Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Nchiyani Chomwe Ndingachite Ngati Anthu Andijeda Ine?

“MAPERESENTI makumi asanu ndi anayi mphambu zisanu a anthu m’sukulu yanga yapamwamba amajeda,” akutero wophunzira wa chaka chachiŵiri pa sukulu yapamwamba (sekondale) mu New York. Ndi iti yomwe imakhala nkhani yeniyeni ya kujeda? “Ophunzira ena: maumunthu awo, mmene amawonekera, amene amakonda, ndi chimene amanena ponena za wina ndi mnzake.”—Magazini ya Seventeen, July 1983.

Kaŵirikaŵiri, ngakhale ndi tero, kujeda kumakhoterera kulinga ku mbali zoipa ndipo kumatulukapo m’kusakaza kowopsya ku kutchuka kwa ena.a Ndipo popeza kuti kujeda kumachitidwa pa dziko lonse pakati pa achichepere limodzinso ndi achikulire, chiri chothekera mokulira kuti inu mwininu muli (kapena tsiku lina mudzakhala) m’nkhole wa kujeda kovulaza. Ngati ndi tero, nchiyani chomwe mungachite? Kodi pali njira ina iriyonse ya kuletsera kukamba kovulaza?

Kupweteka kwa Kujeda

Mosakaikira ponena za icho: Chimapwetekadi pamene chidziŵitso chaumwini chasimbidwa kwa ena kapena pamene muli m’nkhole wa mphekesera yabodza. Malingaliro a mkwiyo ndi kubwezera angatsagane ndi nyengo za kuvulazika ndi kupsyinjika. “Chimakupangitsa kudzimva ngati kuti mukufuna kuvulaza munthuyo,” anatero m’nkhole wina wa kujeda. Wina ananena kuti: “Umadzimva wokhwethemulidwa; kumakhala ngati kuti walasidwa kumsana. Chimakupangitsa kudzimva kuti sufunanso kulankhula ndi iwo kachiŵiri. Chikhulupiriro chako chapita, ndipo sungathe kokha kuleka kulingalira ponena za vutolo.”

Ndithudi, kujeda kwapangitsa achichepere ambiri kukhala obindikiritsidwa ndi kunyazitsidwa. Mtsikana mmodzi wachichepere mwakutero anasamukira ku sukulu ina m’malo mwa kuyang’anizana ndi achichepere omwe anatengamo mbali m’kufalitsa mphekesera yoipa ponena za iye. Mosasamala kanthu za icho, kubwezera, mkwiyo, kapena kunyazitsidwa kothetsa mphamvu sikumawongolera mkhalidwewo mpang’ono ponse. Pali njira zambiri koposa zokhutiritsa zochitira ndi kulankhula kotsutsako.

Peŵani Kuchitapo Kanthu Mopambanitsa!

Musanachite chirichonse, kumbukirani kuti: “Okangaza kukwiya adzachita utsiru.” (Miyambo 14:17) Uthenga uli wotani? Musachitepo kanthu mopambanitsa! Machitidwe ofulumira kaŵirikaŵiri amapangitsa mavuto ochulukira kuposa mmene amathetsera iwo. Likuchenjeza tero Baibulo kuti: “Usakangaze mu mtima mwako kukwiya; pakuti mkwiyo ugona m’chifuwa cha zitsiru.” Nchifukwa ninji? Kaamba ka chinthu chimodzi, simungathe kokha kuletsa anthu kulankhula ponena za anthu ena. Kunenedwa kuli kokha mbali ya moyo. Solomo mowonjezereka akulangiza kuti: “Mawu onsetu onenedwa usawalabadire . . . Pakuti kaŵirikaŵiri mtima wako udziŵa kuti nawenso unatemberera ena.”—Mlaliki 7:9, 21, 22.

Solomo sanali kulungamitsa kujeda koipa. Iye anali kungozindikira iko monga chenicheni cha moyo. Mochulukira monga mmene simungakondere kukhala mukulankhulidwapo, kodi sichowona kuti nanunso nthaŵi zina mwanena zinthu ponena za ena zomwe zikanakhala bwino kusanenedwa?

M’bukhu lake lakuti Gossip, Patricia Meyer Spacks anawona kuti: “Mofala kwambiri kujeda kumatulukapo osati monga chifukwa cha udani wokhala ndi cholinga koma . . . kusoŵeka kwa kulingalira . . . Kumachokera ku chikhumbo chosalingaliridwa cha kunena chinachake popanda kusinkhasinkha pa icho mwakuya. Popanda chikhoterero chokhala ndi chifuno, ojedawo amatulutsa mawu ndi zinthu zosafalitsidwa ponena za anthu ena.” Kuzindikira ichi kungathandize kuchepetsako mkwiyo wanu.

Njira Zochitira Ndi Kujeda

Miyambo 14:15 imanena kuti “wochenjera asamalira mayendedwe ake.” Ichi chingalingalire kukonzekera mwa bata njira yochitira mokhutiritsa ndi kujedako.

Mungayambe mwa kulingalira mmene kujedako kuliri koipa. Mwinamwake nkhani yomwe ikuzungulira ponena za inu, pamene kuli kwakuti iri yochititsa manyazi kapena ngakhale yabodza, iri m’chenicheni yosangalatsa ndipo kwenikwenidi siikuipitsa mkhalidwe wanu. M’mawu ena, mukanakonda kuti dziko lisadziŵe ponena za kudzitsekera kwanu kunja kwa nyumba mkati mwa mvula yamphamvu kapena kung’amba kabudula wanu wochitira maseŵera pamene munali kupanga maseŵera okhala pansi, koma tsopano popeza liwulo latuluka, kodi kwenikwenidi iri ngozi yotero? Mwinamwake njira yabwino koposa yololera mphekeserayo kuzimiririka iri kusonyeza mkhalidwe wa chimwemwe.

Tangolingalirani, ngakhale ndi tero, kuti mphekeserayo m’chenicheni iri yosakomera kapena yotukwana? Kodi iyo ndithudi iri yotsimikizirika kupanga kusakaza kosatha ku kutchuka kwanu—kapena kodi iyo ikazimiririka mwamsanga? Ngati nsonga yomalizirayo ikuwoneka kukhala yowona, chingakhale chabwino koposa kungonyalanyaza nkhaniyo. Kukhalabe ‘monga mwa nthaŵi zonse’ ndi ena—m’malo moyendayenda osasangalala kapena kuwoneka wokhala ndi liwongo—kungachepetseko kukulitsa kwanu mphekeserayo. Ikutero Miyambo 26:20 kuti: “Posowa nkhuni moto ungozima; ndipo popanda kazitape mkangano ungoleka.”

Nthaŵi zina, ngakhale ndi tero, nkhaniyo imakhala yoipa kwambiri kuti inyalanyazidwe. Yesu Kristu analangiza atsatiri ake chomwe akayenera kuchita pamene winawake ayambitsa kulakwira kwaumwini monga ngati mwa kuneneza: “Pita numulangize pa nokha iwe ndi iye.” (Mateyu 18:15) Chingakhale chotheka kenaka kulondola nkhani yovulazayo kufika ku magwero ake ndi kukambitsirana nkhanizo mwa bata ndi munthu wokhala ndi thayo la kuyambitsa mphekeserayo.

Zowona, munthu ameneyo sangakhale Mkristu. Koma ngati mukudziŵa kuti munthuyo ali wolingalira, mwinamwake mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo angavomereze mwachiyanjo. Chingachitike kuti nkhani yonseyo iri chotulukapo cha kusamvana kowopsya. Ngati udani uli magwero ake, mwinamwake nkhaniyo ingathetsedwe pakati panu.

Kaŵirikaŵiri, ngakhale ndi tero, nchovuta kupeza magwero a mphekesera. Ndipo ngakhale ngati inu mungatero, uyo amene ali ndi thayo sangakhale wofunitsitsa kuvomereza icho. Nchiyani kenaka? Kumbukirani kuti Yesu Kristu anali m’nkhole wa “kulankhula kotsutsa.” (Ahebri 12:3, NW) Yesu, ngakhale kuli tero, sanakhale wokhumudwitsidwa kotero kuti anasiya ntchito yake yolalikira ndi kuyamba kufufuza munthu yemwe anayambitsa kulankhula kovutitsa kumeneku. M’malomwake, iye ananena kuti: “Nzeru iyesedwa yolungama ndi ntchito zake.”—Mateyu 11:19.

Yesu anadziŵa kuti awo omwe anali abwino akasunga ntchito zake zabwino ndi kumaliza kuti kulankhula kovulazako kunali kopanda maziko. Mofananamo, lolani mkhalidwe wanu kukhala chinjirizo lanu labwino koposa molimbana ndi kujeda. Popeza kuti mabwenzi anu enieni amadziŵa chowonadi ponena za inu, iwo sadzakhulupirira nkhani zopanda pake. Chikhalirechobe, mungawalole iwo kudziŵa kuti bodza likuzungulira ponena za inu. Kaŵirikaŵiri iwo angachite zambiri kuthetsa mphekeserayo mwa kuwongolera aliwonse odziŵitsidwa molakwika omwe angakumane nawo.

Koma bwanji ngati nkhaniyo yafalitsidwa kale kwambiri? Kaŵirikaŵiri simakhala yoipa monga mmene mukulingalira. Pambali pa icho, anthu samalankhula kosatha ponena za mkhalidwe uliwonse. Nthaŵi zonse pamakhala zochitika zambiri zomwe mwamsanga kapena mochedwerapo zidzachotsa chiwunikiro pa inu. Pa nthaŵi ino, ngakhale ndi tero, musavutike mwa kukhala chete. Bwanji osagawana kudzimva kwanu ndi kholo kapena munthu wina wachikulire? Nthaŵi zambiri, kulankhula zinthu kumathandiza kupangitsa vuto kukhala locheperako.

Chokumana Nacho Chophunzira

Kukhala mnkhole wa kujeda kumakupatsaninso inu mwaŵi wa kuphunzira maphunziro ena ofunika koposa. Mwachitsanzo, pokhala mutakumana nacho mwaumwini kokha mmene kulankhula kopanda pake kungakhalire kosakaza, bwanji osagamulapo kusakhalanso mbali yofalitsa mphekesera?

Tsoka la kukhala ojededwa lingavumbule zophophonya mu umunthu wanu, monga ngati chikhoterero cha kufuna kubwezera. Kapena mwinamwake chingakhale chakuti kunyada kwanu kwatsimikizira kukhala vuto lokulira kwa inu kuposa mphekesera yeniyeniyo. Kudera nkhaŵa kosayenerera kwa kawonekedwe kanu kungakupangitseni inu ‘kudziyesa koposa mmene muyenera kudziyesa.’ (Aroma 12:3) Tsopano ingakhale nthaŵi ya kuyamba kugwirira ntchito pa kudzitenga inumwini mosamalitsa pang’ono.

Mutayang’ana m’mbuyo, mungazindikirenso kuti chiweruzo cholakwa ku mbali yanu chinathandizira ku kufalitsa mphekeserayo. Kodi inu, mwachitsanzo, munaikiza malingaliro anu a mkati koposa kwa wachichepere wokhala ndi kutchuka kwa “[ku]yesamula milomo yake”? (Miyambo 13:3) Kenaka mwinamwake mudzasankha womudalira wanu mosamalitsapo nthaŵi yotsatira. Mudzakhalanso osamalira kudzitsogoza inu eni moyenerera kotero kuti musapatse ena nyonga iriyonse ya kujeda.—Yerekezani ndi 1 Petro 2:15.

Inde, samalirani nkhanizo modekha ndi mwachifundo, ndipo mungalake mphekesera zopusa—ndipo mwinamwake ngakhale kuziletsa izo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Zithunzi patsamba 22]

Nthaŵi zina chimakhala chotheka kulondola magwero a mphekesera ndi kukambirana mwachindunji ndi wojedayo