho chakuti pamene mukukula, malingaliro anu, kaonedwe kanu ka zinthu, zonulirapo zanu, ndi zinthu zimene mumakonda zimayamba kusintha. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 13:11.) Mungadzipeze kuti muli patsogolo—kapena pambuyo—pa anzanu m’zinthu zina.
Chotero pamene mabwenzi akukula, nthaŵi zina amatalikirana—osati chifukwa cha kukwiyirana, koma chifukwa chakuti amakhala ndi zonulirapo zosiyana, zimene amakonda, ndi makhalidwe ofunika. Mwinamwake kungakhaledi bwino koposa kuti unansiwo uthe. Pamene mukukula ndi kuyamba kuona nkhani zauzimu mwamphamvu, mungazindikire kuti ena a mabwenzi anu sali chisonkhezero chabwino. (1 Akorinto 15:33) Mumasamala za iwo, koma simukusangalalanso kuyanjana nawo monga munkachitira kale.
Zinthu Zimene Zimawononga Maubwenzi
Komano, bwanji ngati mukutayikiridwa mabwenzi nthaŵi zonse—maunansi amene mukufuna kuwasunga? Mosabisa, zingatanthauze kuti muli ndi mikhalidwe ina imene muyenera kugonjetsa. Mwachitsanzo, nsanje imawononga maubwenzi. Tayerekezerani kuti muli ndi bwenzi lolemera kwambiri, laluso kwambiri, lokongola kwambiri, kapena lotchuka kwambiri kuposa inu. Kodi mumanyansidwa ndi kudziŵika kumene angakhale nako? “Nsanje ivunditsa mafupa.” (Miyambo 14:30) “Ndinkasiriradi kutchuka kwa bwenzi langa ndi zinthu zonse zimene linali nazo zimene ine ndinalibe,” akuvomereza motero Keenon wachichepere, “ndipo zinayambukira ubwenzi wathu.”
Umbombo ungakhale mkhalidwe wina wowononga. Bwanji ngati mwadziŵa kuti bwenzi lanu likuthera nthaŵi yaikulu kwambiri ndi ena koma yochepa kwambiri ndi inu? Wachichepere wina anavomereza kuti: “Ndinkachita nsanje ngakhale ngati ena analankhula ndi ena a mabwenzi anga.” Mungaone kuyanjana kwa bwenzi lanu ndi ena kukhala kukuperekani.
Kufuna ungwiro kungathetsenso ubwenzi. Mwachitsanzo, mungadziŵe kuti bwenzi lakunenezani kuseri, mwinamwake ngakhale kuulula nkhani zachinsinsi. (Miyambo 20:19) “Sindidzamdaliranso!” mukutero mwaukali.
Ubwenzi—Kulandira kapena Kupatsa?
Ngati nsanje, umbombo, kapena kufuna ungwiro, kwawononga maubwenzi anu, dzifunseni kuti, ‘Kodi ndimafunanji paubwenzi?’ Kodi mumalingalira kuti ubwenzi umaloŵetsamo kukhala ndi munthu wofunitsitsa kulabadira malamulo anu onse, kukhala ngati wantchito wochita chilichonse chimene mukufuna? Kodi mumafuna mabwenzi kaamba ka dzina, kutchuka, kapena phindu linalake? Kodi mumayembekezera bwenzi kudzipereka mosagaŵanika kwa inu, osasiyira ena mpata muunansiwo? Ndiye kuti muyenera kusintha kaonedwe kanu ka ubwenzi.
M’ziphunzitso za Baibulo timaphunziramo kuti kugwirizana bwino ndi ena kumachokera, osati pa kulandira, koma pa kupatsa! Pa Mateyu 7:12, Yesu Kristu iye mwiniyo anati: “Chifukwa chake zinthu zilizonse mukafuna kuti anthu achitire inu, inunso muwachitire iwo zotero.” Kulidi kwachibadwa kuyembekezera zinthu zina kuchokera kwa mabwenzi. Buku lakuti Understanding Relationships limavomereza kuti: “Nthaŵi zonse timayembekezera bwenzi kukhala munthu amene ali woona mtima ndi wosabisa zinthu, amene amasonyeza chikondi, amene amatiuza zinsinsi ndi mavuto ake, amene amatipatsa thandizo titalifuna, amene amatidalira ndipo amene alinso . . . wokonzekera kuthetsa kusiyana malingaliro.” Komabe, nkhaniyo simathera pamenepo. Bukulo limawonjezera kuti: “Izi ndizo zinthu zimene anthu amayembekezera bwenzi lawo kuwachitira ndipo nawonso kuchitira bwenzi lawo.”—Kanyenye ngwathu.
Taonani mmene Yesu iye mwiniyo anachitira ndi aja amene anali oyandikana naye. Anati kwa ophunzira ake: “Sinditchanso inu akapolo; chifukwa kapolo sadziŵa chimene mbuye wake achita; koma ndatcha inu abwenzi.” Koma kodi ubwenzi wa Yesu ndi ophunzira ake unazikidwa pa zimene iwo anamchitira? Zinali zosiyana ndi zimenezo. Iye anati: “Palibe munthu ali nacho chikondi choposa ichi, chakuti munthu ataya moyo wake chifukwa cha abwenzi ake.” (Yohane 15:13, 15) Inde, maziko enieni a ubwenzi ndiwo chikondi chodzimana! Pamene chikondi chili maziko, unansi ungapulumuke mikangano ndi mavuto.
Pamene Mavuto Abuka
Mwachitsanzo, tayerekezerani kuti bwenzi lanu lili ndi ndalama zambiri, nzeru, kapena maluso kuposa inu. Chikondi chopanda dyera chimakuthandizani kusangalala ndi bwenzi lanu. Ndi iko komwe, “chikondi sichidukidwa,” limatero Baibulo.—1 Akorinto 13:4.
Kapena tinene kuti bwenzi lanu lanena kapena lachita chinthu chimene chakupweteketsani mtima. Kodi zikutanthauza kuti ubwenzi wanu ukuwonongeka? Osati kwenikweni. Mtumwi Paulo anakhumudwa kwambiri pamene bwenzi lake Marko linakana kupita naye paulendo wina waumishonale. Anakhumudwa kwambiri kwakuti anakana kulola Marko kupita naye paulendo wake wotsatira! Paulo anakanganadi ndi Barnaba, wachibale wa Marko, pankhaniyo. Komabe, zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, Paulo analankhula za Marko mwachikondi, ngakhale kumuitanira ku Roma kukamtumikira. Mwachionekere anali atathetsa mkangano wawo.—Machitidwe 15:37-39; 2 Timoteo 4:11.
Bwanji osayesa kuchita chimodzimodzi pamene mavuto abuka m’maubwenzi anu? Musalekerere nkhani kugonera. (Aefeso 4:26) Musanaweruze mofulumira kapena kupanga zinenezo mwaukali, mvetserani zimene bwenzi lanu linganene pankhaniyo. (Miyambo 18:13; 25:8, 9) Mwinamwake panali kusamvana. Koma bwanji ngati bwenzi lanu silinachitedi mwanzeru? Kumbukirani kuti bwenzi lanulo ndi munthu. (Salmo 51:5; 1 Yohane 1:10) Ndipo tonsefe timalankhula kapena kuchita zinthu zimene zimatichititsa chisoni pambuyo pake.—Yerekezerani ndi Mlaliki 7:21, 22.
Ngakhale zili choncho, muyenera kunena mosabisa mmene zochita za bwenzi lanu zakupwetekerani. Zimenezo zingasonkhezere bwenzi lanu kupepesa moona mtima. Popeza chikondi “sichilingirira zoipa,” mwinamwake mungangoiŵala za chochitikacho. (1 Akorinto 13:5) Akamakumbukira za ubwenzi umene unatha, Keenon wachichepereyo akusimba kuti: “Ndikanati ndiyambirenso, sindikanayembekezera ubwenzi wathu kukhala wopanda zolakwa. Ndikanamumvetsera kwambiri ndi kumchirikiza ndipo osati kukulitsa zolakwa zake. Tsopano ndikumvetsa kuti chimene chimapangitsa ubwenzi kukhala wachipambano ndicho kuthetsa ziyeso ndi zitokoso.”
Koma bwanji ngati bwenzi lanu silikutha nthaŵi yaikulu ndi inu monga kale kapena monga mmene mungakondere? Kodi zingakhale kuti mwakhala waumbombo kwambiri ndi nthaŵi ndi chisamaliro cha bwenzi lanu? Zimenezi zingathetse unansi. Anthu m’maunansi abwino amapatsana mpata. (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 25:17.) Amasiya mpata wa kusangalala ndi anthu ena! Ndi iko komwe, Baibulo limalimbikitsa Akristu ‘kufutukula’ maubwenzi awo. (2 Akorinto 6:13, NW) Chotero pamene bwenzi lichita zimenezi, palibe chifukwa cholionera ngati losakhulupirika.
Kwenikweni, sikwabwino kudalira mopambanitsa pa munthu wina mmodzi. (Salmo 146:3) Nkwanzeru kukulitsa maubwenzi ndi ena osakhala a msinkhu wanu, onga ngati makolo anu, akulu, ndi achikulire ena osamala ndipo odera nkhaŵa. Ana akusimba mokondwera kuti: “Amayi anga ndiwo bwenzi langa lapamtima. Ndimalankhula nawo zilizonse.”
Mungakhale ndi Maubwenzi Okhalitsa!
Pa 1 Petro 3:8 Baibulo limati: “Chotsalira, khalani nonse a mtima umodzi, ochitirana chifundo, okondana ndi abale, achisoni, odzichepetsa.” Inde, sonyezani kukoma mtima, chifundo, umphumphu wa makhalidwe, ndi nkhaŵa yeniyeni pa ena, ndipo nthaŵi zonse mudzakopa mabwenzi! Zoonadi, maubwenzi okhalitsa amafuna kuyesetsa ndi kutsimikiza mtima. Koma mphotho zake nzoyenereradi kuyesetsako.
Mokondweretsa, Baibulo limanena za Davide ndi Jonatani. Iwo anakhala ndi ubwenzi wapadera. (1 Samueli 18:1) Anakwanitsa kugonjetsa nsanje pa zinthu zazing’ono ndi zifooko za maumunthu. Zimenezi zinali zotheka chifukwa chakuti onse aŵiri Davide ndi Jonatani anaika ubwenzi ndi Yehova Mulungu ndi kukhulupirika kwa iye pamwamba pa zina zilizonse. Chitani mofananamo, ndipo simudzavutika kwambiri kukhala ndi mabwenzi owopa Mulungu!
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Kaŵirikaŵiri maubwenzi amasweka pamene wina amaona kuti kukhala ndi mabwenzi ena kuli kusakhulupirika